Some serious denial going on

For those of you who missed this last week, here’s the item as reported in the Daily Telegraph (Australia):

Melody LaLuz and Claudaniel Fabien abstain kissing until wedding day

December 02, 2008 12:00am

WON’T kiss on the first date? How about waiting until marriage?
Melody LaLuz and Claudaniel Fabien, of Chicago, in the US, shared their first kiss yesterday at the altar.

The two teach abstinence at the city’s public schools and practiced what they preached to their teenage students.

The couple had never kissed and that they had never been alone together in a house, the Chicago Tribune reports.

A friend of LaLuz says wedding guests cheered and stomped during the two-minute smooch between the 28-year-old bride and the 30-year-old groom at the altar.

Who could blame them.

And LaLuz and Fabien say they have no worries about how they will spend their honeymoon in the Bahamas.

I thought that this was a joke when I’d first heard it on the radio last week. But after giving this some thought, I’ve decided that I’m fine with the idea. Hey, if other people want to abstain before marriage, that’s great – as long as they don’t expect me to do the same.

Yes, I’m aware that there’s some irony here. The key, though, is the word “expect.”

I’ve heard several people – all of them women – talk about how “sweet” and “romantic” the situation is. I should point out that none of these women waited, and I happen to know that several of them probably would not have waited if you paid them.

Sometimes our culture is just so screwed up about this whole sexuality thing, you know?

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
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18 Responses to Some serious denial going on

  1. Kate says:

    “Sometimes our culture is just so screwed up about this whole sexuality thing, you know?”

    You said a mouthful honey…


  2. Lady Julia says:

    Hey, if other people want to abstain before marriage, that’s great – as long as they don’t expect me to do the same.

    Very few people can be as open minded. Many who are kinky or very open sexually are sometimes as judgmental about other people’s way of doing things as those people are about ours. Kudos to you.

    I’ve heard several people – all of them women – talk about how “sweet” and “romantic” the situation is. I should point out that none of these women waited, and I happen to know that several of them probably would not have waited if you paid them.

    One doesn’t have to do something or even want to do something to appreciate the beauty in it.


  3. Patty says:

    I find it interesting that when this story is covered it is viewed in a positive, wholesome light. I wonder if the same tone would be taken if one of our marriages were covered by the news, Tom.


  4. robert says:

    I really appreciate your even-handed and fair treatment of this story too, Tom.


  5. Fuse says:

    My opinion (which basically was “Fuck that!”) is based on what happened with my marriage years ago. To me sex, let alone kissing, is way too important a part of a relationship to wait till marriage. This new girl I’m seeing wants to take things slow, and I’m OK with that for now, but if we’re not getting horizontal by the end of the second month, I’m moving on, regardless of how harsh that may sound. For me absentance is akin to playing Russian roulette, and after losing that game years ago, never again…


  6. Tom Allen says:

    Lady Julia –
    Many who are kinky or very open sexually are sometimes as judgmental about other people’s way of doing things as those people are about ours.

    *rolls eyes*

    I’d like to think that I’ve got a pretty decent irony meter working for me, so I try to think carefully about such situations.

    For example, I’m obviously okay with the denial – but we look at denial as a type of sexual play. Mrs. Edge doesn’t get off on denying me simply because it’s a religious or moral thing; to us, it’s extended foreplay. And interestingly, we feel a bit of a minority in a fetish subculture that assumes chastity and OD play is something done in conjunction with cuckolding, sissy play, or other, less vanilla aspects.

    What does bother me about the story is how it’s played up elsewhere as an old-fashioned “isn’t that nice?” tale of What Our Society Is Missing Nowadays. The small irony is that a story such as this is newsworthy simply because it doesn’t happen (much) any more.

    The more subtle irony is that the story is played up in media outlets that are now known never to miss an opportunity to let us know that Britteny, Madonna, Christina, or whoever, isn’t wearing underwear, or to advertise a “racy” play or movie, or to report the latest political sex scandal in as much detail as possible.

    Patty – Interesting question. How would this headline fly?
    Man kept in chastity device for two year engagement; wife may not unlock it until after honeymoon
    I suspect that it would not have the same “Oh, isn’t that sweet?” reaction that this story has had.

    Once in a while, a news service or news blogger will run across a website selling CBx000s and post about it. I saw one last week – the comments left by readers are always the same. “WTF is that? You’d never get me into one of those!” or “Who the hell buys that perverted stuff, anyway?” or “That’s stupid, if yo don’t trust your husband, then you’ve got major problems to work out,” and others of a similar nature.

    IOW, the reaction is similar to what the profane say about kinksters in general, anyway.

    Fuse – You have a different case: having been previously married (not to mention being older and – hopefully – wiser), you generally have different expectations.

    But that points up one of the reasons that our society is so screwed up about sexuality still – we acknowledge that it’s an important part of our lives, but we act as if it’s something we should ignore until after we are married (and note the underlying assumption that we should be married).

    And again – I have some friends who are very religious and often bemoan the state of corruption in our society, and no matter how often I explain to them that some people consider themselves to be less repressed and better off, they would still love to see things return to the 1950s. Of course, I’d bet that they would yell and scream were things to revert to, say, the 1600s.

