Sex education: Brainiacs have fewer notches on their bedposts than those without degrees | Love & Sex | Life & Style | Daily Star. Simply The Best 7 Days A Week


As a matter of fact, this idea has been kicked around since the 1970s, but apparently there’s a survey that once again shows that kink and intelligence seem to be correlated.

Sex education: Brainiacs have fewer notches on their bedposts than those without degrees.

 

 


And while we’re thinking about brainiacs, Danica Collins as a strict schoolmarm will certainly make you smart.

 

Sex education: Brainiacs have fewer notches on their bedposts than those without degrees | Love & Sex | Life & Style | Daily Star. Simply The Best 7 Days A Week

What Is Sexually “Normal?” Rethinking Pain and Pleasure


Although I’ve long since given up on anything serious from Psychology Today, it having become the Cosmo of the social sciences, once in a while I run across a good article. This one is obviously of interest to some of the readers:

What Is Sexually “Normal?” Rethinking Pain and Pleasure | Psychology Today.

The part that struck me was the discussion around BDSM in the DSM-V. First, a definition:

You meet criteria for a diagnosis of sexual masochism disorder or sexual sadism disorder if you

Feel personal distress about your interest, not merely distress resulting from society’s disapproval;

Or

Have a sexual desire or behavior that involves another person’s psychological distress, injury, or death, or a desire for sexual behaviors involving unwilling persons or persons unable to give legal consent.

 

And here’s where author Todd Kashdan tackles the more basic questions.

How do you parse out the distress of being viewed as deviant by society from the internal generation of distress? After all, part of our identity is the internalization of cultural standards of acceptable behavior. As with all psychiatric diagnoses, we must grapple with the notion of whether a person experiences clinically significant distress and/or impairment. But defining distress/impairment is tricky in the context of sex (with consenting adults); sex is usually regarded as an indicator of healthy psychological functioning that contributes to relationship satisfaction and well-being.

He goes on to list various ways in which distress might be perceived, and touches on the idea that not being — or feeling able to be — “out” about one’s sexual desires is also a form of distress.

As a result, 60% of the 3,000 respondents are not ‘‘out’’ about their BDSM interests; the stress of being closeted and/or coming out promotes distress and impairment in these individuals, similar to that experienced by homosexuals.

I don’t see any TV shows in production which feature a quirky sister-in-law, uncle, or neighbor who is an acknowledged kinkster, and people indulging in masochistic or bottoming activities are still played for laughs. So, don’t look forward to a “Will & Grace” type show that helps to make kinksters look just like the people next door.

Kashdan acknowledges that the lack of societal acceptance can have some grave consequences:

The confusion of variant sexual interests with psychopathology has led to discrimination against all ‘‘paraphiliacs.’’ Individuals have lost jobs, custody of their children, security clearances, become victims of assault, etc., at least partially due to the association of their sexual behavior with psychopathology.

I like how how points out something that many kinksters have been saying for years; you can “punish” your body with exercise or sports, and not only do people not look askance, many times they congratulate you on your determination. But once you associate a sexual component, then you’re a pervert.

He sums up a well-written article on the subject:

From the vantage point of recent research, people who practice BDSM are highly stigmatized by therapists as well as mainstream society. For the majority, it appears as though BDSM serves as a personalized sexual pastime as opposed to a manifestation of psychopathology, and their life problems are likely to be as common as the average single man  who has sex 1.7 times per month in a missionary position, is rather quiet and awkward, and lasts for 178 seconds before gasping for air.

While we could have done without the parting shot at the vanillas, Kashdan acknowledges the (too little) research that has gone into trying to understand those with an interest in BDSM, and decries the tendency for the medical profession to associate it with sociopathic behaviors. This is mirrored in the Comments section, which should not come as a surprise to anyone.

I’d recommend anyone interested in both the psychology and the sociology of BDSM to hit the link and read the article.

 

 


Wait, was that DSM or BDSM? I get them mixed up…

 

You’re shipping who?


I need some insight on something.

My teen-aged daughter, like many of her friends,  has a Tumblr. Her Tumblr — like those of her friends — is nothing like my own. My Tumblr is full of pictures, gifs, and captioned shots of sex, desire, attractive women in sexual poses and situations, and depictions sexual fantasies. Hers, on the other hand, is full of pictures, gifs, and captioned shots of hot, attractive guys staring soulfully at each other, physically touching, hugging, or struggling with their emotions.

See? Hers — like those of her friends — has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with sex.

I maintain a more mundane Tumblr with funny pictures of animals, bicycles, and vacation shots so she and I can share things. Naturally, among her friends, I’m the cool dad. “Wow, your dad has a Tumblr? My dad still emails in all caps.” This means that they feel free to talk about what they’re reblogging with me, and most of it seems to be emotional pairings of characters in movies and TV shows such as Doctor Who, BBC Sherlock, Harry Potter, The Hobbit, The Avengers, etc. The big draw for most of them, however, is the shipping of characters from Supernatural.

Shipping is the modern variation on slashfic; fan fiction that pairs characters in books, movies, tv, etc., in a romantic or sexual situation. Slashfic further carries the connotation of being primarily about gay, i.e., homosexual pairings, such as (for you old-timers) Kirk/Spock or (more recently) Edward/Jacob from Twilight.  The hottest OTPs on shipping Tumblrs right now seem to be Dean/Castiel, two of the characters on Supernatural. I won’t even attempt to describe the show, except to say that Dean and his brother Sam are traveling demon hunters, and once in a while get some assistance from the angel Castiel.

