No orgasms make for a more exciting marriage.

Yeah, some of used to do the “no orgasm” thing before it went mainstream. But apparently it’s a slow news day at ABC News:

Karezza: Men Say Best Sex Comes Without Orgasm

Matt Cook hasn’t had an orgasm in seven months, and he hopes never to intentionally have one again.

The 51-year-old publisher from Virginia isn’t celibate. Happily married for 25 years, Cook said his sex life is more exciting than ever and giving up the goal-oriented climax has improved every aspect of his life.

Cook, the father of adult two sons, is a newcomer to karezza, a form of intercourse that emphasizes affection while staying far from the edge of orgasm. Climax is not the goal and ideally does not occur while making love.

“It creates a deep feeling in a relationship that is very difficult to describe — much deeper than conventional sex,” he said.

Cook is one of a growing number of men who have embraced karezza and have found it has helped heal their marriages, inject more spark into their sex lives and even shed porn addiction.

The article goes on to describe karezza — a sexuality practice originally promoted by Dr. Alice Bunker Stockham (in the late 1800s, no less!) — as a way to enhance the intimacy between partners by removing the goal-oriented male orgasm, replacing it with the pleasures of physical touch, snuggling, and caressing. And while Dr. Stockham originally suggested that both and and women should forego orgasm, modern practitioners focus on the abstinence for only men. The idea behind this is that men suffer from severely reduced desire for intimacy after orgasm, in a way that women do not. I don’t pretend to know anything about the biochemistry behind this, so if this kind of thing interests you further, you’re on your own.

What I did find interesting, however, was not the article, but the responses to it in the comment section. At this writing there were 40 comments, most of which were not only negative, but some were actually derogatory. A sampling:

– Must be something physically dysfunctional going on OR perhaps the partner is not attracted, turned-on by the other – therefore let’s “do Karezza” and save face?

– That is one of the stupidest ideas I have heard to date. Maybe fine for guys with ED that can’t get an erection anyway or for those that are Asexual. The rest of us are wanting the Big O as often as possible as a part of our normal sexual experiences.

– Men are so easily manipulated its pathetic. Anything to explain their lackluster performance in the sack. No wonder women flock to movies like Magic Mike with these type of men around who don’t take the time better themselves in the sack.

– This is like ordering a bacon cheeseburger at a restaurant, then taking the bacon, cheese and meat off and eating the bun. No thanks.

– I think the only men interested in this are those who cant bring thier partner to orgasm. The only women interested are those who dont/cant orgasm. This is ridiculous.

Wow. Haters gonna hate, I guess.

Mrs. Edge and I practice, well, not a strict form of this, but something similar. It has evolved or changed from when we first started, but we try to communicate periodically about what is and is not working for us. We both enjoy it, and while I’ve suggested it to online friends in the past, I have no fantasies that this kind of thing would appeal to everybody.

For me, it’s sad to see how negative many of the commenters were about something with which they had little knowledge, and which they certainly were not being compelled to do. I’ve noticed a similar trend in many news articles that mention  kinky sex   non-traditional sexuality: if it’s not good old-fashioned vanilla, then the participants are just strange, if not outright sick and perverted.

I used to be the type of person who would try to post an educational comment on those articles, but lately I just don’t seem to have the energy. I think that I’m just frustrated with the attitude that anything that is not standard is automatically considered to be bad in some way. Is it just me, or is anyone else no longer motivated to educate the masses?


I’m going to a comic & anime convention this weekend, and there will be quite a bit of cosplay (including yours truly). So to help get into the mood, here’s fetish model Bianca Beauchamp as a latex-clad Lara Croft from Tomb Raider.

There’s more Bianca on Tumblr, of course.

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in Chastity & Orgasm Denial, Fetish & Kink, orgasm denial, Relationship, Sexuality & Relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to No orgasms make for a more exciting marriage.

  1. Ridicule is a prime mechanism for maintaining social norms, so I’m not surprised at the sampling of comments. It just shows how little progress has ever been made in sexual liberation and education.

    I also understand not wanting to wade in and get your ass torn apart. If you’re going to be torn a new one, it should at least involve someone you love.

    • Adam says:

      Unfortunately most comments in anything mainstream are usually negative in the extreme. Give people anonymity on the internet and they’ll spew all sorts of narrow minded nonsense they’d otherwise keep to themselves in real life.

  2. Over the last decade or so people have learned to take sides in debates and just blindly accept the views of their side.

    Whether it is politics, climate change, cyclist vs cars, or even sex, people feel free to ignore facts and to think everyone should be the same as them.

    As we slide away from rationality and reason I fear that all hope is lost.

    The great thing for those promoting Karezza is that a few people will be interested and I’m sure that traffic to the main site promoting this will have increased very significantly.

  3. Tom Allen says:

    I see that The Daily Mail (UK) has picked up the story., Here’s one of the comments:

    I decided to try this and followed the guidelines as listed above. The ‘Touching and sucking of nipples/breasts’ was going really well, but then my husband walked in the room and asked what I was doing……..

  4. Rob says:

    Sounds to me like a lot of comments from men. I wonder iof their wives or girlfriends would answer differently. They may not even realize that their partner is not particular happy with the state of their relationship. I have often heard from my wife that her girlfriends just “put up with” the way things are all the while the men think things are great and that they are doing a great job as a husband. Just a thought since every negative comment came from a guy.

