Short sex is best say experts

I don’t quite know what to make of this news item from Australia. Maybe our friends from Down Under can weigh in?
From an article in The Herald Sun (Aus)

Short sex is best say experts

March 05, 2008 12:07pm

THE best sex should last just seven to 13 minutes, and even three-minute sex is “adequate”, sex experts say.

But Australian sex therapists commenting on the new research say most men Down Under wanted it to last considerably longer while most women were “not bothered” if it was over with fast.

The sex study is the first to review what the experts believe is the ideal length of time to have penetrative sex, with the random sample of Americans and Canadians labelling seven to 13 minutes most “desirable”.

Intercourse lasting between three and seven minutes was deemed “adequate”, but anything less was “too short” and beyond 13 minutes was “too long”.

The study, published today in the international Journal of Sexual Medicine, is designed help calm couples’ unrealistic beliefs that healthy sex should last a long time.

US studies show Americans expect penetrative sex to last between 15 and 20 minutes, even though self reports indicate it is over in less than half this time.

Lead researcher Dr Eric Corty, from the Behrend College in Erie, Pennsylvania, said this was a situation “ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction”.

“In the fantasy model of male sexuality, men have large penises, rock-hard erections, and can sustain sexual activity all night long,” Dr Corty wrote.

“It appears that many men and women hold this fantasy.

“The results from the present study, by providing a realistic not a fantasy model of sexuality, are useful both in treating people with sexual concerns and dysfunctions, and, with wider circulation, in preventing the onset of sexual dysfunctions.”

Dr Jane Howard, a Brisbane-based medical sex therapist, said there was a dearth of data on Australians’ expectation of sex.

Anecdotal evidence suggested most Australian women would be happy with the therapists’ “adequate” time of three to seven minutes, while men would not.

“There is a major gender difference in this area,” Dr Howard said.

“Usually women are quite happy with short intercourse, and are not bothered about prolonging it at all, but nearly all men want it to be much, much longer.”

She said it was important not to obsess over the length of intercourse, with time often suspended during the act anyway.

“I mean really, who’s counting?” the expert said.

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in Communication, Culture, Interesting Oddities, Marriage & Relationships, News, sexuality, Sexuality & Relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Short sex is best say experts

  1. That’s probably about right assuming it doesn’t count foreplay. I’ll have to share this with my wife and see what she thinks.

  2. Blacksilk says:

    “THE best sex should last just seven to 13 minutes, and even three-minute sex is “adequate”, sex experts say.”

    I’m sorry but three-minute sex, personally, is by no means adequate. Sure, if that’s what both partners are after, go for it. But not in this relationship thanks.

    Fractal and I have spent considerable time laughing at the statistic we heard a little while ago saying that penetrative sex lasted on average 8 mins in Britain. We’ve had quickies that lasted longer than that.
    The foreplay statistic was equally ridiculous but I can’t remember what it was.

    Too long is too long though, though I couldn’t say excatly what “too long” is. When you both get bored, perhaps? 😛

    It’s true that we should be careful of creating overly ambitious and false expectations (particularly of men who basically have to be Ron Jeremy these days) in sex, but saying “good sex is 7 to 13 minutes” is misleading and also potentially as damaging.

    Good sex is what you and your partner want it to be, whether its 30 seconds, 3 hours, upside down, inside out, whatever.

    ” “In the fantasy model of male sexuality, men have large penises, rock-hard erections, and can sustain sexual activity all night long,” Dr Corty wrote.”

    This is something we need to tackle though. Sites like the one comparing actual penises and erections (I can’t find the link) are great for dispelling huge cock myths. The average length is around 5 inches after all.

    Erections can be a wheel of fortune and sex all night long would probably make most people very sore.

    “She said it was important not to obsess over the length of intercourse, with time often suspended during the act anyway.”

