Lovin’ Our Bloggers – 2

Something I learned from the recent Love Our Lurkers day is that a lot of my “lurkers” have blogs of their own, most of them ones that I read, myself. Seriously, at last count I subscribe to close to 300 blogs; ones that I particularly enjoy, I list on my blogroll, separated by category, with my most recent finds being listed up at the top. I subscribe to many others via their RSS feeds (I use Google Reader, simply because it’s convenient).

Because I’ve got the links set up in categories (and because I link to so many awesome writers), I know that many of my readers use my blogroll as a link aggregate. So, for those of you who may have recently discovered Edge of Vanilla (or for those of you who haven’t taken the opportunity to explore much beyond my own posts), I wanted to take some time to show some love to the people that have inspired and entertained me. So, in no particular order, here’s an introduction to some more of my favourites.

Nemo is another blogger that I know from other venues. His blog is called Tease, Denial, & CBT, reflecting some of his particular interests, which appear to be Sexual Teasing, Orgasm Denial, and Computer Based Training.  Nemo’s posts are a mix of idle musings and captioned pictures (which seem to feature attractive women, sexual teasing, but not much in the way of Computer Based Training, as far as I can tell). Nemo, himself, appears to be happily married to…

Mistress Ivey, who writes a wonderful “How To” manual on Becoming a Mistress. Ms. Ivey’s blog should be required reading for any couple who are just starting to explore chastity or even basic BDSM. She approaches her topics (generally sexual teasing, male chastity, orgasm denial, and ruined orgasms) with sly humor and good information. Her articles are always well-written, and are aimed at newbie or vanilla-ish women.

I can’t remember how I ran across Amai, but how can you not follow someone refers to what she enjoys as “Fundom”? Dommesticity is still a fairly new blog, but Amai has filled it with interesting perspectives on the nature of dominance, submission, and the range of sexualities that revolve around them.

Delving into Deviance is written by Dev, a woman who is not an expert. She admits as much, so that wasn’t a dig. Dev writes on kink from a slightly different perspective: don’t go there looking for erotica; instead, go there to have your own perspectives on kink broadened a bit.

For yet another foray into the meta-philosophy of kink, spend a few minutes at Lab Coats & Lingerie. The co-authors, Fizz and Professor Chaos, are self-identified as “queer, fat, poly, dominant, switchy, and agender,” and “pansexual, dominant, disabled, and femme.” You can just imagine what kinds of topics their blog covers.

Like him or loathe him, you can’t deny that Maymay puts a huge effort into arguing for what he believes to be sexual social justice and equality. He has a number of projects, but he writes mainly at Maybe Mainmed. You can’t read one of May’s posts quickly; there’s a lot to them, so much so that you might start off agreeing with him, and then find yourself disagreeing by the end of the article.

Selena and Dymion (mainly Dymion) write the erotic blog Domination, Submission, and Love in Life & Dreams. Just stop reading this right now, and click the link already; I’m not going to tell you twice. Okay, are you back yet? See what I mean?

I have a thing for older women, so rounding out this installment is DDD (short for Dick Dyke Dick), whose name reflects her transition from het to lesbian and to het. DDD is a woman of a certain age who writes with abandon, and blatantly shows off her ridiculously well-maintained body several times a week.

Once again, I hope that you, my dear readers, will take the opportunity to look at some of my own favorite reads, and perhaps leave a comment there to spread the love. Meanwhile, I’ll be back at EoV Labs working on the next installment.

Lovin’ Our Bloggers – 1

Something I learned from the recent Love Our Lurkers day is that a lot of my “lurkers” have blogs of their own, most of them ones that I read, myself. Seriously, at last count I subscribe to close to 300 blogs; ones that I particularly enjoy, I list on my blogroll, separated by category, with my most recent finds being listed up at the top. I subscribe to many others via their RSS feeds (I use Google Reader, simply because it’s convenient).

