The quiche is a lie

Some of you know that I manage a few blog aggregates — sites that are geared to the more vanilla-ish and less BDSM-y folks who have an interest in, well, whatever the hell it is that we do around here. Keyheld is geared toward couples exploring male chastity and orgasm denial, and eventually generated so much interest that we spun off a sister site She-Held, aimed more for women (and men) exploring female-led relationships and light female dominance.

Last week, She-Held, for whatever reason, lost the RSS feed widgets that link to the most recent posts on the various listed blogs. Mrs. Fever sent me a heads-up note, and from there I began rebuilding the list from memory. Realizing that the list was pretty short, I opened up the Google and started searching for FLR blogs.

The things I do for you people, I swear.

Anyway, in the course of finding the different blogs, I ran across one called “Real Women Don’t Do That To Their Husbands,” the name being a take-off from the blog “Real Women Don’t Do Housework,” and that name itself being a take-off on a 1980s humor book called “Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche,” which was followed by a send-up called “Real Women Don’t Pump Gas,” which instigated any number of similarly named books which followed.

Anyway, the blog is written by a “James” who seems to have stumbled across some FLR & femdom blogs, and has apparently been busy thinking (or rather, over-thinking) about the concepts; so much so that he has felt compelled to comment in some of those blogs, and to use his blog to pick apart specific posts. And while I applaud his efforts (everybody needs a hobby, right?), I do question how much he has thought (or over-thought) this through.

For example, here is his review of some of the blogs he has read:

1. – The story of a woman who turned her man’s interest in spanking into a license to repeatedly and brutally beat him for the most minor of infractions until — as she put it–he was a blubbering mess. She even let her mother and sister beat him.  The blog has been up since 2014, but fortunately she keeps the torture porn to herself.  I’ve corresponded with them and to a third party about them–they are real.

2.– This glib, smart-ass of a woman most recently bragged about how she caught a man in a compromising position and used it as leverage to humiliatingly spank him.  Now, she delightfully brags about how fun it was to beat an unwilling man.

This woman beats the living fuck out of her husband.  One of her recent posts described beating him with 60 Delrin (acrylic) cane strokes until he was crying uncontrollably, which makes her wet.

3. FLR101 – “Yoga Girl” characterizes men as boorish masturbators who need to be controlled.  She controls her husband with shock collars and leather straps.  He’s a prick, so I don’t feel too bad about him personally, but she is as vile as they come.

4. Real Wives Don’t Do Housework – These women preach harshly punishing their husbands, silencing their opinions, and essentially dumping all of the domestic burdens on them.  If the me do not comply “happily”, they are punished.

4. Femdomthinktank- a spin of of #4 and equally odious.

5. – This one is the saddest of all.   After surviving orgasm denial for over a year, this poor bastard posted about how lonely he was in his FLR marriage.  His wife briefly asked him if it was true and immediately dropped the subject.  It is harder to imagine a more callous act:

As you know, Katie reads and approves all of what I post and that post was no exception. She read it but had little to say. When she finished proofing it she asked if I was lonely and I told her I did feel lonely. She didn’t probe further. 

You should’ve felt the temperature drop just reading that.  I know I did.

That post angered me beyond belief.  Unfortunately, after pleading his distress, every time a commenter sympathized with him, the poster was quick to defend his wife, just like an abused wife in a domestic battery case.  He just can’t process the disregard and lack of concern she shows for him. If he accepts it, his world comes to an end, so he can’t accept it.

She finally “let” him have an orgasm the other day.  Now, he’s all chipper and on cloud nine. Let’s see how he is in six months. Perhaps she’d enjoy finding him dead at his own hands.  What an ultimate tribute to your FLR wife — a human sacrifice.

Listen ladies: What goes around comes around.  Some day, you will really need your man to support you through your insecurities and anxieties.  You’re going to get old. You’re going to lose your looks.  Other women may see your man as a “nice guy,” the type they’ve been unable to find.

Ask yourself this: Why should he give a fuck about what you go through?  Did you show him mercy.  Did you show him caring?  Did you listen to his anxieties or allow him to vent his emotions without fear of punishment? I know Mz. Kaylee of RWDDH does not allow her husband to vent his frustrations or he is immediately punished.  Did you beat him harshly and without any concern for his safety or well being.

Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t give a fuck.  Personally, I’d wait until you are weak and needy and would then just not give you what you so clearly need.  Then, I would sit back and enjoy the show as you spiral into self-doubt and twist in the wind with no one having your back.

Humiliating and degrading someone is tricky business when you live with them.  You’ll never know if they’re plotting their revenge . . . until it’s too late.

My advice: Practice sleeping with one eye open, or at least in a locked room your husband can’t get into.

