How to Cure a Feminist

Now that Edge of Vanilla has a new following among Men’s Rights Activists, and with Pick Up Artists, I have to find some content that appeals to a wider range of readership. Fortunately, I can find almost anything I need right in Maxim Magazine. For those old married guys who had to give up Playboy when you got engaged (which you only had for the articles, anyway, right?), Maxim is a cross between Playboy and Esquire, with a little bit of GQ tossed in, because for some reason even manly men need to know where to buy those $1,200 Burberry overcoats and $90 Hermes silk pocket hankies.

Of course, the typical Maxim reader can’t afford the things advertised, but they can follow along with the helpful tips sections. Now, I know that this particular tip is kind of old, but it’s no less worthwhile; any possibility to save a feministy woman from a life of collecting cats and eating frozen yoghurt in front of the Lifetime Channel is always appreciated.


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To my women readers: No need to thank me for helping to save you or your sisters. Consider this one of my many public service contributions.

Thanks and a tip of the vibrator to Jen at “The Sex Reports“.

Nattering and Nabobbing

So, what with all the reviews of chastity devices, reporting and commentary on various sex news, posting pics of hot older women, and the rare HNT, it seems like I’ve gone quite a while since posting an actual blog post about, you know, me.

Things have been busy in the Edge household, although in a mundane sort of way. Children, work, family, church, PTA, bake sales, charity volunteering, etc., have taken up a lot of our time (as is usual), and with the warm weather we’re outside more, repairing and maintaining the homestead, and keeping an eye toward the weak spots in case of the zombie invasions.

That reminds me, I wanted to check prices on titanium crowbars.

Anyway, while the mundane things have been mundane, we’re managing to intersperse some interesting times in there, too. As it happens, this weekend marks sixty (that’s 6-0) days that I’ve been locked into my modified CB3000. The Birdlock needs a repair to the locking pin, and the 6000 split along the bottom seam from, uh, hydraulic pressure induced while under an excited state. That leaves the 3k, which, frankly, has proved to be the most durable device that I’ve used in the last several years.

It’s actually more than 60 days, when you consider that I was wearing a device pretty much every day before this period; but I had access to a key, should I need to remove a device – which I only did for the sake of repair or modification. Oh, or sex, which we were kind of having on a regular basis, which was a nice change from not having it on a regular basis all winter. When I think about it, I’ve pretty much been wearing a device since the beginning of the year.

Mrs. Edge has not permitted me to release for the entire time that she has taken the key, although a couple of weeks ago it just sort of happened. In fact, it came on so quickly that I was barely aware of what was happening; but when I finally got the signal and tried to pace myself to hold back, Mrs. Edge (not realizing my state, being focused on her own), kept urging me on. The result was that as I was taking her with her favorite strap-on, I released while still wearing the 3k. When she finally came to her senses, she was a little ticked off, but it didn’t stop her from having me continue for another fifteen minutes until she was properly sated.

Here’s one of those weird things: The release was enough to take the edge off the arousal, and for a day I was thinking “Damn, I’m so tired of wearing this freakin’ cage.” But after a day, when I looked back on being compelled to keep sexxin’ her after my release, it seemed, well, kind of hot. Naturally I told her about it a week later, and she sort of understood. Well, I think she understood; it’s just that I told her while we were having sex, and she kept making these moaning noises and nodding her head and stuff.

I don’t know if we’re doing another really long term session, although it certainly looks like we’re headed that way. She keeps telling me that it’s going to last at least until August, but we have definitely switched things up a bit. A while back, when we were talking about starting another session, I told her that I got the impression that once she allowed me to come, that is, have an actual sanctioned orgasm, then it seems like she loses interest in continuing. And she admitted that she does; even after 20 years of marriage, she still has this idea that sex is done after I orgasm; she sort of extended that concept to our chastity play. Apparently a lot of women feel the same way, although to be fair, a lot of men also feel the same way: after they come, they lose interest. I don’t, of course, but she hasn’t quite internalized this.

