Somebody else gets it

Thank Eris! I mean, I’m sure there are other people like us out there, it’s just that you rarely hear from them. It’s probably because they have regular lives, go to work, pay the bills, raise the kids, and kink is either an afterthought, or it’s just not something they discuss on the internet.

Yeah, it’s hard to believe that everybody isn’t into reading, let alone writing blogs, but what can you do?

Anyway, my blog stats showed a handful of visitors from a site that didn’t look familiar to me. A quick click turned into a few well-spent minutes over at Sarah’s “The Male Chastity Blog.” I almost fell out of my chair reading her About page.

Here, listen to this:

We’re a fairly nor­mal hap­pily mar­ried couple (although our being happy per­haps itself makes us not that nor­mal), with one major dif­fer­ence: my hus­band is locked, by his own con­sent, in a male chastity belt.

In an ideal world, he’d be locked long term, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

At least, poten­tially 365 days a year.

I’d unlock him peri­od­ic­ally, per­haps three or four times a year, and allow him “free week­ends” when we make love and he’s allowed to orgasm how and when he wants to, before I locked him in his belt again for the next three or four months.

I love it.

But there’s more:

Look­ing to the future, it’s not impossible, and some days seems entirely likely and maybe even inev­it­able that one day his chastity and denial will become per­man­ent. Not sure yet.

We’ve dis­cussed it and it excites us both, and there’s a clause allow­ing me to decide this uni­lat­er­ally in our chastity con­tract… but there are some obvi­ous chal­lenges with it, not least I, too, would be miss­ing out on the free week­ends I grant him.

See? They acknowledge that it’s a hawt fantasy, but also that it might not be what they really want. They have a practical understanding, and they aren’t into wank fodder.

And then there’s this:

If you’re not into the male chastity “scene” your­self, then you might find this just a little strange. You might even be temp­ted to think he’s some kind of sissy, or some­how less manly because of it.

Noth­ing could be fur­ther from the truth. He’s strong, assert­ive, con­fid­ent sexy and alto­gether manly and masculine.

By this time I’m almost drooling.

By the same token, I’m not some fire-breathing, leather-clad über-Dominatrix who calls him a “worth­less slave” and treats him like dirt. I have to ask myself why she keeps him around if he’s truly worthless.

Ah, Sarah, you had me at “Hello.”

But the icing on the cake, the bacon on the cheeseburger, is this:

If you’re a man, please do not refer to me as “Mis­tress”. I am not John’s Mis­tress, so I am cer­tainly not yours.

What’s more, please write to me in lit­er­ate Eng­lish using proper words and punc­tu­ation, with cor­rect cap­it­al­isa­tion (clue: your name starts with a cap­ital let­ter, and the first-person per­sonal pro­noun starts and ends with one), and don’t even think about using text-speak. You can’t be hanged for that yet, but I sin­cerely hope it’s coming.

No, I’m not a Grammar-Nazi but I am an edu­cated, lit­er­ate woman and I refuse to cor­res­pond with twitch­ing keyboard-jockeys who are prob­ably typ­ing with one hand and banging on the under­side of the desk with the other (yes, you do know what I’m talk­ing about).

:swoons:

They “get it”. Chastity is a fun, exciting kink that works for them. They acknowledge it’s not for everybody, and they aren’t doing it according to some arbitrary set of rules set down by a Gorean obsessed fanatic.

She only has a few posts up, but go visit her and make her feel welcome.

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in CB2000, CB3000, CB6000, chastity, Chastity & Orgasm Denial, Chastity Devices, male chastity, orgasm control, orgasm denial, Sexuality & Relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Somebody else gets it

  1. Sarah says:

    Tom,

    Um… wow. Thank you so much. I’ll reply properly when I’ve picked myself up off the floor.

    Sarah.

  2. Billus says:

    Oh my God, enjoy it quick, before someone comes along and writes 4,000 words on how they’re doing it wrong.

  3. nursemyra says:

    Anyone who appreciates good grammar gets my vote

  4. Susan's pet says:

    She is a bit overboard on the requirements to respond to her. I agree with the grammar and style that she expects, but some out there may not have the ways and the means to apply and still be submissive. After all, sumbissive males, by female supremacy definition, are inferior, and may not have the intellect to comply.

    Aside from that, my reason for this response has to do with her idea of “one day his chastity and denial will become per­man­ent.” That is fodder of fantasy for males, but totally unrealistic. Either she is leading you on with her demeanor, or the whole thing is a male femdom fantasy and she is not really there.

