Friday… Naked Lunch

“Try this. I think it’s a little bland, but we can work with it.”

“Mmm. Yes, it would be nice to spice it up a bit.”

“You want it spicier? Really?”

“Yes, you know I like it spicy!”

“Didn’t you tell me last week that things were too spicy lately, and you needed to have it more ‘comforting’, I think you called it?”

“Well, that was last week. I’m hungry for something spicier now.”

“How spicy do you want it?”

“A little spicier than this.”

“A little?”

“Umm…”

“Tell me. How spicy?”

“More. “

“Tell me, dammit! How spicy?

“More! I want more. More than this.”

“Okay, how’s this?”

“Mmm….”

“Better?”

“Nuh uh. More.”

“Okay, have some of this! How’s that, huh?”

“Oooh. Yeah, more like that.”

“You want more? Huh? You want more of this?”

“Yes, yes, yes… more, give me more.”

“Okay, you asked for it. See this? Huh, see how big it is?”

“Oooh, it’s big, isn’t it?”

“I’m going to put it in.”

“No! Not all of it?”

“You want spicy, I’m gonna give you spicy.”

“Ooohhhh, I’ll never be able to take all that.”

“Oh yes you will. You’re gonna take it, and you’re gonna like it, you hear me?”

“Oh, oh…Oh!”

“Liking, it, aren’t you?”

“Y… yes.”

“Here, take some more.”

“No, I don’t think I ca… oooh, yes, that’s good.”

“Yeah, like that. Now I’m gonna give you all of it.”

All?

“Yeah, all. Here it goes… there, how’s that?”

“Mmmmm… oh yes, yes, yes… that’s fantastic.”

“There, satisfied now?”

“Oh yes! That’s what I like! Thank you for making it so spicy for me.”

“It’s my pleasure. Just remind me to pick up another bottle of chipotle sauce at the grocery next week.”

So, does that make me a cunning linguist?

I’m not saying who.

Or where.

Or even when.

But I’ve got just enough egomania to be perversely proud of a comment that someone made in erstwhile disparagement:

“Tom you’re an verbal exhibitionist… not a blogger.”

I should also note that this person seems to be unclear on the concept of sex blogging:

“I wasted some time following links on tom’s blog to another “blog” which had a discussion of Angelina Jolie’s breasts.

“That convinced me that tom has some sort of odd obsession with sex… and who cares about her tits enought to write a blog about them. Seriously… this [is] pure nonsense.”

I really can’t add much to this, can I?

I’ve been Sugasmed!

Sugasm #63

The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #63? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
That sound (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)
All she wanted was a cold drink when she woke up (http://thebinside.blogspot.com)
Once, a long time ago (http://excessesofabasement.blogspot.com)

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Angelina Jolie’s Real Marvelous Breasts (http://sugarbank.com)

Editor’s Choice
What Really Really Sucks (http://alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com)

Links to more sexual and erotic writing:

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Friday Fantasy (The birthday gift)

“Are you sure you want your present tonight?”

“Of course I do,” I answered impatiently, “I’ve been waiting two months for this.”

“I thought so,” she nodded, “And I did promise you a nice fucking for your birthday, didn’t I? Would you mind if I tied you up first?”

Would I? You mean you have to ask?

The nylon webbing was already attached to the headboard. In a minute we had the thick leather cuffs snugly around my wrists and she was snapping the clips to the steel ring. She propped my neck and head up on a few pillows, and stroked my chest and stomach lightly with her fingernails. “You’ve been looking forward to your present, ever since I promised you the fucking of your life for your birthday, haven’t you?”

I nodded, enjoying her touch. I closed my eyes, savoring the light, sharp rake of her nails down my stomach, down to my thighs.

She bent down to nuzzle my neck, her gentle bites causing me to moan a little bit. Her lips traveled down my chest, moving from one nipple to the other. Again, her gentle nipping sent electric shocks throughout the rest of my body, making me alternate between moaning and gasping. After a few minutes, she continued downward, planting soft kisses and tiny nibbles on my stomach, then lower still, teasing and promising delights yet to come. Her mouth moved down to my thighs, and her tongue traced the line where my thighs joined my body. My hips, seemingly of their own accord, raised to meet her touch.

The next thing I knew, it was twenty minutes later and I was whispering “Oh please, please…” over and over again.

“It looks like you’re pretty aroused,” she whispered into my ear. She gave my earlobe a little nibble, and said “I’ll be right back. I need to change into something more … appropriate for your birthday fucking.” She emphasized the word with a tweak of my nipple.

I was panting with desire. “No, no, come back,” I pleaded, but the only response was her evil laughter and the sound of the bathroom door closing.

