Why does it always end up being housework?

So I ran across this interesting gem from Outclick the Coverage.

Okay, on to the mailbag.

“I’m a woman, married and in her mid thirties. We have good, not great sex about once or twice a week, but lately he’s been more attentive and dedicated to, well, ensuring that I finish, which he wasn’t always been that aware of in the past. But he recently disclosed a fetish that has me nervous. He told me that he wants to lock himself in a chastity device and give me the key. He says it’s to help him focus on me more.

He says that this is becoming pretty common fetish and all I have to do is unlock him every now and then at my discretion. He says he likes the idea of being controlled by me. I’m a little concerned about all this and I’m not sure how to go about it.

Since you’re the expert on all kinds of weird sex stuff, is this common? Am I really expected to treat his member like a dog in a kennel? How do I make this fun for me?

Sorry to treat you like a kinky Dear Abby, but I just want to hear your take on this.”

I have never heard of this fetish at all. I mean, I’ve heard of chastity belts, but I thought they only existed for women hundreds of years ago, not for men in 2016.

I’m assuming this chastity belt isn’t made of metal material or something else that would make an erection painful. Because having an erection pressing against metal just sounds awful.

Having said that, if he’s really into wearing a chastity belt, what do you have to lose here?

I don’t think this is a common fetish, but I don’t see how it’s really that harmful.

Plus, you can threaten to never give him the key again while he’s wearing the chastity belt, which can probably get him to do more than just service you during sex. Who knows, maybe you can even get him to fulfill every married woman’s deepest, most ardent and scandalous fantasy while he’s wearing the chastity belt — completing more household chores.  (emphasis added)

It’s interesting that she added “He says that this is becoming pretty common fetish,” because several of the online distributors have mentioned that chastity devices rank closely behind dildos, vibrators, handcuffs, etc.

The other side, though, was this: “I’m assuming this chastity belt isn’t made of metal material or something else that would make an erection painful. Because having an erection pressing against metal just sounds awful.”

Isn’t it interesting that on one hand male chastity is “becoming a common fetish,” while on the other hand, people know so little about it? Why do you suppose that is?

Naturally, the columnist’s advice included the bit about trading sex for chores. Because few things make women more aroused than trading sex for services.

Anyway, the chastity belt on this guy seems to be made of “metal material.” Do you suppose he’s in pain right now?

Actually, that device looks kind of hot.

Posted in CB3000, CB6000, chastity, Chastity & Orgasm Denial, Interesting Oddities, Mainstream Chastity, male chastity, Sexuality & Relationships | Tagged , , , | 8 Comments

How Kinky Sex Might Make You More Creative

Research suggests that BDSM can help people achieve altered states of consciousness

Source: How Kinky Sex Might Make You More Creative

In one of the more enlightened (or at least, kink friendly) articles on the association between BDSM and mental health, Steven Blum re-examines an article from this past February’s New York Times in light of a more recent study published in the American Psychological Association journal PsycNET.

Since these articles come out every six months or so, I’m not going to rehash it here; it’s a lengthy article, and well worth the read at the above link. Some highlights, though, for those of you too busy to click the link:

First, the abstract from the PsycNET article:

Researchers studying consensual bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism (BDSM) have theorized that individuals pursue BDSM activities, in part, due to the pleasant altered states of consciousness these activities produce. However, to date, no research has tested whether BDSM activities actually facilitate altered states. To this end, we randomly assigned 14 experienced BDSM practitioners to the bottom role (the person who is bound, receiving stimulation, or following orders) or the top role (the person providing stimulation, orders, or structure) for a BDSM scene. Results suggest that topping was associated with an altered state aligned with Csikszentmihalyi’s (1991) flow (measured with the Flow State Scale), and bottoming was associated with an altered state aligned with Dietrich’s (2003) transient hypofrontality (measured with a Stroop test) as well as some facets of flow. Additional results suggest that BDSM activities were associated with reductions in psychological stress and negative affect, and increases in sexual arousal. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2016 APA, all rights reserved)

Okay, those of us with a background in social science get aroused by this kind of talk. Other people, not so much. Let’s move on.

After recruiting a small sample of BDSM fetishists through Fetlife — essentially the kink community’s Facebook — and asking them to recreate a typical BDSM session, researchers at the university found doms were able to achieve “optimal flow”: an immersive, creative state of mind sought by writers, artists and musicians.

