Dick Heads

What is it about the internet that makes people lose their sense of  — and I’m going to use an old-fashioned word here — propriety?

When I was a younger lad, I had a friend who used to send pictures of his genitals to women. Of course, back in those days we had to crush berries and use the juice to sketch on a pterodactyl wing,   use a Polaroid Instamatic camera. But he sent them out unsolicited, hoping that some woman would be curious enough to call him back for a meet-up. I asked him if it ever worked, and naturally, it hadn’t. A dozen or so years ago, I was discussing this with some friends on a web group, and I was amazed that every single woman on this group had received dozens of cock shots from various men, most of them lurkers on this group. Did these cock shots make any of them curious enough to want to meet those guys? Of course not.

Last week, Poor alerted me to a chastity-related Twitter conversation in which Mistress Magick wrote

“boys – pics of your device while you’re wearing it are still cock shots. Have some class: use/send a pic of just your device.”

Look, I understand that you’re all excited about your new device, and with boyish enthusiasm you lock it on and take a picture (because how else would we know if it’s real if we can’t see it captured on silicon?). Great! But for the love of Eris, why the hell do you then have to make that picture your avatar or profile picture for everything else on the freaking internet?

We had a discussion on The Chastity Forums last year, and we decided that since part of our mission was to inform and educate newbies, and to be a safe place where vanilla-ish partners could come to ask questions (safe being defined as some place where they would be treated as adults, not be hit on, addressed as “Goddess/Mistress”, etc.) that we would ask guys not to make their plastic or steel encased dicks the first thing that a new member sees when she opens up the site and starts browsing. Unfortunately, we seem to be the only place that does this, because a perusal of most of the other chastity web groups, a number of blogs, and more recently, a lot of Twitter accounts now feature amour-clad wabbly bits announcing the presence of their owners.

And yes, I know. It’s the internet. If you’re not grown up enough to handle the internet, you should stay off, blah, blah, blah. But you know, while I can accept the reasoning that “the internet” is some big place where one should expect to see all manner of weirdness (kind of like the NYC subways), what I can not accept is the idea that men engaging in crass behavior should be considered socially acceptable. In other words, just because there are no rules does  not mean that there should not be some conventions. You know, what we used to call “manners.”

Your avatar, or your profile picture, is one of the first things that someone notices about you when you are on a web group or social media. If you’re trying to make a good impression, and yes, even on a sex-related group, use something that says a little more about yourself than “I think with my dick.” Trust me, it will go over much better.


And speaking of chastity devices, here’s a shot from the old, old Tickleberry spread.

Tickleberry is back!

30 thoughts on “Dick Heads

  1. I Love You, Tom!

    (and, you know, even if we are supposed to accept that it’s OK to check our couth as we enter the cyber-door, if you’re hoping to make a connection with someone you might actually meet at some point in time, you might consider treating her the same way you would treat her in real life. First impressions count. If your avatar screams “Pig!”, you’ve lost the battle before you ever step onto the field.)

  2. It’s not really even a matter of “conventions”. If you own a forum or blog, then you make the rules. Some fuckwits try to play the ‘freedom of speech’ card with me when I won’t approve their comments on my blog — and I tell them if they want to post the “I’m locked and have no choice” drivel, they can do it on their own blog.

    I won’t even begin to get into the number of men who think it’s A Great Idea to send me pics of their penises squished into a CB3000 like a squid in a pint glass.

    Sarah xxx

    • Blogs are “owned”, but large web groups are often more of a free-for-all, and Twitter is akin to walking through Central Park; in those kinds of venues, some people lose all sense of respect. And really, I almost *never* see women posting boob or ass shots as an avatar.

      On my more cynical days, I suspect that many of the men who do this don’t even have a partner, although how they think they’re going to get one by waving their willies around is beyond me. The real world doesn’t work like that.

      And again, I am shocked and amazed at the number of men who think that just because a woman writes on a topic that is even tangentially related to sex, that it’s acceptable behavior to send them cock shots.

      • “And really, I almost *never* see women posting boob or ass shots as an avatar. ”

        But loads of men pretending to be women do just this… ;-)

        Sarah xxx

        • I’m just wondering if there are a lot of men out there who are disappointed that women don’t have that kind of picture as their avatar?
          Do they not get the clue about their own pictures from the fact that most women simply don’t define themselves that way?