I took a few deep breaths to get myself centered. It seemed as if something was “off.” I was naked and restrained, and very, very vulnerable. Suddenly, I realized that I was not completely naked. There was one article of, well, not exactly clothing, but something that I thought should be removed. In fact, considering her promise two months ago, it seemed essential. Yes, over two months ago, she promised to give me a “birthday fucking,” one like I’d never had before in my life. But there was a catch, a catch that was suddenly very apparent.

“Um, honey?” I called out to the bathroom door. “I don’t want to sound ungrateful or anything, but I think you forgot something.”

She opened the door to reply. “What’s the matter? Do you need a drink of water?”

“No, but I need something else if I’m going to do any fucking tonight.”

“What’s that?” she called around the edge of the door.

“The key. Where’s the key?”

Through the open door I heard her fumbling around with clothes and zippers and snaps. “What are you talking about?” she asked.

“Usually you’re wearing the key around your neck. I didn’t notice it tonight.”

“I haven’t worn it in a few weeks, Mr. Observant.”

Oh oh. Nothing like not noticing when they change something. At least it wasn’t a new hairdo, I thought.

“Besides, I thought you got over all those problems getting it adjusted and comfortable to wear,” she continued, “so what’s the problem now?”

“Um, no problem with the comfort,” I called back, “it’s just that I was looking forward to some good sex.”

“Yeah, me too,” she replied, “So?”

“Well, how am I going to have sex with you if you don’t take the damn chastity device off of me?” I asked, a touch impatiently.

A few more clothing noises from the bathroom. “Who said anything about removing your device?” she called back.

Now I was confused. “You did! You said I’d get to fuck you for my birthday!”

“No I didn’t,” she replied teasingly, “What I said was that you were going to get a good fucking for your birthday… one like you’d never had before in your life. I certainly don’t remember saying anything about letting you out of the device, though, do you?” The bathroom light snapped off.

“But how…” I began, and then stopped.

She walked out of the bathroom, dressed in a leather body harness. She climbed up onto the bed and positioned herself between my legs. I lowered my gaze to her hips and caught my breath.

The strap-on gleamed in the flickering candlelight.

She grinned down evilly at me. “Are you ready for your birthday fucking?”


More of my ridiculous attempts at erotica can be found on my Stories page.

$675.60

Another one of those stupid blogging memes making the rounds. This one purports to put some kind of price on your “crimes,” but the fines are so wildly unbalanced that it is more of a reflection of the person that wrote the quiz than the people taking it.

Here’s a list of the fines:

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The Edge of Famous

I mostly use the WordPress account because, well, I like it better than my mirror on Blogger. Cooler features, easier to manage, pretty colors. I wish I could modify the template more, but one thing at a time.

Anyway, last week I was home sick with a wicked flu, so I didn’t bother looking at the other account. I checked it the other day, though, and almost fell out of my chair. My hit count went crazy! Normally the WordPress blog gets between 200 and 300 hits per day, and the Blogger gets maybe half of that. But for several days running the Blogger account was double the WordPress one. What?

Turns out I was getting most of the hits from Fleshbot - an adult blogger site. Apparently The Edge of Vanilla was one of several featured blogs. More specifically, one of my Friday Fantasies was mentioned in the Jan 5th picks.

Sex Blog Roundup: Laws Of Desire

Devotion sometimes overwhelms simple desire, making lovers do things that would make no sense to anyone outside its spell. It makes a wife cherish a husband’s t-shirt or a submissive crave a dominant’s admonishments. Today’s roundup of the some of our favorite recent writing from the sex blog scene runs the gamut of devotion from the sweet to the extreme, from a simple boudoir kiss to all manner of soul-shattering orgasms … including those forced or denied.

I should mention that my friend Crash was also on that list, as were several other blogs that I hadn’t yet discovered. Some good reads on all of them, I might add.

Gosh, I certainly hope that this brush with fame doesn’t go to my head.

Toy Shopping in Oz?

My new friend Kimba, now having gotten over her embarrassment at being linked to a “fetish” site, has decided to do some shopping for adult toys. As she put it:

Since visiting here Tom I am now looking to buy my first vibrator.. but SHIT.. I can’t even buy condoms.. I seriously can’t.. don’t suppose you can do some personal shopping for me?

If this were the US, I could point her toward some of my favorite online shops. Unfortunately, I don’t know what’s available in the land down under. I know that I have some Australian readers, perhaps some of you can leave notes or links about your favorite shops – either online or brick & mortar – in the Comments section for Kimba?

The Blind Date

My new friend Kimba has gotten over her shock about being linked to a “fetish” blog, and has resumed posting her interesting stories of dating life. In response to a challenge from her, I’m going to post one of my own. Um, sorry, Kimba, but it’s a vanilla dating story. No fetish here. Hope you don’t mind.