    • Tom Allen says:

      SP, in the several years that I’ve been active on internet forums, I’ve seen a lot of vanilla or newbie women drop in on a board to ask some questions, and then get scared off by the wankers who throw all sorts of weird stuff at them. My guess is that Sarah is reacting to the kinds of guys who address all women as Mistress, even though they haven’t been introduced.

      I dont’ quite get your point about “submissive males”. Are you saying that they don’t have the intellect to address women they don’t know in an appropriate fashion?

      As to her ideas of making her husband’s chastity “permanent”, I think that’s something she and John will work out for themselves. Mrs. Edge and I talk about really long periods or sometimes “never”, but there’s a difference between talking about a fantasy, and actually working it out.

    • Jimi123 says:

      I enjoy most of what she has to say but the appeal of year long orgasm denial is way beyond my concept of exciting. More like “please kill me first” before it goes that long. Teasing and leaking gallons of precum all well and good but… Yikes.

      I liked it much better when I thought they were a typical married couple that used chastity to enhance non chaste honeymoon weekends. That said, I guess anyone can start off with a “little” male chastity and find the control intoxicating and go into permi chastity. As she puts it (So well) you can make this whatever you want.

      Ahh, what do I know I’ve never even heard the click yet!

    • Tom Allen says:

      Jimi, sometimes when you’re in the midst of something you have a different perspective than when you view it from outside the activity. Mrs. Edge and I take breaks because when the device goes on, it sort of feeds into something for both of us, and it tends to *stay* on as long as we’re excited by it.

      Not saying that this happens to everybody, but it probably is due to the difference between having a set date (or random date) and one in which you play until it gets tiring.

    • Sarah says:

      Jimi,

      You also seem to be assuming John views orgasm as the be-all-and-end-all of making love. It’s not.

      To him, the pleasure of denial and feeling 1.2 way to orgasm ALL the time is worth the momentary discomfort of being edged.

      Sarah

  5. Sarah says:

    Susan,

    I suspect you haven’t actually read what you’re commenting on. I don’t want sumbissive messages from sumbissive males.

    That’s the whole point: I’m not a female dominant, John is not sumbissive and I don’t find submissive men in the slightest bit attractive or appealing, as I make clear in the posts you are so magnificently ignorant of.

    And yes, permanent chastity IS a big fantasy but as i also make clear in my posts, there are lots of reasons this might not happen (indeed, had you actually engaged your brain before your typing finger you’d know I also made clear I find it hard even to think about permanent chastity rationally because of the emotional response).

    Sarah.

  6. Hello Sarah,

    I am often amused by a large number of men identifying as ‘submissive’ to women and what they do when they encounter women’s choices which diverge from their own personal preferences. My experience is that despite what they claim to be or want, and despite their alleged regard for women and our sovereign right to choose for ourselves, many of those men seem to enjoy dictating to women what to do, how to do it, and making judgments on everything they think is wrong with our preferences and choices.

    This would be rude from any person in general, but from men identifying as ‘submissive’ to women, I know this can feel especially galling.

    I also appreciate that many of these men can selectively disregard what they respond to and respond only in their own context, which is frequently irrelevant to what was originally said. This is also rude in general. On the up side I find this kind of response useful as a reminder of the kind of person I benefit from ignoring.

    It’s ok, really. Since those men aren’t our partners, as far as I’m concerned they can think and say what they like and it’s nothing to do with us.

    The way I see it, the only opinions and preferences which matter in your situation are yours and your partner’s. Then again this is my personal opinion, which for you may have just about the same merit as any other. 🙂

    Best regards,

    Lubyanka. 🙂

  7. Sarah says:

    Hi Lubyanka,

    I quite agree. I see now “Susan” is “Susan’s Pet”. My mistake. But the rest of what I said is still valid.

    It does amuse me how people like this seem to get irate and indignant about other people’s lives and choices. To wit, his comment: “She is a bit overboard on the requirements to respond to her”, presented as an objective statement of truth rather than his own subjective opinion.

    But the whole point is, I have my rules. I’m not dominant and my marriage is not a female-led one, but I still have my rules and do does John. In particular, one of them is I don’t want messages from illiterate submissive men who have nothing better to do that piss me off with their ungrammatical fantasies.

    Call me a snob, but I don’t associate with stupid, ignorant people. End of.

    Now, people then have a choice: send me a proper message or don’t bother. It’s that simple.

    People like Susan’s Pet who seem to think they’re “entitled” to my time, attention and energy simply because they request it, and the implication I should be more egalitatiran, tolerant and “fair” can quite frankly fuck off.

    My life is not a democracy and they don’t have a vote.

