Self Enclosure

One of the reasons that I started a blog was to give me a certain sense of enclosure. Not “closure” – the sense of ending things in a way to have some peaceful resolution, but “enclosure” – the act of bringing the various far-flung aspects of one’s personality together for more integral functioning. In short, to not have a bazillion little secrets parts, all “compartmentalized” so that nobody gets to know the “real me.” I have written on a number of different subjects on a number of different venues that never seem to cross. After several false starts, it was my intention that I’d have a blog that encompasses those various aspects.

Of such things is the road to Hell paved.

I mention this because I’ve been checking my blog stats. Yes, I have an ego, and when I realized that people were actually reading this blog I started checking the stats a couple of times a day. Want to know something interesting? A very large proportion of people coming to this site do so because they are searching for “orgasm denial” or “chastity” or something similar. Very large. And except for a few posts that I dragged over from my old blog, I haven’t really discussed chastity in general or chastity devices at all. At least, not here.

And that’s part of my point; I get emails from people all the time, looking for advice on picking out a device (technical stuff is easy) or how to get their partner (usually, but not always female) to go along with it (relationship stuff is not as easy). And in addition to the emails I still post regularly in several different online groups, some of which even seem to appreciate what I have to say. But I never mention chastity or orgasm denial in some of the groups, nor do I let loose with my trademark wit (okay, my bad puns and double entendres) in others. As Samuel Clemens would have said, “Never the Twain shall meet.”

So here’s an interesting tidbit of self-discovery: Even in the relative anonymity of my little corner of the blog world, I’m embarrassed to admit to having a kink. How stupid is that, anyway? What’s even stupider is that I can’t even describe why I’m embarrassed. No, wait – yes, I can. It’s embarrassing to me because when I try to step back to look at it objectively, it seems like a weird kink to have. I mean, who the hell writes about sex but has a kink which revolves around not having it? On top of that, it involves equipment, which makes it somehow weirder on the kink scale (you know about the kink scale, right? The more equipment involved, then the weirder it must be, because it becomes less “natural”).

So, there it is. In the near – the very near – future I’m going to out myself with regard to my kinks. It’s not for your benefit, but for mine. In fact, let’s consider this to be an early New Year’s resolution – I want to bring all those far-flung aspects of me into one enclosure.


If you found this interesting, you might also be interested in some of my other real-life experiences which are listed in the True Tales page.

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in CB3000, chastity, coming out, kink, orgasm denial, True Tales. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Self Enclosure

  1. 2amsomewhere says:

    Not “closure” – the sense of ending things in a way to have some peaceful resolution, but “enclosure” – the act of bringing the various far-flung aspects of one’s personality together for more integral functioning. In short, to not have a bazillion little secrets parts, all “compartmentalized” so that nobody gets to know the “real me.”

    Interesting use of the word “enclosure” in this context. I’ve seen similar ideas mentioned in reading I’ve done over the past four months or so. A similar concept is introduced in No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. He uses the term “integration” as an antonym to “compartmentalization”, defining it as meaning that one is comfortable with all aspects of his or her character, even the dark side.

  2. Tom Allen says:

    I sort of made up that usage because I was looking for something to describe what I wanted. “Enclosure” seemed to fit alongside the pop-psych words of “disclosure” and “closure”.

    And part of this was inspired by Cat who keeps writing about all these little areas of her life that she keeps seperate. I’d been doing that for years, and a therapist pointed out how much energy it probaby took for me to do that – and he was right. It takes a lot of energy to shift gears, as it were, from one area of your life into another. When you start adding things that are already difficult to deal with (in my case, kink and sexuality differences) then you need to ask yourself if you couldn’t be doing things that are easier on your psyche.

    I haven’t read the NMMNG, but I checked it out via your blog, and I saw the message board. I agree that “integration” is a good word to describe this, and it also ties in with “integrity”. As well it should.

    Becoming comfortable with one’s “dark side” is a theme in much of our great literature, and with good reason. It’s a struggle just to admit to ourselves that there is a dark side, a facet that we don’t like. Going about to either accept or change that facet is what helps to shape our personalities.

  3. Richard says:

    What is weird about the chastity kink is that it appears to be one of the most common. Equipment fetish? A severe one since I can look at kitchen stuff on Amazon without thinking of what could be done with those spatula sets. But as you note: I’m past the edge 🙂

    Looking forward to learning more about Dark Tom.

  4. Sagittaria says:

    Bravo. It’s a bold move but sounds like the right thing to do.

  5. Cat says:

    I must admit that for me the interest is not what your kink is but how you integrate it and handle it along with your daily life. I find that the most interesting, the struggle to integrate it all into one whole.

  6. Tom Allen says:

    R – I think that the chastity fetish is becoming popular, partly because it’s fairly innocuous, and partly because the cost of the equipment involved has plummeted in price since the mass production of the CBxxxx styles. Yes, $200 sounds pricey, but compared to the $800 – $1500 models, it’s a veritable bargain.

    Sagi – this is interesting: I have been posting to SSG for *mumbletymumble* years, but I often do not feel comfortable describing some of my innermost desires. Why? I think it’s because despite the very intesne discussions that we have, SSG is essentially a very “vanilla” group. I should *not* let that color my own actions, yet I have for some time now.

    Cat – that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Bringing all of those aspects around, to integrate them so as to not burn up all that emotional and psychic energy. And I apologize to you, personally, because I often rag on you for doing that yourself. I guess I’ve seen how it’s not healthy for me and I hate to see you going through the same kind of thing.

  7. Cat says:

    No apologies necessary it is the fact that you have “been there done that” or “are there trying to change that” which makes your comments all the more insightful and helpful.

  8. Sagittaria says:

    I’m not especially kinky myself, but I can relate because even though I’m using a pseudonym and am completely anonymous, I still hold back from posting some of my most personal thoughts and feelings for public consumption. Whether because it wouldn’t fit the image I’ve created, I don’t know.

    SSG is more kinky than you give it credit for … I remember discussions on electrical play and things like that … but not lately, no one seems to want to bring it up. You could be a trendsetter.

  9. Pingback: The Edge of Vanilla A Different “Self Enclosure” «

  10. imparare says:

    Interesting comments.. 😀

  11. Pingback: Disclosure on Enclosure | First World BDSM Problems

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