Either that or try to be a decent goddamn human being.

While there are only a couple of dozen posts up, he has spent a lot of time ranting about orgasm control and discipline, which leads me to ask if he really understands that the blogs (that is, the blog authors and their partners) are engaging in consensual power exchange. At least, I’m assuming so — if I didn’t “allow” Mrs Edge to cage me or cane me, then there is physically nothing that she could do otherwise. Presumably it’s the same case elsewhere.

But there is one post with a hint of self-awareness, that unfortunately, hasn’t been further developed.

I didn’t expect to get any commenting on this blog.  However, one commenter has alleged that the blog “Real Women Don’t Do Housework” is written by men, and not by the women whose names appear on it: Fumika Misato, “Yoga Girl,” “Mz. Kaylee,” Maria, Pooja, and Jessica Brittingham.

Here’s what he said:

Anonymous September 13, 2016 at 10:05 AM

James, do you really think that RWDDH is written by women? Same as Elise Sutton etc. Behind those unrealistic shit are most likely men who are posting their masturbation dreams. It’s actually a pity for those men who would like to introduce their wifes to FLR because they read that shit first and are then completely scared and disgusted.

And here we really come to the point. It’s my own opinion that at best, most of the stories that we read on FLR blogs, femdom blogs, BDSM blogs, forums, Reddit, etc., are exaggerated or embellished. “My wife kept me locked up for a month straight” probably means that she removed it a few times for cleaning or adjustment. “She was so angry that she whipped me until I was bloody,” probably meant that she raised a few welts. And “I recommend that you immediately lock up your hubby’s cock and not let him out for at least three months to teach him a lesson,” is more likely “I’m really a guy, and this is one of my own fantasies.”

We have to use our sense of discernment when reading these kinds of blogs (with regard to the situation written about), and that discernment also applies to how we choose to understand them (the way we are going to react to them). I know that I often run across blogs that I don’t agree with, or those that I think the participants are doing something that isn’t the best idea. I’ve learned not to engage them in argument because I have no way of knowing if it’s really just somebody writing out a fantasy.

I’m going to repeat myself because at one time I used to be pretty insightful:

I don’t want to be a buzzkill, but those of you who insist that your wife went from June Cleaver to Mistress Cruella overnight, has had you locked in a CB6000 for the last three years (even though it’s only been on the market for 18 months), and who is forcing you to take estrogen in order to turn you into a woman, are really becoming annoying for the grown-ups who want to have decent discussions about how to make the devices more secure, and what kinds of impacts it will have on our relationships. Your wild-assed scenarios are also scaring the noobs who wander in here looking for advice, there being so little available on the subject.

And look – there is nothing wrong with posting a fantasy as a fantasy; the internet is full of them. But let’s please stop pretending that your vanilla partner is suddenly going to go all dominatrixy after she discovers your affair with your secretary.

Anyway, I’m done here. I did not link to that blog because I didn’t know if he would take offense to me having written this, but if you want to go gnash your teeth over something, you can copy the text and paste it into your browser address bar:

Edit: I should have mentioned that if I have overlooked your blog,  or if you know of one that should be listed,  please leave me a note in the comments. 


Apropos of nothing, I’m putting this picture here, not because it’s related, but because here in the northeast US we’re having what I’m sure will be one of the last nice weekends before we get into the chilly Fall season, and this seemed like such a nice picnic scene.

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in Blogging, Blogs, Communication, Female Led Relationships, femdom. Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to The quiche is a lie

  1. Mrs Fever says:

    As you say: Everyone needs a hobby.

    I’ve seen that commenter on other blogs. My guess is that he’s either on a personal crusade of some sort or is lashing out because he’s turned on by things he doesn’t understand / feels guilty about.

    I’m glad you got your feed fixed. (Somehow that sounds like a euphemism.) 🙂


  2. Great post….and, of course there are embellishments on the internet. LOL. Really, does anyone want to read about Snake doing the dishes? Or do they want to read his stories and try to figure out if they are fact or fiction or both?

    And we do appreciate you fixing your feeds…and be careful with that euphemism. 🙂


  3. Caged Lion says:

    You forgot one other blog to add back to sheheld (besides mine), YOURS!

    Great post. James did report on one of my favorite sources of humor: Yoga Girl. Her posts and the pseudo science she espouses have inspired me to write more than once. As we know, he is far from alone. We just seem to inspire inappropriate reactions from some readers.

    As you said, what we do is consensual. It may be weird to some, but it’s what we do. I would say he is the sexual tea party. I am not outraged by his comments. I think they are like the statements of a former reality show start; badly formed and without forethought. At least we don’t have to worry about him being elected President.