Because I’ve got the links set up in categories (and because I link to so many awesome writers), I know that many of my readers use my blogroll as a link aggregate. So, for those of you who may have recently discovered Edge of Vanilla (or for those of you who haven’t taken the opportunity to explore much beyond my own posts), I wanted to take some time to show some love to some of the people that have inspired and entertained me. So, in no particular order, here’s an introduction.

Domme Chronicles. I wasn’t going to include Ferns on this list, figuring that if you weren’t already smart enough to be reading her, then you don’t deserve to have me mention it. Ferns is one of those bloggers that I actually wish she could live next door so she could drop by for a glass of wine in the evenings and ramble on about life, the universe, and everything. A self-described “‘Dominant Woman,” Ferns writes about domination without letting one forget that she is, first, a woman. The close-knit community of commenters shows that she doesn’t have a sex blog; rather, it’s a blog for sexy, thinking people.

The Pleasure Principle is a fairly new discovery. You know who Hedone is. She’s the sassy girl who sat in the back of the class making zingers at the teacher — but who didn’t get detention. She’s the co-worker who makes the off-color comments in meetings — that make the stuffy boss crack up. She’s the very kinky girl that you did take home to mother — and your mother loved her. Hedone writes about her adventures, mainly with a lucky guy known as Kinky Gent, and frankly, I’m glad that she doesn’t live next door, because she’d probably egg Mrs. Edge on to to some things that would even scare me.

I get a lot of out-clicks to A Reluctant Bitch, probably because (given the nature of most of my links) one imagines her as someone who is slowly becoming a dominatrix. I hope that readers aren’t disappointed to discover that Jz is really an attractive, independent woman who has discovered a passion for being bound — by ropes, but not by convention.

If you’re here because of a search on male chastity, then you’ve also discovered Denying Thumper. Thumper is one of the few — very few — “chastity blogs” that has managed to stay fresh and interesting. I don’t always agree with him; hell, I don’t even always understand him. But there’s no question that Thumper is writing from a special, deep place, and you simply can’t doubt his honesty and emotional openness.

The name of the author of Tales of a Domme, for me, conjures up the vision of a house where the flogger might be in the broom closet, the strap-on harness is holding a loose cabinet door, and the husband is in long term chastity only because she lost the keys. I’m sure that Dishevelled Domina isn’t really that disheveled, but it’s amusing to imagine. Her blog is fairly new, but she’s an excellent writer.

After spending an eternity leaving insightful comments all over blogland, I was very glad that Stabbity finally decided to start blogging on her own. First of all, just her name alone kicks ass. But that wasn’t enough for her. Oh no. Now, whenever I think of Stabbity, I envision Demi Moore’s character GI Jane. Why? Because in my mind, you’ve gotta have some serious brass balls to call your blog Not Just Bitchy, a reference to the sadly AWOL blogger Bitchy Jones. Stabbity, however, does manage to pick up where Bitchy left off. In fact, I’m betting that within a week of this, she’ll have a post up to the effect of “Yeah, thanks for the sentiment, Tom, but how is correlating bravery to male appendages supposed to be a fucking compliment to me? Stop being part of the goddam problem!”

Rounding out this installment of bloggers is Celtic Queen and Celtic Queen’s Sub, both of whom I’ve gotten to know not from blogging, but from the Chastity Forums. Over the last five or six years, I’ve run across literally dozens of “pink blogs,” that is, blogs written by men hoping (usually without much luck) to convince their wives into a FLR. This couple lives that way,  and apparently rather successfully.

I hope that you, Gentle Reader, take the opportunity to peruse the aforementioned blogs, and perhaps to even leave a comment or three on the ones that you enjoy. Meanwhile, I’ll be making up a list of some more favorites.

Doris Miller: Penis Padlocks

Gloria Brame beat me to this yesterday, but for those who may have missed it, check out this interesting article on Doris Miller. It’s a bit of a puff piece, but as articles about AL Enterprises are rare, I thought it was worth adding to the collective.