    Quite. I’ve never any idea how much time has passed until one of us dazedly finds a clock. It’s not the length, it’s what you do with it 😉

  3. Songs says:

    Oh no. It has to be at LEAST 15.
    -Songs

  4. Fuse says:

    Well Blacksilk said pretty much everything I was going to say, and more, so I’ll just be moving on here Tom 😉

    Have a good weekend, and thanks for the interesting article. I’m in Australia, but an American, so do I count?

  5. Tom Allen says:

    Silk – Oddly, Mrs. Edge seems to enjoy 5 or 10 minutes quickies in the morning, and is quite satisfied by them. I, OTOH, consider them to be more of an appetizer. Go figure.

    Songs – I once told a marriage counselor that I thought that two hours was about right. She gave me the most horrendous look and said something to the effect that I was crazy.

    I didn’t go back to her.

    Fuse – as a Yank, you’re obviously unrealistic anyway.

  6. Songs says:

    2 hours? Admirable!!
    -Songs

  7. Blacksilk says:

    Fuse – sorry for stealing your thunder!

    Tom – I think I’d go with you on that one and find 5-10 mins more of an appetiser than the main event. Guess me ‘n’ Fractal will have to do some reasearch 😉

  8. ladypandora says:

    I don’t think I mind how long it takes, as long as we both finish satiated. Quite often Mister will finish before me and is very happy to continue administering to my needs for over half an hour more – it may not be penetration, but it’s still sex to us.

    At other times, both of us will be either going for it for 40mins plus or just a few minutes. So I really don’t hold with articles like this one.

    The statement that ‘even three minute sex can be adequate’ is piffle. Three minute sex can be the best sex of your life if caught in a rugged moment of passion and animal lust. Many a time I would choose a quickie over longer bouts just for that reason, but usually as a precursor to more friskiness a few hours later.

    I will say that sex that lasts over half an hour is usually some of the most sensual, loving and emotionally satisfying I have had.

  9. Fuse says:

    Don’t worry Blacksilk, I didn’t mind.
    Interesting comments here, I think ten minutes for penetrative sex is good, give or take a couple of minutes. But that is just part of a larger whole. Kissing, touching, holding, and oral can last as long or short as two people want. Half an hour to an hour or more… Foreplay is more than half the fun to me.

  10. sandman9355 says:

    While I have to admit that the time spent making love is not really important, the truth is that I find 7 – 13 minutes of penetrative sex barely more than a quickie, and I do prefer more fulfilling forms of lovemaking.

    OK, I’m a T&D fan, so I’m not exactly your average man. I’m used to non-penetrative play taking up three times more time than this penetrative sex thing… In fact I’m used to tiring my partner out before we even *get to* penetrative sex… But I’m no hardcore fetishist and I do like that simple penis-in-vagina sex too.

    And even though I spend more time pleasuring my lady in other ways, 7 – 13 minutes of penetrative sex is waaaay too little. Even for her. In fact she dislikes to make love when we’ve only got maybe half an hour, or maybe an hour, because she feels rushed.

    To sum it up, making love to each other for as long as both sides want it to go on, forgetting everything except your partner’s and your pleasure and your mutual love, finding that perfect harmony and connection you never want to end…

    … is something wonderful…

    … and can be rarely fit into 13 minutes of old-fashioned penetration.

  11. MissBonnie says:

    Nice to see us Aussies are getting something right 🙂

  12. Eileen says:

    I’m also an American in Australia, so I suppose I don’t count either, but I’ll weigh in on the other side of this discussion:

    7-13 minutes, to me, sounds just about right for penetrative sex. I have to admit, I find penetration one of the least interesting parts of sex. Although it feels good and is a great way to finish a sexual encounter, it’s not where I get my pleasure from. And I’m not particularly atypical in this, I think – many women cannot orgasm from PIV sex alone.

    My first boyfriend boasted when we began dating that’d he’d managed to go four hours one night. I gave him a look probably similar to the one your therapist gave you, Tom: the only thing four hours of penetration would do for me is to make me sore and bored!

