All porn is gay porn

I learned something new today. Apparently, all porn has the potential to turn you gay, because it makes your sex drive turn inwards.

Yeah, I know some of you don’t believe me, but a real life politician said this, so it must be true. Politicians couldn’t tell you something if it weren’t true, could they?

Here are some excerpts from the Washington Independent article:

One of the final events of the Values Voter Summit was a Saturday breakout session on “the new masculinity,” a wide-ranging topic that one speaker used to explain how any and all pornography could lead young people into homosexual lifestyles. That speaker was Sen. Tom Coburn’s (R-Okla.) chief of staff Michael Schwartz, a longtime conservative activist who has worked for the senator since 2005.

Schwartz told the crowd about Jim Johnson, a friend of his who turned an old hotel into a hospice for gay men dying of AIDS. “One of the things he said to me,” said Schwartz, “that I think is an astonishingly insightful remark… he said ‘All pornography is homosexual pornography, because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards.”

There were murmurs and gasps from the crowd. “Now, think about that,” said Schwartz. “And if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants! You know, that’s a good comment, it’s a good point, and it’s a good thing to teach young people.”

I’ll let you draw your own conclusions. Me, I’m going to toss out my Playboy issues and stick to perusing more manly, heterosexual material — like the pictures of muscley body-builders in Men’s Fitness magazine.

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
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13 Responses to All porn is gay porn

  1. maymay says:

    I just saw this on The Daily Show. Hilarious and ridiculous. 🙂

  2. acaptivatedman says:

    Tom Allen is feeling quite gay
    He’s been watching porn for a day
    Michael Schwartz has a rule:
    Don’t be a damn fool
    Read Men’s Fitness and you’ll be OK

    Sorry, I’ll get my coat.

  3. roo-roo says:

    Porn sometimes inspires me to masturbate, a process in which I give a hand job to a guy. Apparently porn does make you catch the gay.

  4. Billus says:

    So will making lesbians view porn make them straight? A better question might be, do you have to be an idiot to enter politics, or does being in politics make you an idiot?

  5. Desireous says:

    OMG!!! Okay you just have to laugh at the pure ignorance. That is the only thing you can do!

  6. gillette says:

    Oh my…thanks for my dose of humor for the day, Tom. Some logic is sure interesting.

  7. Fusion says:

    I’m with Billus!
    Let’s see what happens when we give the gays straight porn.
    Hot damn, I’ll bet the rainbow coalition will just have to close up shop…

    Just frickin’ unreal. It would be funny if it wasn’t for the fact many people no doubt think this way.

  8. Hmm. He could have a point… 15 years ago I’d have wrinkled my nose if you put lesbian porn on the telly, but I’ve seen so much of it now that I sometimes prefer it — and I’d probably make you get out of the way if I was trying to watch it!

  9. sulkygirl says:

    Does having your sexuality turned inwards manifest in a tendancy to wear lycra and leather together, get on well with your mother and the growth of thick impressive moustaches [in the extreme cases].. and a great dress sense, fantastic personal grooming, lovely social skills and a wicked sense of humour in the [milder cases]?

    Just wondering.. think I could do with a mild case of inward turning sexuality if that is true.. Maybe I should just watch a little bit of porn.

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  11. Pingback: Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed › Don’t you fret, sexism is alive and well in BDSM

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