Lovin’ Our Lurkers

Okay, if you read blogs then you know that today is Love Our Lurkers day.

Now, I know you’re lurking. I mean, I get like 700 to 800 visits a day, and twice that when I, you know,  happen to actually post something, so I know somebody is reading this blog. WordPress doesn’t allow me to get too detailed with the statistics, but I can surmise that a number of hits are from people quickly searching on  male chastity or orgasm denial related keywords. Some of the numbers are from RSS feeds. Many come from Keyheld, the chastity blog aggregate that we set up last year. Some of you clicked in from blogs that I happen to follow.

But a lot of you just seem to drop by, and some of you seem to hang around for a bit.

Before I plead with you to add fuel to my already overblown ego, let me just say “Hey, thanks for stopping by.”

If you’re so inclined, please tell me a little about yourself.

If you’re too shy for that, then maybe you could tell me how you found this blog, or why you keep stopping by.

And even if you’re not so inclined, here’s a piece of eye candy for you to enjoy.


About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in Blogging, Blogroll, Blogs, Blogthing, Sexuality & Relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

86 Responses to Lovin’ Our Lurkers

  1. Hedone says:

    I want to caress your overblown ego 😉

    The Pleasure Principle

  2. Gaz says:

    OK then! I found you via Keyheld. I am interested in chastity (have not orgasmed for 161 days this time around) and denial. Actually, I’m interested in lots of things! I’m VERY interested in the photo. Thank you!!

  3. Satan says:

    Oh Yes. She is hot.

    Oh Hello Tom.

    Tom Allen is to blame (in part at least) that I leave a trail of comments around now. Thank you for your advice Tom.

    Satan (lapsed lurker)

    • Tom Allen says:

      Great. I hope my fellow bloggers aren’t going to be looking for me now.

      • Satan says:

        See how Tom said… “Great. I hope my fellow bloggers aren’t going to be looking for me now.”

        At least he didn’t say… Great. I hope my lapsed fellow bloggers aren’t going to be looking for me now.


  4. Jz says:

    We are seriously going to have to separate you and Hedone…

    I love your blog because you talk sense and amuse the heck out of me. The occasional HNT’s are just frosting.



    • Tom Allen says:

      Geez. I mean, she just says these things that make me feel all funny inside.

      And I know you don’t care about the HNTs because a) I haven’t posted any in ages, and b) everybody knows that women don’t care about visuals.

  5. GungaDN says:

    OK, Ill post.. Hi Tom!


    • GungaDN says:

      Oh, and by the way.. My visits may look they come from Keyheld. But, just for the record, I found keyheld through your site. Now I just find it easier to go to a single site first (keyheld) and use their links to review my favorite blogs.

      So, even though the visit may show up as coming from keyheld, I was a reader long before keyheld existed.


  6. Annie Mouse says:

    I don’t recall how I found your blog however, now I’m subscribed and read it through my google reader (I’m not sure that registers in your stats). Shortly after my partner and I changed our relationship from ‘just friends’ to a ‘relationship’ (we’d been friends for many months) he showed up in a delightful and engaging mood, later to reveal that he was locked. No discussion of any kind, he simply asserted that MC is part of his bigger picture. I’m fantastically in love with this man and am open to learning what makes him tick so I started nosing around the interwebs looking for reasonable insight on MC. Reasonable insight from the interwebs is of course no substitute for talking with him, but my armchair research has given me some juice to inform my questions posed to him directly. Learning about his MC practice, learning how to exert myself, learning how to manipulate T&D, learning how push our limits together has been a fun mental exercise. Anyway. Hi and, thank you.

    • Tom Allen says:

      That’s great that you took such a mindset. Too often the stories I see are that the man’s partner freaks out, considers it unmanly, too kinky or perverted, or just has no interest at all. Best wishes to the both of you!