What did come up in one of our chats, though, is that she seemed surprised that I would consider her putting me right back into the device immediately after allowing me to come. She assumed that the post-orgasm period would make me resistant. I explained that being compelled to do something when I don’t want to do it is part of what makes it hot. But I also expalined that part of the overall hotness was her control over my situation; the idea that I don’t know if she will allow me to come, or when, or how is exciting to me. And in talking, we found out that it’s exciting to her, as well.

What’s been even more exciting, though, is that for the last month or so we’ve tried to make a regular Friday night “sex date.” You’d think that having to schedule your schtupping might make it less exciting, but trust me, when you know it’s the one time a week that you’ll have an opportunity, you can manage to get into the mood. But in those date nights (during which, in case you missed it, I haven’t been allowed to come), we’ve made a point to talk about more about what we’re getting out of this and why it’s working. Mrs. Edge isn’t all that great about expressing how she feels, and this is partly because she never gives it any thought. But we’re working on it; she tries to think about things once in a while during the week and will mention it. I, of course, having to deal with wearing a plastic cage every day, think about it all the freakin’ time.

I’ve noticed that during our date nights, when I tell her how aroused I am, and how much I’ve been looking forward to it, even though I know she’s not letting me out, she becomes very aroused herself. The other night, we went at it so long and hard that her knees were literally trembling when she stood up. Wow, we haven’t had sex like that since we were dating. It’s taken a lot of work to get to this point, and while we’ve got some more work to do, at least we’ve finally reached a point where we’re both able to enjoy it, and to express why we enjoy it.

Male chastity devices – in real life

I subscribe to a number of web boards on chastity devices and orgasm control. Yeah, there’s not much new happening in the chastity device world, but sometimes it’s interesting to get different perspectives and opinions on the topic. And quite often, somebody new comes along to ask questions or to look for support because, truthfully, there’s not much good information out there.

Anyway, while I subscribe to a number of boards, I’m really only active in a few; and that number is dwindling because no sooner does a board get interesting, when it seems like half the posts are some thinly disguised wank fodder, posted by people – almost always men – claiming them to be really, truly, true stories. Really. And for variety, sometimes the posts are (so it is claimed) made by women who have discovered some secret affair and now want to get revenge on their unsuspecting husbands by asking for advice on the best chastity devices for them.

Gaurrgghh!

Low cost chastity devices have only been commercially available for the last 8 or 10 years; this is a relatively new kink for many people, and it’s one that can be enjoyed by the very vanilla up to the super kinky. Why do some people with no experience feel compelled to pretend that they are qualified to give advice to people? It bothers me – and I admit that this is my own problem – when I see potentially good groups spiral down the tubes because some people just can’t manage to separate real life from fantasy. And it also bothers me that people with honest curiosity can’t get good, reliable information on this subject without being subjected to the “badvice” of men who (in my opinion) probably are not even in a relationship to begin with.

I used to get irritated with the people who jumped all over the n00bs, offering unhelpful advice such as “Lock up your husband’s cock, solder the lock shut, and cuckold him with a different stud every night,” or “It doesn’t matter if your balls are turning purple from the device; it’s all HER decision now.” Now I have a new class of people to get irritated about.

What is it with people who feel compelled to disguise their fiction or fantasies, and to post them on teh intertubes, pretending that they are factual or real-life encounters? Are they that starved for attention? Are they tired of playing Sims or Second Life?

Apparently they do not have a clue as to how mundane chastity – in real life – can be.

In real life, your wife or girlfriend does not catch you cheating and then secretly tricks you into wearing a device. She kicks your sorry ass to the curb, or at the very least, you get into a huge fight lasting for weeks, if not months. Chastity devices are the last thing on her mind.

In real life, nobody slaps $200 worth of plastic on their tonker and goes 24/7 for the next year. It takes weeks, sometimes months to get your body adjusted to wearing hard plastic (or metal) on your squashy bits.