From the City Weekly (Utah):

Carbon County natives Doris and Frank Miller run a booming business manufacturing the CB-6000 line of male-chastity devices. These high-tech, clear-plastic penis padlocks assure the keyholder that the wearer’s genitalia remain safely under wraps during unsupervised periods. A.L. Enterprises, Inc. recently moved from Price to Las Vegas’ freer business climate, but its patent notices still liven up the business pages of Utah dailies. City Weekly asked Doris about the male-chastity biz.

You can read the article online, but apropos of Kink In Exile’s recent question, here’s Doris’ take on the typical customer:

Our revolutionary line of products is marketable to the fetish enthusiast, as well as couples looking to increase their intimacy and sense of adventure. (italics mine -TA) The target customer is diverse. The product appeals to men and women alike. The misconception is that the male-chastity device is only purchased to correct a wayward husband. In reality, the majority of customers purchasing a male-chastity device fall into two main groups: either fetish devotees, or couples interested in expanding their sexual experiences with “chastity play.” Chastity play can bring the spark and excitement back into an otherwise stagnant relationship. Customers who use our products in cases of infidelity find chastity play helps bring trust back into the relationship.

It’s an interesting article, but as I said, a bit of a puff piece, and not really as in-depth as one that was written up a few years ago. For some more background, have a look at Lust Under Lock and Key.

Frequency Asked Question

So, I’m skimming my blogroll, and I see an interesting post over on Kink in Exile in which she asks:

I’m reading some of the blogs linked off Keyheld, “an aggregate for blogs in which male chastity and orgasm denial are the main focus.”  It seems like a lot of these male bloggers are married, many with families, most with otherwise uncomplicated-by-the-risque lives.  My question is, how does orgasm control get into such unexpected and otherwise normal-seeming unions?

Having been immersed in the chastity culture for so long, it’s sometimes surprising for me to hear other kinksters ask about it. Even more surprising is that KiE puts the cart before the horse in her assumption:

I’m curious if these guys (and gals) filtered for “kinky” in partner selection and if not, how they managed to find a match in what I’d expect to be a niche field.

So to help her out, I think it would be great to see comments (either here or over there), especially from some of more vanilla-ish guys as to how they settled on chastity or orgasm control as a personal kink. Naturally, anyone too shy to leave a comment is welcome to email me and I can post it anonymously if you’d like.

Kink in Exile is a great blog, by the way, especially for those of you who prefer intelligent insight with your kinkiness.

And just for some motivation, I’m posting a picture of a completely stereotypical fantasy.

Inured Circle

Anybody who has the slightest interest in male chastity by now probably knows about Sarah Jameson and her Male Chastity Blog. She hasn’t been blogging much lately, although she seems to be trying to develop a male chastity marketing empire. In addition to her ebook and audiobook  Be Careful What You Wish For, she has released a couple of follow-up books on T&D: Why He Wants You to Say No, and How to Drive Your Man Insane With Desire, all of which were good reading, and approach this kink from a mainly vanilla perspective (as opposed to the more domminatrixy tones of the Lucy Fairborne book). All of these are slim volumes that an interested guy could hand over to a vanilla partner.

One of the reasons that Sarah is not blogging much is because she has taken to writing almost-daily inspirational emails to people who have signed up for her Male Chastity Lifestyle email list. Reading like quick “life coach” missives, the short emails from the “Male Chastity Lifestyle” urge the readers (mainly men, I think) to stop wasting time, and to sit down and talk to their partners about what they would like to see in a relationship (especially in relation to being locked up). Personally, I’m getting tired of the word “lifestyle,” but that’s a private rant for another day.

Now she and her husband Jon have launched an actual newsletter. Yes, that’s right: what emails used to be when they were printed and sent to your post office for delivery. The newsletters will only be available to The Male Chastity Lifestyle “Inner Circle” subscribers and upon request, will also be available as a PDF for people who would prefer to read them on a Nook, Kindle, phone, or other e-reader. Personally, I suspect that more people will choose the e-reader option, if only so as not to have to explain anything should somebody accidentally find the stack of newsletters. Yes, you can explain a stack of Playboy or Penthouse mags around the house, but for most people, it’s still difficult to explain anything much kinkier than that.