Oh dear sweet lord – Fetlife?

Subs, on the other hand, experienced “transient hypofrontality,” an altered state of consciousness that can present itself as anything from a distortion of time to floating feelings, lack of self-consciousness, peacefulness and the experience of being in the here and now. (Bottoms also demonstrated impaired executive functioning after the scene was over, scoring poorly in a word and color matching game called the Stroop Test.)

“Impaired executive functioning.” An academic way of saying “Gives no fucks because I’m just enjoying the moment.”

Katherine Klement, one of the researchers behind the study, told me that bottoms might have more “fun” during a typical session.

“Bottoms said they were having more of the good time on the flow scale while tops were feeling more focused and satisfied from getting things right,” Klement said.

Ssshhh! Please don’t let this secret get out, or the tops will want to start bottoming.

Mrs. Edge has absolutely no desire to bottom. However, she has said that she does get a surprising amount of enjoyment from caning my bottom.

Posted in BDSM, Interesting Oddities, kink, Sex news, Sexuality & Relationships | 1 Comment

Comfort and Convenience, then Security

My purchase of the A080 back in May, along with my tweaking and modifying, has sparked a renewed interest in chastity devices around the Edge of Vanilla Labs. The open cage design of the A080 promised to be a winner, but as the summer warmed up, I ran into some issues. The wide, flat cuff ring 9more of a band than a ring, really), was comfortable enough after I brazed the tips to keep it from opening, and then sanded, buffed, and polished the hell out of the edges to make things less sharp and pinch-prone. However, the cuff, during the hotter days, tended to push my loose testicle skin up and under the cage. This would be more pronounced as the day wore on, making it difficult to even get in and out of a car.

One weekend, during which I became so tired of the St Vitus’ Dance of making little pulls and adjustments, I had to give up and try some lube between the cage and my skin. And while it helped a little, at first, the lube managed to get around the cuff ring itself, causing it to slide down a bit. Later, lube managed to get into the cage itself; those snug, circular rings that held so firmly onto my were useless when a bit of silicone got in there; my shaft ended up in the most uncomfortable positions, and I finally had to remove the device entirely.

There are three main considerations when buying a chastity device: Comfort, Convenience, and Security. While we all like to think that we’re getting these things for the Security, if the device isn’t Comfortable, then you aren’t going to wear it, and if the device isn’t convenient, then you aren’t going to wear it consistently.

I wrote about this on The Chastity Forums:

It’s been a couple of months, so I thought I’d update this a little further.

While I still like the device, I’ve discovered that in the warm weather, my testicle skin gets more elastic (i.e., saggy), and there’s more of a tendency for it to fold up and get trapped between the device the the ring. I’ll start off great in the morning, but by the end of the day at work I get frequent pinching that is distracting, and difficult to adjust. That is, I’ll often pinch myself even *more* when trying to alleviate the initial pinching.

I’ve tried different underwear, switched from jeans to shorts, but it doesn’t make much difference. Oh, and driving can be tricky; more than once I’ve needed to adjust myself with passengers in the car. :?

The issues seems to be mainly that the wide, flat ring, which is great for keeping the cage in place, also presents more surface area to catch loose skin. I tried putting some lube on, but that made the cuff ring move around too much, plus it kept my from being “secure” inside the cage.

I was hunting around on DH Gate, and I found a style with a thicker cuff ring – with a bonus that is also has one of those integrated locks. I’m a little concerned that the only sizes are 45 mm and 50 mm (1.77″ and 1.96″ respectively) which surrounds my comfort zone of 47mm (1.87, or 1-7/8). I’d imagine that going for the smaller diameter would make more sense, but I’m also concerned about the entire ring being *too* tight, especially if the cage is off and it’s just a cock ring for the evening.


Since I didn’t remember this being such a problem back in the old days, I dug around in the back of my sock drawer and started pulling out all of my old devices, figuring that I needed to start from scratch. I hunted through a series of rings, pins, cuffs, etc., and started trying things on.

Although the CB6000 has become the most popular device on the market, I’ve discovered that it doesn’t fit me well. I even cut one back to be a little shorter, in order to shove everything inside, but it squeezes things in a way that was never comfortable for me. I put that aside and pulled out my old CB3000. Rings, pins, and a little KSD to help hold things in place, and it fit like a glove. I remembered why we keep using this, long after other models were flooding the market. Our anatomy is different from person to person, but for some reason, this particular device is so comfortable that I’ve often forgotten I was wearing it.

