Hot ‘n’ Heavy

I’ve been a big fan of Gloria Brame for years, ever since I discovered her “Different Loving” over a decade ago. At the time, I had not realized that there were books available as resources (as opposed to wank fodder), and stumbling across the book by her and her husband in a well-known chain store was an eye opener for me.

For a while I used to be a regular at her website and forum, but that was in the dial-up days. Now I drop in on her blog once in a while, which is an eclectic mix of funny, freakish, and, uh. . . I can’t think of another alliterative f-word. Sorry.

Anyway, she spotted this news article before I did, so she gets the credit. Also, she found a really cool graphic, which I’m not too proud to steal display, mainly because it looks so much like my college girlfriend.

Thanks, Ms. Brame!

Fat women have more sex than ‘normal’ counterparts

ANI Posted: Oct 31, 2008 at 1131 hrs IST

Washington, October 31: : Those who think women scoring more on the weighing scale do not score much when it comes to sexual behaviour certainly need a reality check, for a new study has revealed that fat ladies have more sex than females with “normal weight”.

Oregon and Hawaiian researchers have found that a woman’s weight does not seem to affect sexual behaviour.

Led by Dr Bliss Kaneshiro, an assistant professor at the School of Medicine at the University of Hawaii, and Oregon State University professor Marie Harvey, the study was based on data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth that looked at sexual behaviour of more than 7,000 women.

In earlier studies it was Kaneshiro observed that obese and overweight women have a higher risk of unintended pregnancy than do normal weight women.

Thus, Kaneshiro studied the relationship between body mass index and sexual behaviour, including sexual orientation, age at first intercourse, number of partners, and frequency of intercourse.”Our analysis demonstrated that obese and overweight women do not differ significantly in some of the objective measures of sexual behaviour compared to women of normal weight. This study indicates that all women deserve diligence in counselling on unintended pregnancy and STD prevention, regardless of body mass index,” said Kaneshiro.

The study ruled out the widely held stereotypes that overweight and obese women are not as sexually active as other women, as the researchers concluded that it’s the opposite that is true.

“I was glad to see that the stereotype that you have to be slender to have sex is just that, a stereotype,” said Harvey.

Kaneshiro’s study was awarded first prize at the American College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists’ annual meeting this year.

“These results were unexpected and we don’t really know why this is the case,” said Kaneshiro.

In fact, 92 per cent of overweight women reported having a history of sexual intercourse with a man, as compared to 87 per cent of women with a normal body mass index.

The data revealed that overweight women were more likely to report having sexual intercourse with a man, even when she controlled for age, race and type of residence.

The study was published in the September issue of Obstetrics & Gynaecology.

Gloria Brame’s take on this:

“When it comes to being judgmental about weight on a woman, that judgment usually comes from other women, and from the dopey magazines we read which send the message that we won’t get a man unless we look anorexic.

“So I’m liking this simple study which makes the honest observation that women of the plumper persuasion are as desirable as the next gal, and possibly even more so.”

I have long had this theory that in some respects, women are their own worst enemies with regard to appearance – or rather, how they should feel about their appearance – in the context of whether or not they are attractive. Most men, as shallow as this sounds, really don’t notice a few extra pounds. Seriously, with the possible exception of Howard Stern and several other media jocks, we don’t care. Our opinion on the attractiveness of women has much more to do with the attitude that they display. “Good, giving, and game” is a far more an important quality than being able to fit into a size 4 pair of jeans.

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in Appearance, Sex news, Sexual & Sensual, sexuality, Sexuality & Relationships and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Hot ‘n’ Heavy

  1. thumper says:

    Couldn’t agree more, Tom. Personally, I have always been attracted to women who actually look like women. Who wants some bony sack when you can have soft curves? It ain’t the weight, babe, it’s what you do with it.


  2. Tom Allen says:

    Thumper, I’m not trying to say that any particular shape is more or less attractive; that’s a subjective thing, an opinion that is subject to change.