  7. Angelique says:

    I want to add my thanks. A few months ago my marriage was an the verge of a divorce that neither of us wanted. At the same time neither of us could figure out how to get through the day without hurting each other’s feelings and arguing over stupid stuff. It was tearing us apart and making our kids miserable. As we were discussing nasty things like child support and visitation, my husband asked me to simply re-read 4 years worth of our on-line private journal. We started this journal 4 years ago as a way to talk about emotionally charged topics without fighting. I humored him and read the whole thing in two sittings. As I read I realized some things : 1. We had been having the same circle of fights for six years, 2 He had been asking me for over four years to write him lists, take charge of our life get him out of the hot-seat of having to be “head of the house”.

    I went searching the ‘net for advice on managing a submissive man. I wanted to know what makes them tick.. how they think, how they feel about the submissive part of themselves, and most importantly: Can a guy really be happy and fell fulfilled in his relationship if the woman is in charge. Your blog is one of several I found, and I thank you for that. After a lot of reading on my own, and discussion with my husband I wrote out a list of rules for him, and promises for me to guide us in our path through this thing called female-led marriage. My husband is a different guy.. relaxed, confident, attentive, HAPPY. Oddly enough, he’s more decisive now about hose few things he makes decisions on than he ever was before.

    anyway.. thanks!

    • Tom Allen says:

      I love happy endings. And I invite my regular readers to visit your blog – I spent a few minutes there last night, and it’s great reading for those interested in the relationship side of things.

  8. Blacksilk says:

    I don’t know how I found your blog either (maybe through the sorely missed Bitchy Jones?), it’s been a while, but I do know that as far as I’m concerned for a sex blogger you are Required Reading. Your posts are always friendly, funny and clever and I always read even if, these days, I don’t comment anywhere near as much as I should.

    And I love, love, love when you post news and media stuff and comment on it. I find a lot of important things through you and pretty much agree with you when you post them. Also, your Tumblr is awesome.

    And I will never forget how nice you were to me when I started out blogging. You were one of the people that really made me feel welcome and important and you were (and still are) supportive. I admit, I still have a little squee whenever you do comment or even just reblog a Tumblr pic of mine. 🙂

    Too much ego-stroking? Hope not!

  9. Rom says:

    Hey Tom, I too found you from Keyheld and enjoy your blogs. I’m a newbie to chastity and my wife and I are just feeling our way. Our lovemaking and relationship has been suffering for a while recently. You see, I work away from home Monday to Friday and have every opportunity to keep myself satisfied, so our weekend nuptials dwindled and all but ceased. I blamed her, she blamed me! We were both honest enough to admit our own failures and looked for ways to improve things.

    The following week I discovered a number of male chastity sites, including your own and saw it as a fun way to control my all too frequent, masturbation habits. I discussed it with my wife who was quite non-committal. We talked over the possible benefits and although she was still lukewarm to the idea, we agreed to order up a CB6000s (together with a toy for herself). I wore the CB overnight on the first weekend and took it with me the following week. I experimented all week finding the best rings and spacers while putting together a set of ‘rules’ for us both to agree to.

    The following weekend I wore my new ‘holder’ for the evening and at bedtime my good lady enjoyed teasing me while running in her new vibrator. It proved too much for her so I was unlocked and made to perform for her. It was the best sex we’d had in a long time. We discussed the rules that I had prepared and which I’d asked her to edit/agree but she felt overwhelmed and scared by them. I believe the whole concept can be a bit scary for the woman initially. I headed away for the week and came up with a suggestion which I emailed to my beloved. I suggested that we simply have a couple of rules – I’d wear the holder each night while away and promise not to masturbate and when I came home, she’d choose when I wear it over the weekend – but I had to be released for at least one orgasm (I’d been used to one a day so this was quite a worry to me). I got a great response to this suggestion so we had an agreement. The next weekend, I arrived home not knowing what to expect. I was doubtful she’d tell me to fit the holder herself so decided I’d take the initiative. I put it on as soon as I got home and passed her the keys saying she’s now in control. She was beaming as she took the keys and since then we’ve been like a newly married couple. She didn’t let me out until I was leaving for the week.