I have a copy of the first newsletter (yes, in PDF), and except for the fact that the subject matter is, you know, locking up your junk, really looks like it could be any other professional lifecoaching newsletter. Sarah starts off writing on why she started this:

[...]it was becoming unmanageable, and I felt it was unfair on people who were serious about male chastity to be giving my time and energy on wannabes and people who are too lazy to read the blog and follow simple instructions like, “read the blog and FAQ before sending me a message”.

So that’s why I created this newsletter and the Inner Circle — so I could focus on giving my time and attention to people serious about male chastity and the topics that interest them.

She promises in the future to address questions in the newsletter itself, presumably because Dear Abby typically doesn’t deal with such matters. And just like in her MCL emails, she keeps reminding readers that they need to work on the relationship first, that male chastity is not a fix for marriages that have communication issues. Se then follows up with some tips for approaching one’s partner with the idea.

A nice addition to the newsletter will be a regular feature by  her husband Jon, who promises to write about his experiences in long-term chastity, how he deals with it, and his thoughts on going for even longer terms in the future.

It surprises many to learn I’m not “suffering” despite not having had an orgasm since New Year’s Eve, and I’m not perpetually climbing the walls and howling at the moon.

In fact, life goes on as normal (as Sarah has written many times), and I go about it normally. Meaning, I’m not constantly thinking about sex or my orgasm (or lack of it).

[...]

However, what I have found is my libido has gone through the roof and I am on an absolute hair-trigger in terms of sexual arousal. Meaning, I can go from cold to ready to orgasm in about three seconds flat, with as little stimulation as a long, passionate kiss. Which is a nice place to be.

So much for not suffering.

So, how do you get to read more? Yes, you have to pay for the newsletters. Sarah has always been very upfront about her Libertarian outlook, and while she’s not charging much, some people seem to be upset that she’s charging anything at all. Several people have written to me (which is funny, because I’m not Sarah’s business partner), asking about the Inner Circle, and whether or not it’s “worth it” to subscribe.

The answer is: I don’t know. I couldn’t possibly make that decision for anybody.

I will say, though, that Mrs. Edge and I had to work out pretty much everything for ourselves, and it took the better part of 10 years because there simply weren’t the resources available, and we certainly couldn’t ask our friends for advice. But we did spend money on several good books on BDSM and related sexuality, and we found those resources to be worth it at the time. If you are looking for a good digest of real-world (as opposed to wank-fest fantasy) advice, especially as something to pass along to your partner, then you might consider Sarah’s Inner Circle newsletter a good value.

Lovin’ Our Lurkers

Okay, if you read blogs then you know that today is Love Our Lurkers day.

Now, I know you’re lurking. I mean, I get like 700 to 800 visits a day, and twice that when I, you know,  happen to actually post something, so I know somebody is reading this blog. WordPress doesn’t allow me to get too detailed with the statistics, but I can surmise that a number of hits are from people quickly searching on  male chastity or orgasm denial related keywords. Some of the numbers are from RSS feeds. Many come from Keyheld, the chastity blog aggregate that we set up last year. Some of you clicked in from blogs that I happen to follow.

But a lot of you just seem to drop by, and some of you seem to hang around for a bit.

Before I plead with you to add fuel to my already overblown ego, let me just say “Hey, thanks for stopping by.”

If you’re so inclined, please tell me a little about yourself.

If you’re too shy for that, then maybe you could tell me how you found this blog, or why you keep stopping by.

And even if you’re not so inclined, here’s a piece of eye candy for you to enjoy.

 

Two Experiments

Those of you familiar with the happenings of the northeastern US probably know that we had an unseasonal Nor’easter – a storm that dumped a foot or more of snow around southern New England, and knocked out power in 2/3 of Connecticut for days – in some cases, for over a week. The Edge household was without power, phone, or even cell service for most of that time, which led to a case of cabin fever. Naturally, when we got power back, we tackled the important things: making sure the internet connection was back up and running. Oh yeah, and something about the furnace and hot water might have figured in there, too.

