Fucking Machines: You’re doing it wrong

Here’s a rather lurid news report from Baynet.com, on an unfortunate incident in Lexington Park, Maryland:


UPDATE: Bloody Tragedy in Lexington Park

LEXINGTON PARK – 3/11/2009
UPDATE March 11, 1:30 p.m.

On March 9, the St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office was notified of a Lexington Park, Maryland woman, reportedly aged 27, who was flown to Prince George’s Hospital for an injury which occurred on March 8, as a result of a sexual act involving the use of a reciprocating saw. The original 911 call was dispatched as a medical emergency.

St. Mary’s County Bureau of Criminal Investigation Detectives conducted an investigation which determined the injury was a result of a consensual act between two parties and no crime was committed.

At approximately 1:30 a.m. on Sunday, March 8, units from Bay District Fire Department and Lexington Park Rescue Squad responded to a call for a woman bleeding in Lexington Park.

A man told authorities that he had placed a sex toy on a saber saw blade and that the blade had sawed through the plastic and severely wounded the woman. Trooper 7 transported the woman to PG Hospital. The case remains under investigation at this time. No word on the condition of the woman at this time.


I’m one of those people who loves to tinker with things, and when I’d first heard about the various electro-mechanical apparatuses (apparati?) for indulging this kink, I immediately thought of several ways to go about this, all of which remained unbuilt. Not that I doubt my own abilities – in real life I’m actually an accomplished woodworker and metal worker – but I know all too well about the typical male tendency to over-engineer certain aspects of an invention, so I try not to build anything that might get me hurt. I mean, I’m curious and creative, but I’m not going to be bloody stupid about it.

I have to admit that this is a hot fantasy for me. Err... sometimes.

I have to admit that this is a hot fantasy for me. Err... sometimes.

As usual, the interesting part of such news items is in the online comments at the end of the article. I was fascinated by the several comments to the effect that the couple involved, instead of being simply stupid, were sick.

You think some guy would date a girl he drilldos? Morons, she was a whore!

I thought wow where in the world did anyone think this is a good idea??!! Right now before I call her a whore or stupid…

if you think printing trash will keep youngsters from trying stupid things,,,wrong…the news is full of this crap everyday, it didn’t stop the subjects of this article did it…printing smut and gory details of crimes and accidents does not stop them

(In response to the fact that the news was actually made public) I totally agree with you that they could have left this out and the bible says it is only going to get worse. People don’t care or have any respect anymore.

thats far, VERY far from stupid, not only disgusting but VERY ignorant.

I dont feel bad for her either, shes just as stupid as he is.

Haven’t people heard of the old fashioned way?? How bored and stupid can you be??!!

This is a clear cut case of lack of self esteem! Any woman who would allow any other human being to be entrusted to insert said object into her personal being is in serious deep poop mentally! This is clearly someone that has no self esteem, nor self worth. I say get her physcially (sic) healed first then go straight for the brain work! I hope and pray for a speedy recovery for this poor soul both physically and mentally!

Well, here's one reason you might want a machine.

Ah, well, here's one reason a fucking machine would come in handy.

Really? I wonder what that last commenter would make of this girl.

Anyway, it goes without saying… well, at least it should got without saying, that anytime you’re thinking about hooking up power tools to your body you need quite a bit of experimenting and fine tuning before you throw the switch. Our best wishes go out to the poor woman, and we hope she recovers soon.

Oh, and credit for these captioned images goes to one of my new favorite time wasters sites: Chastity Captions. Where do people find the time to come up with all this stuff?

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in News, Sex news, Sex Toys, Sexuality & Relationships and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Fucking Machines: You’re doing it wrong

  1. thisgirl says:

    oh Tom, thank you for bringing this to my attention…i had seen the article already but you are quite right the cpmments are ludicrous….i was *this* close to giving old sweetiepie a piece of my mind! Or the chance to review my blog….lol

    I don’t see what any of us do as being psychologically damaging….we embrace our desires…rather than supress them…so thats mentally healthy in my eyes.

    TG xx

  2. MyKey says:

    Good God what was the inventor thinking! Wouldnt you consider such a possibility (it is a saw after all) and file off the blades or wrap it in some ally before putting a bit of soft plastic or silicone around the thing? Honestly. Shame it wasnt inside himself, could have been a darwin award in the making!

  3. ptathuk says:

    Tom,

    Quote [Where do people find the time to come up with all this stuff?]

    Could be an obsession thing?

    ptathuk

  4. david says:

    Tom,.

    Here is a yahoo group that does captions. I have my own folder there. You might enjoy them, as you said you enjoy the other fellow’s.

    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dirtyshawn176/photos/album/0/list?mode=tn&order=mtime&start=1&&count=20&dir=asc

  5. Elle says:

    Oh gee. Ouch for that poor, stupid woman! Not sick, but not very bright…

    As far as making a link between this event and her lack of love for herself, I fail to see how someone could come up with this idea. People will try all sorts of things. I think a lot of it is just being curious and playful, it’s part of human nature. And naturally, people do this for sex too, and that’s not even going into the whole kink/BDSM thing. Which I just shouldn’t get into, since it’s just sick, right? 😉

  6. arafinte says:

    There used to be an strange little book floating around garage sales called “Urological Oddities”, written by two gynecologists. There was a chapter entitled “Foreign Objects”, the weirdest example given therein which described a wine cork impaled with two sewing pins to form a cross. This device was found inside a woman’s bladder. As in all other cases the authors described, the patient swore she had no idea how it got there. Here is a more recent book which deals with the same sort of thing. It seems that we, as humans, are often quite intent on inserting things into ourselves which would be better left outside, (in some cases even outside the imagination).

    http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/03/28/arts/idbriefs29B.php?page=1

    The mental process by which a person seeks sexual satisfaction but winds up obtaining injury is not really that hard to understand. The state of sexual arousal is largely subconscious. It is trance. In trance a person’s ability to critically analyze their own thought process is diminished, hence the plethora of wacky things people do when overcome with desire. The woman you mentioned who attempted conjugation with a reciprocating saw would probably never have seriously entertained such an idea on a purely intellectual level. It was likely trance brought on by desire that allowed her imagination to lead her down the path to the hospital, a destination she was incapable of seeing at the time.

    In all the world, of all the sexual acts committed throughout all time by humans, what percentage have been done with clear minds in which conscious critical analysis is prominent? I doubt very many.

    Arafin

  7. gillette says:

    Wow in the comments to that article. Just wow. Humans can be so mean.

  8. sexywhispers says:

    There is something very wrong with these machines IMHO. Machines by nature miss the very element that makes sex facinating and worth the act: human response! I want a man that stutters, loose breath, and splatters all over the place after a deep battle with control. A machine has only a switch. I dont have an on/off switch….only into psychological switches.

  9. Cat says:

    It looks like they should have done a bit of research http://mistressmatisse.blogspot.com/2009/03/i-posted-little-over-year-ago-about-how.html on the attachments first.

  10. Old Gringo says:

    Two comments…first, nine times out of ten, it’s a guy that thiks this shit up, and then talks the lady into it,

    and,………in the park?????? Public sex is one thing, and big fun, but somehow this seems…strange.

  11. chester english says:

    We need more of this. Life is to short ! Take big bites, moderation is for monks.

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