Indefinite Numbers

I can’t remember my last orgasm.

There’s a certain irony to this — cruel or amusing, depending upon your mindset — because as most of us know, chastity is a game of numbers. Nobody presents this as well as Thumper, who has some of the most analytical charts and graphs that one could imagine. But a visit to any chastity related web group shows that many, many of the posts are all about “I’ve only had x orgasms in y [time period].”  Guys constantly talk about trying to hit some milestone (“My first time locked up for a week/month/30/60/90 days.”), or they try to beat their previous record.

I’ve written somewhere that the most cruel thing that you can do is to lock a guy on January 1, and then unlock him on December 27th, and force him to have an orgasm just a few days shy of that daunting one year mark.

Anyhow, I’ve been thinking about this lately because Mrs Edge and I seem to have unintentionally wandered down the “permanent chastity” road, and…

Okay, yes, there’s some ambiguity about how people use the term “permanent.” In our case, “permanent” means that the device never comes off, except for travel or medical reasons, and that I will never be allowed to have an orgasm, or at least, an uncaged orgasm, full, ruined, or otherwise (we can’t help those involuntary releases that I still seem to get in the cage). And since Mrs Edge enjoys her PIV, all of our intercourse (which we’re having much more frequently, for some reason) is with my “replacement” cock, our Vixskin Tex (formerly sold as the Boitoi).

So. As I was saying, we didn’t intentionally set out to do this, we just sort of… ended up here because we were having such a good time doing what we were doing. And as a result, it’s looking as if my last orgasm, as the joke goes, may well actually be my last orgasm.

And I can’t remember when it was or anything about it.

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Mrs Edge says that she wants me to take a few years to think about it. More captions at: http://Mrs-Edge-Says.tumblr.com

Moms Before MILFs

I’m not much for watching videos, but I found this amusing:

You Won’t Be Able To Watch MILF Clips On Xhamster On Mother’s Day.

In a Mother’s Day stunt called #MomsBeforeMILFs, porn site xHamster on Sunday will block off the videos in the adult video world’s most popular category—MILF clips—and instead show users a pop-up alert saying, ““It’s Mother’s Day! Go call your mom, ok? MILFs can wait.”

This is just a hilarious way to connect with our users and surprise them when they least expect it,” says Alex Hawkins, vp of xHamster. “It’s so contradictory for an adult site to promote this message on Mother’s Day, and we are sure our users will love it as much as we do.”

The idea was developed by a creative collective led by Spanish ad veteran Pancho Cassis, the former LOLA MullenLowe executive creative director who was named to Adweek’s Creative 100 in 2018 and is known for attention-grabbing campaigns like Burger King’s Scary Clown Night. Cassis recently left the agency and has not yet formally announced his next role or business, though the xHamster campaign hints that he’s certainly going to keep producing eye-opening campaigns.

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I don’t know if Danica Collins is a mother, but that doesn’t stop me from having a crush on her.

Recouping the investment

I was one of the few people who didn’t freak over the Tumblr Panic of December 2018. I had the main one, The Edge of Vanilla (which I found amusing to turn into The Reds of Vanilla, in which every post had something red in it).

Also on the list was Tiresome Tropes, which featured snarky commentary on stereotypical tropes used in Femdom porn, and then a few others that featured various degrees of explicitness and kink.

After the Tumblr Panic, I switched to just reblogging tame, SFW-ish captioned pictures, and just allowed the other blogs under my account to run out their queues. That’s why I was surprised to see this morning that my entire account (along with half a dozen other blogs) have been terminated. Tumblr has not yet given me a reason, but after my initial ten minutes of annoyance, I stopped caring.

The most annoying thing is that I had a queue & draft cache of a lot of captioned, recaptioned, and originally captioned pics that I wouldn’t have minded saving, but hey, it’s not like it was the library at Alexandria.

A lot of people have moved over to NewTumbl.com, and BDSMLR.com, but ironically enough, I find them to be *too* BDSM-ish; every picture that runs across my dash is pretty explicit. Plus, the diaspora haven’t quite settled and set up shop yet, and both platforms, while visually resembling Tumblr, have not yet made the jump to an easy mobile browsing experience – at least, not for posting, queueing, etc.

If I can get my act together, maybe I’ll start posting the non-explicit captioned pics here, since WordPress seems to have stabilized, and has a decent mobile app. I suppose I could create yet another email account and open up yet another Tumblr just to reblog the ones that show up here.

Or maybe I’ll just indulge in some friendly cultural appropriation this weekend, and have a pitcher of Margaritas on Sunday, and wait until the next Tumblr appears.

EDIT: Apparently I’m reinstated; one of my reblogs from the queue contained a link to some possible spam site. I guess it’s time to save all the content and move it elsewhere.

Mrs Edge says that it could take a very, very long time to recoup our investment.

