Back in 2010, we started Keyheld, a blog & link aggregate for people interested in chastity and orgasm denial. We wanted a resource that would feature blogs by people who were in the middle of the bell curve; that is, with so many websites catering to BDSM and more extreme uses of chastity devices, we tried to feature people who were leading generally vanilla-ish lives, and who were using OD as a way to enhance their relationships.
The chastity/OD community has a lot of cross-over with other communities, and many of those bloggers were part of the FLR (Female Led Relationship) community. The FLR community has a pretty wide variety of practices, and they tend to have such labels as FLR, WLM (WIfe Led Marriage), LFA (Loving Female Authority), Femdom Marriage, Matriarchal Marriage, and a few others that I’m probably overlooking.
Over the years, we’ve had a number of requests to add bloggers for whom chastity was not a major part of their relationship, but who often seemed to be part of the FLR community. Recently, I’ve been looking more closely at the FLRs, and I’ve found that while the community (and subcommunities) are pretty wide-ranging, as with the chastity/OD community, there is a dearth of material for the newly experimenting couple. Yes, it’s easy — very easy — to find the more extreme examples, but I thought it would be nice if there was a resource similar to Keyheld for those who wanted to see what the vanilla-ish FLRs were like.
I really wanted to avoid a name like “Women in Charge” or “Dominant Wives” because those are exactly the kinds of names on which web searches lead you to the more extreme websites. Ergo, the name of the website that we just set up:
She-Held: Resources for Female Led Relationships.
Right now, there are about 2 dozen blogs by both women and men bloggers, ranging from people new-at-this to those that have been practicing for years. We have also put up some links to various web forums and discussion boards, informational websites, and other reading.
Those of you who regularly visit Keyheld will see a few familiar blogs, but there will be plenty of new ones for you to check out. If you’re reading this, and have been looking for interesting information on FLR, LFA, WLM, etc., then bookmark She-Held; it’s another good source of information and an opportunity to connect with other people in the community.
And for those of you who were hoping for a more graphic representation of an FLR:
Okay, maybe this is more femdommy, but I liked it.
The Edge of Vanilla 
Great idea, I really like the concept.
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Reblogged this on Denying Thumper and commented:
Tom’s gone and done another useful thing.
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Isn’t it funny how when you’re looking for information on something, you end up with the most extreme examples, and so little in the middle? It’s as if FLR were always equated with either BDSM cuckolding sissy blogs, or with blogs by men who have been trying to push their partners into something, with little success.
I really wanted to have some way to find people who were *probably* more typical, but who would normally be overlooked in the regular searches.
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“Isn’t it funny how when you’re looking for information on something, you end up with the most extreme examples, and so little in the middle?”
Truer words and all that…
I almost didn’t pursue submission because there was so little out there that portrayed normal people who just happened to like kink. The very thought was daunting and off-putting and really did NOT seem like it was going to be a good fit.
Discovering that the reality was just the opposite was a large part of why I started ARB.
It’s just one tiny voice whistling in a very large dark but I have had people tell me they appreciated the “you can do this and still be yourself” approach.
So I have no trouble believing you’ll make a lot of people happy with this new venture! 🙂
Go, Tom & Company!!!
(can you hear the pom poms rustling?)
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I almost didn’t pursue submission because there was so little out there that portrayed normal people who just happened to like kink. The very thought was daunting and off-putting and really did NOT seem like it was going to be a good fit.
That’s it in a nutshell.
Years ago when I was exploring bdsm and general kinkiness, I found enough to understand that there are a lot of normal-ish people who enjoyed it. Unfortunately, it was impossible for me to convey this to various partners because all they ever saw were the pathetic cases on TV or movies.
Years ago I gave Mrs. Edge a list of links that I had carefully vetted for content. She read those, became interested, and then wandered off on her own and freaked out. And that was pretty much all for a long time afterward. Even now, she will almost never look something up because she really does not like the images portrayed, either on the top or bottom side of things.
We’re exploring some different things now, and we’re just not putting any labels on them; it’s probably much easier that way.
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Great Idea! Im excited to read this
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I’m very happy to see this. Thanks for sharing!
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I apologize if I’m necroing here a little, but I couldn’t resist asking for a description of the things you and Mrs. Edge were working on that you don’t want to label? And I don’t suppose you have that vetted list of links, or something similar, still lying (consuming HD Space) around?
I ask because I’m in kind of a similar boat. My wife and I are pretty typically vanilla, except we both have some small kinky interests that could never be fulfilled by either cheap sexstore fare nor full on BDSM BBQ Orgys/swap-meets…..
Thanks
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Hi Raev – I don’t have that list of links handy because it was years ago; I’m guessing that some of those sites probably aren’t even around anymore.
But both She-Held and Keyheld were designed with the more vanilla users in mind, and I’ve linked to blogs that seem to be relationship-oriented more than kink or BDSM oriented. If you’re thinking about giving your wife a list of links, then you might take some time to look through both of the aggregates, plus the links on the sidebars.
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