A young man used to work for me, and over the course of several years I had gotten to meet much of his family, and then his girlfriend, and then his girlfriend’s family. I was having dinner there one day, when her mother said “You’re such a nice guy. Why aren’t you married?”
“I tried it once, and it didn’t work out very well.”
She suggested – insisted might be a better word – that I meet her niece, the girlfriend’s cousin. Since the girlfriend was very cute, I was hoping for a family resemblance.

So I agreed to be fixed up for a blind date.

Now, now, don’t roll your eyes. I’ve actually been on several blind dates, and I’ve always had a great time. The secret is to lower your expectations so that you can’t be disappointed.

So, one Saturday evening, I show up at the house, showered, shaved, and dressed nicely. The aunt greets me, and I go into the kitchen to meet Maria.

She was about 5’4″, 115 lbs, and well proportioned. A dark complexion, brown eyes, brown hair, and pearly white teeth. A very attractive young woman, indeed. She had on a light cotton, summery dress that accentuated her curves, a hint of cleavage, and just a little bit too much makeup (but after all, it was the 80s). I learned that she had a degree in Biology, and had been a teacher until moving to the area a few months earlier. And her family was concerned that she wasn’t social enough, and so was not meeting the “right” sort. We chatted for a few minutes in view of the family, and we soon left so I could take her to dinner at a restaurant I was fond of.

I know. You’re thinking that this is the antithesis of all those blind date stories. It’s not fair, is it? I’m supposed to have been set up with someone I’d have been embarrassed to be seen in public with, right? Three eyes, bad manners, chain-smoking, etc., right? Hah! No, indeed. I was rather pleased to walk her to the car, open the door for her (her aunt almost swooned at this), and drive off into the sunset. We chatted all the way to the bistro, getting to know each other. I lived in the next town, so the neighborhood was new to her, and I took the scenic route so she could enjoy the New England countryside.

We arrived at the restaurant, where we were fashionably late for our reservations (which means, just in time to be seated). The waitress knew me, and smiled as she handed us the menus and rattled off the specials of the day. And in true continental fashion, I ended up ordering for her. I suggested that she try a local favorite, and I had some fish of the day plate. I picked a nice wine (white, because she didn’t drink red – one strike there). We talked all during the appetizers, through dinner, and afterwards. It must have been fascinating to others sitting nearby, because the conversations touched on all sort of topics.

But eventually we had to call it an evening, so I took her home. We’d only planned on dinner, and she had some concerns that her old-fashioned aunt would flip if I kept her out past midnight, so I took her home. I offered to let her use my car phone to call her aunt so we could maybe go dancing, but she claimed to be too embarrassed. I let it drop; she was obviously shy and from a nice family, and the evening had been very pleasant up until then. I dropped her off (her aunt was waiting up), declined the offer of coffee, we hugged and traded a very chaste cheek peck and I drove back.

I stopped back at the same restaurant and went to have a stiff drink at the bar area, where they knew me. The bartender cocked an eyebrow. “You’re back pretty early,” she said, “what’s the matter, could get her to put out?”
“I, uh, didn’t even try,” I admitted to a few smirks and guffaws.
“Why not? She seemed really pretty. A bit shy, though, huh?”
“Yeah, some of it was shyness.” I took a sip of my Jack Daniels and water.
“Losing your touch?” the bartender asked.
I explained about the blind date setup, and said “No, it was more of a communication problem.”
“What? It looked like the two of you were doing a lot of communicating.”
“No,” I replied, “we were making a lot of effort, but the communication was much more of an issue than I’d thought it would be.”
“Why was that?” several people around the bar wanted to know.
“Because the one thing her aunt neglected to mention, was that she spoke almost no English at all!”

Friday Fantasy (Waiting to dry)

“I finished the last coat,” I told her, carefully screwing the top on so as not to spill any of the bright red polish on the floor.

She looked up from her magazine and wriggled her toes. The foam cushions kept her from messing up the end of almost an hour’s worth of work on her feet. Washing, pumicing, scrubbing, buffing, a coat of clear, and two coats of fire-engine red. Yes, cars and women, I thought to myself, they get almost the same kind of maintenance.

“Very nice. How long for this to dry?”

“I’d say about ten minutes. Maybe fifteen to make sure.”

“I love it when you put the last coat on. Do you know why?” She shifted her legs over my shoulders, one on each side of my head.

“I think you like that ‘waiting until they’re dried’ part,” I replied.

“I think you’re right,” she responded. “I’m really beginning to see the benefits of this Mistress/slave thing you’ve been asking me about. For one thing, it’s saved me a fortune on nail salon fees.”

“Is that all?”

In answer, she scooched down in the chair and curled her legs. I moved my head forward so she could direct me with her hands.

A minute later, there was only the scent of her musk, the tension of her thighs around my neck, the sweet sound of her moans… and the occasional clinking of my shackles on the floor.