Valentine’s Day Probabilities

I’ve long suspected that Valentine’s Day is for women to make their men feel inadequate and frustrated (and not in the good, sexual way) by setting them up to do something “‘romantic” (i.e., something found only on The Lifetime Channel or in cheap romance novels) so they can compare it with their other girlfriends.

No, I’m not cynical – just pragmatic. I mean, how often do you see women making wild, expensive demonstrations for their men by, say, giving him power tools, or tickets to the monster truck show?

I’ve been teaching the young teenaged Edgelette that when she’s older, I hope she learns that one or two displays of affection per year are ridiculous; there are 365 opportunities each year, and that someone who shows their love a little bit each day is a better partner than one who only tries to impress on V-Day.

Anyway, I think that I’m going to cook a nice dinner on Sunday evening, and give Mrs. Edge a gift certificate for the local massage and spa. I wonder what that will get me on Sunday night?

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
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26 Responses to Valentine’s Day Probabilities

  1. gillette says:

    Well..if you’re still locked up, then probably not getting lai- in the traditional sense, anyway.


  2. Joanna Cake says:

    Hey, the only thing that would work better for me is to have the spa brought to Ruf’s flat and have him give me one of his famous all over body massages, followed by dinner and, oooh, maybe a movie 🙂

    You see, the thing the Edgelette needs to know is that there should be demonstrations of affection all year round with a big something special on 14th Feb, Xmas and birthday. It doesnt have to monetarily large, just valueful in terms of thought and deed.

    I’ll let you know if the ‘something romantic’ that I have been promised is forthcoming on Sunday 🙂


    • Tom Allen says:

      But that’s exactly the point I’m making – why does there need to be something big a few times a year?

      I was just in the drugstore (the chemist to you), and naturally the card aisle was swamped with men, all looking for the biggest, sappiest, gooiest cards. I wish I could have conducted a survey to ask them how often they give their partners simple affectionate hugs, compliments, and help around the house. In other words, love that is demonstrated through respect, tolerance, and patience, as well as through physical means.


  3. Joanna Cake says:

    PS, Ive just managed to read the smallprint on that graph! Priceless 🙂


  4. ptathuk says:


    I don’t think the word ‘cynical’ mean what you think it means! :-))

    I’m with you on the ‘all your around’ thing, but this is one of those things that women have in their head, and the meaning of which stays there, inaccessible to mere mortals such as men.

    If you were to give Mrs Edge chocolates, massarges, restaraunt trips, etc. each and every day, I’m willing to bet that she would still want something above and beyond on, V-day, Birthday and Xmas. No matter how long the string, it’s never long enough on these days.

    Guys, just take some comfy cushions to your dog-house, as you’ll be there for about a week after each day.


    P.S. Oh, and buy some shares in a card company!


  5. Jz says:

    Errrr, I’ve bought my man power tools, says a tiny voice from the back row…


  6. Tom Allen says:

    And for anyone interested in a woman’s take on the same idea, go see JZ’s post:
    On Failing Romance 101


  7. nursemyra says:

    I never celebrated Valentine’s Day even when Stephen was alive. But I always appreciate flowers any day of the week……


  8. In agreement. There should be no day bypassing lovers wherein that love isn’t credited for all the joy it bringeth not to mention the holes it puts in one’s teeth for all the sweetness.


  9. Lady Julia says:

    Is that seriously how you feel – that what you can’t ever be enough and you won’t get anything out of it? 🙂 Doesn’t sound like the Mrs Edge I’ve read about…


  10. Lady Julia says:

    Yeah, that’s what I thought 😉

    My fella says things like that sometimes just to see if he can tease out a bit of playful punishment.

    He can.

    First, I order him to strip. After all, a naked man is, well – yummy to look at.

    Then I bind his wrists securely in front of him…

    Slip a silken gag in his mouth..

    Run my fingertips along his thigh til he’s oh so excited…

    Then make him watch Steel Magnolias with me.


  11. verity says:

    *sigh* I just love your sense of humor


  12. Lady Julia says:

    Damn, you’re cruel!

    Spread the word, will ya? 😉


  13. cricketed says:

    Hey, Tom, I dropping you a quick note to echo what you said on PT’s blog earlier. My blog stats indicate that you and he are responsible for 90% of the readers I get on any given day. Thank you very much.


  14. Joanna Cake says:


    Im writing in caps because this is the bestest ever Valentine’s Day gift I could ever have asked for.




  15. wendy wicke says:

    Well, J made me a beautiful handmade card for Valentines – out of wood – he does marquettery (sp?) as a hobby. The card was amazing, and it took him several weeks worth of evenings. I couldn’t care less about some tchotchki he could buy at the store, and I have enough jewelry already (shoes are always welcome though). But when he makes something like that card, it’s not just one day, I know he was thinking about me for all the days it took him to make it.

    And it’s his hobby too, so I know he enjoyed himself as well. He cooked a wonderful dinner, and I ate the chocolate cake without complaint.

    He still didn’t get laid however. And that was probably for the best. He’s still a little sore from our SuperBowl escapades.


  16. wendy wicke says:

    Well, there I went again, got thinking about sex and lost my train of thought.

    The point I wanted to make was that sometimes Valentines, or a Birthday, or whatever, is an excuse for something big that takes a lot of planning. J does a lot of woodworking and I get “presents” from him all the time, but he likes to do it up big for those special days. So do I. Father’s day is a treat for him (vanilla as well as the spicy part – need to remind him just how he became a dad). Halloween I try to make the sexiest, kinkiest, palooza I can, and it takes weeks of planning to pull off.

    Maybe it’s just because we’re both lucky enough to enjoy doing nice things for each other. But J doesn’t act like Valentines is an obligation. For him it’s an opportunity. He taught me that, and I try to keep that mindset wheneve some “special day” comes up for anyone in my life.


  17. maymay says:

    I hate Valentine’s day. And most of February. Two years in a row now, it’s marked the end of relationships for me. Screw Valentine’s day.


  18. Fusion says:

    This year the SO and I made a pact to not buy each other anything other than cards, to take the pressure off the day as she said. We bought a nice piece of art together and went away on the weekend as our “present” to each other.
    And she has bought me power tools as well in the past…


  19. Elle says:

    I’ve replied to Vixen’s post about V-day, last week; she was asking if one of the partners is into it, and the other isn’t, what should the non-enthusiastic partner do? Most people said they should make the effort anyway and I kind of agree.

    But this isn’t the point you were trying to make… I agree, valentine’s day is kinda silly. Sounds like a made-up holiday for chocolate, flower and card companies or something. But still, if my guy had done anything special and romantic for that day, I would have cried, even if I don’t care for the holiday at all. It’s the thought that counts.

    As it is, we had a nice (non v-day related) supper on Friday, and that makes me happy enough 😉

    Oh, one thing though… I didn’t really care that my guy ignored the holiday, but I HAVE to admit that when I hear about what other women got from their guys, well… yeah. I’m envious. So the part about “comparing it with their other girlfriends”? Probably true.


  20. Elle says:

    One more thing… I’ve never bought him power tools (I’d be afraid to buy the wrong brand or something) but I HAVE bought him cabinet-making books. And I did my homework, read the reviews and all.


    • wendy wicke says:

      I’ve got it easy, I know he likes DeWalt, so I always know what brand to buy. Getting your guy power tools (or just a gift certificate if you don’t know which one he wants) is a wonderful thing. He makes you nice stuff, and you always know where he is.

      When the lights flicker in the house, I know he’s out in the shop “making sawdust.”


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