    Apart from anything else, my… indecision… around permanent chastity is clear in my blog. Only Susan’s Pet obviously thought actually reading and understanding before opening his mouth was far beneath him.

    His selective quote “one day his chastity and denial will become per­man­ent” followed by questioning my honesty when what I actually wrote was “it’s not impossible, and some days seems entirely likely and maybe even inev­it­able that one day his chastity and denial will become per­man­ent. Not sure yet” and then further qualified it by pointing out there are challenges to be overcome, reveals more about him than he’d perhaps like.

    On male submissives and topping from the bottom: indeed. They want to be controlled so long as the control is going their way.

    I am fortunate in that John is not submissive in any respect, and I’m not dominant. I’d say in all respects but one we’re in a definitely male-led relationship, in that John’s the tougher one of the two of us, probably the smarter, and definitely the most level-headed (which is really annoying at times). Plus he’s an old-fashioned Gentleman and I love being treated like a lady.

    The only thing we’re into is chastity and orgasm denial, and obviously that’s by John’s consent and mine. It’s a game we play, albeit over several weeks and months.

    And to his credit he never gets shitty, uppity or sulky about it even when his balls are fit to burst.

    Sarah

  8. Sarah says:

    P.S. John read the comment after I called him over and took one look and muttered “fucking chastity Taliban”.

    Most amusing.

    Sarah.

  9. Kat5 says:

    —- Ah, Sarah, you had me at “Hello.” —–

    LMAO!

    I laughed out loud at that one. 🙂

  10. Hello again Sarah,

    “I am fortunate in that John is not submissive in any respect, and I’m not dominant. […] John’s the tougher one of the two of us, probably the smarter, and definitely the most level-headed (which is really annoying at times). Plus he’s an old-fashioned Gentleman and I love being treated like a lady.”

    Tom has recently written about his difficulties with the term “submissive”, and I agree that some terms can be tricky, especially when so many assume that their more limiting definition is the only one. For example, based on some people’s arbitrary limiting of the the term “dominant”, they can often assume wrong things about me without checking. That doesn’t mean I’m not a dominant woman, it just means that some people inappropriately impose their ideas on others. I’m sure you’ve encountered this from people before. :p

    As I understand it, the term “submissive” simply indicates a desire to yield some sexual decision-making to a partner, and the term “dominant” simply indicates a desire to take on some of their partner’s sexual decision-making. That’s what those terms mean to me, and I also know that other people may have different ideas.

    From my own experience I know that there are all kinds of submissive men, just as there are all kinds of individuals within any group. As I understand it, a submissive orientation can and often does include character traits such as toughness, intelligence, level-headedness and courtesy. I personally know submissive men who are tough, intelligent, level-headed and courteous, and I am very thankful that one of those is in my life right now.

    I also know from my own experience that “dominant” doesn’t mean “better”. I’ve known dominant people who have been outshone by their submissive partners in every respect. So I know for a fact that many with a submissive orientation can often be more or better or bigger whatever than their dominant partners.

    I happily accept that the terms “dominant” and “submissive” don’t work for you. Having said that, pointing out the other stuff was important to me because I know that your description of John’s character traits as “not submissive in any respect” just doesn’t fit my experience of the yummier submissive men I’ve known.

    Actually I’m wondering, is it possible you might be confusing “submissive” with “worthless worm“? I know those two ideas are very different.

    “The only thing we’re into is chastity and orgasm denial, and obviously that’s by John’s consent and mine. […] And to his credit he never gets shitty, uppity or sulky about it even when his balls are fit to burst.”

    Well, normally if any of my partners have a problem, then I’d expect them to say so as an adult instead of cryptically showing some kind of attitude and leaving me to figure it out by myself. I’m glad you and your partner communicate well. 🙂

    P.S. John read the comment after I called him over and took one look and muttered “fucking chastity Taliban”.

    Heh, funny. 🙂

    Best regards,

    Lubyanka. 🙂

    • Tom Allen says:

      I personally know submissive men who are tough, intelligent, level-headed and courteous, and I am very thankful that one of those is in my life right now.

      :blushes:

      Why, thank you, Lady L. I’m touched.

  11. I enjoy touching you any way I can, Mr Allen. 🙂

  12. Jimi123 says:

    I guess I’m doing what I hate (in other people) which is to make comments about things I don’t know about and I’ve never been locked up and other then dating (so many years ago I’m not going to admit it) we have not done any serious tease and denial. Sarah and John you make interesting points. Sarah your John must be a keeper or this Male Chastity thing works even better then you guys say! Anyway, we are talking about this so… Wish us luck. I’ll probably be the guy typing with all the missing letters from the tears shorting out the keyboard.

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