A Different “Self Enclosure”

In addition to doing some blog housekeeping, I’ve been looking over some statistics for The Edge of Vanilla. WordPress includes some built-in tools to allow one to see the search terms that people use to find me. Blogger does not, but some of the hit counters have the software that do the same thing. I see that a number of readers – typically between 200 and 300 per day – hit my WordPress blog, and about half of that still seem to find my old Blogger blog.

The stats that I see show something interesting. A few people check via the feed. Perhaps 2/3 seem to click in from their own links, or from the links of others. The rest find me through Google and Yahoo, with a little bit of MSN, and some other search engines.

What are they searching for when they find me? I’ve compiled a list in Excel and sorted it. Here’s a sample of what people have been searching on for the few weeks:

SEARCH ENGINE TERMS
benefits of keeping your man in chastity vanilla
blog “”on the edge of vanilla””
blog sub cuckold
Butt plug dildo
Butt plug inflatable chastity
cb-3000
cb3000 blog
cb3000 chastity review
cb3000 experiences
cb3000 sex slave
cb3000 stories
cb3000 strap
cb3000 wife
Chastity anal plug
chastity denial blog
chastity device
Chastity fetish
chastity lick her
chastity orgasm control
chastity review vanilla
Chastity strap on
cock chaste
college girls tease and deny slaveboy
cuckold forum
cuckolds feeling emotional
Cum denial tease
discussion forum teasing denial shaft
domme chastity
domming him
edge of vanilla blog
edge of vanilla chastity blog
embarrassment “”orgasm denial”” erection
expanding pumping butt inflating
fantasy women tattoo (meez)
female chastity blog
female led marriages
female women dominant verbal blog
femdom chastity belted husbands
Femdom Female Led Relationship obedient
femdom groups
Femdomme lifestyle
Frenulum Ladder picture
frenum chain
frenum chastity
getting your wife to pleasure herself
goddess chastity cock slave -video
grasp balls femdom
how to convince wife to use strapon
how to tell wife
i like pina coladas, long walks in rain
i want a frenum piercing
if you like pina colada satire
incompatible partners
inflatable plug femdom
introducing spanking vanilla
long term butt plug wearing
Long term chastity denial
loving female authority
male chasity resources
male chastity
Male chastity blog
male chastity+wife led relationship
male orgasm denial, larger load
marriage cuckold denial
marriage husband chastity
men learning to sleep wearing chastity
Mistress kink chastity fetish
Orgasm control
Others attitudes or something else
Pina colada parody
punishment tight clothes vibrating plug
secret chastity ideas for men tease
sexual control kinks relationships
slave +tattoo +collar +steel +chastity
Strap on harness + male chastity
T&D femdom
Tantric chastity denial
tantric tease denial tied
Tease and denial orgasm control
tease deny punish humiliate
Telling wife bdsm
tips on wearing cb3000
tom allen bdsm blog
tom allen chastity blog
tom chastity blog
using strap on with chastity
vanilla edge blog
vanilla edge wordpress
vanilla guide to femdom
vanillaedge.wordpress.com
what to do if you wife is sexually incompatible
Wife bdsm kink fetish
wife chastity femdom
wife led chastity
wife led marriage
wife led marriage + spanking
wife of fetishist
wife won’t kink
woman’s guide to male chastity
yahoo groups cb3000

And just for the hell of it, here’s a list of the keywords and how many times they have been used:

KEYWORD —– USES
CB3000 —– 10
Denial —— 12
Orgasm —– 5
Wife —– 14
Kink—– 4
Fetish—– 4
Butt —– 4
Plug —– 6
Vanilla —– 9
Dom —– 12
Strapon —– 5
Garden Shed —– 0

I’m beginning to see a pattern here.

On WordPress, I’m the top-listed blog for Orgasm Denial, Chastity, and CB-3000. In some ways, this surprises me because I rarely seem to write on those topics. In fact, except for a few of my Friday Fantasies and some posts back in the early days of my blog, I don’t remember writing about any of that stuff. So, why the search engine hits? My suspicion is that in the small sub-community of chastity and OD aficionados, there simply isn’t all that much material out there in the first place. I’m a medium sized fish in a tiny pond.

But there’s another side to this. I actually have written quite a bit on the OD kink in other venues, including the Comment areas in various other blogs. I’m a fairly well-known presence in several other web groups, and it’s not unusual for people to email me privately to ask for advice on the subject.

So why don’t I write about the subject here?

Because, truth be told, I’m a little bit embarrassed.

Yeah, yeah, I know that this is The Edge of Vanilla. Edge. A lot of connotations for that word, including the idea of having an avant garde or aggressive quality. Edge, Edgier, Edgiest.

But I’m still a regular old guy behind this keyboard, and that means that I have my own set of insecurities and fears. And while it’s no secret that I’m kinky in general, I still have a difficult time discussing my kinks in specific. I still have a hard time with the submissive or bottoming concept. I still wrestle mentally and emotionally with the “being manly” thing. And despite all the stuff I’ve written over the years on chastity and OD, I still have some little issues with that, as well. For example, despite the fact that my wife and I play with chastity and OD, and desptie the fact that she enjoys the play as much as I do, the concept still bounces off that little primitive part of my brain that tells me that as a man, I’m supposed to try to get as many orgasms as possible; my enjoyment of not being allowed to orgasm must mean that there’s something wrong with me. Right?

