Lotus Eating

Yeah, I know it’s been a while since I’ve updated.

[Insert typical blogger excuse about buying too busy here.]

As it happens, Mrs. Edge and I have been taking a chastity break for the summer. A few minor injuries have kept me from hitting the weights for a while, but I’ve gotten a little more seriously into bicycling. I spent much of my summer modernizing an old aluminum frame touring bike, so between that and my old hybrid mongrel I’ve been racking up the miles. I’m pretty sure that the combination of the cycling plus some low carb eating has finally allowed me to break through that weight loss plateau where I’d been stuck for the last year. I’m now well into the next smaller waist size, and all of my suits and dress pants will quite literally fall off of me if I don’t cinch up my belt – which looks stupid, so now I need some new clothes. Even my shirts are too roomy, and I’m fitting into sport jackets that I haven’t worn in years. And jeans? I can wear a size 34 without creating a muffin top. I’m still too embarrassed to get some of those tight spandex biking shorts, but I have been wearing those snug tank tops when I go out. I’ve been remiss at supplying HNT pics, so here’s one that I just ook today.

A side note: my friends are very obviously envious, but not enough to actually do anything about it.

Anyway, the point that I was going to make was that even though over the years I’ve declared that you can cycle with a device, I’ve discovered that there are some limits. My mongrel bike has a split saddle which can accommodate the CB3000, but the road bike requires a more aggressive, hunched-over posture, and I have not found a comfortable saddle. The split ones tend to put you in a more upright position, but nothing is going to make that hard cuff ring comfortable on a road saddle. And since I’ve already spent enough money on replacement parts, I’ll have to wait until next year before I look at other saddle options. So, until bike season is done, my equipment is swinging free.

Let’s see, what else has kept me busy this summer? We’ve had a few family trips, most of them in places with no internet. I managed to survive with limited 3G access, and a Nook Color (birthday present). I’ve built up a couple of computers with Linux Mint, and I’m now experimenting with making a bootable SD card to turn my Nook into an Android pad. Went to a comic/anime convention — in costume. And yes, it was a kick-ass costume, and I got quite a few comments, and won a few rounds of a cosplay deathmatch. My daughter’s friends are now in awe of me as being the coolest dad ever. Oh, and I’ve been doing a lot of reading.

No, not ebooks. I’ve been reading blogs and forums, some of the older ones, and some newer ones, and I’m pleased to see that the discussions about the open-mindedness of the BDSM crowd, the nature of femdom, and the devaluation of “submissiveness” are still going on. In fact, I’ve been quite surprised – pleasantly – at the range of ideas that I’ve seen over the last few months. I think that this is important; BDSM is — in some ways — in a similar position to that of homosexuality 30 or 40 years ago. People acknowledged it existed, but it was something not really discussed in polite company, unless to make some kind of joke or disparaging comment. This is why I find it so ironic (and frankly, not a little disturbing) that within the kink community, “submissive” is perceived as a feminine trait.


As I’ve been watching the web boards and reading the stories of self-identified submissive men who have felt belittled or who have been dissed by their local kink community, I was reminded of something from when I was younger, back when I knew that I was kinky, but before I had learned much about it.

I was about 20, was with my girlfriend and a group of other friends from college (we were probably a little buzzed, as was the custom at the time) and wanted to see a funny movie. We ended up at Revenge of the Pink Panther; this was in the days when if you wanted to see a movie, then you actually had to go to them. I don’t remember all that much about the movie itself, until we got to the last few minutes of the film.

Tanya, the Lotus Eater
(Sorry, WordPress isn’t allowing me to embed this video. )

For those who can’t watch this, here’s the setup: Inspector Clouseau has been away for some time, and Kato has turned his apartment into a brothel. Clouseau shows up wearing the remnants of some kind of disguise, and the Madame, not knowing that he owns the apartment, welcomes him in. She explains that he can take some time to get to know the girls, and to let her know if he has any particular requests. She removes his overcoat, and sees that he’s wearing a woman’s dress.

