Mixed Feelings

I have mixed feelings upon discovering the events that unfolded over at Susan’s blog during the last two days.





Okay, sure… Susan is over her admittedly over-reaction; but that’s not the point. She’s a new blogger, perhaps a bit excited over the new Comments feature, happily posting away with the little birds of praise twittering in the background. Life, that is, the blogging life, to Susan is good: a loving husband, an enjoyable family, pleasant times, and she does what bloggers do – writes about the things on her mind, not all of which happen to deal with BDSM or even with sex.

Then the jackass brayed.

“i wuz lukin 4 bsdm sexx. u suk. were is it? u suk. i doont care abot buttrflyz. u suk. if my mom didnt need teh cumputer now id riite more abot how u suk.”

And here’s where I felt anger and disgust. I simply do not understand why some people believe that the anonymity of the Internet gives them rein to act in ways that would, in the “real world,” cause them to be ostracized, and perhaps nursing a lump on their head in the process. How miserable does your own life have to be, how small minded are you, and how insecure in your personhood do you have to be in order to act in such a way?

More to the point, what is it about the sex blogs, forums, and other groups that seems to attract the most loutish of you? Have you no other outlet for sexual expression than a lopsided keyboard and a handful of petrolatum?

So Susan, having learned to appreciate the wine and not wanting to sully her vineyard with the dregs, turned off the Comment feature.

And that’s a disappointment.

Blogging can be about self-expression, but how much better to express one’s self in a community which encourages such expression? In which one can be introspective, but to also to explore ideas. To trade, as it were, thoughts and tips about the wine with our neighbors.

Susan has added something little seen in this area of the blog world.

A sparkling sense of humor.

In an area in which so many of us take our kink so damn seriously, Susan set up shop with the admission that this is not a full-time endeavor for her. Whereas so many of us have a dozen references to “O/our J/journey I/into D/s” (and for some of us it’s a dozen a week), it’s pleasantly refreshing to see that some people aren’t making a lifestyle commitment to anything except having a little enjoyable sexual exploration.

You know. Fun.

And yes, I see that she’s turned the Comments back on after a couple of days of mood swings, tears, introspection , and (an assumption based on my experience) probably some wine and a bit of chocolate.

But something that she wrote sticks in my mind, and herein lies the seeds of my discouragement:

“I simply wandered into a community/lifestyle where I did not belong.”

How sad that Susan – witty, charming, funny, sensuous, and thoughtful – believes that it is she who doesn’t belong in this community.

If not her, then who?

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in Communication, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Mixed Feelings

  1. junohenry says:

    Did no one mention the whole “comment moderation” thing to her?

    I’m asking in all innocence. You make extremely valid points in your post, but this seems to me to be the most sensible, if not automatic knee-jerk, response.

    The world is, unfortunately, full of weirdos. Especially the blogworld. This pre-pubescent delinquent (“if my mom didn’t need the computer”?? Good lord!) obviously doesn’t have the sense he was born with.

    Such an unnecessary pity that someone as happy and apparently well-adjusted as Susan should let someone so pathetic get the better of her.

    Just my 2 centsworth.

    Juno x

  2. Tom Allen says:

    JH, after I’d heard about this, it occured to me that I’d completely forgotten about the “comment moderation” option. But that probably wouldn’t have made Susan feel any less upset.

    Susan seems to, however, be coming to terms with her meteoric rise in fame and popularity. I think that she was just suddenly and unpleasantly surprised by the remark.

  3. Hello Tom:

    I’ve been quitely reading your blog for a while now, having been impressed by your always sensitive and insightful comments over at Richard’s blog (downonmyknees.com) So, I’m finally jumping in to say this about that:

    There abounds in this Virtual-Kink-Skape a certain element which would destroy anything, anyone, any-blog it could get its grimy little hands into. But we, as bloggers/internet personalities (more real, more brave, more pure just by being here, in the line of fire, don’t ya know?) must do what should be done and just keep on trucking.

    Which would be to delete and/or block at will. Because it is our will…this ain’t no democracy. Fuck the scum…they are pathetic and sad. I have no room for them in MY world. And neither should Susan. Nor any of us.

    It’s good to be a Bitch…in a good way, of course. (wink)


  4. Tom Allen says:

    Angela, I’ve been a fan of yours for a while, having been “introduced” to you via Richard.

    Can I give you another joke for your Zen-Fetish Humor page?

    The Dalai Lama is visiting New York, and stops at a hot dog cart. “Make me one with everything,” he tells the vendor.

    The vendor says nothing, but simply makes the hot dog and hands it to the Dalai Lama, who then gives the vendor a $20 bill. The vendor pockets the bill and turns away.

    “Excuse me,” says the Dalai Lama, “but I gave you a twenty. Where is my change?”

    “Surely Your Holiness knows,” replies the vendor, “that change comes from within.”

    Okay, I won’t give up my day job.

    I agree with those that would simply delete the comments. I think that I’m reacting because I would really hate to see Susan fold up shop a la Candace. There are any number of blogs about kink or BDSM, but most are written by people who are very committed to a lifestyle. Frankly, there are very few by people who are newbies or dabblers and who are interested in simply exchanging a few ideas in a safe, sane environment.

    Candace was a writer that my wife – had she had a chance to read more of her – would have felt comfortable with. I think that she might enjoy reading Susan as well, and it would be a sad thing were Susan to likewise take down her blog as a reaction to some uncouth Philistine.

    Oh, and thanks for commenting.

  5. Pingback: ZenFetish » Blog Archive » On the Edge of Kink

  6. Janon says:

    That is a truly hilarious joke!

  7. Tom Allen says:

    That is a truly hilarious joke!

    I thought it was cute, and it tied into one she’d already had.

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