    She was constantly teasing me and when I reminded her of the weekend orgasm I was due, she reminded me that those rules had been suspended and I’d have to wait at least until the following weekend. This was a bit of a shock to me but I was over the moon that she was ‘getting onboard’. I know it’s early days but we’ve become closer over these few weeks than we’ve been for a long time and we’re hoping to build on the ‘rules’ for a great future.

    • Tom Allen says:

      This shows the importance of experimenting together. Too often the guy has something built up in his head over the last 10 years, so when he breaches the subject, it’s already some huge, over-developed fantasy.

      And isn’t it exciting when your partner not only gets on board, but decides to take it in another direction?

  10. Mistress160 says:

    A regular reader / old friend wishes you Happy LOL Day 🙂

  11. Ayesha says:

    Tom, a.k.a. the Father Confessor. Bless u my child 😐

    • Satan says:


      Did you know that it was right here that you were the first soul to speak with me on a blog?

      I still get this strange urge to sit on your knee and confess all of my sins to you.



      • Ayesha says:

        Lucifer it’s about time u realize u were only brainwashed and indoctrinated with the idea u were a sinner. Ur rap sheet is as clean as a tabula rasa and empty as the brain of deity who talked u in to it.

        Btw, i always knew u were looking for a MommyDomme. U were knocking at the wrong door tho. Try Kahlan Amnell. Maybe she is willing to listen, and honor ur strange urge.

        • Satan says:

          Ayesha. Thank you. I said I saw you as an anarchist, an interesting one. Still do. You are wise. But you are off on the wrong path.

          And I am a player. You recall?

          That’s more like the right path.


        • Ayesha says:

          Right and wrong r terms i transported to a landfill a long time ago. But if u insist………………………..

          Anarchist? U really think i’m that conservative?

        • Satan says:

          Ayesha, just to be clear I’m not a player in the sense that I use women’s hearts.

          I am a player in the sense that I do not need a dominant woman or a submissive woman or a kinky woman. I look at the whole person. I do not look at just one side or kink. But I do have a kind heart and I look for the same. In the same way I look for a blog where folks have kind hearts and care how others feel. I know that you Ayesha have a kind heart, and yes Tom too (somewhere). Don’t be shy Tom! You can show it now you know!

          If I am with a bossy woman I can play submissive. If I am with a submissive woman I can play bossy. It makes no odds to me which she likes. My kink is just too please a woman a lot. Not to hurt or use her heart.


        • Satan says:

          Yes Ayesha exactly. You found the Wrong Path which is the right track. That is you found the right track which is the Wrong Path.


        • Ayesha says:

          By Beelzebub’s grave, u must also be the one who doesn’t settle for anything less than whole grain bread.

        • Satan says:

          No it’s simple. You chose the right track, which is the Wrong Path. That is you chose the Wrong Path which… just play the fucking thing!
          (Track: 30) 5 Alarm – Wrong Path

        • Ayesha says:

          That one? Just booooooring. And the singer should get himself a shitload of nasal spray too. What a bore! Awful! Yuck! Geeeez!

        • Satan says:

          So Ayesha I can have bread with bits in it and then plain white bread. I can play at being submissive and then bossy. I’m no slave. Not for real. It’s just play to me. You knew this before. That’s why you called me a player.

          I hope that is clear at last.


        • Ayesha says:

          No need to confess what was crystal clear from the beginning.

    • Tom Allen says:

      Ayesha, I know you’re only poking fun because secretly you’re sweet on me and are too embarrassed to admit it.

      But seriously, I’ve been writing on chastity, denial, and (this is the part that some people miss) sexuality & relationships for over 10 years now. When I started, there were hardly any good resources on male chastity; most were wank fiction, wank fiction posing as true life, and infomercials by pro-dommes, most of which focused on BDSM aspects.

      When AL Enterprises came out with the CB2000, and later, the CB3000, thousands of people were suddenly able to explore this kink because the first mass-produced low-cost devices were available. Unfortunately, without good information available, people were getting hurt, and becoming frustrated (and not in the good, intended way).