I hadn’t worn it in over a year, so I spent a week or two, trying it with different rings and spacers; I already knew which ones worked for me previously, but now I was on a mission to determine just what was going to cause discomfort. I stopped using lube, switched out the plastic ring for the steel one I had made for the Fort, and did other things. I discovered that I’d get some testicle skin pinching, although not nearly as much. So I tried some silicone lube between the tube and my skin. That worked better than on the A080 because the tube is, well, a tube, that is, solid.

Unfortunately, that brought up one of the few issues I have with the CB3000 — it’s an odor trap. Even with the teeny little bit of lubricant that I used, some ended up inside the tube, where it picked up sweat and urine. Daily showers kept things fairly okay, but there was definitely a bit of odor after a week or so of non-stop wear. I didn’t remember it being as much of an issue, but the warm weather probably was a factor. After the weather turned a little chilly at the end of September, I gave it another try. Things were better, and a two week stint, including lots of yard work, and helping at a local fair, and things seemed mainly okay… except that wearing it doing a lot of outdoor work exposed some stress fractures around the locking pin areas that I  knew would cause breakage soon.

And that’s how I ended up back in The Fort.

I wrote about The Fort just about a year ago, when I pulled it out of the device archives and tried it out for the hell of it. Even though I had already made some small modifications, I took it back into the workshop and filed, ground, polished, and buffed out any sharp edges or corners that I could find. Then I gave the cage a final buffing (because shiny!) and locked it on.

Like the CB3000, it’s a very comfortable (like a glove) fit. I use a KSD-3G to help hold things in place; remember, the device itself is over 6 oz, and with the cuff ring and lock, it’s over 12 oz. I decided to wear this with no lube, and it did surprisingly well for a few days. I did notice, however, that like the other devices, there was some small amount of skin pinching between the underside of the cage and my testicle skin. Again, I put a small amount of lube just in that one area, and things seemed to feel fine. The ring that I made has some flat surface area, which provides enough friction to keep it from sliding too much, so I try to avoid any lube around that part.

Mrs Edge was gone on a church retreat, so I spent a few days at work, and working in my yard, climbing ladders, crawling under the tractor, and once again, I have to admit how surprised I was that it really was generally comfortable. The biggest difference was sleeping; the CB3000 just goes wherever my tonker points it, but the Fort is heavy enough to succumb to the effects of gravity when I turn on my side. And last night, as I was laying on my back, Mrs Edge threw her leg over mine, and complained that it didn’t just move out of the way for her. Or something like that – she was 3/4 asleep.

So, I’m not sure where I need to go next. All of the devices feel good when I first put them on. The problems come in during the course of the day as my skin stretches and sags. And the cooler weather means that there could be less reason for stretching, but even so, sitting on an office chair all day or getting in and out of a car still sometimes mean that I need to make a quick hitch. The open cage definitely caused the most problems, but will that be solved by a cage with a regular ring instead of a band? I’m no longer sure, but I do have one on its way from China.

In the meantime, I do have to say that there is something inherently erotic about wearing a device that is so massive that the lock is actually the weak point.


Oh yeah, I forgot about those 4am erections in these things…




Posted in A080, CB3000, CB6000, chastity, Chastity Devices, Fort, male chastity, The Fort | Leave a comment

The quiche is a lie

Some of you know that I manage a few blog aggregates — sites that are geared to the more vanilla-ish and less BDSM-y folks who have an interest in, well, whatever the hell it is that we do around here. Keyheld is geared toward couples exploring male chastity and orgasm denial, and eventually generated so much interest that we spun off a sister site She-Held, aimed more for women (and men) exploring female-led relationships and light female dominance.

Last week, She-Held, for whatever reason, lost the RSS feed widgets that link to the most recent posts on the various listed blogs. Mrs. Fever sent me a heads-up note, and from there I began rebuilding the list from memory. Realizing that the list was pretty short, I opened up the Google and started searching for FLR blogs.

The things I do for you people, I swear.

Anyway, in the course of finding the different blogs, I ran across one called “Real Women Don’t Do That To Their Husbands,” the name being a take-off from the blog “Real Women Don’t Do Housework,” and that name itself being a take-off on a 1980s humor book called “Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche,” which was followed by a send-up called “Real Women Don’t Pump Gas,” which instigated any number of similarly named books which followed.