Temporarily Permanent

A few weeks ago on Tumblr or maybe Fetlife, I ran across the sentence “I’m in permanent chastity for the rest of the month.” Putting aside the source for the moment, the sentence was one of those syntactical jumbles that, while grammatically correct, fails on the technical aspects – not unlike “Hey, toss me that refrigerator,” or “Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.”

When we get to the point where “permanent” is a few weeks, then maybe we need a new lexicon.

Naturally, I understand that there are nuances in usage, and we often need clarification when we discuss this. When someone says that they are in “permanent chastity,” both the dick-measurers and the curious newbs ask what the person actually means, and from the answers that I’ve seen over the years, it almost never means “I have a device locked on my todger that never, ever comes off.” Generally, the situation is more like “I’m locked up 24/7, except for occasional cleaning and hygiene breaks,” but sometimes it means “I’m locked up until my partner wants to play,” which may be weekly, monthly, or randomly.

From those responses, the newbs are usually impressed (“Wow, the longest I’ve been locked up is 12 days!”), while the dick-measurers often jump in to the effect that they measure “permanent” in some completely different (and inherently better, sniff, sniff) way. (“Wash breaks? I have an open cage so it doesn’t need to come off for that.”).

To make things even more confusing, some people confound “chastity” with “denial.” (“Your domme allows you to have an orgasm every month? That’s not permanent enough – I haven’t had one in three years.”). Sometimes you see guys wondering if ruined orgasms “count,” (“How ruined was it?”). And where do those people who abstain without a device fall into this matrix?

I don’t actually have an answer, but I will note that the “chastity community” (such as it is) has existed for at least fifteen years in various online forums, and I’m amazed that there now seems to be less agreement or understanding of the terms than ever. I’m suggesting that, when you consider the proliferation of inexpensive devices, and how they are making their way into the mainstream kink world, maybe it’s time that we come up with a more consistent syntax or usage for the terms that we toss around; the lack of foundation is why start seeing statements like “I’ll be in permanent chastity all month.”

Again, I want to stress that I’m aware that there are nuances to how we use these terms.

We live in the real world (well, most of us) and there are practical limitations to what we can/will or can’t/won’t do. For example, while I’m aware that *in theory* I can wear my device on an airplane, in practice I really do not want the potential hassle of that one TSA (or foreign equivalent) agent not knowing what the hell that hunk of metal in my pants is doing there (or in my luggage), so I’ve traveled sans device, and carried along a plastic CB3000 to put on after we hit the destination.

Likewise, both Mrs Edge and I like the ridiculously named A272. It’s a solid tube device, and in the interests of hygiene, etc., it’s going to come off at least once a month for a couple minutes in the shower, where I can have a thorough cleaning of both my tonker and the inside of the tube. Over the past year, it has come off for a few doctor’s visits, a couple of routine medical procedures, a few long distance bike rides, and (at her insistence), for a few hours when I was doing something potentially dangerous and of questionable legality (she didn’t want any issues with an EMT needing to cut through the metal if something went awry). In other words, you could measure the time I’ve been unlocked over the past year in hours.

I know that a lot of you are in similar circumstances. You’ve been wearing a device for months, or even years. You have few, possibly random, or maybe even no orgasms, and you’re probably going to be locked up for a good portion of the rest of your lives. The term “permanent” here is not used in the literal sense, but is poetic, figurative, evocative. It conveys an idea of what your situation is. And I’m not suggesting that you stop using the term in such a fashion.

That said, however…

When we use a term in a figurative sense, without having a foundation for what the literal circumstances would be, we help set the tone for people to use it in less and less literal ways. I mean, sure, for many of us, the fantasy of “permanent” is kind of hot. But the community – really, a very disjointed bunch of people who have widely varying perspectives on chastity devices and orgasm denial – is actually communicating with each other (never mind to outsiders) very poorly, and it won’t be long before we finally arrive at statements like “I’ll be in permanent chastity for the entire weekend.”

 

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Mrs Edge hasn’t used the word “permanent” yet. However, she does say “never” quite often…

 

Shrinkage: Chastity is the least of your concerns.

Good news for all of you men who are so concerned that wearing a chastity device will shrink your tonker: As it turns out, it’s going to shrink anyway, and a device is probably the least of your concerns:

WILLY WORRYING Your penis can SHRINK… how exercise and smoking can wither your manhood by up to an inch

Some highlights from the article:

But no matter where your member sits on the scale, there are a few factors that can cause it to drop a few sizes.
1. Exercise
Turns out working out might help you bulk up in all areas but below the belt.
2. Weight gain
So while killing it at the gym will result in your manhood shrinking temporarily, letting the pounds pile on and on is much more damaging to your dangle.
3. Smoking
We all know smoking is bad for us, increasing the risk of cancer, heart disease and other killer conditions.
4. Ageing
Ageing is hard enough to swallow. But to add insult to injury, a man’s advancing years will prove dire for his length down there.
5. Medication
All medication comes with unwanted side effects, but some measure up worse than others.
6. Prostate surgery
On the subject of prostates, men who have had surgery to remove the gland due to cancer may experience a loss of size.
7. Peyronie’s disease
Some men experience a condition called Peyronie’s disease, which causes the penis to become curved when it is erect.

