Okay, the comments and emails about one of my recent posts regarding heavier women having more sex than their thin sisters brings up some good points:
From Rose –
It thrills me to see someone, or to be more specific, a MAN writing freely, and unabidingly on the topic of heavy-set women, and in such a positive way!
Thank you, for pointing out that women are our own worst enemies. Thank you, for showing that some people can actually look past an image to see who someone really is. And thank you, mostly, for not being afraid to show how you really feel on a subject that has become, sadly, very touchy to most people.
I honestly think that most men really don’t care about an extra few pounds on a woman, as long as she has a great attitude, is willing to accommodate, experiment, and compromise, and knows how to change the oil in her SUV.
I do think, however, that a lot of men don’t figure this out until a bit later in life. So, while high school boys and 20 year olds still think about the models they see in Playboy, at some point they wise up and get their priorities straight.
From Shoal –
I think that while more BBW are having sex, it is more to do with the lowered self-esteem that we let our culture feed us. If we aren’t thin, then we aren’t worth anything, so we will over compensate by being “easy” because we are finally getting attention. That is not really a good thing. I know that I personally have been more promiscuous due to my own lowered self-esteem.
This is something that comes up in other studies, and I think it’s worth mentioning, if only to address this issue: if indulging in sex is seen as a coincident with lowered self-esteem, it seems to imply that sex itself is seen as an undesirable, or at least, undervalued activity (i.e., “easy”). I wish that this study had some indication as to the degree of “overweight” attributed to the women. I mean, are we talking about women who are 20 pounds over average? 20 pounds over what is considered to be healthy? 60 pounds? 160? I think that perhaps this might give some insight as to whether or not it’s a self-esteem issue, or if it’s a body comfort issue.
And an email excerpt from (I think) a guy reader:
I don’t understand how you can spend the last year talking about exercise and trying to get yourself to looking all buffed and muscled and everything, and then turn around and talk about how chubby chicks are so hot and everything. Isn’t that a double standard? Why are you supposed to be trim and women aren’t? And if your so keen on looking all toned and healthy, then why aren’t you talking about how women should do the same?
Good point. Here I am, going on about how buffed and toned I’m trying to be, while at the same time I seem to be saying that one’s weight doesn’t matter.
Let me be clear: I’m not advocating that anybody do anything that creates a condition that is unhealthy. Let’s be aware that while there are some disagreements as to what weight, BMI, fat percentage, etc., is healthy or not, the fact is that at some point it will be too much for your body. What you do then is up to you.
That said, I don’t believe that I’m promoting any type of double standard. We all have our likes and dislikes, and none of us should feel guilty or ashamed for liking what we like, or being attracted to things that we enjoy. You like blondes with a large rack? Fine. You like tall, dark, handsome men? Fine. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t. But let’s remember that those of us who are attracted to something that’s not typical in our culture – whatever culture in which you live – are not wrong. . . nor are they right. They just have different standards.
As for my own, I’ve had to think about this for a bit. I started exercising and losing weight because of a health scare. I hadn’t expected the changes in my body, though. I mean, I knew that I’d lose weight and fit into smaller pants; but I had not anticipated the muscle definition and slight change in my body shape. Likewise, when Mrs. Edge was working out with me, she started developing a different shape, and even had some muscle definition of her own. It was, in some respects, like being with a different woman – just as for her it was like being with a different man.
Not better, mind you. Just different.
My own workouts have changed my body a bit, and while I’ve been joking about seeming vain about the whole thing, the truth is that I’m fascinated by watching it happen. I mean, I was in great shape in my 20s because I did a lot of outdoor work, but I haven’t seen that shape in almost 30 years. So, while I feel healthier – and the physicals at my doctor show that I am – I’m also enjoying the process of getting there. That’s certainly my prerogative, and it has nothing to do with what I find attractive in other people.
And in some respects, I find that this whole discussion parallels the discussions that we’ve had about older women: who the hell gets to make up the rules as to who or what we are supposed to find attractive in the first place? And how do I get myself voted onto that committee, anyway?