Coincidentally, IO9 just posted an article about Supernatural, calling it “the best gay romance on TV that isn’t actually gay.” The article is fluff, the the comments point up that many people (and not just women) see the homoerotic undertones, and enjoy playing along.  Anyway, here’s where I need the insight. I understand fanfic pairings; fan fiction is often more about fleshing out the relationships between people than about adding to the canon, and slashfic just does so in a more adult fashion. I mean, who hasn’t watched Star Trek and thought about Uhura and Spock, or Deanna Troi and Riker, or saw the older, matured Harry Potter movies and thought about Harry and Hermione? But what is it about gay pairings that are so fascinating to young women? Most of the Tumblrs I’ve seen appear to be run by straight women in their late teens and early twenties, an age that I associate with obsessing over straight relationships as they try to negotiate the twists and turns of growing up and finding a life (or long term) partner.

I’m guessing that my lack of understanding is partly a generational thing. Mrs. Edge assures me that neither she nor any of her friends even entertained the idea of gay sex back when she grew up. Hell, back in the 1970s, we were just getting used to the idea that straight people had sex, and that it could be fun and not just for married people making babies. But this raises the further question: now that we seem to culturally accept the idea of recreational sex, hy are younger women now fantasizing about straight men having relationships with each other?


Supernatural pictures? I thought you’d never ask. Here’s one that has been floating around on some of the Tumblrs. I can’t tell if it’s a capture, or it it’s been shipped… er, shopped. But they are a couple of fine looking guys.

Nope, definitely not teh gay.

Another year at the Edge


Well, it’s another year come and gone here at Edge of Vanilla Laboratories, and like most other bloggers I’m looking at my stats to see how much love I’ve gotten to see what kind of traffic has come through here.

As in the previous few years, about a quarter-million of viewers stopped by, the overwhelming majority of you were directed here as a result of web searches for some variation of male chastity and/or orgasm denial. Not surprisingly, typical search terms leading here were: male chastity, chastity devices, orgasm denial, chastity blog, chastity captions, (various named) chastity devices, orgasm control, femdom chastity, flr chastity, long-term denial,  male chastity marriage, husband in chastity, femdom wife, real-life chastity, chastity stories, orgasm denial stories, chastity lifestyle, enforced chastity, ruined orgasm, and similar variations on these.

There were also a good number of slightly over-lapping BDSM & fetish themed searches, mainly: vanilla femdom, femdom marriage, femdom strapon, femdom pegging, tight leather, latex dominatrix, fetish leather, fetish lingerie, fetish fashion, and femdom vanilla wife. Note that Mrs. Edge does not self-identify as dominant, nor do I claim to be in any kind of a FLR or femdom marriage.

More interesting to see, however, are the non-chastity/denial searches that have led readers here. Among the top search terms were variations of: mature women, curvy women, senior sex, frenum piercings, naughty limericks, fitness porn, and Rule 34. I’m probably not the oldest (age-wise) blogger around, but I do try to feature news items on people having sex above the 35 to 40 year old age limit that the media would have you believe is the top end of “sexually active.”

Fitness porn searches are obviously a reflection of the turn that this blog has taken in the last couple of years, as I’ve become more fitness and health oriented. I’ve taken some flack for this, but as those “mature” people know, maintenance grows more important when you have more miles on the equipment.

Admittedly, the staff here at EoV Labs have been distracted with various work, family, and health issues, all of which tend to draw the focus away from sexuality, as much as we try otherwise. For example, this time last year saw me in physical therapy for a shoulder injury, for which I had to give up weight lifting — which is just as well because by the end of the summer I had to go in for hernia surgery. Sometimes I suspect that I’m damaging myself with all this healthy exercise. Accordingly, I haven’t posted many HNTs as I have in previous years, but I’ll try to make up for it, especially since I’m actually in better shape than I was a few years ago.

Most of my blog referrals have come from the several major search engines, but not far behind has been Keyheld, the “Chastity Blog” aggregate that we started a few years ago. Right now, there are about 2 dozen blogs represented, and that number changes as we add and subtract blogs based on their activity level. Sad to say, many people get off to a great start, and then fall off the radar after a few months, a statistic which hasn’t changed much in the last decade. Femdom Resource has now claimed a top spot for referrers, and I urge people to check out Paltego’s daily picture and commentary. Chastity Forums is also near the top of this list, and I’m pleased to say that it has developed into a fantastic little community for people who are interested in the more vanilla aspects of introducing “enforced” chastity as a way to enhance their relationship.

Ironically, Keyheld, in addition to being my biggest referrer, is also my biggest out-click, and the revolving door is rounded out by the number of out-clicks to The Edgier Vanilla, and Chastity Forums.

One major change has been in the top named “celebrity” search that has brought people here. For the last four or five years, Marina Sirtis has been the single top name search that has brought people to this blog, and not without reason; the lovely, 57 year old Ms. Sirtis — or at least, pictures of her — have been featured a number of times over the years, and those articles also coincide with “curvy” and “mature.”

This past year, however, searches for Marina Sirtis have been eclipsed by searches for the younger, and admittedly much curvier plus-sized model London Andrews. This has come as a bit of a surprise to me; two years ago (back when I started  The Edgier Vanilla tumblr blog) I had never heard of her. Now, a significant number of my Tumblr reblogs feature London, and I’ve discovered about a half-dozen blogs dedicated to her. The really interesting thing is that she doesn’t seem to do kink or fetish modeling (like Bianca Beauchamp, one of my other favorites), but seems to specialize in erotic pictorials that show off her voluptuous curves in a sensual manner.

I expect that 2013 will see much of the same as this past year, although I’m hoping that our various work, family, and health issues will be lighter this year, which will allow us to be a little more frisky experiment a little more at the laboratory.


And for those of you who haven’t made it over to The Edgier Vanilla lately, here are a few pictures to help visually explain why London Andrews has become such a hot item.

London_Jeans_top