Rat in a Cage

I’ve been reading Thumper, who recently had a rant major complaint whinge some strong opinions on the fact that he spent 10 days in enforced chastity, at the end of which, his wife, Belle, wanted him to have an orgasm. He wasn’t happy about that.

I know, I know — those of you not into the Orgasm Control/Denial thing are saying “What? He went a week and a half without coming, and he wanted to keep going? That’s whack, yo!” And yes, it does seem that way, until you give this some thought.

First of all, there’s the “personal best” factor involved. When you do something for a long time, you want to keep doing it, or else you feel like you’ve wasted yoru efforts not doing it well. Mrs. Edge and I have been here. You try it for a couple of weeks. Then the next time you think “Well, maybe a month or so.” The next time, after a month you’re thinking that two, or three months is reachable. You see where this is going, right? If neither of you is sane, the next thing you know you haven’t come for six, nine, maybe twelve months. And believe me, when you go for several months, the next time that you’re locked up, you often feel like you have to go just a little bit longer. This could be just one of those competitive guy things, although Mrs. Edge seems to urge me on pretty frequently.

My point is that there are different reasons for wanting to continue being denied, as paradoxical as it sounds. And let’s not forget the simple pleasure of not having pleasure.

Wait, what?

As someone in a relationship in which the both of us enjoy the power exchange of Orgasm Control, I can tell you that once you get past the point of thinking that you are missing out on your orgasms (admittedly, this takes some time to learn), you get into a stage in which you are constantly living on the edge of frustrated arousal that becomes not simply pleasant, but an almost over-whelming feeling of expectation and anticipation.

It’s 24 hours of feeling like you’re just about to unwrap a gift.

It’s the moment between seeing the rockets being lit, and seeing the huge fireworks explosion in the sky.

It’s being the in the roller coaster just three seconds before it hits the top and plummets down the track.

It’s being a child going to bed on Christmas eve.

The constant anticipation can be heady and dizzying and wonderful and very emotional, and all at the same time.

Naturally, there’s a down side.

Anybody with a couple of college psychology classes under their belt probably remembers reading about those experiments in which they had rats pressing levers to reward themselves with food after learning a new trick. Eventually, somebody figured out how to implant tiny electrodes in their brains, so pressing on the levers stimulated certain pleasure centers.

Must have saved a lot on food, because in some experiments, the rats were reported to have crawled into a corner to press the stimulant lever until they collapsed from exhaustion. As it happens, new studies have shown that the “pleasure” the rats were getting was not specifically sexual; rather, it seems to be rooted in the pleasure we get from hunting, seeking, or finding. In other words, those rats were fixated on — some might say addicted to — the thrill of the chase, or the excitement of anticipation.

This makes sense in a lot of ways. Every hear any little children say that they wish it could be the day after Christmas all year long?

Now, there’s no way that I’m going to say that orgasms are not pleasurable — mine certainly are. I’m just saying that those of us who have discovered the thrill of anticipation and the inherent pleasure of arousal need to learn how to take a step back from those levers once in a while, if only to remember how to enjoy what you have, instead of what you are hoping to get.

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in Birdlock, CB2000, CB3000, CB6000, chastity, Chastity & Orgasm Denial, Chastity Devices, Fetish & Kink, male chastity, orgasm control, orgasm denial. Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Rat in a Cage

  1. Sulpicia says:

    Even though I’ve rifled shamelessly through your archives… I’ve been waiting for this post. And you have been as succinct as I expected you to be.

    Not sure I could EVER do what you’re doing (for starters – no cock of my own, biologically speaking)… And not sure if, offered the real one over the OTHER one, I would choose the OTHER one….

    Hmmm. What am I trying to say.. I think for me, reading you, has a lot to do what goes through your mind, what you dream etc, and what you share with Mrs. Edge. And how those dynamics are ever evolving. Which fits into my notion that whatever kink we all have it’s all about communication. Because whether we admit it or not we all have our “thing” or “things.”

    Not sure what I would do with a man like you… But, ultimately, I suspect a good coffee (or scotch) and an amazing conversation about the stuff we dream about. To get further into the depth of desire.

    Thanks for writing. Makes me feel like being ever more VERY honest about my own desires… XS

  2. thisgirl says:

    I am sure you will understand Tom when I say just one word

    SQUEAK

    😉 x

  3. Tom Allen says:

    Sulpicia, don’t get the idea that this has always been a kink for us, or that Mrs. Edge doesn’t care for my natural one, or that we jumped into this with both feet.

    Years ago, I ran across male chastity devices and thought it was pretty weird. I mean, I spent most of my adult life trying to *have* orgasms; what whack job goes around trying *not* to have one?

