If they are healthy, do they still count as cookies?

Once again, Jz rallies the troops to show off their boobies  culinary skills in search of goodies tasty holiday tushie treats. And since you know that I’m all about that bass healthy living, I’m putting up a recipe for, well, they’re not exactly cookies; they are more like energy bars for when you’re out road cycling. But they are tasty, and they have peanut butter and chocolate, so I’m submitting my entry.

First, the ingredients:

  • 2/3  –  1/2 cup of oats. Better if you use the old-style rolled oats.
  • 1 teaspoon of baking soda. Note to newbs: baking soda and baking powder are not the same thing. Don’t ask me how I know this.
  • 1 large brown egg. Why brown? Because that’s what I usually buy. No reason, but it drives my wife crazy.
  • 1 cup natural peanut butter. I buy the big jars of Kirkland brand at Costco, because it’s just ground peanuts and salt. Pour off some oil, don’t stir it in, or else it will be too loose.
  • 1/3 cup of brown sugar. How come she dance so good, anyway?
  • 2/3 cup of chocolate bits. I like the Ghirardelli dark chocolate, but that big yellow bag of Hersey’s that you’ve got stashed in the back of the pantry for emergencies will work just fine.
  • 1 small package of sweetened coconut flakes.
  • Pinch of cinnamon or nutmeg. Not essential, but it’s the holiday season, so…

Now, for the setup:

First, mix the baking powder soda in with the oats. If you want cinnamon or nutmeg, mix in around 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon, depending upon how much you like that sort of thing. In a second bowl, mix up the brown egg (sans shell), then add the peanut butter, then mix in the brown sugar. When it’s feeling like wet, brown cement, slowly mix in the oats and baking powder soda. This should eventually be as difficult as mixing up a batch of driveway sealer, so use a big-ass wooden spoon with a heavy handle (unless you’ve got a heavy duty Kitchen-Aide). Then add 1/2 cup of chocolate bits. I know I said to measure out 2/3 cup in the ingredients, but seriously – we all know that you’re going to pick at them while you’re cooking, so I factored that in.

If you’re in New England or points north of the Mason Dixon line, set the bowl outside for an hour. For those of you elsewhere, put it in the fridge for a half hour to chill. Oh, and now would be a good time to preheat the oven to 350º if you’re planning on baking and not just eating the asphalt dough.

Now for the cooking part:

Did you preheat your oven to 350º while the mix was chilling? Why not?

Okay, get a couple of cookie sheets and some of this stuff called parchment paper. It looks like waxed paper, but trust me – they are not the same thing. Again, don’t ask me how I know this.

Put about 2 tablespooons of the asphalt cookie mix onto the paper. You can roll them up into balls, or (my preference) roll them out like fat blunts cigars. The long shape is better for carrying on bike rides, but cookies are more traditional. Space them out on the sheet, like with 2 inches or so between them, and put them in the now-preheated oven. Bake these things for about 8 to 10 minutes. The peanut butter will keep them somewhat soft and chewy, but you could probably get them crispy if you left them in a lot longer. Again, the idea was to have a home-made energy bar for a bike ride.

Once out of the oven, let them cool for 5 minutes and if you’re so inclined, you might want to roll them in coconut flakes. Normally I would wrap these in wax paper and put them in baggies for my ride, but you’ll want to arrange them nicely on some doilies. Or freeze them until a few days after Xmas when everybody is gone and you can eat them yourself.

And while I’m thinking about something tasty in the kitchen… Danica Collins would like to help you whip up a batch

And if you’re in the mood for more traditional cookies, take some time to check out the rest of the swappers:

Little Monkey (a private blog, so the recipe is posted here, as well)
Tom Allen (you are here already!)

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in Cookies, Sexuality & Relationships and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to If they are healthy, do they still count as cookies?

  1. Jz says:

    A- These look terrific.
    B- I laughed my bass, um, butt off because I, too, have made the “oh, SURELY waxed paper will do instead of parchment paper!” mistake.

    You forgot to add how the asphalt stirring burns off some of the peanut butter calories.
    I consider this a very important fact… ;-p

    Thanks for playing along, sunshine!

  2. greengirliam says:

    Ok. I’m still looking for Jz’s boobies……. This is great though. The boys in my house bike, and run, and row, and run, and did I say run. These will be a huge hit. Thanks.

  3. mouse says:

    This was fun to read and will have to make them to see if they’re still as fun. 😉

    Thanks for sharing it and nice to meet you.

  4. sofia says:

    Very clever – it was fun to read! Stirring asphalt does not sound like something i’m likely to do, but i like the idea a lot! Thanks for sharing – now i’ll go visit the rest of your blog!!

  5. ronniesoul says:

    Loved your recipe. Fun read. Thanks. Would have to leave the peanut butter out.


    • Tom Allen says:

      I’m not the family baker, that’s Mrs. Edge’s department. If you left out the peanut butter, you’d have to add something for the consistency, or else you’d just have chocolate bits and oatmeal. Or, as my daughter would call it, breakfast.

      Almond butter or paste?

  6. Misty says:

    You had me giggling from the beginning. Glad to have found you!

    Your cooked ‘asphalt’ sounds great, might even try almond butter with it. I’m not a cyclist, but I am a runner, and this will be a perfect snack after a run (okay, it’s been awhile since I’ve laced up, but why talk about that now?).


  7. catrouble says:

    Joining the rest in giggling as I read your recipe. I am asking how you know that baking soda and baking powder are not the same and how do you know that parchment paper and waxed paper are not the same? LOL Thanks for sharing your recipe…does look good. 😉


  8. Katie says:

    This looks great, and was a fun read too! Good recipe to use for running as well! I will be on this! Thanks so much for sharing! Many hugs,

    ❤ Katie

  9. Christina says:

    There seems to be a fair amount of “don’t ask me how I know that” going on in your recipe! LOL Thanks for sharing the recipe. 😀

  10. Hedone says:

    I need to hear the parchment paper is not wax paper story.

  11. bellaschiavaco says:

    Great post – both for the recipe and the hidden redacted jokes. I’ve got to use that approach!

  12. bo says:

    That is funny about the baking soda. I know, because my ma told me at some point. Which I am thankful for because how is one supposed to know that. ^^

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