Hot ‘n’ Heavier

Okay, the comments and emails about one of my recent posts regarding heavier women having more sex than their thin sisters brings up some good points:

From Rose –

It thrills me to see someone, or to be more specific, a MAN writing freely, and unabidingly on the topic of heavy-set women, and in such a positive way!

Thank you, for pointing out that women are our own worst enemies. Thank you, for showing that some people can actually look past an image to see who someone really is. And thank you, mostly, for not being afraid to show how you really feel on a subject that has become, sadly, very touchy to most people.

I honestly think that most men really don’t care about an extra few pounds on a woman, as long as she has a great attitude, is willing to accommodate, experiment, and compromise, and knows how to change the oil in her SUV.

I do think, however, that a lot of men don’t figure this out until a bit later in life. So, while high school boys and 20 year olds still think about the models they see in Playboy, at some point they wise up and get their priorities straight.

From Shoal –

I think that while more BBW are having sex, it is more to do with the lowered self-esteem that we let our culture feed us. If we aren’t thin, then we aren’t worth anything, so we will over compensate by being “easy” because we are finally getting attention. That is not really a good thing. I know that I personally have been more promiscuous due to my own lowered self-esteem.

This is something that comes up in other studies, and I think it’s worth mentioning, if only to address this issue: if indulging in sex is seen as a coincident with lowered self-esteem, it seems to imply that sex itself is seen as an undesirable, or at least, undervalued activity (i.e., “easy”). I wish that this study had some indication as to the degree of “overweight” attributed to the women. I mean, are we talking about women who are 20 pounds over average? 20 pounds over what is considered to be healthy? 60 pounds? 160? I think that perhaps this might give some insight as to whether or not it’s a self-esteem issue, or if it’s a body comfort issue.

And an email excerpt from (I think) a guy reader:

I don’t understand how you can spend the last year talking about exercise and trying to get yourself to looking all buffed and muscled and everything, and then turn around and talk about how chubby chicks are so hot and everything. Isn’t that a double standard? Why are you supposed to be trim and women aren’t? And if your so keen on looking all toned and healthy, then why aren’t you talking about how women should do the same?

Good point. Here I am, going on about how buffed and toned I’m trying to be, while at the same time I seem to be saying that one’s weight doesn’t matter.

Let me be clear: I’m not advocating that anybody do anything that creates a condition that is unhealthy. Let’s be aware that while there are some disagreements as to what weight, BMI, fat percentage, etc., is healthy or not, the fact is that at some point it will be too much for your body. What you do then is up to you.

That said, I don’t believe that I’m promoting any type of double standard. We all have our likes and dislikes, and none of us should feel guilty or ashamed for liking what we like, or being attracted to things that we enjoy. You like blondes with a large rack? Fine. You like tall, dark, handsome men? Fine. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t. But let’s remember that those of us who are attracted to something that’s not typical in our culture – whatever culture in which you live – are not wrong. . . nor are they right. They just have different standards.
Cher - A Les Toil Girl

As for my own, I’ve had to think about this for a bit. I started exercising and losing weight because of a health scare. I hadn’t expected the changes in my body, though. I mean, I knew that I’d lose weight and fit into smaller pants; but I had not anticipated the muscle definition and slight change in my body shape. Likewise, when Mrs. Edge was working out with me, she started developing a different shape, and even had some muscle definition of her own. It was, in some respects, like being with a different woman – just as for her it was like being with a different man.

Not better, mind you. Just different.

My own workouts have changed my body a bit, and while I’ve been joking about seeming vain about the whole thing, the truth is that I’m fascinated by watching it happen. I mean, I was in great shape in my 20s because I did a lot of outdoor work, but I haven’t seen that shape in almost 30 years. So, while I feel healthier – and the physicals at my doctor show that I am – I’m also enjoying the process of getting there. That’s certainly my prerogative, and it has nothing to do with what I find attractive in other people.

And in some respects, I find that this whole discussion parallels the discussions that we’ve had about older women: who the hell gets to make up the rules as to who or what we are supposed to find attractive in the first place? And how do I get myself voted onto that committee, anyway?

HNT – Hand iN my panTs

I’m really trying hard not to go on and on about my weight and fitness and all that stuff. Really. But you know, it’s really one of the bigger, or at least, more exciting things happening in my life right now, at least on any type of on-going basis. I mean, the economy still sucks, which makes work a constant grind. We’re getting into the holiday season, so Mrs. Edge and I have been busy with the various community-oriented projects that we get sucked into work on as part of our civic duties. I don’t have any big household projects going on – except that I’m two weeks behind in raking the leaves that just won’t stop falling around here.

I swear, next time one of my southern friends tells me how much they miss New England in the autumn because of the foliage, I’m going to bury them under several tons of the foliage that falls in my back yard.


