Sex News You Can Use

Bitchy, did you have anything to do with this? I’m only asking, ‘cos, you know, it wouldn’t surprise me.

Man needs fire department to cut lock off of penis.

A Kent man had to be freed by firemen after getting his penis stuck in a padlock.

The man, in his 50s, turned up at his local fire station in Margate after a sex game went wrong. He was sent off to hospital, but medics could do nothing. So he returned to the fire station.

The key hole had been superglued so firemen had to use hydraulic cutters to release him.

He was eventually freed after two-and-a-half eye-watering hours. A pal told The Sun: “God knows what he was up to – but he won’t be trying it again in a hurry.”

Superglue in the keyhole, eh? “Sex game gone wrong”? Yeah, good one. I’ll have to remember that excuse.

Also in the news:

In another “sex game gone wrong,” a couple chains themselves together and then lose the key.

It would be too much to expect that there is any relation between these two items, right?

And I don’t know how I missed this bit:

A sex toy that connects to a vacuum cleaner to give an orgasm in just ten seconds.

10 Seconds? Wow, that doesn’t suck sounds like a bad pun waiting to happen.

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in chastity, Humor, male chastity, News, orgasm control, orgasm denial, Sex games. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Sex News You Can Use

  1. bitchyjones says:

    *whistles innocently*

  2. Eileen says:

    See, this is why I have compulsive little panic moments every time I lock May up. Because even if I know I have a spare key on my keychain and another in the keysafe and another somewhere in the bowels of my jewelry box, I can just see the news articles rolling.
    Although I suppose it’d be a fabulous thing to keep in my scrapbook.

  3. maymay says:

    That is fucking HILARIOUS! God, I love how sex is just so freakin’ funny. 🙂

  4. Gillette says:

    What a great story…not fun for the person, but thank heavens there are those in the world who will eternally do silly stuff for rest of us to have our entertainment for the day.

  5. Tom Allen says:

    As WC Fields once said: “No man is totally useless; he can always serve as a bad example.”

  6. M.T. says:

    I once took my now-boyfriend to an urgent care clinic to get a 3rd degree burn on his testicles looked at. Fortunately I had nothing to do with creating the burn in the first place. (I couldn’t resist pointing this out to the male nurse who I’d seen come out moments earlier shaking his head violently.) Stupid shock collar. Stupid other dom.

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