      A lot of vanilla-ish people want to spice up their sex lives (and their relationships) a bit. I just happen to be one of those early adopters who took the time to explain how it worked in real life, as opposed to the fantasy world.

  12. ptathuk says:


    Do I qualify as a lurker, as I rarely comment?

    To answer your questions:

    1. About me? I think I’m a year or two younger than you. Long time divorced. I think you know the rest from my blog.

    2. How did I find you? It was your encouragement to start my own blog, when my captions were removed from a forum we passed through. I can’t even remember the forum, now. I think it went the way of my captions. My blog has now been going for almost three years. Man, that’s a lot of captions!

    3. Why I keep stopping by? In a word – wisdom. Such sources are unfortunately rare.

    Thanks for the eye candy. I definitely want one of those. I think she’s just my size, too. Please tell Santa.


    • Tom Allen says:

      PT, I recall it was a Ning group (is Ning still around?). The group seemed to be primarily gay guys, and some of them complained about the preponderance (or should we say, exclusivity) of women in your pics.

      I still enjoy your captions – but instead of waiting 3 weeks and dumping a dozen on us at once, can’t you just post a couple a week?

      And I hope my last post gave you some perspective of those early days that you keep asking about.

      • ptathuk says:


        Yes, I think you’re right. I remember getting an e-mail from Norge(?), saying they were shutting up shop, or moving, or some such. Anyway, by this time I’d started my blog, so there was no need to follow them.

        Just read the whole thing through, this time. Thought you were going to bang on about the weather, by the way it started. I’m British, so I’ve had my fill of the bloody weather!! :-)) Stop hiding the good bits.

        I publish a group, because my fantasies go through phases. One day it’s curvy ladies, next it’s orientals, then it’s curvy orientals. etc. I think it’s that a blog should say something. (Unless it’s an eclectic one like Edgier. Even then you put a line or two on why you’re reposting.) When I have a collection that matches what I want to say, I publish. I’ll see how the mood takes me, though.

        As always, thanks for the encouragement


        • Annie Mouse says:

          Rugs and food are oriental, not ladies. We’re Asian or Persian. Correct accordingly.

        • ptathuk says:

          I thought Asian people come from Asia, the largest contenant on Earth. Oriental people come from the Orient. Never in all my imaginings did I think the term ‘Oriental’ would offer anything but clarity. I hope you realise my innocent intent, but would ask you, what is the term I should use to refer to people that come from the part of Asia identified as the Orient?


        • Annie Mouse says:

          The word oriental refers specifically to THINGS from the Orient. When referring to people, especially women, we don’t refer to them as objects.

        • ptathuk says:


          Thank you for responding. I would never dream of refering to anyone as an object, (unless it was specifically and sincerely requested as part of a ‘scene’).

          Is there a collective noun to refer to people indiginous to: China, Japan, Korea, Veitnam, Maylasia, Thailand, Taiwan? This to add clarity, so as not to confuse with those people from Burma, Napal, India, Mongolia, Pakistan and Russia, who also share the Asian continent.


        • Ayesha says:

          Seems to me this ptathuk is not looking for clarity. It’s more that he gets a kick out of being a condescending prick.

        • ptathuk says:


          If you don’t know the answer to a question, there’s no shame in admitting it. – But, there is in becoming abusive.


        • Annie Mouse says:

          I’m not sure how I’ve been abusive ptathuk. The general answer to your question may be “asian” more specifically to refer to a human in some way that respects their origins and or culture. Asian, S.E. Asian, Pacific Islander, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Saami, Indigenous N. American, Persian, Kurd, whatever they may be. Oriental is disrespectful, but perhaps simply naive.

          I have nothing further to say on this comment thread, if you have further inquiries on the topic of how to refer to people politely, I suggest you consult Google.

        • Ayesha says:

          It’s a bit late, but still, it’s a good thing u show repentance now ptathuk, and feel ashamed of ur way of asking questions which weren’t questions at all.