    My main point is that we, as a culture, tend to ignore people who do not meet some tacitly understood standard of attractiveness, which is why studies like this make the news. “What? Women who look different than the ones on TV are having sex? Whoa!”

    It comes as a total surprise to the mainstream media, and – sadly – to most of the consumers of said media, that women who are not a size 4, or (continuing with my themes from earlier posts) women who are older than 30 (and men who are over 40) can and do have enjoyable sexual relations. Amazingly, those of us who already are past a certain age and who are carrying around a few extra pounds could certainly have attested to this without the need for spending money on a study.


  3. Em says:

    It’s all about attitude. For some reason, though, I’ve always had the impression that overweight women are getting and enjoying lots of sex… don’t know why… but I guess I was right.


  4. Lady Julia says:

    When I found myself single again I was a little daunted. It’s quite accurate to say that the media perpetuates the myth that women who are older or a bit overweight are unattractive. When I really started thinking about it and looking around, though, it was obvious that the stereotypes weren’t true.

    The most important thing (for me at least) was to like who I am without falling in love with myself 😉 Self-confidence is sexy, arrogance – well, not in my opinion. I’m 46 and a little over “normal” weight, but since my divorce I’ve never lacked for male attention. Perhaps it helps that I love men 😉 I accept who they are, and recognize that while we see some things from a different perspective, we’re a lot more alike than stereotypes would indicate.


  5. Elle says:

    Well damn. I’m a bony sack 😦

    Seriously though, yes, women are their own worse enemies. I’d like to believe though that with age and maturity, we eventually escape this. But I can only speak for myself, perhaps other women aren’t in my boat 😉


  6. kimba says:

    This post has come at the right time for me Tom.. You must have been reading my mind (again)..


  7. Kate says:

    A friend of mine once told me that boys like skin, but men like flesh. It would seem to be truer than I had first thought, thanks for posting this, I have several friends who I need to share this with.


  8. Tom Allen says:

    Em – it’s always about attitude.

    Julia – The media does seem to perpetuate the myth, but who buys into it, and why? And how do we get people – men and women – to stop taking that stuff seriously?

    Elle – your pictures indicate that you’re one sexy bony sack.

    Kimba – Again, see Em: A confident attitude, and a sincere desire to be GG&G goes a hell of a lot farther than you might think.

    Kate – I like that saying, and it’s so true. 18 year olds are too busy thinking about what they’ve seen in Playboy to “get it.” Men, OTOH, don’t want some little thing that’s going to break if they play with it.


  9. Aarkey says:

    Of all the relatives I have in my parents generation, by far the most vocal and expressive about liking sex is my aunt who at 5’6″ weighs in at over 200# easily. She’s clearly has her fun 🙂

    Oh, and more good F words: fascinating, flirty, frisky, fearless, fiery, forceful… frenetic? Clearly I’m out with that last one!


  10. Fusion says:

    Great post Tom, I’ve said this for a long time,
    and very much prefer a curvy woman to a “stick chick”.

    Nuff said…


  11. beautifulcatastrophe says:

    Yay, I’m glad you posted this! As a fat woman who has no trouble finding sex partners, I can attest to the fact that the stereotypical ideals don’t seem to have much basis in the reality of attraction.

    [BTW, the graphic you used is by Les Toil (, who specializes in portraits of sexy, large women.]


  12. Steve Mayhew says:

    Good stuff. I like chunk, myself. ‘Brick House’ and all that.

    Only one thing – I’m concerned about the very dry, impersonal nature of the study data you mention. Did they ask whether larger women were enjoying the sex or not? Did they ask about weight as a factor in the length and happiness of relationships?

    I can’t help but think of jokes and attitudes going around when I was in college – “Fucking is fat girl is fun, but you wouldn’t want to tell your friends” pretty much sums them up. Gross, I know.

    If the weight prejudice in the media filters into male perceptions in the way I suspect it does, it could be the case that overweight women, particularly young women, are considered as fair game by man for a one-nighter, as “something different,” but not as someone you’d want to be with in the long term.

    I think another study would need to focus on the actual satisfaction of larger women in relationships, not just the basic fact of whether or not they have had intercourse or not. Just a hunch.