    I like long, drawn out sexual experiences, lasting hours or more. But I want many, many different activities to fill those hours, and in the end, I want to find activities to spend time on that’re good for both of us.

    Of course, as a T&D dom my opinions on “what’s good for both of us” are entirely skewed. 🙂

  13. gullybogan says:

    Speaking as an Australian male, i think i can explain.

    Our women aren’t fussed that we only last three minutes because we’re basically dud roots, and they’re resigned to it.

    Plus our women are so fantastically sexy that three minutes is about as long as any human male could possibly hold off for.

    I mean, have YOU done it with an Aussie girl, dear reader?

    And, because they are so very, very wonderful, we’d like to spend more time … you know.

    But it’s just not physically possible.

    Maybe they should get some of those non-Australian girls the survey talks about and send them over here and see if it makes a difference to how long our guys can hold off.

    If the guys who’re doing it with the American and Canadian girls are saying that ANY amount of time with them is ‘too long’, then maybe it would cure our guys’ so-called premature ejaculation problem if they could be a little bored for a change.

  14. Ms. Rika says:

    Good sex is sex where you’re not aware time is going by…much less watching the clock! 🙂

    That being said, for intercourse, with me time is not of the essence…7-13 minutes is fine, considering the guy had been teased and denied for as many days and my orgasm is not dependent on it!

    I don’t have vaginal orgasms, so our ‘sex’ time contains a lot of manual and oral stimulation – in both directions. If I choose to have intercourse, it’s because I want to feel the closeness, the intimacy, and the physical ‘fullness’…and I really don’t need a half an hour of that…it’s quality; not quantity.

    As a related aside, those of you who’ve read me before, you know I have trained my subs to orgasm on a countdown. It’s a discipline where the man learns to recognize his point of no return and also learns to summon it at will. It takes time and patience – I’ve gone over the technique on my website and in my book, but it’s VERY convenient for limiting, or extending intercourse. If a guy is taking ‘too long’ (i.e., it’s starting to get a bit uncomfortable) and I want to have him orgasm, I’ll count him down and it just happens…or he goes without. Usually, just the sound of the countdown starts the process rolling 🙂

    A last thought (from me), worrying about norms in length of intercourse, length of penis, number of orgasms, etc. tends to be a sign of being insecure about your own lovemaking. Those of us into D/s or BDSM lifestyles have long-ago realized that sex is 10% physical and 90% between the ears (I’ve not taken the time to actually measure the percentages, so let’s not argue those)…relax, and enjoy the ride!

    – Rika.

  15. Tom Allen says:

    Eileen – Well, I didn’t mean that I thought that two hours of intercourse was typical. But I’ve certainly had long sessions where intercourse has been interspersed with other things.

    Lady P – It’s always subjective, isn’t it?

    Gully – are you suggesting an Oz/ North America exchange program? 😉

    Ms R – I usually ignore the statistics in the news reports; I often think that they’re only reported to fill up space with something titillating. This one seemed interesting, though, more because the article gave me the impression that people are lumping intercourse together with lovemaking, which simply ain’t true.

    That “countdown” thing sounds very devious, BTW. Mrs. Edge has mentioned wanting to try something like that.

  16. Ms. Rika says:

    “That “countdown” thing sounds very devious, BTW. Mrs. Edge has mentioned wanting to try something like that.”
    Well – You know where to find details on it 🙂

  17. Elizavetta says:

    I really despise studies. They always lump so many factors together and end up presenting a picture so unrealistic that the resultant information is totally worthless. Good sex is sex that’s good. That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.

  18. Thank goodness someone came out with this survey. Who says longer is always better. Quality is important but I have had hours of pumping and I tell you that I have planned the next day during it.

    I don’t know that I can qualify a specific time. 3 minutes seems short, but guys, lots of time doesn’t mean it is good.

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    keep it going on..
    For online dating just visit this site
    http://www.mymatchmakers.com.au

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