  13. Ferns says:

    *blows Tom a kiss*

    *looks at the red bucket… takes off pants…*


  14. hersforever says:

    I have been a chastity dabbler for a few years now, although my wife and I have been on a break from that for the last year or so. I am much more into the kink of it but I love your blog, I find it insightful and informative and it’s nice to get away from the unbelievable blogs to see a real one. I’ve been reading and coming back for at least 3 years, don’t remember when exactly I stumbled on your blog but it’s been a good read since 🙂

  15. Satan says:

    One of the things I came here was for fun. And then also to pay a sort of debt and to support someone who I respect and who I am proud to have got to know a bit.

    He said.

    “Yes, I’ve long been known for my unpredictable temperament, irrational outrages, and my predilection for getting touchy over nothing.”
    Tom Allen.

    This is not the Ton Allen I know.

    Please does anyone have clue what it means?


  16. Hotkick says:

    I came here through some other blog, and was trapped into this genre. More than the submissive men, I have been curious about the women who go counter to the norms and take charge. It’s a beautiful subspace, and your writings and pictures make them even more attractive.
    I read on the google reader, so haven’t commented much. it’s there some way way to do that from the reader?

  17. Alastair says:

    Where did I find your blog? When you just followed mine LOL. Love the posts.

    I have been experimenting with chastity for a few years now, but so far have failed to be able to work it long term into a relationship. I have just started a new blog detailing the journey of making my chastity/submissive/cuckold dreams a reality with my wonderful Lexy



  18. Celtic Queen says:

    …blows Tom a kiss…. You boys and your need for stroking 😉

  19. W says:

    Yep, I’m a lurker and a bit of a late bloomer. I’ve had a lifetime interest in piercing and chastity and recently have had the opportunity of living out the “lifestyle.”

    Right now, I’m reading and sharing with a somewhat, still, reluctant wife but both of us seem to be having more fun.

    I enjoy your writing style and the information you’ve provided has been helpful for both of us.

  20. Whizbang says:

    I’m just here for the HNT posts! 😉

  21. Prt says:

    Hi Tom. I ran across your blog about a year ago. I can’t remember the exact circumstance. I had a mini-meltdown somewhere on the topic of vanilla. The short version is I became a fairly regular visitor, and occasional commenter, to a few kink related blogs. The thing those blogs all have in common is their realistic approach to life, sex, relationships, and the ‘kink thing.’ Thanks for continuing to write your insights in a public forum.

  22. Sara Eileen says:

    Hi Tom. I still read you :).

    ~ Eileen

  23. Pingback: Lovin’ Our Bloggers – 1 « The Edge of Vanilla

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  25. Jen17 says:

    Hot! I enjoyed reading this site.  Readers who may be interested in learning about the secret world of phone sex operators are also welcome here.

  26. aphrael says:

    Hi! I’ve been reading intermittently – and very intermittently if i’m just getting to this now, a month later – for oh, 3 years or so.

    For the last two years i’ve been intermittently locked up, usually for about a month at a time; it’s a wierd dynamic because i’m really into it and my husband (we’re a gay couple) basically doesn’t care, so it’s more like i’m locking myself up than he’s locking me up, if that makes any sense. (That said, one of the great benefits is that because it makes me really aroused, he gets laid way more often when i’m locked up, so he’s not complaining, he’s just not into it independently).

    I found your blog looking for chastity porn online, to be honest, but your blog and thumper’s were really, really helpful when my husband and i started playing, in terms of setting realistic expectations and helping provide a basis for understanding what reality, rather than fantasy, would be like. 🙂

    • Tom Allen says:

      It amazes me that perhaps one in ten posts are about chastity, but that’s what most people hit on when they find this.

      You sound like you have an interesting dynamic. I’d love to hear more about it.

  27. Pingback: The Lurker’s Challenge (Yes, you) | Her Favorite Juice

  28. ajonespua says:

    Thanks for referring my blog!

  29. Pingback: The Lurker’s Challenge (Yes, you) |

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