  13. Sylvie says:

    Where are you?


  14. Tom Allen says:

    BC – Thanks for the link to Les Toil’s site. Some great artwork over there.

    Steve – I don’t know the details, but here’s something to consider: the average women’s clothing sizes are 10 to 14, while the average TV star is something like a 4 to 6.

    Sylvie – I’m at my desk at work. Where are you?


  15. Shoal says:

    I hate to be a downer, but I think that Steve is hitting closer to the point. I think that while more BBW are having sex, it is more to do with the lowered self-esteem that we let our culture feed us. If we aren’t thin, then we aren’t worth anything, so we will over compensate by being “easy” because we are finally getting attention. That is not really a good thing. I know that I personally have been more promiscuous due to my own lowered self-esteem.

    I know not everyone may agree, but this is how I have seen it in my experiences.


  16. sensuouswife says:

    Great topic, Tom. I was just talking about this a coupla weeks ago over at momlogic. I say whatever your size, embrace your sexuality, embrace your husband, and get busy! Life is too short to wait until you think you look perfect to live it.

    I work out regularly and try to eat the way my doctor recommends, and I am shrinking. I’m shrinking for my health, not to feel sexy. I’m already sexy. By the way, I had to laugh because while my story might currently support the statistic of overweight gals having more sex, I intend to keep having more sex when I am no longer overweight (laugh) so what will that do to the statistic?

    I thought about you yesterday, Tom, when I was at the gym and I didn’t just glance in the mirror, I watched and saw that not only was my squat machine form good, I was in good form! 🙂
    Enjoy your day,


  17. sensuouswife says:

    Oh and thanks for the link love!


  18. Rose says:


    I just happened to find your blog, and I must say, this post has already gotten me hooked on it! 😛 It thrills me to see someone, or to be more specific, a MAN writing freely, and unabidingly on the topic of heavy-set women, and in such a positive way!

    Thank you, for pointing out that women are our own worst enemies. Thank you, for showing that some people can actually look past an image to see who someone really is. And thank you, mostly, for not being afraid to show how you really feel on a subject that has become, sadly, very touchy to most people.

    By the way, congrats on 185, and good luck getting even further!!!

    Hope you stop by and see me sometime! Cause I’ll be dropping by here more often! 😀

    Blessed Be.



  19. Dave P says:

    Call me shallow.

    Despite all of the intellectual arguments supporting it, my libido just can’t get onboard with fat. I’ve tried, really, I have, but the horse just won’t drink.


  20. Tom Allen says:

    Shoal – I do understand that point, but I also know that coincident data points don’t always indicate causation. Consider that most women are “overweight” as defined by those bazillions of medical charts that tell us how much fat and muscle are deemed correct (and of course, men have the same problem). Just how “overweight” do women have to be before the self-esteem issue kicks in?

    SW –

    I say whatever your size, embrace your sexuality, embrace your husband, and get busy! Life is too short to wait until you think you look perfect to live it.

    You’ve got it, baby!

    Hey, you weren’t the woman in the green leotard I was looking at the other day, were you? Whoo!

    Rose – I’m really surprised at your comment. As I’ve noted, most men are nowhere near as fussy or critical of a woman’s shape as women themselves seem to be. Yes, there are men who prefer size 2 stick women. But that’s okay – there are men who prefer blondes, tall women, and strippers. It’s okay to have a preference – it’s just not okay to disparage those of others.

    Dave – Okay, you’re shallow.
    No, as I just wrote, you have a preference, and it’s fine. Nobody should feel guilty for having a preference, just as nobody should jump all over you for having one.


  21. Pingback: Hot ‘n’ Heavier « The Edge of Vanilla

  22. havingmycake says:

    Did anyone actually analyse the data of the build of the men being fucked by either group of women?

    Thought not.


  23. Tom Allen says:

    Cake – men don’t typically obsess over their weight, nor do they typically make catty remarks to other men about theirs.

    Yes, it’s a double standard – but for the most pert, it’s women applying the standard to themselves.


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