          Faile

        • I’m sure that a lot of men are disappointed that women aren’t more like men :-)

          Generally speaking, men don’t understand why women don’t flash their boobs or ass with the same abandon that men display their own parts. Is it cluelessness? I’d say it’s more of a cultural blind spot because men, themselves, would be all over a woman who displayed some boobage.

  3. The internet affords everyone an easy anonymity that was previously difficult to attain. That is apparently an irresistible temptation to some people whose empathy is even smaller than their tiny intellect.

  4. Oddly I feel like using a cock shot as ones profile pic is a form of shyness, something for people too embarrassed to show their face on a sexually charged forum, but want to have a picture of “themselves” anyways.

    • Peroxide, I suspect that you’re not thinking this through. Someone who is shy – like me, for example – can pick from any number of images that will help to express part of their identity without resorting to images that have the potential to either offend, or to drive off those that the person might want to befriend.

      • But edge, you have, like, ya know, a real character, imagination and a brain. Yes you can find other ways to express yourself.

        I find it to be true that most people do not. Most aren’t deep, faceted or subtle of thought. And that’s not to do them down, merely an observation. Most bikers I know, talk motorbikes. Kinksters, mosty they talk and live kink. Most of the outdoors types I know, they talk mountain biking or climbing or what have you for hours. Most people are fairly one dimensional. If they ‘discover’ a locked cock, then a locked cock is what they want to immerse themselves in.

        Yes I generalise and clearly there are exceptions.

        Leaving social etiquette or manners at the door isn’t acceptable. On that we agree totally. But asking them to use something else to represent themselves is a much bigger ask than I think you imagine it to be.

  5. I wonder about the rather uncouth photos as well.
    Being a fully heterosexual male, the first thing I want to see is a whole bunch of photos of “members.”
    I suspect it is no different for women.
    Perhaps on the Chastity Forums one could set up a particular place for such photos, with the caveat they do not go in other places. You know, just as in real life, rules where you are not supposed to put your member. The wife has rules for that.

    • We have asked that the more explicit photos be kept to the Members Only forum, and that you put [pic] in the subject line so unsuspecting people don’t stumble across them.

      Generally, the members are happy to comply, because many of them also share the forums with their partners.

    • “Member” photos! Ha! of course it’s terribly sexist since it makes the men “members” and the women “boobs.” I can see the court filing headlines now: “Femdom site accused of descriminating agaisnt women…”

      Just kidding.

      I like a picture of a nice looking “member” (and most members are nice looking, or at least interesting looking, which is good enough). But it does come across as rude to put that on the front porch.

      • … it makes the men “members” and the women “boobs.”

        Oh, come on, Wendy. Obviously we have a bunch of women members. It’s just that as a web group with a focus on male chastity, there aren’t many women that have tried to post pictures of themselves in a similar device. Or their boobs, either.

        • I was kidding Tom. Don’t you know a pun when you see one? .

          You boob!*

          * – I’m kidding again here.

  6. I have a tumblr full of guys in chastity, cocks on display, packages unpackaged so to speak. But I do so appreciate what chastity forums does, and am remiss in saying so I do believe.

    I find the GCS (Gratuitous Cock Shots) a bit childish and immature. And here’s where I think the real problem is – guys who don’t have the social graces to behave in polite company suddenly think we’re not polite company because we’re talking about sex. But sex isn’t impolite. Plus there is worlds of difference between friends (even virtual ones) being a tad lewd and crude with one another, and a stranger jumping up on a table and flapping his twig and berries in our face. Rude, we didn’t invite you to do that son…

    And it seems like the same sort who will be rude in that way is also rude in other ways. The one that most bothers me is the obsession with turning every chastity or femdom site into another sissyclittycuckhold ghetto. I’m not interested in that fetish. I”m happy for all you guys who enjoy it that you have something you enjoy, but go enjoy it somewhere else. Let me enjoy my fetishes without tryng to co-opt them into yours.

    • And here’s where I think the real problem is – guys who don’t have the social graces to behave in polite company suddenly think we’re not polite company because we’re talking about sex. But sex isn’t impolite.

      This needs to be highlighted somewhere. It’s my entire post summed up in 2 sentences.

  7. Amen brother, amen. I suspect that the majority of “women” who respond to the cock shots are usually men pretending to be women on the internet. Because I still haven’t met a woman who said “Oh yeah, that really caught my attention” and started up a communication.

    Then again, maybe they’re just being coy about it! :P

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