Bitchy Jones being, well, Bitchy Jones, is ranting about something (yes, really) on which she’s touched on in the past: Submissive men who are too worried about being properly subby to be sexy. She touches briefly on a quiz that she ran into on Ms Rika’s website, which outlines some of stereotyped ways for men to demonstrate their submissiveness, especially to women partners who aren’t totally with the program.
Now, I know that Beej is all about the hot, down’n’dirty, sweaty, panting, heaving, muscular, stubbly, lust-driven sexy-sex part of submission. You know, the manly, macho submissive thing. I’m down with that, really. I’ll dig trenches, climb mountains, and row across rivers.
Yeah, I know that the really macho guys would swim, but I’m not a good swimmer. Besides, the rowing would be good for my abs.
I happen to like the Ms. Rika site; it’s not a “You worthless, pathetic worm!”kind of domination, nor is the site overrun with R/rules for P/proper C/capitalization. It strikes me as the kind of site that (mostly) vanilla guys frequent when they’re looking for ideas to
trick finagle gently suggest domination to their (very) vanilla partners. I realize that this smacks of “stealth submission” but maybe we need to revisit that concept.
Here are the questions on The Sub Utility Quotient found on Ms. Rika’s pages:
Score: 2 points for tasks done regularly, 1 point for task not desired or not applicable, and 0 points for tasks not done regularly.
1. Cook all meals and clean up afterwards.
2. Prepare a weekly menu and review it with your partner
3. Do the shopping for the food, track food usage, and keep the
4. Clean the bathrooms (with brushes and cleanser, not your tongue)
5. Make the beds (including the pillows).
6. Do the laundry, iron, fold and put away.
7. Dust and vacuum and yes, do the windows too 🙂
8. Put out potpourris, candles, or oils with her favorite scents so that the house is always fragrant.
9. Feed, bathe, and groom the pets.
10. Take the children to school (or bring them to the bus stop).
11. Do home repairs within your capabilities.
12. Take the garbage pails to the curb on garbage nights.
13. Clean the pails after the garbage has been collected.
14. Package the recycling, wrap the newspapers and bring them to the curb on recycling days.
15. Prepare the monthly bills and payments for review and prepare all checks for the domme’s signature.
16. Mow, edge, and trim the yard regularly.
17. Take care of the garden beds and trim the trees.
18. Make certain the lawn and flower beds are watered regularly.
19. Care for the pool and spa.
20. Keep the patio, drive, and garage swept and clean,
21. Remove the leaves from the gutters.
**(these items may be marked as 2 points each if the work is done by a lawn service AND the sub manages the relationship (i.e., payment, negotiations, appointment management, etc)
22. Bring late night snacks while his partner watches TV.
23. Give up the remote! LOL!
24. Go on the Internet and research the Dish schedule (or TV Guide) and print out items which are of interest to the domme.
25. Get on the Internet and read the papers and her magazines to create the equivalent of an executive clipping service… articles of interest with key points highlighted.
26. Take down her bed (including the pillows).
27. Sit on the toilet seat before she needs to go in (in the winter it gets kind of cold).
28. Take her cell phone from her bag and put it on the charger (and then put it back in her bag, turned on, in the morning).
29. Draw the blinds and shades (and open them in the morning).
30. Put toothpaste on her toothbrush.
31. Fill her glass with water.
32. Bring her slippers.
33. Brush her hair.
34. Lay out the clothes she selects and press as appropriate.
35. Light scented candles, and put them out after she is asleep.
36. MASSAGE her back until she falls asleep (every night) 🙂 🙂 🙂
In the Car:
37. Keep a pager or cell phone so you can be called to pick her up at a moments notice.
38. Ask her if she’d prefer to drive!
39. If not, drive her wherever she needs to go and wait for her to
40. Arrive at the front of the building within 10 seconds of her first step outside the door, 5 if the weather is not good. Keep an umbrella handy and escort her to the car if it’s raining.