More to the point, though, is that this ties in with my posts on Self-Enclosure a while back. Not only am I embarrassed to discuss my kinks, I’m embarrassed to discuss them from the relative anonymity of sitting behind my keyboard. Why? Because I don’t want you, my two or three hundred (mostly) anonymous readers to think that I’m weird. Now, how insecure is that?

Anyway, I’m going to work on this. Not for your benefit, but for my own.


If you found this interesting, you might also be interested in some of my other real-life experiences which are listed in the True Tales page.

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in BDSM, Blogging, Bondage, CB3000, chastity, D/s, Disclosure, Dominance, femdom, Fetish, kink, male chastity, orgasm control, orgasm denial, Strap-on, True Tales. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to A Different “Self Enclosure”

  1. chaos says:

    I think anytime you decide to explore an area of your life it is a good thing. Growth is good thing in any self exploration and if your happy with your kink and it doesn’t hurt anyone then no harm no foul. Don’t be embarrassed because of your kink or anyone’s reaction to it, I have found that most men do not intrigue me because their reaction is the same across the board. Give me a man who has a reaction I’m not expecting and he has my attention.

  2. womanforlife says:

    I can very much relate to the “don’t want you to think I’m weird”… it’s at the centre of why I very nearly hit “delete blog” last night. But it’s me, it’s part of who I am – and if people think I’m weird, then so be it. (Yeah, trying really hard to convince myself 🙂 )

    Your blog has given me an insight into things I know very little about, and some I didn’t know anything about. For that I thank you!

  3. Cat says:

    I think it’s interesting that in the beginning we feel the freedom to show things about ourselves we may not show as easily in RL. But after awhile we form relationships with our fellow bloggers and begin to retreat and put up the same walls. I think about deleting my blog all the time. I don’t want my interest in BSDM to pigeon hole me. I don’t want you guys to think I am weird either. But I am sure it is even more taboo for a man to admit to enjoying submission. I will admit part of the appeal of your writing is it’s from a male perspective.

  4. Richard says:

    Those external links can really skew search engines perceptions of your blog. One of my site gets lots of hits for a topic it barely touches on. But the site’s strongest inbound links focus heavily on that theme.

    I’m surprised by the reason you gave for not writing about chastity more. I’d assumed it was just a matter of mood. And also staying on the “edge.”

  5. Becker says:

    Just thought I’d give you a heads up.

    WordPress have released a 4 col theme if you want to take a look the uri is

    http://wordpress.com/blog/2007/02/25/new-theme-fjords/

  6. kimba says:

    Heya.. I am with Cat (except for the bit about being pigeon holed by bdsm.. not in peril of that happening yet).
    Tom obviously there are so many other people in the community that relate to your kinks and insecurities.. As readers do with the most internal and personal stuff I write from time to time.. The anonymity of blogging allows for a candid dialogue about what we are thinking at any one time about an issue or a situation.

    Blogging only shows a facet of our personalities though.. Three dimensionally I am not a relationship obsessed fuck up.. just as you don’t live your sexual self 24/7.. I think all readers/bloggers get that..

    Just for the record… one of my most ‘googled’ topics is ‘fucking sheeps legs in boots’

    Once.. no actually twice.. someone has written in my comments about sheep fucking.. and now google has made me famous for it..

  7. Suzy says:

    Tom, this post made me so sad. Your awkwardness and embarrassment about sharing your kinks makes you more human. With your talent as a writer, you could have easily come onto the blog scene and declared yourself the Uber Submissive to lots of accolades from the true believers.

    Instead your honestly and “realness” have helped other people become more comfortable with moving past the “edge of vanilla.”

    As for feeling less “manly” about your submissive nature, nothing could be farther from the truth. I’ve read your entire bog. You have explored your sexuality and taken an active role in trying to determine how it fits into your relationship. I know that can be a difficult journey. Some men simply decide their needs are paramount and pursue them without any regard of the cost to others.

    What always impressed me about your writing is that however strong your kink/sexual desires may be, they never seem to supercede your desire to be a good husband, a loving father and a decent man.

    There is no greater testament to masculinity than that.

  8. Cat says:

    Suzy I couldn’t have said it any better…

  9. Russ says:

    Now you make me jealous, my best search term is hippies.

    Yes, hippies.

    Ugh.

  10. joeflirt says:

    I could have written this post (well with different terminilogies and kinks… you get the idea). And as a matter of fact, I think I have.

    Cat says it quite well, how we develop these “friendships” through blogs and we garner the same concerns about how others feel about us, and we wind up putting up the same walls.

    No, don’t have an answer, but just thought I’d share that you are not alone in this sort of quandry.

  11. gaynchaste says:

    My only issue is with you feeling “wierd”, and implying a negative connotation to that word.

    In this blog, at least, your wierdness is a badge of honor. Think about the number of folks following this tiny segment of your life, wishing for your bravery…

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