    • James says:

      That’s too bad Lion. We’ve had many good exchanges on your blog, and I went out of my way to praise it. I stand behind the compliments on your blog and have never asserted that what you do is non consensual, but fuck you and your shitty remarks.


  4. Great find! I suppose it was inevitable a blog like that would show up eventually. Your comments are spot on though: he does seem to have an “axe to grind” and many sites do seem to embellish what happens in day to day life.


  5. Declan Heyse says:

    I think I’ve read 15 or 20 posts there so far. Couldn’t help myself. They’re oddly compelling, even if sometimes in a “Can’t look away/Did he really just write that?” kind of way.

    In one of the really early posts, he mentions two things he’s used when being spanked. I got the impression he might have had a very bad FLR experience himself somewhere along the line, though I haven’t seen anything mentioning that explicitly. (Yet.)


  6. ancilla ksst says:

    Those poor abused men! (kidding!) I wonder that James can’t see the delight behind the words, delight for all involved generally.


  7. Al says:

    Looks like the blog is gone! And I wasn’t finished reading it yet 😦 More on this post later. Must go now.


    • Tom Allen says:

      >”This blog is open to invited readers only”

      I specifically did not hotlink to his site in order not to drive a lot of sudden traffic there, but I’m sure a lot of people clicked there and perhaps left comments anyway.

      I guess he’s taken it private so he can have a journal of sorts.


  8. Al says:

    I’ve been on the fence about adding my 2 c to this topic. The blog is blocked. I’m not sure if I will be able to communicate effectively, and, really, who cares? On the other hand, this is a hot button for me, so I’ll try to make sense, but briefly.

    As Tom already knows, I’m easily fooled, and the Interwebz is not a kind place for the gullible. It is also a gigantic morass of the width and breadth of human perversity. That’s not always a bad thing; it’s just a reflection of ourselves. I have a morbid fascination with such content, repelled and attracted simultaneously. I should probably mention that to my shrink some day.

    Anyway, for whatever sad reason, seeing things that push that treasured ‘safe, sane, and consensual’ line, whether femdom, maledom, or whatever, provokes a reaction that I’ve gradually learned is usually not necessary. The same goes for anything that proclaims the natural superiority of one group over another.

    This prompts the one question I’d like to get your feedback on: what is over the line in your opinion?

    So remember: we are not very bright and we are out here reading about what you do. If we are not too obnoxious, please forgive our ignorance.


  9. James says:

    Glad that you all had so much to say about the blog. Such a shame we can’t all meet and enjoy each other’s company.

    In response to this statement in the original post: “[I wonder[ if he really understands that the blogs (that is, the blog authors and their partners) are engaging in consensual power exchange.”

    I’m all for truly consensual power exchange that makes both parties happy.

    Where I have a problem is where it is not clearly a consensual power exchange or one party is clearly disadvantaged or abused in some way. If you look at what I wrote about “strictjulie” the key incident I focused on was a situation where she blackmailed someone into giving consent.

    The postings from “Im-hers” dealt with a consensual power exchange and a wife who, after having been given that power, seemed utterly unconcerned about the spiraling emotional state her husband was in after an entire year of chastity. In that case, I really don’t care if the exchange was initially consensual. I still believe the empowered party has a moral obligation to be decent towards the disempowered party and that, with respect to the posts I quoted, that was not happening.

    In other cases (Wifesincharge), the issue for me is that general consent was given, but the wife was given unilateral authority, and in my view, used it cruelly or abusively. Read the beatings on there some time. Go back to the beginning and find the post about Dianne and Dee beating the hell out of Bob in an hours long session. It is clear that he neither wanted nor enjoyed it. He submitted to it to stay married. Is that “consent” or consent obtained under duress? Even the blog author conceded that what was done to him “almost” qualified as a beating (a word she takes issue with).

    As far as the original RWDDH blog, it’s impossible to get them to communicate, so they may in fact all be frauds, I don’t know. However, in many instances, they attempt to portray what they do as coercive, mean-spirited, and nasty. So, even if there is ultimately legally cognizable “consent” behind the arrangement, much of what the “women” blog about is nasty, and I called them out on it after they refused to publish any of my comments.

    I will say this: The blog is excellent. Lion responds to questions about these issues in a forthright manner, and I have no doubts that everything going on there is what both parties want and that they are enjoying it.

    Yes, when someone abuses the power given to them, I think it’s offensive, immoral, and to be more colloquial — shitty. I’m not ashamed to say that, even if people like the individual running this blog and the commenters above mock me for it. When it’s truly consensual and fulfilling and enjoyed by both parties, that’s awesome, as is the case with Lion’s blog.


  10. James says:

    Figured you snarky pricks would’ve had something to say by now.


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