In real life, unless you’ve modified a device properly, you are going to need to remove it once in a while to accommodate changes in your body. You are also going to need to clean it. You are also going to have visits to the doctor, have MRIs or CAT scans in which you will need to remove the metal bits.

In real life, any chastity device can be defeated. Trust me on this: there is no metal that can not be cut, drilled, sawed, or bent. Yes, it’s possible that your partner took your measurements while you were sleeping and made a custom tube out of tungsten carbide that can only be cut with diamonds, but a) it has to attach with something, and b) a well-placed tap with a ball peen hammer will shatter it.

In real life, most vanilla women do not suddenly decide that they want a sissified maid, nor do they suddenly decide that your cock is pathetic and they need to lock it up so that they can cuckold you with a 12″ hung bull. Most vanilla women will run screaming from the room if you suggest this.

In real life, if you tell your partner that you need to be locked up so that you will be more attentive, most vanilla-ish women will say “You big jerk, why aren’t you more attentive now?”

In real life, women know that trading your orgasms for housework and loving attention is a bit like prostitution. A lot of women get a very negative vibe about that.

And for those of you who insist that you need a device in order to be a better husband:

In real life, your marital problems are not going to be solved by hanging $200 worth of plastic from your genitals.

chstysent1.jpgAre we clear on this, now? I don’t want to be a buzzkill, but those of you who insist that your wife went from June Cleaver to Mistress Cruella overnight, has had you locked in a CB6000 for the last three years (even though it’s only been on the market for 18 months), and who is forcing you to take estrogen in order to turn you into a woman, are really becoming annoying for the grown-ups who want to have decent discussions about how to make the devices more secure, and what kinds of impacts it will have on our relationships. Your wild-assed scenarios are also scaring the noobs who wander in here looking for advice, there being so little available on the subject.

And look – there is nothing wrong with posting a fantasy as a fantasy; the internet is full of them. But let’s please stop pretending that your vanilla partner is suddenly going to go all dominatrixy after she discovers your affair with your secretary.

And if you are one of those aforementioned n00bs, then please exercise your critical thinking skills; if something looks amazing or fantastic to you, then get a second opinion. Don’t risk hurting yourself or freaking out your partner based on the fantasy life of some anonymous attention seekers.

Whatever happened to. . .

. . . that Tom Allen guy? You know, the guy who used to write about sexuality, orgasm denial, male chastity, and (judging from his search counter) Marina Sirtis in latex fetish garb? After a few tossed off posts about the latest sex news, some thoughts on my general health, and some cheesecake pics of a few celebs close to my own age, a reader even wrote:

Tom, if you keep it up your going to lose your chastity cred and be labled as the guy that has an elderly sex fixation ;p

I haven’t had much time or inclination to write lately. My usual routine used to be to get up early, check my email, then write for a bit, write a little more at lunch and perhaps check the several groups to which I subscribe, and polish off the writing in the evening – usually after reading some of the dozens of blogs to which I subscribe, either through Google Reader, or through the WordPress reader (which only works on WordPress blogs).

Over the summer, though, I found I have become more obsessed serious and focused on losing weight and getting back to the level of fitness that I had when I was 30. Since April, my routine has been to get up early, just do a very quick email check as I put on my trainers, and head down to my exercise area, where I try to get in about 20 to 30 minutes every day.

Yes, that’s right. Every. Freakin’. Day.

Well, I usually sleep in on Sunday, but other than that, I’m good. I’ve developed a routine that mixes up what I do, so my muscles don’t get fatigued. I’m slowly working my way up to using the heaviest weights that I own, and I’ve got more stamina. My biggest disappointment has been that I haven’t lost nearly as much weight as I would have liked, but a change of diet now seems to be moving that along. I try to get out 3 times a week for a good sprint on the bike. Generally, I get in two, once in a while I can do four – usually right after work, when I set a goal of doing 5 miles in about 20 minutes, or 6 miles in about 25.

