Mothers Day Affair

I guess I should spend more time choosing those cards at the drugstore.

From Momlogic:

Why Moms Cheat on Their Man the Day After Mother’s Day

But even if your guy comes up short, Dr. Golland warns moms to think before they cheat. “Cheating on your spouse will only further complicate a challenging situation — and add more carnage to your marital problems,” she says. “The damage created by an affair is very difficult to repair. That is not to say that repair after infidelity is impossible, but to rebuild the trust after such a traumatic event is hard. Statistics show that many marriages do not survive this level of betrayal.”

Often, we hear that men cheat because they aren’t getting enough sex at home, especially after women turn their attention toward the kids. This situation presents an question: are the men who aren’t celebrating and romanticizing Mothers Day doing so because they resent the lack of attention from their wives?  If so, this becomes an interesting dynamic in which it seems that everybody involved becomes disenchanted.

The article continues:

Last Mother’s Day, momlogic spoke with a woman who said that Mother’s Day ended her marriage. “I knew Mother’s Day was off to a bad start when my husband informed me the night before that the holiday had nothing to do with him and it should be between me and the kids. In the morning, I was handed a cold cup of coffee by my husband. My card and gift were left downstairs. The card and gift had been bought hours earlier, after my husband asked me, “So, what do you want, anyway?” No thought, no advance planning, no special effort put forth at all. It was so disappointing. I chose to sleep on the couch that night. My husband chose to move out. Mother’s Day essentially marked the end of our marriage.”

Mothers Day ended her marriage? Sounds to me as if it were already on life support. That’s not just a wife vs. mom problem, her husband was already checked out of the relationship.

Some advice follows, though:

Is there any way to help ensure that you won’t be disappointed on Mother’s Day by your partner? Psychologist Dr. Michelle Golland says that you have to speak up! “I think it is important for moms to share with their husbands what they would enjoy for Mothers Day,” she says. “If you want a day off or breakfast in bed, say so. I told my husband what I would enjoy to do, and I of course will reciprocate for him on Father’s Day. For some reason, we WISH our partners were mind readers. But guess what? They aren’t! So share with them what really matters this year to you.”

I keep telling my wife what I want for Fathers Day, but for some reason, that threesome with Angelina Jolie and Pamela Anderson just never materializes.

Know what I think?

I think that we should make sure to love and appreciate our partners 365 days each year, not once a quarter because of some holiday. That goes for Valentine’s Day, Christmas, birthdays, and even Sadie Hawkins Day. Let’s stop letting the greeting card companies run our lives, and take charge of our relationships for a change.

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in Marriage & Relationships, Sex news, Sexuality & Relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Mothers Day Affair

  1. Black Widow says:

    That is what Mr Spider tells Me, and does………..shows his love and appreciation for Me 365 days a year and not just on “special days” though on “special days” he just goes that extra mile……..

    x BLACK WIDOW x

  2. This is why I have a personal policy of never giving nor expecting cards or gifts on traditional giving days. I give on random days, when I happen to come across something I think is worth giving.

    I try to ensure that I tell kvetch how vile he is every single day. And anyhow I don’t think that’s a present, I think that’s an obligation. 🙂

    It’s interesting the way some people blame holidays for their relationship issues. Do you think they do that because it’s easier and less painful than recognising what’s really going on, or because they really can’t tell the difference?

    • Tom Allen says:

      Whenever I hear somebody (usually a woman) complain that their partner “…never even bought me a present for ___ Day!” I usually want to spray cold water on them; I always wonder two things.
      1) Is he in the habit of buying presents and doing those little things anyway?
      2) Does he generally do little nice things for you during the course of the rest of the year?
      3) (Yes, I know I said two things. Sorry, I wasn’t expecting the bloody Spanish Inquisition) What nice, romantic things do you do for him that you know he appreciates during the rest of the year? You know, as opposed to those little things that you do for him that impress your girlfriends, but that he doesn’t really care about.

  3. Milliscent says:

    I enjoyed learning these statistics, and must admit that I certainly wasn’t expecting them.

    I think though that the advice included in the story is good, we can’t assume that our partners are mind readers, and should ask for what we need.

    Although I do question feeling a need based upon a date promoted by Hallmark.

  4. “Whenever I hear somebody (usually a woman) complain that their partner “…never even bought me a present for ___ Day!” I usually want to spray cold water on them; I always wonder two things.
    1) Is he in the habit of buying presents and doing those little things anyway?
    2) Does he generally do little nice things for you during the course of the rest of the year?
    3) (Yes, I know I said two things. Sorry, I wasn’t expecting the bloody Spanish Inquisition) What nice, romantic things do you do for him that you know he appreciates during the rest of the year? You know, as opposed to those little things that you do for him that impress your girlfriends, but that he doesn’t really care about.”