Anyway, having developed a Tumblr addiction, it was nice to see what had been being reposted in the kinky sectors. I spent a few  hours  couple of minutes browsing around and found this captioned picture on the Locked in Chastity Tumblog. I was struck by the rather profound insight that often gets overlooked when one reads chastity related fiction, or indeed, even the chastity related blogs that spring up. Most of the time we’re hearing about how the denial affects the man who asks to be denied, but we rarely hear about how it affects his partner.

Let me qualify that. We often hear about how the Missus loves it because she gets backrubs, pedicures, and the the laundry done. Yeah, no duh; I mean, I’d love to get daily massages, myself, and if somebody would wash and iron my socks every week then that would be one less thing for me to worry about.

But I’m talking about the more intimate and emotional aspects of chastity and denial. I’d venture that most married people are having a pretty decent (fsv of)  amount of sex every week, so men who ask to play out some kind of long-term chastity fantasy are also denying their partners something to some degree. Is PIV sex important to all women? Of course not, but at the same time it’s presumptuous for men to simply assume that they can replace intercourse with oral sex and backrubs – which seems to be the (ahem) dominant theme behind much of the “enforced” chastity paradigm (Paradigm? Did I really use that word outside of a graduate class?).

Some years ago when Mrs. Edge and I started messing with chastity and denial, we would go week to week. That is, she kept me locked up for a week, would let me out for some intercourse (no orgasm for me, of course), and then lock me back up. And that’s how it went for some time, until we got the strapon harness and a really lifelike dildo. We tried it out a few times, but at the end of the week, she unlocked me. And again, the next week. And the next.

But there came a time when she skipped the weekly unlocking, and asked me to use the new toy, instead. I ended up being locked up for two straight weeks. And the next time it was three weeks. And the next time it was a month. And then it was six or seven weeks.

While this was happening, I suspected that she was testing the waters, but was hesitant to ask her directly because I didn’t want to spoil the mood. Our agreement was that she could play as long as she wanted, and if I were uncomfortable, I would mention it to her. But that was okay, because I was experimenting myself — for a while I was looking forward to the weekly unlocking, even though I wasn’t coming. How well would I handle going without even that little bit of pleasure for longer periods? Would I eventually get jealous of the silicone? Would I give in and beg?

When it hit seven weeks without allowing me out, I finally asked her what she had in mind. “I’m just experimenting,” she told me.  She enjoys — actually, prefers — intercourse to oral, so she wondered how long she could “make do” with the dildo, which we began to call “her” cock. She, herself, had been enjoying the weekly unlockings, but after seeing how lifelike the new toy was, and how well I could position it, it began to seem less challenging to her. After going for a two or three weeks, she realized something else: I didn’t have to pace myself for her pleasure the way I had to do when she unlocked me. If she wanted something a little more vigorous, or to extend it a bit longer, she could do so without my asking to take a breather.  She found the idea that she could replace my cock with “her” own to be an unexpected turn on.

By the time that she made me go for a month straight, she began to feel comfortable with using it frequently, and comfortable that I wasn’t being somehow damaged, anxious, or upset. By that point, it didn’t feel so much as a second-best replacement; the couple of extra minutes for me to put on the harness and adjust “her” cock was now simply a natural part of our lovemaking.

Once she stopped worrying about how I was holding up, she found that she wanted to try something else: she wanted to go for longer periods simply to see if I would get frustrated enough to quit. Not in a cruel or mean way, rather that she was discovering her own limits, and in so doing, wondered where my limits (or lack of them) might be. Eventually, she wondered if she would feel comfortable enough not unlocking me at all, and indeed, she even began leaving her key at work so she wouldn’t be tempted to use it. After several years of this, she stopped experimenting with limits, and we simply played for random time periods, always set by her.

So, again,  I just want to take a moment to point out to the men who are interested in “enforced” chastity (or really, any other similar activity), that your partner needs time to experiment, to find her own limits of comfort — both with the relationship and with herself. Try to take s step back from your own excitement to give her what she needs.