Bad Limericks

Breathes there a man (or woman) with soul so dead that they can’t appreciate a good limerick? I’ll have no idea, of course, since there won’t be many good limericks on this page. But there will be some limericks, good or otherwise. Feel free to add your own in the Comments.

~~~~~~

A brash dominatrix named Jones
Would reduce all her boyfriends to moans
By her erotical knowledge
(not acquired in college)
Of painful erogenous zones.

~~~

Our inventive young sadist, Miss Jones
Was cursing and swearing in loud tones.
She’d bought X-ray glasses
To look at men’s asses,
But all she could see was their bones.

~~~

An extended Las Vegas play date
Was Ms. Claudia’s husband’s new fate.
The piercing, it seems,
didn’t cause his big screams;
’twas the fifteen pound testicle weight.

Kimba, our girl from down under,
Has recently started to wonder
If her big purple toy
(the one shaped like a boy)
Was a sex-shoppe purchasing blunder
(and if she can get a refund-er!)

A new dominatrix named Kate
Was breaking a new subby-mate;
When she asked how he fared
he said he was scared,
But her caning technique was first-rate.

The sweet charms of our Ms. La fille
Are writ on her blog now, you see.
When the gentlemen beg
her to show them some leg,
She always replies “Oh, mais oui!“

For Ms. Bonnie, the change in the weather
Means she’s looking for gear made of leather;
And, you can be sure
lined with kangaroo fur;
And trimmed out in platypus feather.

Alternative Journeyist, “E”
Has a vision of how good life could be;
Not a sexual dystopia,
But a Femdomme Utopia,
(Hey, d’you have a spot open for me?)

There one was a plumber named Lee
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea
She said you’d better stop plumbing
There’s somebody coming
I know, said the plumber, it’s me!
(from George)

Gillette, a hard-working hooker
Was such an enchanting good looker,
There were fights ‘mongst the fuzz
Over whose turn it was
To pinch her, and frisk her, and book her.

Garry, (from a reliable source)
Was caught having sex with his horse.
When asked if his fare
was a stallion or mare
Said “A mare – I’m not queer, of course!”

A femdommy blogger named Art,
Was blogging his femdommy part,
When struck by the mood
to write about food
Which is a double entendering tart.

~~~

An oversexed vixen, Darklily
Was cautioned for not acting primly,
She replied, “Heavens above!
I know sex isn’t love,
But it’s such an attractive facsim’le!”

~~~

A voluptuous sadist, Ms. Jones,
Loves hearing men’s whimpers and moans.
From chains, whip and rack
and her nails on their back,
And a boot heel on their cajones

~~~

An exquisite woman named Kate
Thought lovemaking was simply great;
She hand-picked a line,
as many as nine;
And rehearsed them until it was late.

~~~

Our courtesan, Angela St. Lawrence,
Took a holiday trip up to Florence.
She met a Viking from Thule
with a vibrating tool;
And both of them came gushing in torrents.

~~~

A blog photo from our Ms. Barbed Wire
Has caused us to sweat and perspire.
I stopped by to say
that your decollete,
Is making our loins all afire!

~~~

The Australian beauty, Ms. Ferns,
has all the boys begging for turns.
She spends her time blogging
when they’d all love a flogging,
and a couple of wax candle burns.