Anyway, the weather has finally gotten chilly enough for me to put away my bicycle. Yeah, I know some of you hard-core folks are out there in woolies and thermal underwear, and getting ready to put on the deep treads for the snow, but I plan to exercise where it’s a little warmer. Mrs. Edge and I re-upped our membership at the local McGym, just the basic membership is all we need, since we’ve got some equipment at home. I just want to be able to use the treadmill and stationary bike for my cardio workouts.


I set up a program on one of the bikes to mimic the 5 or 6 mile sprints that I’ve been doing all summer. It’s not quite as scenic, but once in a while I do have the opportunity to observe the backsides of attractive women using the treadmills, stair-steppers, and ellipticals in front of me.

Hey, you learn to make do, right?

Something that really gives you some perspective on exercising and weight loss is how freakin’ hard you have to work just to burn off snacks, never mind dinner. It takes 3,500 calories of work to burn off just one pound of fat. Over the summer, I had a couple of routes that I used that were mostly flat-ish (or what passes for that in New England), and I could do 5 to 6 miles in about 25 minutes or so. That’s an average of 15 miles (24km) per hour, which kept my heart rate up between 130 and 150, leaving me panting and gasping at my doorstep when I finally arrived home.

And here’s the perspective: all that work burned up the equivalent of a small cheeseburger. Or a small slice of chocolate cake. Or 2 honey & nut granola bars. Or one scoop of Ben & Jerry’s New York Chocolate Fudge Chunk.

Yup, that’s all.

In fact, if you had a 20 oz. bottle of one of those “…Ade” sports drinks, you’d have taken back in half of the calories that you lost in the first place. Something to think about the next time you’re swilling the replenishing fluids while you’re working out. That’s why it’s so difficult to lose weight. We’re often unaware of just how many calories we’re both eating and burning off.

Anyway, you didn’t come here to read this; you’re here for the HNT.

Last month I put on my good suit to go to some boring function, and I discovered that the pants literally – you know, in the literal sense of the word – fell off my butt. Big deal, suits are always cut a bit large, right? Well, the other day I put away my summer clothes and pulled out the flannels and sweaters, and pulled on some old jeans from the back of the closet. While they didn’t fall off my butt, they were dangerously close. Just for the hell of it, I tried to see how much room I had.


Sorry, not much lighting in the nether regions.

Hot ‘n’ Heavy

I’ve been a big fan of Gloria Brame for years, ever since I discovered her “Different Loving” over a decade ago. At the time, I had not realized that there were books available as resources (as opposed to wank fodder), and stumbling across the book by her and her husband in a well-known chain store was an eye opener for me.

For a while I used to be a regular at her website and forum, but that was in the dial-up days. Now I drop in on her blog once in a while, which is an eclectic mix of funny, freakish, and, uh. . . I can’t think of another alliterative f-word. Sorry.

Anyway, she spotted this news article before I did, so she gets the credit. Also, she found a really cool graphic, which I’m not too proud to steal display, mainly because it looks so much like my college girlfriend.

Thanks, Ms. Brame!

Fat women have more sex than ‘normal’ counterparts

ANI Posted: Oct 31, 2008 at 1131 hrs IST

Washington, October 31: : Those who think women scoring more on the weighing scale do not score much when it comes to sexual behaviour certainly need a reality check, for a new study has revealed that fat ladies have more sex than females with “normal weight”.

Oregon and Hawaiian researchers have found that a woman’s weight does not seem to affect sexual behaviour.

Led by Dr Bliss Kaneshiro, an assistant professor at the School of Medicine at the University of Hawaii, and Oregon State University professor Marie Harvey, the study was based on data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth that looked at sexual behaviour of more than 7,000 women.

In earlier studies it was Kaneshiro observed that obese and overweight women have a higher risk of unintended pregnancy than do normal weight women.

Thus, Kaneshiro studied the relationship between body mass index and sexual behaviour, including sexual orientation, age at first intercourse, number of partners, and frequency of intercourse.”Our analysis demonstrated that obese and overweight women do not differ significantly in some of the objective measures of sexual behaviour compared to women of normal weight. This study indicates that all women deserve diligence in counselling on unintended pregnancy and STD prevention, regardless of body mass index,” said Kaneshiro.

The study ruled out the widely held stereotypes that overweight and obese women are not as sexually active as other women, as the researchers concluded that it’s the opposite that is true.

“I was glad to see that the stereotype that you have to be slender to have sex is just that, a stereotype,” said Harvey.

Kaneshiro’s study was awarded first prize at the American College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists’ annual meeting this year.

“These results were unexpected and we don’t really know why this is the case,” said Kaneshiro.

In fact, 92 per cent of overweight women reported having a history of sexual intercourse with a man, as compared to 87 per cent of women with a normal body mass index.

The data revealed that overweight women were more likely to report having sexual intercourse with a man, even when she controlled for age, race and type of residence.

The study was published in the September issue of Obstetrics & Gynaecology.