    1. Nooooooobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! (somebody had to say it)

    2. Have you ever noticed that terms like “normal” and “kinky” are all defined according to what other people consider acceptable? Which perfectly explains why Mrs Edge identifies as vanilla. She’s perfectly normal for her.

    3. In my opinion, “normal” should be listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as some kind of freak condition – most people are dysfunctional, therefore most relationships are dysfunctional. Why is this still news to some people?

    And that’s what I had to say about that.

  5. RabeBurns says:

    I think this falls into the category of – they were already unhappy and this was an excuse for them to take the next step.

    I wonder how many actually follow through and do something about it after they sign up.

    I agree with your attitude Tom – put them first all year round and you won’t have to worry about these things.

  6. Pingback: Record sign-ups at Ashley Madison « The Edge of Vanilla

  7. Sarah says:

    I don’t understand… why don’t these Wimmin have their worthless worms in forced chastity and divorce them if they don’t get the proper “tribute”?

    But, seriously. Relationships are like gardens: they need constant work to make them grow and remain beautiful. And too many people, especially us women, pay only lip-service to the idea “it’s the thought that counts“.

    Not only that, but I see a lot of women complain their men don’t do the romantic things, but get shirty when their men complain they don’t do the hot and steamy gorilla-caveman-sex any more.

    It works both ways, girls.

    Another thing I’ve noticed is men, in the main, are wired differently from women when it comes to presents, gifts and cards and stuff. They forget not because they don’t care about us, but because it’s simply not on their radar. It’s not important to them, even though we are (and the complex-equivalent your forgetting my card means you don’t love me deserves a slap).

    John is a complete air-head and fuckwit when it comes to things like cards and birthdays. He’s never forgotten mine (yet), but his perception of timescales required to get things sorted out leaves a lot to be desired ;-).

    But the flipside is he does nice, caring little things all the time (including almost all the cooking because he’s perpetually losing fat or gaining muscle), and that’s really what counts.

    Sarah

  8. curiositykills says:

    Silent ultimatum is what I call those women signing up after a holiday. Cheating is really the wuss way out of a relationship. The result of either lack of communication or irreconsilable differences and a lack of the guts it takes to end something you know is over. Man up, already.

    Secondly, I’ve recently boycotted all card giving. Now I just add 5 bucks to the gift I’m giving, and have the kids make a cool card or something. Or I just grab some paper and jot down a really nice, sincere few lines.

    I also agree with buying flowers and stuff not only on special days but just for kicks. I love to surprise my wife. Seeing her light up makes my day.

  9. Elle says:

    A little earlier tonight, I almost commented on this post, to say how bad my BF is at gifts. I can understand the disappointment; mine would come from his not putting any thought into it. It made me feel unimportant. Sure, maybe I had my “priorities” in the wrong place, or rather, maybe I looked in the wrong place for signs that he cares. Mostly, I’d get disappointed and then move on. He’s good the rest of the time. He doesn’t do a LOT of the little things, but he does them sometimes and it’s usually cute. We did fight about it once, pretty bad. The first birthday I had with him. But anyway, if his being bad at gift-giving would have caused us to break up, it would have been because of underlying issues (ie, my insecurity). I mean, if he’s bad at gift-giving, it’s just how he is. I think Sarah nailed it when she said, “Another thing I’ve noticed is men, in the main, are wired differently from women when it comes to presents, gifts and cards and stuff. They forget not because they don’t care about us, but because it’s simply not on their radar.”

    So, I was going to say something along those lines, earlier. I refrained from commenting though. And then he showed up with an early birthday present, and it’s pretty good… Karma? 😉

  10. RogueBambi says:

    Last mother’s day me and Wonderboy both congratulated each other. Happy mother’s day! Happy mother’s day to you, too.

    If a relationship is good and happy (or just plain straight spoken and equal), I’m betting no one will get upset on any celebration day. But! If things have gone awry, the special holidays are usually regarded with more emergency. Why didn’t s/he notice? Why doesn’t s/he care? What can I do? (Here’s where the cheating after MDay comes to picture for those with poor self image, esteem and probably a lot of other things starting with self.) 😉

    Because my wonderful Wonderboy has realized I’m happy to invent lots of things for his amusement, happiness and well-being throughout the year, he is reciprocating, and not only on special days the calendar has to remind him of. Maybe it’s good to not play to the old gender stereotypes and just do the acts of love regardless of them. Guaranteed satisfaction, I’m telling you.

    Also, not saying what you really want is generally a bad idea. But you’d think kinksters would be more down with the talking (I wanted to write negotiating but thought it too obvious) than the rest of the humanity. Let’s hope it spreads.

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