I would like to write more, and on my commute back and forth every day, I come up with ideas for discussions, humor, and hawt chastity porn. It’s frustrating not to be able to get them out, and I even have a few things that I’ve started. But I don’t have as much time at lunch as I used to, and the mornings are the best time for me to exercise. I’ve tried doing them after work, but my schedule gets too erratic; several times a week I have to go out to some meeting or pick somebody up or drop them off or cook dinner. And the next thing you know, it’s 9:00 pm and there’s no way I’m going to pump iron by that time of night.

And like a lot of places this past year, business has been slow, and when people have quit, I haven’t replaced them, so I’m doing more work during the day, which cuts into my writing and blog surfing time. I’ve found that the bad economy has been depressing for me, which leaves me less inclined to write about cool and fun things. And I’ve also realized that one of the reasons that I’ve become a bit fitness-obsessed is because I’m having some control issues. I can’t fix the economy. I can’t increase the margin on the jobs that I’ve been getting. I can’t do anything about the constantly rising costs of insurance, fuel, electricity, or raw materials. The only thing that I can do anything about is myself - and so I have been.

I’ve got a storyline that I’ve been working on, but I can’t decide if it’s going to become a short or a series. I’ve been meaning to get something up on how to modify a CB6000 into something that’s more like a CB3000, and I’ve gotten as far as actually taking some pictures, but it still needs some fine tuning. And I’ve been trying to keep up with reading my favorite blogs, and I even manage to get a few comments in, and I feel badly that I haven’t been able to keep up. I suppose I could get up even earlier. . . Yeah, right.

So, once again, another post about me exercising, and without any discussion of sex,  chastity, or orgasm denial. Sorry.

But just so some of you didn’t feel like you wasted your time, how about some Marina Sirtis exercising and talking about sex?

(Thanks for the heads up, Týr!)

What’s your sexual style?

I stole this got the idea from Dev.

Actually, I love taking these tests, and I’ll take anything that tells me that I’m an awesome person.

Anyway, this is another one of those cool OKCupid tests. Go check it out.

What’s your sexual style?
Your Score: TYPE N
You scored: 91 imagination, 91 confidence, 45 dominance, and 62 generosity!

You are a KINKY, CONFIDENT, SUBMISSIVE lover who prefers to GIVE.

This means that: You like relatively kinky sex, and you have the great imagination that will always keep your partner guessing and excited! There’s no getting bored with you around, you could never settle for dull sex, you want something fun and new all the time. You aren’t afraid to try out anything you hear about. You might just be an intelligent lover who needs to be mentally engaged, or perhaps you have some dirty dark secret kinky desires, but either way, you’re never boring.

You are pretty confident in bed. This means that you know you can please your lover. Maybe you’ve read a lot of sex manuals, or have the experience from previous lovers, or just tend to be skilled at whatever you get your hands on, but you’re good and you know it. You can really get results and know that you have pure talent, so you won’t be hiding away shy, pretending to be all innocent. Your partners love your naughty self assurance, you don’t hesitate and this makes you a sensational lover.

You tend to be submissive in bed, so you prefer to go along with what your lover likes rather than your own plans. You might like being ordered around and acting out a slave/master fantasy, or perhaps you just get turned on by being helpless and unable to move. Or maybe it’s as simple as you lacking courage so prefering firm instructions in bed to make sure you are doing things right. Either way, you won’t be dominating your lover anytime soon, and might prefer the missionary position to any others.

You prefer to give than recieve. This makes you a very unselfish lover, devoted to the needs of your partner rather than your own. You get your pleasure from seeing them get theirs, you are a model sex partner. I’m sure plenty of people would love to have someone like you in bed with them! Remember though that if your partner gets pleasure from returning the favour it’s okay to let them, they might love giving as much as you do!