“Ah, but I see that you already have a preference,” she says.  She rings a gong, and says “Allow me to introduce Tanya, the Lotus Eater.” Tanya, played by bit-part actress Valerie Leon, enters in a low-cut, leather catsuit. Hilarity ensues.

That’s what I remember about the movie. What I also remember is wondering why transvestism was coupled with S&M; to me, they were completely separate kinks. And after that, I began to notice how often S&M – specifically, the submissive  male part – was linked to feminine traits. That was 30 years ago, and frankly, I haven’t seen things improve much over the years. So, when we’re all wondering why the BDSM “community” has this weird concept about submissive guys, I suspect that it’s because for an entire generation we’ve never seen anyone acting any differently.

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in BDSM, Chastity & Orgasm Denial, Chastity Devices, D/s & BDSM, Eye Candy, HNT, orgasm control, orgasm denial. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Lotus Eating

  1. amoxie says:

    It’s interesting that you mention BDSM as similar to how homosexuality was perceived a few decades ago. I’m in a BDSM relationship and my sister is a lesbian. We were recently talking politics and she was complaining about the intolerance and hatred and control so many people have or want to have over homosexual issues and choices. I guess I made a mistake when I said, rather hopefully, “at least homosexuality is becoming more accepted in the mainstream” because she snapped back at me, “Oh, don’t even try to compare our situations. Being gay isn’t a choice. It isn’t something that stays in the bedroom, but being kinky is something you leave in the bedroom. It’s not the same thing.”

    I dropped the topic right then. No point even trying to discuss with that sort of attitude. I love my sister to pieces, but that hypocrisy and selfishness really bothered me. Let’s lump all kinky people into one broad stereotype, and then tell them how they should or shouldn’t act or what they should or shouldn’t be allowed to do, but don’t you dare do that to homosexuals.

    Ever since we had that conversation she’s become very hostile towards my relationship with my Dom not because I let him *dominate* me but because I let *HIM* dominate me. He’s a guy, and he’s a dom, therefore he’s bad news.



    • Tom Allen says:

      Let’s lump all kinky people into one broad stereotype, and then tell them how they should or shouldn’t act or what they should or shouldn’t be allowed to do, but don’t you dare do that to homosexuals.


      Ah yes, it’s almost like how the feminist movement has evolved.

      Seriously, she does have a point: You can *generally* have a d/s relationship with a partner(s) in such a way that it does not impact (heh) any other aspects of your life, so in that respect, it *is* (or could be) just a bedroom thing.

      But she’s missing the larger point, of course, in that right now, in most parts of the US and UK, you *can* acknowledge a gay partner without worrying about you job, losing friends, family, etc. However, people who are discovered to be kinky still risk losing those things, not to mention child custody, etc.


    • amoxie says:

      Bingo. And I would have liked to have talked to her about that, but she gave me the death glare that told me not to even go there with her. She didn’t want any discussion where I would try to compare our situations, legally and politically.


  2. Jz says:

    “my friends are very obviously envious, but not enough to actually do anything about it.”

    Shoot. I thought I’d hid it better…



    • Tom Allen says:

      Heh – you can’t believe the crap I’ve been getting lately. There’s some truth the the folk wisdom that people want the best for you – but only if the best for you isn’t better than what they have, themselves.


  3. tcs says:

    People have a tendancy to try to understand things that are different by lumping them together based on stereotypes. BDSM is not always linked to crossdressing—it is also linked to homosexuality too—there lies the stereotype that that which is feminine, submissive, or gay must be weak. All that being said, it *is* fun for a lot of us to crossdress while being submissive.


  4. dishevelleddomina says:

    Yet another reason I prefer the cobbled together sort of online community I have found rather than having to endure all that nonsense.


  5. Faile says:

    I’ve always been very put off by the ‘image’ which fem dom / male submission has. I guess I prefer my kink with a lot of love and laughter and a healthy dose of realism. It’s been great recently as I’ve read more and more to find that the stereotypes are missing from most people’s blogs except to point out how unrealistic they are. I don’t know how long it takes to erase them from popular culture though. I’m guessing a long time.


  6. Sex Fairy says:

    Looking good, Tom!


  7. nursemyra says:

    Echoing what the Sex Fairy said 😉


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