41. Keep her favorite magazines and CDs in the car.
42. Never, ever criticize her driving or suggest a “quicker way” (unless she requests it).
43. Wash the car regularly inside and out.
44. Preheat and de-ice the car on cold mornings.
Around the House:
45. Pee sitting down so that the toilet seat is never up and you don’t
46. Prepare her bath (and the kid’s baths, if appropriate) and run the water until it’s warm for her showers.
47. Paint her toenails.
48. Pick up her shoes from the front hallway and carry them to her closet, inspect them and polish them as need be (with real polish, not saliva).
49. Keep her favorite magazines, books and CD’s ready in her favorite sitting areas.
50. Answer the phone and make phone calls for her (such as ordering items she’s marked in a catalogue).
How’d you do?
Okay, some of it’s a bit “nancy boy,” no question about it. Mrs. Edge would, fearing brain damage, rush me to the hospital if she saw me refilling the potpourri. If she found some of her favorite music in my car, she’d assume that I was turning gay. No friggin’ way will I lay out her clothes, either – I already have enough problems trying to answer the “Does this skirt make my butt look big?” questions. And if I make the bed with her still in it one more time, I’m going to be in serious trouble.
I’ve tried doing her flower beds around the house. The end result of that was needing to replace 3/4 of the foundation plantings. Hey, it’s not my fault that so many “decorative” plants look just like weeds, and vice versa.
But this “quiz” raises another issue. How much of this is simply something that we do for our partners, not as a “submissive” act, but simply out of consideration for someone that we love? Running down this list, I do quite a bit of these things – more successfully than I am at weeding, I might add.
I always warm up and scrape off Mrs. Edge’s car in the winter. I’ve even been known to leave work early and swing by her place to scrape off her car before she leaves the office. Okay, I’ve only been known to do it a half dozen times, but still…
We switch driving, I usually clean the bathrooms, and we split other chores. I tend to do more cooking, and she tends to do more laundry (admittedly my laundry skills are only marginally better than my gardening skills). She gets the kids off for school, but that’s because I leave earlier. And as we have an auxiliary hot water heater installed under the bathroom, she’s got hot water in five seconds. I don’t polish her nails because she and the Edgelette trade this on their occasional “girl’s night.” Or they go down the street to have them done. Mrs. Edge controls the TV remote, but that’s because I don’t watch tv, especially when I could be blogging. I do take her cell phone and charge it, but that’s because I’m somehow the head of IT at the Edge household, and cell phones and PDAs fall under my umbrella.
And speaking of umbrellas, I usually have two in my car, and I usually drive her up to the entrance of a store and drop her off in the rain. I don’t put toothpaste on her toothbrush – sorry, that’s just weird. And we don’t do the late night snack thing because we’re both doing some serious training, but I do get her a glass of water when I’m heading in that direction, and will make her coffee if she asks.
Oh, and for cryin’ out loud, is it that difficult to lift the friggin’ toilet seat?
The point here is that except for a handful of items, these are mostly things that we already do for each other, simply because doing nice things for each other is one of the lubricants of a good relationship. Certainly, the list of things that Mrs. Edge does for me is at least this long, and overlaps in some areas. I don’t bring the laundry basket up the stairs because it’s some kind of “stealth submission” and certainly she doesn’t wash my socks because she, herself, is a secret submissive.
Look, we could all poke fun at some of the items on this list. Potpourri? Nightly back massages? Running a bath? We all have our little likes and dislikes and habits that, taken outside of the context of our relationship would look odd. And notice that this list had nothing about chastity devices, orgasm denial, lingerie, dressing up in sissy maid clothes, or finding other male partners. Hell, it didn’t mention anything about plain, old vanilla sex. Lists like this are not outlines for submissive behavior, they are outlines for (what our society considers to be) romantic behavior.
That said, I want to also point out that the reason we see so many lists like this is because there are apparently quite a few guys out there who, for whatever reasons, seem to stop “dating” their partners. They stop opening doors, and bringing thoughtful gifts (which could be flowers or vibrators, so let’s not judge), and showing some of the consideration that they exhibited when the relationship was new. These lists, I think, serve as reminders to men who are clueless as to why they are getting less sexual attention. And to those who forget that a D/s relationship is not all about the D/s; it’s also about the relationship.