  5. I’m not surprised.. When any idea strays from what is the accepted truth at the time, naysayers and critics pop up everywhere. Can you imagine the shit that flew when Galileo published his treatise that put forward the idea that the earth was not the centre of the solar system. People have harsh criticism for what they don’t understand, and obviously these clowns have no idea what this is all about. I’d suggest that one day off in the future, sex without orgasm will be readily accepted.

  6. I’m just here to talk anime-con.
    I await my zombie pix, as always! ;-p

  7. Mykey says:

    Totally understand it. It usually feels like banging your head against a wall. The wall wins.

    I think humanity has a lot of evolving still to do before most members are anything other than sheeple.

    M

  8. Steve Mayew says:

    Is it just me, or is anyone else no longer motivated to educate the masses?

    It’s certainly not just you. I lately heard a notable climate change expert say he’d rather slam his cock in the door than debate climate change with a sceptic, because the act of debating just fuels the ongoing delusion that there is still a genuine scientific debate – and there isn’t.

    This type of guy will automatically adopt the normative debate mindset about pretty much anything, but that doesn’t mean we have to play along. I mean, let’s face it, there isn’t really a ‘debate’ about whether people should try male chastity, any more than there is a ‘debate’ about whether everyone should be gay. No one really thinks that we should all try chastity, do they? Just those who want to try it, will try it.

    I think people coming out with stuff like “Men Say Best Sex Comes Without Orgasm” totally plays into this ‘debate’ mindset, and that is actually the cause of the defensive comments. I’ll bet it wasn’t Matt Cook’s idea to run that headline, I bet the paper came up with it. That’s how they get people to pay attention – they make them feel as though they might be missing out, and they need to respond. Even if people get defensive and dismissive, at least they’ll read the article.

    So I agree Tom, best not to weigh in here. In a newspaper forum that has been deliberately set up to pit normative ‘het’ men against ‘alt’ chaste men, you can’t win, you’ll just fuel more defensive behavior.

    And what would you be winning anyway? I mean, take this guy:

    I think the only men interested in this are those who cant bring thier partner to orgasm. The only women interested are those who dont/cant orgasm

    Seriously, who cares if a guy like this is convinced, of anything?

  9. Aarkey says:

    Fear, ignorance and misinformation keep many people in ever lasting ignorance. It seems like most comments made on any news sites are by people desperate to argue and get some form of attention. It doesn’t matter what the article is about, someone is going to pop in and bash it, like a child throwing a tantrum.

    I still bother to educate when I can, but I can’t claim to put in nearly the effort that you have in the past, and I don’t see myself going to that length anytime in the future.

    I do wonder where the traffic on that site comes from. I suspect someone posted it on a porn forum where the guys panicked at the idea that they couldn’t get their rocks off when they wanted to.

  10. James says:

    Wow. My wife and I embarked on this lifestyle not too long ago, totally oblivious to the idea that there were many others who did the same thing. We started a very vanilla blog about the subject, because when we discovered all the fantasy nonsense out there it was appalling. (And I edit kinky and BDSM Romance novels written by women . . . but that is another story). Now Fox News has covered it, ABC News has covered it, holy Mackinac! And we thought we were alone on the High Plains.

    Well, those on ABC who are making all the negative comments might consider this: that those who despise something or someone (like gays) ofttimes seem to have tendencies in that direction themselves. Or perhaps they are afraid of what might happen if their wives found that article, of if they themselves found they actually enjoyed chastity . . .

  11. Faile says:

    I think it’s not for everybody and while many of us are used to the idea that ‘your kink is ok’ it’s certainly going to threaten anyone who believes that there is one ‘right’ way to do sex and everyone else is irredeemably perverted (and you know, we are 😉 ).
    Still as with all these things, first people learn about them and…eventually, one day accept them.

    Faile x

  12. MsNaydi says:

    The haters: This reminds me of a recent move by the Republican party in Texas to remove critical thinking skills from the curriculum in the public schools because if students learn to think critically, they would be more inclined to let go of their beliefs. Yes, that is really the rationale for trying to stifle thinking.

    Unfortunately thinking is perceived as a threat to current western society.

    What bothers me is that these men (and I think they are probably men…women really do not care that much about male orgasm) feel so threatened by something so insignificant. Seriously, guys?

  13. Jim says:

    Tom, thanks for the information. I’m a long-time lurker to your site. I enjoy your discourse on chastity and other topics.

    I did some additional research, turning up sites such as Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow over at Psychology Today. After reading the articles, I found that I had thought and said things similar to what was being quoted. Not only was it nice to know that others shared these views, but I was better able to articulate my feelings to my wife. I don’t know where it’s going to end up, but I’m glad we at least had the conversation.

    Thanks again!

  14. MTO says:

    After spending most of my 20s (and then some) with partners who saw my orgasm as, at best, less of a priority than theirs, these days I have no problem with taking the “I come. He doesn’t/might.” approach to sex. Not because it makes sex better for him but because it makes sex better for ME. At first I’ll admit to a tinge of uncertainty (“Does it even *count* as sex if he doesn’t orgasm?”) but eventually I let that go. And you know what? Not a single complaint thus far.

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