Anyway, the blog is written by a “James” who seems to have stumbled across some FLR & femdom blogs, and has apparently been busy thinking (or rather, over-thinking) about the concepts; so much so that he has felt compelled to comment in some of those blogs, and to use his blog to pick apart specific posts. And while I applaud his efforts (everybody needs a hobby, right?), I do question how much he has thought (or over-thought) this through.

For example, here is his review of some of the blogs he has read:

1. wifesincharge.blogspot.com – The story of a woman who turned her man’s interest in spanking into a license to repeatedly and brutally beat him for the most minor of infractions until — as she put it–he was a blubbering mess. She even let her mother and sister beat him.  The blog has been up since 2014, but fortunately she keeps the torture porn to herself.  I’ve corresponded with them and to a third party about them–they are real.

2. Strictjulie.com– This glib, smart-ass of a woman most recently bragged about how she caught a man in a compromising position and used it as leverage to humiliatingly spank him.  Now, she delightfully brags about how fun it was to beat an unwilling man.

This woman beats the living fuck out of her husband.  One of her recent posts described beating him with 60 Delrin (acrylic) cane strokes until he was crying uncontrollably, which makes her wet.

3. FLR101 – “Yoga Girl” characterizes men as boorish masturbators who need to be controlled.  She controls her husband with shock collars and leather straps.  He’s a prick, so I don’t feel too bad about him personally, but she is as vile as they come.

4. Real Wives Don’t Do Housework – These women preach harshly punishing their husbands, silencing their opinions, and essentially dumping all of the domestic burdens on them.  If the me do not comply “happily”, they are punished.

4. Femdomthinktank- a spin of of #4 and equally odious.

5. https://im-hers.blogspot.com/ – This one is the saddest of all.   After surviving orgasm denial for over a year, this poor bastard posted about how lonely he was in his FLR marriage.  His wife briefly asked him if it was true and immediately dropped the subject.  It is harder to imagine a more callous act:

As you know, Katie reads and approves all of what I post and that post was no exception. She read it but had little to say. When she finished proofing it she asked if I was lonely and I told her I did feel lonely. She didn’t probe further. 

You should’ve felt the temperature drop just reading that.  I know I did.

That post angered me beyond belief.  Unfortunately, after pleading his distress, every time a commenter sympathized with him, the poster was quick to defend his wife, just like an abused wife in a domestic battery case.  He just can’t process the disregard and lack of concern she shows for him. If he accepts it, his world comes to an end, so he can’t accept it.

She finally “let” him have an orgasm the other day.  Now, he’s all chipper and on cloud nine. Let’s see how he is in six months. Perhaps she’d enjoy finding him dead at his own hands.  What an ultimate tribute to your FLR wife — a human sacrifice.

Listen ladies: What goes around comes around.  Some day, you will really need your man to support you through your insecurities and anxieties.  You’re going to get old. You’re going to lose your looks.  Other women may see your man as a “nice guy,” the type they’ve been unable to find.

Ask yourself this: Why should he give a fuck about what you go through?  Did you show him mercy.  Did you show him caring?  Did you listen to his anxieties or allow him to vent his emotions without fear of punishment? I know Mz. Kaylee of RWDDH does not allow her husband to vent his frustrations or he is immediately punished.  Did you beat him harshly and without any concern for his safety or well being.

Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t give a fuck.  Personally, I’d wait until you are weak and needy and would then just not give you what you so clearly need.  Then, I would sit back and enjoy the show as you spiral into self-doubt and twist in the wind with no one having your back.

Humiliating and degrading someone is tricky business when you live with them.  You’ll never know if they’re plotting their revenge . . . until it’s too late.

My advice: Practice sleeping with one eye open, or at least in a locked room your husband can’t get into.

Either that or try to be a decent goddamn human being.

While there are only a couple of dozen posts up, he has spent a lot of time ranting about orgasm control and discipline, which leads me to ask if he really understands that the blogs (that is, the blog authors and their partners) are engaging in consensual power exchange. At least, I’m assuming so — if I didn’t “allow” Mrs Edge to cage me or cane me, then there is physically nothing that she could do otherwise. Presumably it’s the same case elsewhere.