    I forget when, but at some point I decided it would be cool to make one, just for a bit of play. I introduced it to Mrs. Edge, and we played with it, but usually just a few days or a long weekend. Once it was almost two weeks, and that was fun.

    It wasn’t until some years later that we revisited the idea; we were trying to find some kind of common kink to play with, since our married sex life had gotten a bit, well, it wasn’t good. And even then, it wasn’t the chastity, it was the denial that seemed to work for her. All the other stuff has come about more gradually.

    As for me, if she had suggested some different kink, I’m sure I would have gone along with that, and I’d be writing about completely different things.

  4. Ms. C. says:

    m and i tried chastity and denial and discovered it just did not work for us. He became petulant and centred on his fantasies and I was bored with it and his response.

    I have found with m, I can gain much more control by making him come in humiliating circumstances and demanding service for the privilege. Denied, he turned off, treated like a come whore, he will do anything I tell him, no matter how low and demeaning.

    The trick is to find the right lever.

  5. Fusion says:

    Yes, like S I’ve been waiting for a post like this as well. Cat wrote one a while back explaining what she got out of bondage and it made sense, just like this post does too. I have wondered about the why for a long time, and while I personally could not live with OD (I’d get too frusrated with it), I understand it better now. Thanks for that.

  6. ptathuk says:

    Tom,

    I’d like to add my thanks for this post. I can totally agree and identify with the feelings you expressed. I’d add a couple of things:

    First: I think an important part of all this is togetherness. You mention this, but I think the bonding process with a mate is a powerful factor. I love the term ‘co-conspirator’. It’s like you’re sharing something special with the one you love.

    Second: Is more to do with the submissive male. A sense of belonging to one’s mate is essential, here. I’ve found that the more I’m in love, the more submissive I become. Please don’t ask me why. Haven’t the foggiest.

    ptathuk

  7. thumper says:

    I’ve been reading Thumper, who recently had some strong opinions on the fact that he spent 10 days in enforced chastity, at the end of which, his wife, Belle, wanted him to have an orgasm. He wasn’t happy about that.

    It wasn’t even a week, not ten days. More like five.

    Otherwise, I’m pretty much in agreement with you.

  8. little bitch says:

    Tom-very well written. i loved your comparisons to Christmas Eve and roller coasters. Just incredibly insightful.

  9. allforher says:

    There is definitely a thrill in the moment before you cum when you haven’t for a period of time. My personal longest is five weeks (been there multiple times but every single time my wife decides I’m due despite not keeping track herself, lol) and while usually I’m feeling desperate for an orgasm, the moment you know you are allowed to cum your mind races and all sorts of mixed emotions crop up. On one hand you want desperately to orgasm, and on the other you desperately want to go longer. Often I reach the point where I just DO NOT WANT to, but can’t bring myself to stop.
    The same goes for being denied. I just made a post mentioning this past weekend where my wife told me it would be more fun if I waited instead of being allowed to orgasm. The sheer thrill of hearing the denial made me want to hump madly and explode in orgasm.
    I’ve learned to not try to think about it to much. It’s more fun to just accept it, lol.

    • Tom Allen says:

      AFH, I read your post this morning 🙂

      Curiously, during those times when we’re not doing the OD thing, she can always bring me right to the edge (if not over) by talking about how much longer she’s going to make me go for the next time. OTOH, I can get her off by telling her how long I’d like to go; telling her that she should deny me for the rest of the year is an immediate orgasm for her.

      We’re trying something new now; we’re not going to negotiate a time, we’re leaving it entirely up to her for the next year – how many, when, how, whatever. So far it’s going pretty well.

  10. advochasty says:

    Hey Tom,

    Great post and imagery! I’ve found that I get very possessive of my chastity the longer I go. Ha! My chastity…

    I’ve mostly done “on-my-honor” hunts/roller coaster rides/personal bests. And the rat pushing the pleasure button is so on my money I can’t begin to tell you.

    I’ve pretty much sworn off anything past two weeks these days, though at the request of my dear friend She, I’m going into week three – a recent best.

    The subways, the women at work in their suits, the bare feet in the park are all soooo much more interesting today than they were two weeks ago, and they were all pretty good then.

    It’s all pretty mind altering for me. Your descriptions helped me put it in context.

    Thanks man! You rock, dude.

  11. Cat says:

    So you went and wrote the explanation post while I wasn’t paying attention huh. A very well written post I might add.

  12. Pingback: Orgasm Denial? Oh, Pooh! « The Edge of Vanilla

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