… or maybe it’s just something in the water?
Even though I coined the term “fauxdomination” as a joke, the concept itself is serious; women around the blogosphere (and can’t we find a less kludgier word that that, please?) are becoming more conscious of breaking free of the traditional (read: stereotypical) models of women in tight, uncomfortable outfits brandishing whips with tight, uncomfortable faces.
I, of course, have nothing against the outfits, myself, but I’m willing to go along with the spirit of the thing. For now.
But that’s not what I’m here to write about. Goddess knows there are enough women and men writing about this that nobody needs my “me too” cluttering up the bandwidth. No, I’m writing because it seems that there is another breakaway in the kink community that is almost as interesting. Are you ready for this?
Non-subs wearing chastity devices.
I know, boggles the mind, doesn’t it? I mean, why the hell would anyone agree to lock away their genitals – especially men – if they are not of the submissive persuasion?
But wait, it gets better.
Some people, specifically men, who enjoy wearing chastity devices – ready for this? – aren’t the least bit interested in being sissified, feminized, cross-dressing cuckolds!
I know, I know. What is the world coming to, when chastity device and orgasm denial enthusiasts act just like regular, old vanilla folk?
Yes, of course there’s a backstory to this. A few weeks ago the Yahoo group CB-3000 (which is probably the best run chastity group out of the two dozen or so Yahoo groups devoted to the subject) had a series of posts by men who were concerned with what they saw as the co-opting of chastity play by men who expressed desires to be “sissified“, turned into ladies maids. Further, some men didn’t appreciate the growing stereotype that male chastity is being equated to a desire to have one’s partner go off to have sex with other men.
This led to a particularly long thread in which a number of people “delurked” to express their views, and frankly, I was rather proud of the manner in which this did not devolve into a flame war. Message boards being noted for the tendency to have several heated flame wars running simultaneously, most of the members managed to voice opinions without becoming too insulting or too unintelligible. Among the more interesting comments was this by a more dominant oriented wearer:
How does a woman hold a key, tease or deny, and yet enjoy his strength? Where can she discuss chastity from an erotic standpoint without have to wade through endless articles by gyno-supremacists, scowling femdoms, and others of that ilk? Oh, and does this sound like stereotyping? You bet, and it’s a stereotype that exists for a reason. Two words: Elise Sutton (among a zillion others).
Wow, shades of Bitchy Jones and the rest of the Fauxdoministas.
It was also good to see several women weighing in with similar opinions on the chastity/submissiveness concept. One particularly insightful woman wrote, in part:
Within our love, he willing and voluntarily embraces the cage surrounding his manhood and I equally embrace all the romantic, sensual, sexual and spiritual delights his chastity fosters. For us, chastity is not about controlling or punishing my husband, but rather as a means to keep his focus on me alone, be attentive to my desires and preserve his energy for the ultimate and always explosive release in our mutual bliss. And, as an aside to other comments in this thread, when we join in oneness, he comes to me as a man and I welcome his manly splendor with all of my womanhood.
Further on, in words I wished I could have used myself, she cautions the men who live wild, fantasy lives – but only in their own minds – with a suggestion of employing patience and perception:
It really is a matter of perception. The lock still clicks close, your manhood is secured from your selfish pleasures, but you travel together toward mutual fun, mutual desires and mutual passions. Rather than becoming a humble, worthless slave, align your chastity desires with the desires of your keyholder. Become a famous artist/writer whose creativity only flows when you are locked by your loving agent, a knight in shining armor off to slay a dragon (or paint the guest room) for your fair maiden, a trainer at the health spa safely secured from temptation of the beautiful patron he lovingly massages or the star player who can only score when kept horny by the teasing cheerleader.
This, really, is much closer to the relationship that I have with Mrs. Edge. We acknowledge the interplay of control – she enjoys having it, and I enjoy giving it up. But there’s no punishment involved; she doesn’t take off points or give me “extra days” when I leave the toilet seat up or forget to pick up milk on the way home, and I don’t get “early” or “extra” releases if I send her flowers or wash her car. She doesn’t want me sharing her Victoria’s Secret lingerie. And she doesn’t want me to shave my body hair to look more feminine; me being of a hirsute nature we probably couldn’t afford the razor blades anyway. And she certainly doesn’t want me to prattle on about my useless penis; Mrs. Edge happens to enjoy my penis, and she doesn’t see any paradox in both wanting to enjoy using it, and wanting to keep me from using it.
The more salient point, though, is that orgasm denial is play, and chastity devices simply enhance that play, much in the way that those nice double-wrapped leather manacles enhance bondage play. The desire to have some fun – sexual, sensual, or otherwise, in the context of giving up some control, is based in the excitement of risk, and the desire to test one’s self against those control factors. You may not have control over when the lock is coming off, but you do have control over how you’re going to react to it. It’s the reaction to the situation that causes the feelings of exhilaration. Nothing inherently domish or subish – or even kinky – about that.