Life imitates bad joke

There is an old joke that almost always makes me laugh when I remember it:

Jerry suffered from terrible headaches all of his adult life. No docotr seemed to be able to help him He finally went to a new specialist in town. After a thorough examination, the specialist turned to him and said “Jerry the good new is I can cure your headaches. The bad news, however, is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, which in turn creates these serious headaches you’ve been experiencing. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Jerry was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn’t concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to have the op.

When he eventually left hospital, he was pleasantly surprised at how good it felt not to have a headache for the first time in 20 years.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a fresh start & live a new life. Seeing a mens clothing store, he thought a new suit would be the perfect thing to mark this new beginning.

He entered the shop and told the salesman “I’d like a new suit please”

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said “Lets see…size 44 long?”

“Thats right, how did you know?” said Jerry laughing

“I’ve been in the business 60 years!” replied the tailor

Jerry tried on the suit, which fitted like a glove.

As he admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked “How about a new shirt as well?” He looked at Jerry again and said “34 sleeve and 16 1/2 neck?”

Once again Jerry was surprised…”Thats right, how did you know?”

“Like I said…60 years in the business!”

He tried on the new shirt, a perfect fit. As he adjusted the collar, the salesman asked “How about new shoes?”

Jerry was enjoying this experience, so thought, why not?

So the salesman eyed Jerry’s feet…”Lets see…size 9 1/2 wide?”

Again Jerry was amazed “How did you know?”

“Well young fella, I’ve been in the business long enough to know these things!”

Jerry tried on the shoes and found they fitted perfectly. As he strolled around the shop the salesman asked “So that only leaves the new underwear…how about it?”

Jerry agreed, to carry on….a complete new me, he thought.

The salesman stepped back, eyed Jerry’s waist & said “Let’s see….size 36?”

“Ah ha! Wrong there, I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old!”

The salesman shook his head, “There’s no way I’m ever wrong, you can’t wear a size 34”

“Oh yes I can” replied Jerry, “and have been most of my life!”

“I don’t understand”, said the tailor, “By my reckoning, a size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”

Heh heh…

Anyway, what recalled this joke to mind was a news article that I ran across this evening. In a bad case of life imitating art…

Testicle Surgery Mystifies Police


ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) – When conventional medical professionals refused to remove a 62-year-old local man’s testicles, police said he turned to mysterious “professionals” to relieve what he called chronic pain.

Now police want to find the fly-by-night surgeons.

“I have never in my life seen anything quite like that,” said St. Paul police spokesman Tom Walsh.

According to a search warrant affidavit filed Monday, the man complained of chronic pain and turned to conventional medical personnel to remove his testicles.

When they refused, the 62-year-old man said he hired other “professionals” to do the surgery. He would not tell officers who they were, saying he didn’t want to get them into trouble.

Police said a couple of weeks ago, two or three people operated on the man in his home. He was unconscious. When he woke up, his testicles were gone. So were his “professionals.”

His groin area was bleeding heavily, so he called his daughter. She called for help.

Police found an improvised operating room in the man’s house, with bright lights, an apparent operating table, a camera and various medical supplies and equipment. There was also blood in several rooms of the house.

(Ref: My Way News)

Chronic pain that requires a removal of your testicles? What’s that about? Anybody? Anybody?


About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
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5 Responses to Life imitates bad joke

  1. nigel says:

    Sorry Tom,

    Got me baffled! Maybe it is a cultural thing?


  2. Kate says:

    I actually know someone who was looking to have this done…this wouldn’t be west coast, would it?


  3. Tom Allen says:

    No, the article is from the St. Paul Minnesota area.

    Why would someone be looking to have this done? Ah… I know that there is a eunuch/castration “community” of sorts; perhaps this man only claimed to have chronic pain, and in fact simply wished to be castrated?


  4. Arafinwe says:

    Years ago I read about a medical student who tried to give himself an appendectomy whilst laying on his back under a mirror fixed to the ceiling. He attempted to balance the anesthetic, pain, and enough alertness to carry out the task, but nearly passed out and called an ambulance, the crew of which saved his life. As I said, this was many years ago. I guess the guy is still alive and thinks he lacks the balls to do it again.


  5. Tom Allen says:

    Why, did he do a self-castration, too?

    I also read that story some years ago. Amazing.


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