Equal Time

I’ve noticed a trend in the FLR and related blogs lately, from people who are irritated with that particular genre to which I’m going to refer as the “Clueless Subby Type”, or the CST. Picking on the CSTs that seem to populate the D/s forum communities may seem to be like shooting fish in a barrel, and frankly, I’m sure that we’ll return to this a few more times in the future. That being the case, and in the interests of “equal time”, I just wanted to share something that shows that the CSTs aren’t the only ones with issues.

Once in a while I fire up Yahoo Messenger to play with the online music, weather, stuff like that. My favorite time to do this is when I really should be working, but I’m feeling brain-dead and I need a charge. Late one recent afternoon the notice came up that someone was trying to IM me. Here’s a slightly edited transcript that you might find to be amusing. The speeling and; punctuation has been preserved, but other details have been changed to protect the guilty.

CDT: r u the tom that writes all that stuff on the group?
(This is not an unusual IM or email; I field a lot questions for people looking for help, tips, and support on chastity devices and orgasm denial.)

Me: WHich group?

CDT: the chastity gorup.

Me: THere’s a couple of dozen., Do you remember which one?
(I ask because I like to keep track of that, but it’s not really important)

CDT: the chastity group on Yahoo
(Duh! THere’s only about a dozen…)

Me: Yeah, that’s me. Need help with something?

CDT: u write a lot of good stuff.

(Okay, compliments on my writing. Good for a few points. )
Me: Thanks

CDT: r u in chastity now tom?

Me: Yes, I am.

CDT: how long have u been in chastity?

Me: ABout four or five weeks now.
(by now I’m starting to check his yahoo profile to make sure that it’s not some 14 year old.)

CDT: who is your kh?
(This is a typical abbreviation for Key Holder, partner or other person that holds the keys for a chastity device.)

Me: My wife. I’ve written about this.

CDT: ur married?
(Okay, now minus a few points. CDT has now committed the ultimate sin. Egotistical writers can manage to believe that you haven’t read their stuff, but we can’t forgive your completely forgetting what you did read. Now I start to get a teeny bit snarky.)

Me: Do the math.
(short pause)

CDT: u havent cum since 4 wks?

Me: No, I haven’t even been let out.

CDT: ur kh doesn’t let u out?
(Yup, I’m going to go from snarky to downright sarcastic in a minute.)

Me: No. If you’ve read my stuff, you might have seen that we like to go 24/7 for long terms.
(short pause)

CDT: my name is Don. whats urs?
(And this seems to check out with his profile, in which he appears to be a 40 yo gay male from the mid-west and into BDSM. )

Me: My name is Tom. You know, just like how I sign my posts and how it looks on the email.

CDT: I am a DOM.

Me: OK, cool

CDT: I like to be called SIR.

(Okay, I’m momentarily thrown for a loop. I had Don pegged as somebody who wanted advice on chastity devices, perhaps to use on his “boi“. I suspect that Don is collecting CSTs and expects me to play along. Since I’m not the clueless one here, I tack differently than he expects.)
Me: I found tht it happend when I got older. Maybe it’s the grey hair that does it.

(short pause)
CDT: ??? What?

Me: I get called “sir” a lot now that I’m older.
(Okay, that was too easy, but it was funny to me at the time.)

CDT: no tom, I am a DOM. People call me SIR DON.
(Yeah, sure. And notice his distinctive, if not particularly creative use of capital letters?)

Me: Do you want them to?

CDT: theyre supposed to. I am a DOM after all.
(I imagine that Don must now think I’m the crazy or clueless one. )

Me: Okay. cool. Is there something I can help you with?

CDT: yes…

(Don now asks some questions about – as I originally suspected – getting a chastity device for his “boi“. He asks about the difference between the CB2000 and the CB3000, to which I point him to the damn web pages. I recommend the 3k, mainly because it’s more passable under street clothing. I’m finally getting over my snarky fit, when he changes gears…)

CDT: which 1 do u wear?
(Okay this guy is just not paying attention. I’ve written about it for almost three years and have mentioned it to him several times in our IM.)

Me: Like I said, I’ve been using the CB3k for almost 3 years.

CDT: do u have a DOM?

Me: No

CDT: do u want me to be ur DOM?
(Major WTF moment here. I suddenly realize that I’ve wasted the last ten minutes.)

Me: You haven’t been paying attention, have you?
Me: My wife is my KH and we’re very happy with the arrangement.

CDT: ur not very respctful to me.

Me: What??

CDT: u don’t act like a sub.

(Oh damn. I’m now at a loss for words, but only because I can only think of four letter ones.)

CDT: don’t u know how subs are supposed to act?

Me: Why would that matter to me? I’m not in a D/s relationship, nor do I play publicly.

CDT: subs r supposed to be respectful to DOMS

Me: I don’t have a dom. I’m not a sub. kinda goes togehter, you know?

CDT: u wear a cb. u must be a sub.

Me: CDT, I’m not a sub. I’m not in D/s relationship. I capitalize my name. My wife even does the laundry.

CDT: then why do u wear a cb?

Me: CDT, have you actually been *reading* the stuff that I write, or were you just looking at the pictures?

(Short pause)

CDT: wear are ur pics?

(There is a thumping noise as my jaw drops open and hits the desk.)

Me: There are no pics.
Me: I wear a CB3k sometimes because it spices up our sex life. My wife likes it, and I like anything that makes her interested. Get it?

CDT: I thought cbs were only for subs.

(I’m in the middle of writing a nasty sentence when this next line comes in.)

CDT: maybe u don’t know if ur a sub.

Me: I think I’d know that. Look, my wife really likes when I wear one. I like her to be happy.

CDT: ur wife is ur DOMME?

(I’m starting to give up here. )
Me: I guess in a very general way, yes.

CDT: u have a DOMME so u must be a sub. is that why u wear a cb?

(And here I throw in the towel because I can’t take anymore.)
Me: I can’t think of a better reason, can you?

And so I logged off at this point, before he could get a chance to ask me why my wife allows me to use capital letters in my name.

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in BDSM, Communication, Humor, newbies. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Equal Time

  1. Richard says:

    I think he meant he was a DUM (not knowing how to spell DUMB).


  2. Tom Allen says:

    I’ve had several IM conversations that were similar, but this one in particular was – excuse the expression – the “tops”.


  3. subje says:

    You are a very patient man
    My respect!


  4. Kara says:

    Seriously, Tom, you have the patience of a saint. I found myself rolling my eyes at the questions this so-called “Dominant” was asking. I think many new or wannabe Dominants forget or have no idea that submissive does not mean doormat and we do not call every Tom, Dick or Harry “Sir” Anyway, I won’t get into all that – I recently stumbled onto your blog, and I look forward to reading your entries.. past, present and future ones.

    Take care.


  5. Tom Allen says:

    Kara, I once read a great quote:
    “If I don’t seem submissive to you, it’s because I’m not submissive – to you!

    But to be fair, there are any number of Clueless Subbie Types out there who will happily lay down at the feet of anyone who acts a bit dommish.

    Thanks for commenting. I checked out your blog, but I noticed that it’s protected. Hint, hint…


  6. Cat says:

    I swear I have to say OMG one more time. What an idiot. I would love to see who calls him Sir anything. And I have to agree you do have a lot of patience I would have been done when I realized not only did he not know how to spell but he didn’t remember what I had written!


  7. Pingback: More questions than answers… | Steeled Snake

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