    Yet, as long as they maintain their beliefs in their own homes and don’t try to impose them upon me, then I’m cool. I mean, hey, I don’t go to their homes suggesting that they buy a CB3000 and some sturdy handcuffs.


  7. Ranai says:

    I wonder if people who say no sex (or even kissing) before marrying is good for a society would think differently if they’d tried out living in a society where it is a crime.

    “That’s stupid, if you don’t trust your husband, then you’ve got major problems to work out”
    Makes me think of a bondage equivalent:
    “Bondage? That’s stupid, if you don’t trust your partner not to run off when you want to have sex with him, then you’ve got major problems to work out.”
    Kink & utilitarian thinking do not compute well.


  8. sulkygirl says:

    I would be interested, Tom, to see this story written with their absitinence being described as a kink. Imagine if it was that kink they taught in schools..

    Society is quite considerably fucked up about sexuality.. I am a product of it..
    Meeting you has helped.. true.. it has.. But I wonder if I am on some slippery prudish slope..
    Help some more!


  9. Cat says:

    Sweet? Romantic? It sounds like the weirdest approach to a life long relationship to me. Kind of like buying a pair of jeans without trying them on. Except I think winding up with a spouse who can’t kiss or you don’t hit it off sexually with is a lot worse than a pair of jeans you can’t wear. But hey to each is own.


  10. Tom Allen says:

    Ranai – that’s what I meant about going back to the 1600s. There are always some people who look back and think that some period of time was a “golden age” – but it’s only upon examination that we find that some people are romanticizing certain aspects, and ignoring others.

    Sulky – because the situation is so uncommon, it almost could be considered a kink. The thing is, being done in a religious context over-rides the sexuality aspect.

    Some wires picked this up and put a “How odd” spin on it, but nobody was critical of them – and I’d have to agree.

    Too bad that you didn’t live closer – we’d help you over a few humps.

    Cat – here’s something to think about with regard to test driving your future mate:
    How often have you heard somebody say “Nice guy, great personality, good job, but I dumped him because he/she was a bad lay.” ? I’ve heard of guys dumping women who won’t have sex often (or at all) but never because it was bad. I think that people believe that it will always get better as you get to know each other, so they rarely make an issue of bad sex.

    And think about this: How often do we hear of people who are screwing like rabbits, but just can’t get along?

    Personally, the “no sex before marriage” just doesn’t work for me. Mrs. Edge and I were in bed on our 2nd date – although we’d both been married before, so the situation is different.

    Sort of.

    My sister is a divorced Fundy, and she’s been seeing this guy on and off (another fundy) for three years or more, and they don’t have sex. So, apparently it’s just not as important to some people as it is to us perverts.


  11. darklily says:

    Ooh….snow, pretty.

    Yes, I have something more substattive to say, but right now I’m being nostalgic.

    I miss real snow. 😦



  12. GreyOwl says:

    Well… guess it is a good thing we’re all a bit different and sit in different slots on the spectrum. Personally… as you already know, I prefer your style of tease. I just want to be able to write about it as well.


  13. gillette says:

    I’m curious about the relationship between “Romantic” and holding back, denial, abstinence. What’s that about?


  14. gillette says:

    Oh..and pain, loss, death, angst…did it start with the medieval courtier thingie? Hmmmmmm…..


  15. Cat says:

    Tom you make a very good point…the bottom line is I don’t believe in abstinence it’s just not my thing. But I totally respect anyone who believes differently and sticks to it.


  16. Tom Allen says:

    Cat, I’m with you. I’d personally want to test drive before I settle down, especially considering that I’m high-maintenance in that area 😉
    But I’m aware that some people just aren’t as concerned with it, or attach different priorities to it. Hey, I’m cool. Just don’t pressure anyone else to accept the same.

    Gillette, the question “What is ‘romantic’?” is a topic unto itself. My own perspective is that women typically see romance in situations in which men sacrifice a lot.

    DL – You can have my snow. It was a brisk freakin’ 10º this morning.

    GO – Mrs. Edge seems to be getting the denial and teasing bug again, and I’m testing out some major mods to a CB6000. I’m hoping to have some pics and an article about it soon.


  17. Mykey says:

    Been meaning to comment on this for quite a while. I kind of do have a problem with it. Partly its because I know many people like that do try and impose their views on others. Partly because society, especially american society does hold it up as something to be impressed by, admire or even aspire too. And the outcome so often is this. A life so nearly ruined.

    I generally have a problem with the way sex is treated in society. Although not directly related I recently watched a bit of Hostel. I had heard about it and wanted to see what the hype was about. Its torture porn, sheer mindless torture for the sake of it. Made me feel deeply sick. I used to watch zombie movies as a teen, and even made a couple. Yet this was so far beyond even my line of acceptability. Whats the worst you can imagine a human being doing to another, brainstorm it, and make a film of a load of them, and make it realistic, no zombie comic effect here. This is bad enough, but this was on terrestrial TV, not dvd. Normal free to air television. Yet anything much beyond a pair of breasts and a suggestive love scene would never make it to our televisions. What the hell kind of society is that? What would you rather your kids saw or even emulated.



  18. Milliscent says:

    I’ve thought about the story, and I just can’t bring myself to think of it as sweet or romantic.

    Sexual compatability is so very important to any long term relationship that I’m afraid these people are taking a horrible risk with their future happiness together.


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