Advice or adverse?

For those of you who may not have heard of him, Dan Savage is an advice columnist (Savage Love) that is most definitely not from the Dear Abby school. He is a direct, to the point, no-holds-barred writer who’s not afraid to tackle a wide range of sex questions. While he does get a few questions that he’s not sure what to do with, he’s certainly a refreshing alternative to “You should talk to your doctor or clergyman about this problem.”

His latest column in The Stranger (Seattle, Washington) has a confluence of items of interest, which I’m going just quote verbatim:

I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 30. He’s been married three times and has six children from a variety of women. I know, I know, it sounds bad. But he’s one of those guys who wanted a family. Anyway, long story short, I feel insecure because he has had a MILLION experiences and I have not. So I asked him to take his porn off our computer. He did so.

When I came home today and sat at the computer, I noticed there was lubricant next to the keyboard. I thought to myself, “That’s not where I saw you last.” I looked at his folders (I KNOW: violation of privacy) and I didn’t see any porn. So I went to the internet browser to look at the “history” and guess what? It had all been deleted. I know his computer is not set to automatic history clearance, so he had to clear it manually.

Can I be a bitch and ask him about this? “I noticed that you deleted your history—and what is the lube doing here?” Or should I let it drop? I know it’s unrealistic to expect him never to masturbate. I just don’t want him looking at other girls while he does. My bitchy side is just ROARING to get out. HELP!

Keep The Bitch Caged

What we have here, KTBC, is a failure to correctly diagnose the problem.

Why is this 30-year-old, thrice-married, six-times-a-father guy with you? Because men like your boyfriend prefer to date pathetic, inexperienced 20-year-olds because they’re foolish enough—you are foolish enough—to swallow his bullshit (“I’m one of those guys who always wanted a family”) and regurgitate it on cue (“He’s one of those guys who always wanted a family”). Someone who wants a family doesn’t start and destroy three of them before age 30. Those aren’t the actions of an aspiring family man, little miss; those are the actions of a sociopath.

As for his masturbatory habits, KTBC, as I see it, the more of his supercharged spunk that winds up in dirty T-shirts and crusty socks, the better. Married three times, six kids by a variety of women, and a 20-year-old girlfriend who, due to her youth and inexperience, fails to see his marital and reproductive histories for the relationship-ending deal breakers they ought to be, and who sends advice columnists letters about his porn use instead of, say, the most effective possible forms of birth control available to her: Once again, KTBC, the more of his spunk that winds up in the laundry, and not in you, the better.

Dump him. DTMFA. And find a new boyfriend—not one who never masturbates, as that man doesn’t exist. All men masturbate (most women do, all should), all men look at porn (many women do, more should), and all women need to get over the porn and masturbation thing. If you want a male in your life who you can order never to look at porn or masturbate—if you want a male you can castrate—get a dog.

Just before I married, I got a CB-2000 male chastity device and gave it to my wife as a joke Xmas present. She had previous mates fool around on her and I wanted to let her know I was serious.

We played with it some and a year later she got me a CB-3000. Soon she was keeping me in it for a week at a time. Now she keeps me in it for a month at a time. While I have adjusted to this, I miss being able to masturbate when I want to. I have tried to talk her into allowing me to be free again and she refuses. It’s not that she’s afraid I will fool around, but she believes that I’m more attentive, caring, and loving when kept in this condition. Is it becoming more common for wives to keep their husbands in chastity?

Lost Over Cock Kept Erotically Denied

No, LOCKED, it’s not. Unfortunately, bullshit letters are all too common.

So you bought an expensive male chastity device as a gag gift—those CB-2000s start at $150—because, hey, there’s nothing a woman with adultery issues wants more at Christmas than a gag gift that plays on her fears and insecurities. You must be a gas at funerals, LOCKED. And now your wife keeps your dick locked up for a month at a time. Against your will. And you’re powerless to do anything about it.


If your wife keeps you in chastity—if you have a wife—it’s because being locked up in a CB-3000 turns you on. Like most male chastity fetishists, you find the scenario more exciting if it’s something your wife does to you, not something you have to beg the wife to do, but you can’t expect the rest of us to play along. If you want to see your fetish discussed in Savage Love, just be honest. Send me a letter that says, “Write about the freaky shit that turns me on!” But don’t make up some bullshit scenario.

Oh, and KTBC? You have options besides a castrated dog: Dump the motherfucker you’re with, go to the message boards at, and you’ll find guys whose ultimate fantasy is being with a woman so insecure, or so controlling, that she wants to keep his cock under lock and key.

It’s rare to see mention of these devices in the mainstream media. Not that Dan Savage is mainstream, but even so, it’s interesting to see the reactions.I do subscribe to that particular forum, BTW, and actually it’s much better than some of the Yahoo groups. Should I invite Dan over to The Edge of Vanilla so he can get a different perspective?

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in CB2000, CB3000, CB6000, Chastity & Orgasm Denial, Chastity Devices, Fetish & Kink, male chastity, Musing & Amusing, relationships, Sex news and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Advice or adverse?

  1. therambler says:

    He did invite honest letters about it.


  2. Tom Allen says:

    That he did. Maybe I’ll send him a note – except that I rather agree with Mr. Savage. For several years I’ve seen stories in various fiction sites in which a man claims that his wife/partner just slapped a device on him and that was it. Yup, that $180 hunk of plastic hanging from his cock is an inescapable device and his wife/partner simply won’t listen to his pleas for mercy.


    I’ve just been having a discussion with another blogger about a particular blog in which the woman claims to be keeping her husband locked in some kind of a full steel belt, never allowing him to orgasm. I think that the writer is a fake. It came up in discussion that some people make up these stories for attention or to draw readers to their blog.

    My own opinion is that reality can be more interesting than predictable fiction; there is a wide range of potential experiences that people can engage in; certainly some of the best blogs out there are ones in which people are describing real situations and reactions. I’d like to think that Dan would agree.


  3. Garry says:

    I vote for reality and a loving playful relationship… Thanks for sharing Tom.

    Yes… Invite him to a dose of reality.


  4. ladypandora says:

    It’s such a shame that when people such as yourself write to these columns that you are greeted with derision and disbelief.

    Invite him over to discover the reality of your day-to-day travails you go through and then let’s see if he will have anything of worth to advise.



  5. Cat says:

    Do you even have to ask! You definitely should invite him. I mean if he is going to give such straight forward advice at least he could be informed about the topic…


  6. Shay says:

    I do love Dan’s column – though sometimes he’s a little too angry for me.


  7. Luka says:

    Have you invited him over yet?


  8. Songs says:

    Added you to blogroll, hope that’s fine with you!


  9. Tom Allen says:

    hope that’s fine with you!

    As if! Is it not clear that I’m a total link whore? 😉

    Added you, too.


  10. Tom Allen says:

    I think that some of you missed the point: Dan was not savaging chastity and OD folks – he was irritated at LOCKED who wrote this scenario which sounds like fantasy fodder instead of real life. He tells LOCKED “Hey, if you want me to write about your kink, ask me – but don’t make stuff up.”

    And I did sent him a nice note the other day, telling him that I enjoyed the column.


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