… to find your partner’s porn, that is.
Well, not that anybody has kept porn under the mattress in the last decade, anyhow. Computer-savvy partners now keep it in sub-sub-sub folders like “D:\windows\system_64\applications\manager\binaries\antivirus\infected\deleted\asian-t-girl-boobies\” or similarly buried directories.
Which is why snoopy wives and girlfriends now have to resort to spyware to find their partner’s fap stash.According to the marketing information on the “Find His Porn” website:
“Technology has advanced to the point where traditional ways for women to keep track of their guys just don’t work anymore.”
You get an RFID device to “keep track” of your pets. You get a cell phone and a Facebook account to “keep track” of your kids. But if you feel a need to “keep track” of your guy, then you need a good, long discussion about your relationship — and ladies? I’m talking to you here — and you’d better be prepared for hearing some things that you may not like.
“Porn has gone virtual – which means no more adult DVD’s or dirty magazines that you will find lying around. Everything he looks at is right there on your computer, only problem is it’s not easy to find. Aren’t you curious what he’s up to? You are not alone. Most women are curious and until now there was little that could be done. Now all you have to do is try Find His Porn today and see exactly what he’s watching.”
Yeah, aren’t you curious as to what he’s looking at? Well, aren’t you?
Okay, okay, I get it. Yes, some guys actually do have a problem with porn; they are addicted to looking at pictures, and some of them masturbate so much that they barely have enough energy for you later on. That’s why you need to lock them up in a chastity device, so they will only be able to…
Hold on, wait, sorry — That’s the current motto of the chastity nuts on the internet, and is not in any way reflective of real life. Or, at least, real mature, adult life.
And yes, some women become very insecure about the porn that their partners might be looking at because they are constantly comparing themselves, and I think that there is some merit to discussing this. If you are a size 4 woman with B-cup boobs, and your partner is ogling a copy of Big’Uns in the basement behind the furnace, then it’s natural for you to wonder if your partner is thinking about someone else, someone you can’t possibly emulate.
But these are issues that mature adults should be able to discuss, and come to some kind of agreement or compromise. I’ve heard from real-life woman friends who have bemoaned their husband’s “porn addiction,” only to discover later that hubby’s “porn” was a Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendar, or a Playboy Playmate poster; the latter is especially ironic considering that the tv show “The Girls Next Door”(about “Playmates” living in the various Playboy mansions) is watched mainly by women.
Look, sometimes relationships turn weird simply because people fail to treat each other like adults. I once had a partner that used to think it was her job to “catch” me doing things wrong, whether is was cleaning the bathroom, tracking dirt on the floor, or replacing the toilet paper the wrong way on the roll. Each time she “caught” me doing something that was perfectly normal for me (which wasn’t porn, by the way), but that she didn’t like, we had a huge argument. I spent a couple of miserable years learning to hide things, until one day I suddenly realized what I was doing (i.e., acting like a teenager), and just stopped hiding, and began insisting that if she had a problem, she was welcome to talk to me like an adult, but until then, I’d continue to do things my way.
The relationship lasted about a month after that, which taught me that some people actually do want to play out their child/parent models, or at least, can’t seem to think in other ways. So, if this is you, then by all means buy the porn sniffers. But don’t be surprised when he starts password protecting his accounts, and finds other ways to hide things from you.