I’m writing this because at the moment, I feel thankful.

As I write this entry I’m about to pass the 200,000th 201,000th hit on this, the WordPress version of The Edge of Vanilla. It has been 14 months since I’ve moved over here, and now this blog now generates between 750 and 1,000 hits per day, which exceeds what I used to get in a week back when I first started. While I’m not surprised that I get a lot of hits for the erotica and the hot chastity porn, I’m always amazed – pleasantly, of course – that I continue to get people who seem to want to read about the mundane details of my life, my take on sex-related news reports, or some of my rants about modern culture. No less amazed is my wife who keeps asking just who the hell is reading this, anyway. The other day she came to the conclusion that there must simply be a lot more perverts than she had ever imagined.

I’m trying to take it as a compliment.

I’m thankful for any number of things that have led me here. I’m thankful that I’ve had over a thousand comments, overwhelmingly positive, telling me that you’ve enjoyed my commentary, perspectives, and insights. You have encouraged me to keep writing.

I’m thankful that my wife, the long-suffering Mrs. Edge, actually encourages me to write. I see so many blogs by people who keep them secret from their partners – some not without good reason. She understands that I have certain needs and desires that she never hope to accommodate, and not only gives her blessing to my pursuits, but occasionally likes to consents to hear about them.

Yes, it’s always a difficult life when geeks marry outside of our culture. After sitting in front of a PC all day, she has no desire to be within twenty feet of one when she gets home. I, on the other hand, am setting up a wireless network in the house so the Edgelette and I can IM each other. Also, I can bring my laptop to the family room and blog while Mrs. Edge watches “The Biggest Loser” and “Flip This House.” You know, in the interest of supporting “quality time” in the Edge household.

I’m very thankful for some of the friends I’ve made, the people who have allowed me a little peek into their lives, and who have offered suggestions and insights to my own.

I’m also thankful for the people who, though they never delurk to comment publicly, email to ask me questions. Yes, I’m thankful, because it means that somehow I’ve been able to inspire some amount of trust in order for them to ask me, a complete stranger, for insights and advice on their own lives.

I’m especially thankful for a comment left by a regular reader almost a year ago, who wrote one of the nicest things I’ve ever heard said about me:

“Your awkwardness and embarrassment about sharing your kinks makes you more human. With your talent as a writer, you could have easily come onto the blog scene and declared yourself the Uber Submissive to lots of accolades from the true believers.

“Instead your honestly and “realness” have helped other people become more comfortable with moving past the “edge of vanilla.”

“As for feeling less “manly” about your submissive nature, nothing could be farther from the truth. I’ve read your entire bog. You have explored your sexuality and taken an active role in trying to determine how it fits into your relationship. I know that can be a difficult journey. Some men simply decide their needs are paramount and pursue them without any regard of the cost to others.

“What always impressed me about your writing is that however strong your kink/sexual desires may be, they never seem to supersede your desire to be a good husband, a loving father and a decent man.

“There is no greater testament to masculinity than that.”

I actually tear up sometimes re-reading that because I rarely feel like I deserve such praise.

And I’m thankful that, against all reason, it’s the “realness” of my life itself that draws people here. Again, it’s amazing to me that I’ve managed to have all of this without resorting to daily postings of eye candy (unless you count those pictures of me scattered around here), or ivory-towered pronouncements on the benefits of “alternative” lifestyles, or declarations of how certain lifestyles “should” be led. I know that I draw a lot of readers who are interested in chastity and orgasm denial, and I think that I’ve tried very hard not to press any of my own opinions on them as Gospel.

Well… with the exception that if you think that locking $200 worth of plastic around your genitals will somehow “fix” your relationship, then you’re probably better off spending that money on therapy.

I’m not going to resort to false modesty; I know that I write well – in my other life people sometimes even pay me to write or edit for them – but I am thankful that I’ve been able to find a creative and entertaining outlet in this, and that I’ve been able to help some people along the way.

Thank you for allowing me to make a mark on your world, just as you’ve made one on mine.

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in Blogging, Blogs, coming out, Communication, Marriage & Relationships, Sex Blogging, Sexuality & Relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Thanksgiving

  1. Patty says:

    This is why we love your blog Tom. It isn’t an unattainable fantasy. It shows the kink we can all experience!

    Speaking of which, how long did you and Mrs. Edge wait to have sex after you pierced your frenum? I really don’t want to have to wait 2 months!


  2. Tom Allen says:

    Hmm. I think that we waited about 2 weeks before having condom-protected sex. We had to use condoms for a while, several months. But I also remember that we had to take it easy at first.

    Oh, and trying to roll a snug condom over a large, sore piercing was an ordeal in itself 😉


  3. em says:

    That is the sweetest post I’ve read all day. . .make that all week. . .okay all month! Sweet!


  4. fallen soul says:

    Just a little message from those ‘hits’ that you get without ever seeing a comment. It is really enjoyable to read about real issues, real emotions, and real enjoyment. Your blog never feels like it is telling fantasies and trying to say how ‘perfect’ that kink (of any kind) is. Thanks for all the many hours of your time to write and share.


  5. nigel says:


    You have a wonderful way of connecting with people and I think this is why your Blog is a success.


  6. Dearest Tom:

    This is such a nice piece, reminding me of just how incredibly sweet you really are. A few years back I finally realized just how important gratitude is to the health of my heart and soul; you apparently have known that for a lifetime.

    Your humanity and realness is what makes The Edge of Vanilla a real and true harbor for the everyman and everywoman who just happens to like a little kink here and there. We need you here. Please stay forever.

    Your family is very lucky: You have your ducks in a row and know what matters most.

    And me? I adore you.

    xo, Angela


  7. Cat says:

    Aww what a sweet post…just lovely.


  8. maymay says:

    Oh, sure. Throw some more fuel in the fire. Psshhh.


  9. darklily says:

    I will try to find the time to post something more substantial than this…just wanted to say…wireless networks rock. I’ve had one for at least six years. The DH and I have 4 computers (and now a new server too…squee!). They are all linked to the printer in my office, which is great…. except when my little 3 yo hacker decides to print out his Thomas the Train Game certificates from the computer in the kitchen.


  10. Kate says:

    You are an utter doll, and always a joy to read. Congrats!


  11. Aarkey says:

    Tom, your sincerity and thoughtfulness has always shone through your writings. It’s good to have friends like you as we all endeavor to walk the path of our lives with a joyful spirit.

    PS. I don’t think there is anything wrong with eye candy – it’s the only candy w/o calories 🙂


  12. cb6kguy says:

    Thank you!

    For all your writings and musings… as others have said, the ‘normalness’ and humanity that is present in your writings make them very accessible for folks just starting to explore the big wide world of kink. Excellent stuff. Thanks.


  13. Pingback: Blog Candy « The Edge of Vanilla

  14. Fusion says:

    Well said Tom, it’s because of friends like you that I can’t stop blogging completely. I look forward to the cup a joe with you one day. Congrats on the stat milestone.


  15. Lyndee says:

    Congrats on the HUGE numbers, but I am not a bit surprised! I like the reality your writings offer as opposed to most blogs of fantasy.

    Wishing you continued success! And, as long as you are writing, I will be reading! Thanks for a great reading room.



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