WE SUGGEST YOU: Get crazy with the kissing. It sounds basic, but perhaps with all your wonderful kinky antics and games, you have forgotten how good it can feel just to kiss someone all over, and have the same done to you! Practise with different kissing styles, kiss your lover in places you’ve never kissed them before. Kiss to tickle, kiss to seduce, kiss for hours, or kiss when you know you can’t go any furthur with it, like when you have to be at work soon. Rediscover kissing.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 78% on imagination
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You scored higher than 72% on confidence
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You scored higher than 14% on dominance
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You scored higher than 30% on generosity

Weirded out

Okay, so here’s the deal: I have a new friend, a cute 27 year old woman who has been emailing me and being generally pleasant and chatty. She’s a professional in the local entertainment media, and we chat – via email – about just how things are in life. She has wondered about how to act around guys, and I’ve offered up advice. We’ve touched briefly on the nature of sexuality in relationships, but I’ve drawn a line in the sand beyond which it just feels too weird to cross. This may sound weird, coming from somebody who freely discusses how to navigate the kink/vanilla relationship, but there’s an added factor here. This woman knows me in real life. No, that’s not the part that’s weirding me out. The part that’s really weirding me out is this:

She’s a friend of my son.

Let me stress that this is not his girlfriend, it’s just someone that he met as an area entertainer; he has a girlfriend. And let me also stress that I don’t get the vibe that she’s hitting on me. She’s been to the house several times, we’ve run into each other socially, and she knows I’m married. And she’s quite attractive and is in a business where she gets a lot of public exposure and does not need to hit on married guys twice her age. Mrs. Edge knows that she emails me. We don’t do anything beyond friendly banter. Are we clear on this?

I do, however, get the impression that she doesn’t have anyone with whom she can talk about relationships. Her parents are from “the old country” and seem to be rather strict and conservative, and her conversations with them on the subject tend to run toward them accusing her of being a tramp or about to get pregnant. Not very sex positive, in other words. I sort of think that she may be adopting our family because Mrs. Edge and I are generally pretty laid back and non-judgmental with our younger friends. We try very hard not to act like know-it-alls (which is very difficult when you’re me, of course). We’ve had a number of younger people over the years that seem to adopt us for periods of time, coming over for dinner, helping, hanging out, stuff like that.

So what’s weirding me out? I’m not quite sure. I think it’s because she’s been friends with the son for a while, which makes her quasi-family. I don’t discuss sexuality with family members – much to the relief of several of them, I’m sure. But why don’t I discuss it with family members? Frankly, I don’t know. I think that I have some kind of idea that I’m supposed to be setting an example, although the idea that I’m some paragon of virtue is laughable for people that know me.

On one hand, I feel badly, because I suspect that she’s reaching out in some way, and I’m not being as helpful as I could be. On the other, I don’t want to get overly intimate with someone who might happen to mention something to my son. Is this just me being weird, or what? I don’t often find myself questioning whether or not I should do something or be in a situation, but this one just sort of snuck up on me.

Any ideas or comments?

A Parable…

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “My dear child, why are you crying?”

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.

“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked

The seamstress replied, “No.”

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.

“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, “No.”

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. “Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, “Yes, that is the one I dropped.”

The Lord was pleased with the woman’s honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, when her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, “Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!”

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

“Is this your husband?” the Lord asked.

“Yes,” cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

The seamstress replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord, it is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said ‘no’ to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I’m not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT’S why I said ‘yes’ to George Clooney. “

And so the Lord let her keep him.


The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it’s for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.

That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it.

Signed,
All Us Women

Sex words

No, no, wait – that’s six words. Six.

One of the great things about being me is that I’m always stumbling over fantastic or quirky or exotic or intelligent bloggers. Lately, I’ve been keeping an eye on Elizavetta, who in an effort to shake me off, tagged me with a meme.

Damn. It’s been a while since we’ve done a meme around here, but this one looks easy.
Here’s how it works:

  1. Write your own six word memoir
  2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like
  3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post.
  4. Tag five more blogs with links
  5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

Six words? Hah! Anyone who knows me in real life will attest to this one:

“I’m late. Did I miss anything?”

I was going to post this yesterday, but, well, you know how it is.

Anyway, let’s tag a few people. How about…

Desire-XLove Tap, Lady Pandorah, Blacksilk, and The Switch.