But there is one post with a hint of self-awareness, that unfortunately, hasn’t been further developed.

I didn’t expect to get any commenting on this blog.  However, one commenter has alleged that the blog “Real Women Don’t Do Housework” is written by men, and not by the women whose names appear on it: Fumika Misato, “Yoga Girl,” “Mz. Kaylee,” Maria, Pooja, and Jessica Brittingham.

Here’s what he said:

Anonymous September 13, 2016 at 10:05 AM

James, do you really think that RWDDH is written by women? Same as Elise Sutton etc. Behind those unrealistic shit are most likely men who are posting their masturbation dreams. It’s actually a pity for those men who would like to introduce their wifes to FLR because they read that shit first and are then completely scared and disgusted.

And here we really come to the point. It’s my own opinion that at best, most of the stories that we read on FLR blogs, femdom blogs, BDSM blogs, forums, Reddit, etc., are exaggerated or embellished. “My wife kept me locked up for a month straight” probably means that she removed it a few times for cleaning or adjustment. “She was so angry that she whipped me until I was bloody,” probably meant that she raised a few welts. And “I recommend that you immediately lock up your hubby’s cock and not let him out for at least three months to teach him a lesson,” is more likely “I’m really a guy, and this is one of my own fantasies.”

We have to use our sense of discernment when reading these kinds of blogs (with regard to the situation written about), and that discernment also applies to how we choose to understand them (the way we are going to react to them). I know that I often run across blogs that I don’t agree with, or those that I think the participants are doing something that isn’t the best idea. I’ve learned not to engage them in argument because I have no way of knowing if it’s really just somebody writing out a fantasy.

I’m going to repeat myself because at one time I used to be pretty insightful:

I don’t want to be a buzzkill, but those of you who insist that your wife went from June Cleaver to Mistress Cruella overnight, has had you locked in a CB6000 for the last three years (even though it’s only been on the market for 18 months), and who is forcing you to take estrogen in order to turn you into a woman, are really becoming annoying for the grown-ups who want to have decent discussions about how to make the devices more secure, and what kinds of impacts it will have on our relationships. Your wild-assed scenarios are also scaring the noobs who wander in here looking for advice, there being so little available on the subject.

And look – there is nothing wrong with posting a fantasy as a fantasy; the internet is full of them. But let’s please stop pretending that your vanilla partner is suddenly going to go all dominatrixy after she discovers your affair with your secretary.

Anyway, I’m done here. I did not link to that blog because I didn’t know if he would take offense to me having written this, but if you want to go gnash your teeth over something, you can copy the text and paste it into your browser address bar:


Edit: I should have mentioned that if I have overlooked your blog,  or if you know of one that should be listed,  please leave me a note in the comments. 


Apropos of nothing, I’m putting this picture here, not because it’s related, but because here in the northeast US we’re having what I’m sure will be one of the last nice weekends before we get into the chilly Fall season, and this seemed like such a nice picnic scene.

Posted in Blogging, Blogs, Communication, Female Led Relationships, femdom | 15 Comments

So, this just happened…

So, I’m at work on Friday because, you know, I have a job. And I get a text message from Mrs. Edge.

Mrs Edge: Hi.

Mrs Edge: You busy?

Me: Well, I am at work, so…

Mrs Edge: I can’t find the key.

Me: The car key?

Mrs Edge: The key for your cage.

Me: I’m not at all surprised.

Mrs Edge: Do you have it?

Me: Why would I have it?

Me: I have the emergency key on my keyring.

Mrs Edge: Okay, good.

Me: I think you last kept it in your jewelry  box.

Me: It’s on a ring with several small padlock keys.

Mrs Edge: Okay, got it.

Me: Should I even ask why?

Mrs Edge: I’m not planning to use it.

Me: Yeah, I’m not surprised.

Mrs Edge: I just wondered what if you had a heart attack and I had to get it off quick.

Me: …

Me: What…?

Me: ???

Mrs Edge: We’re having pork chops for dinner. Try not to work too late.

Mrs Edge: Love you.

Me: ???

Me: Well, that was weird.

Me: xoxox

When I got home, was there even any explanation? Of course not.


Speaking of not needing the key.



Posted in A080, CB3000, CB6000, chastity, Chastity & Orgasm Denial, Marriage & Relationships, Sexuality & Aging, Sexuality & Relationships | 7 Comments