Okay, so here’s the deal: I have a new friend, a cute 27 year old woman who has been emailing me and being generally pleasant and chatty. She’s a professional in the local entertainment media, and we chat – via email – about just how things are in life. She has wondered about how to act around guys, and I’ve offered up advice. We’ve touched briefly on the nature of sexuality in relationships, but I’ve drawn a line in the sand beyond which it just feels too weird to cross. This may sound weird, coming from somebody who freely discusses how to navigate the kink/vanilla relationship, but there’s an added factor here. This woman knows me in real life. No, that’s not the part that’s weirding me out. The part that’s really weirding me out is this:
She’s a friend of my son.
Let me stress that this is not his girlfriend, it’s just someone that he met as an area entertainer; he has a girlfriend. And let me also stress that I don’t get the vibe that she’s hitting on me. She’s been to the house several times, we’ve run into each other socially, and she knows I’m married. And she’s quite attractive and is in a business where she gets a lot of public exposure and does not need to hit on married guys twice her age. Mrs. Edge knows that she emails me. We don’t do anything beyond friendly banter. Are we clear on this?
I do, however, get the impression that she doesn’t have anyone with whom she can talk about relationships. Her parents are from “the old country” and seem to be rather strict and conservative, and her conversations with them on the subject tend to run toward them accusing her of being a tramp or about to get pregnant. Not very sex positive, in other words. I sort of think that she may be adopting our family because Mrs. Edge and I are generally pretty laid back and non-judgmental with our younger friends. We try very hard not to act like know-it-alls (which is very difficult when you’re me, of course). We’ve had a number of younger people over the years that seem to adopt us for periods of time, coming over for dinner, helping, hanging out, stuff like that.
So what’s weirding me out? I’m not quite sure. I think it’s because she’s been friends with the son for a while, which makes her quasi-family. I don’t discuss sexuality with family members – much to the relief of several of them, I’m sure. But why don’t I discuss it with family members? Frankly, I don’t know. I think that I have some kind of idea that I’m supposed to be setting an example, although the idea that I’m some paragon of virtue is laughable for people that know me.
On one hand, I feel badly, because I suspect that she’s reaching out in some way, and I’m not being as helpful as I could be. On the other, I don’t want to get overly intimate with someone who might happen to mention something to my son. Is this just me being weird, or what? I don’t often find myself questioning whether or not I should do something or be in a situation, but this one just sort of snuck up on me.
Any ideas or comments?