I don’t think a day goes by in which I haven’t spotted something about chastity and penis shrinkage. I’m not going to rehash the information, but a penis is not a muscle. What you’ve been given is pretty much it, so barring surgery to make it (slightly) bigger, it’s going to get slightly smaller with age, poor health, and weight gain.

Is it reversible?
Fear not, despite all the bad news, there is a ray of light at the end of the tunnel.

Penis shrinkage is reversible, but in some cases it may be harder than others.

The quick fixes are quitting smoking and losing weight.

There’s a little more information in the article, but you  know how UK tabloids are:

https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/news/4001307/your-penis-can-shrink-how-exercise-and-smoking-can-wither-your-manhood-by-up-to-an-inch/

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Of course, while some men are worried that chastity will shrink things, some women won’t be the least be concerned.

Mrs Edge says that the strapon is like an upgrade. She doesn’t have to worry about a thing.

More chastity in the mainstream?

So, Fark.com, the source for news of the weird and strange, had this little tidbit from the Lockpicking Lawyer’s YouTube channel:

[835] Chastity Cage Picked With a Condom Wrapper (Happy Valentines Day!)

Yes, it’s exactly what it says. The video is pretty bare bones, but that’s not the point. The point is that the video is going to be circulating, and checked out by the normies. That means more awareness, although not necessarily more acceptance.

Anyhow, here’s the link. Go have fun, kids.

It’s kind of strange that I’m still wearing my A272 cage in my dreams.

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Summer Penis Has Come and Gone. Gird Your Loins for Winter Penis

It’s closing on on winter here in New England, and that means cold weather. And with the cold weather, that means that those of us who wear devices have to deal with a new set of adjustments. The equipment that was hanging comfortably in your jeans or khakis is now feeling much more snug, or even uncomfortably tight as that lose skin and other wabbly bits now tries to retract into your body.

The whole “shrinkage” thing was a 1990s Seinfeld joke, but recently some researchers have started to, uhh, examine it more closely.

From:  Summer Penis Has Come and Gone. Gird Your Loins for Winter Penis

Writing at Metro U.K., Ellen Scott informs us that as the weather gets colder, the penis has a reaction to the cold, according to sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight. “The blood vessels in the penis shut down because of the cold temperature,” Knight tells her.

“Men can expect their penis to shrivel by up to 50 percent in length and 20 to 30 percent in girth when the weather gets chilly.”And as for why, well, that’s just science: “The body is programmed to preserve heat and energy,” Knight continues. “So in the cold, it funnels its resources into maintaining blood flow to the middle of your body, where your vital organs are. But in order to do that, your body has to reduce blood flow to your appendages — your fingers, toes and your penis. The testicles also retract and rise closer to the rest of the body so they can also stay warm.”All this leads to greater desensitization, which means it could also be harder to get hard, and harder to get off. “Men can take longer to orgasm when they are cold,” Knight says.

Uh, isn’t this just shrinkage? Which we already knew was real?In a sense, yes. Assuming we take all this at penis face value, it makes logical sense: In the same way summer penis makes your dick look and feel bigger, winter penis would make your dick and balls look and feel smaller, because baby it’s cold outside. “Not a big deal,” Scott writes, “but worth being aware of.”

If this is all new to you, read more at Medium:

Summer Penis Has Come and Gone. Gird Your Loins for Winter Penis

Speaking of chastity devices:

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Mrs Edge says that you don’t need a lock on something that will never be removed.

Tumblr will delete all porn from the platform | TechCrunch

I know the rumors come out every once in a while, but this time it seems to have been verified by Tumblr, itself.

On December 17, Tumblr will be banning porn, errr “adult content,” from its site and encouraging users to flag that content for removal. Existing adult content will be set to a “private mode” viewable only to the original poster.What does “adult content” even mean? Well, according to Tumblr, the ban means the removal of any media that depicts “real-life human genitals or female-presenting nipples, and any content—including photos, videos, GIFs and illustrations—that depicts sex acts.”

Source: Tumblr will delete all porn from the platform | TechCrunch

To be fair, they won’t totally delete NSFW pictures – they will set them to “private.”  This gives you a little more time to find another place to rehost them.

I’ve collected a lot of pictures, captioned pics, and other erotica in the eight or ten years I’ve been a user. I’m really not looking forward to moving things. On the other hand, maybe it’s a good time to start going through the collection again.

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