Gloria Brame’s take on this:

“When it comes to being judgmental about weight on a woman, that judgment usually comes from other women, and from the dopey magazines we read which send the message that we won’t get a man unless we look anorexic.

“So I’m liking this simple study which makes the honest observation that women of the plumper persuasion are as desirable as the next gal, and possibly even more so.”

I have long had this theory that in some respects, women are their own worst enemies with regard to appearance – or rather, how they should feel about their appearance – in the context of whether or not they are attractive. Most men, as shallow as this sounds, really don’t notice a few extra pounds. Seriously, with the possible exception of Howard Stern and several other media jocks, we don’t care. Our opinion on the attractiveness of women has much more to do with the attitude that they display. “Good, giving, and game” is a far more an important quality than being able to fit into a size 4 pair of jeans.

Piercing, Chastity, and the country of the blind

Okay, okay, okay. I hear you. Sheesh!

It’s finally time for me to stop crowing about my fitness program, my diet, my shapely muscle definition (did I mention that you can finally start to see my ab muscles?), and the fact that I lost a few more pounds (did I mention that I’m now down to 185?) since my last crowing, and write about something that’s actually interesting to other people.

A devoted reader posted the following comment on my Devices page:

Chorion3000, on October 29th, 2008 at 8:23 am Said:

Hey Tom,
I have really been enjoying your site. Me and the Mrs. have been playing with chastity devices for a few years on and off (CB3000). We both really enjoy it and I have gone as long as a month without any removal/release.

But gosh darnit the thing is so bulky, and some others seem even worse. I am always worried someone will notice the bulge in my pants.

We have been discussing piercing as a solution, and I note that you got your frenum pierced. I wonder if you know whether the connection of a Prince Albert/Guiche or Frenum/Guiche actually makes for a suitable, light weight solution.

I like the painful pressure I get from the CB with an erection begins and wonder if anyone can comment on whether the the piercing approach gives a similar “constrained” feeling. Of course I don’t want my penis to rip apart either…

I have looked around on the internet and just can’t seem to come up with a good resource for this.

BTW, why did you go with the frenum instead of the PA, which seems to heal quicker? Was it a concern over the 2nd peehole…?

Please note the second to last paragraph:

I have looked around on the internet and just can’t seem to come up with a good resource for this.

Don’t you just hate that? Gajillions of page hits on all sorts of sexual fetishes, and you just can’t get reliable information about putting metal hoops into your tonker. What good is teh intertubez when you really need it?

I really don’t know how a PA to Guiche chair would work. I’ve heard about it, but I’m just imagining that it has too much potential for damage or for migration. If your wabbly bits are chained close enough to prevent any arousal, then the pulling action is going to cause the rings to migrate. If you’ve got too much slack, then it’s not going to prevent you from (in technical terminology) having a quick wank.

Chor, here’s the story: I had my tonker pierced because Mrs. Edge and I (okay, mostly I) thought it might be a neat way to anchor the CB3000, so I could do away with the spacer that I made to enhance the security of the device. To us, at the time, the more “inescapable” the device, the hawter the scenario. Nothing says “You’re trapped” like a hunk of metal through your skin, you know?

Anyway, after most of a year and several attempts, we gave up on using the piercing because no matter what we did, it would get an infection after a few days in the device. I kept myself flushed and as clean as possible, and was very careful to use cotton swabs in the shower, but nothing seemed to work. So, after more than a year, I finally removed it. The hole closed up immediately, and that was that.

The thing about a PA is this: I happen to like standing at a urinal to pee. It’s convenient, and where I work, it would be an annoyance if I had to use a stall all the time. And frankly, it would be a hassle for me have to find a stall in the other areas in which I travel, so I spent a bit of time figuring out how to modify my CB3000 in order to make it more upright-peeing friendly. My understanding is that a PA would cause some drippage into the cage, which might leak out (causing some embarrassing spots on my pants) or would sit in the cage and begin to smell (an issue if I’m not in a position to wash it over the course of the day).

Having said that, I want to tell you that the device really is not as noticeable as you think it is. The only time I’ve worried about it is when swimming at a public pool. I wore baggy swim trunks which kept clinging to my body when I got out of the pool. I learned to just shake them out a bit, and pull the legs down. My wife has assured me that the device is very organic looking and does not show under anything that I wear, from jeans to khakis to suits to short. If you use the shortest pin so that the lock stays close, then it probably won’t even show under your underwear, either.

I’ve worn my devices (yes, I have more than one) to the gym, while biking, while working in the yard, to weddings and funerals, and (with a plastic lock) through various airports while on vacation. Yes, at first I was very self-conscious and was always worried that somebody was looking at me. But you know what? Generally, people aren’t as interested in the bulge in your pants as you’d hope they’d be.

Anyway, thanks for writing, and I hope I answered your questions. I’ll be back to showing off writing about my latest fitness goals before you know it.