Sexual Economics

The blog “To Love, Honor, and Vacuum” has an  interesting article up today:

What’s the “Price” of Sex in Your Marriage? An Economist’s Look at Sex

I know, you read the word “economist” and started to doze off. It’s actually a light-hearted look at how there are different factors that affect how often we do (or don’t) enjoy some sexual intimacy in our relationships.

Basic economics tells us that the “price” of something is where the demand for it intersects with the supply of it. The demand for something tends to increase when the price drops, while the supply tends to decrease when the price drops.

But what determines how much of a product will actually be supplied at each point? The cost of the inputs. So if you were making ice cream, for instance, and the price of milk dropped, then the supply line would shift, and the price of ice cream would decrease.

What does this mean for sex?

It means that if the cost of sex gets too high, then you’ll have less sex.

No, no – wake up. The cost of inputs is the important part, except that maybe you know it as “how much of a bother is this going to be?”

I’m not going to inflict the article on you, but I am going to list the top ten inputs that she identified as possible issues. While this article is aimed at women, the more astute men reading this can take some cues and apply it to their own life.

1. Having a place to make love

2. Having time to make love

3. Having physical energy

4. Feeling physically well

5. Feeling emotionally replenished

6. Feeling mentally calm

7. Feeling good about your body

8. Feeling emotionally close to your husband

9. Trusting your husband

10. Enjoying your husband’s scent

The blog is mainly written for Christian wives (and there is a companion blog for the husbands ), so some of my kinkier friends (which is probably most of you) may do a little eye rolling. But I’ve seen some overlap in some areas, and I have to admit that much of the blog covers how to be more intimate in one’s marriage.

Anyhow, if you have time, look through it.

I’m thinking that somebody is going to get a much higher – or lower? – return on investment than they anticipated.

Posted in intimacy, Marriage & Relationships, Relationship, Sexuality & Relationships, Vanilla Sex | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Spiritually bound

Tumblr has begun some soft advertising lately, which means that it picks things that it thinks you might have an interest in and throws posts at you, with suggestions that you follow that person.

For reasons that I found amusing, here’s what Tumblr thought would be a good blog for me to follow:


Now, I’m not going to judge this guy. I mean, it’s all cool that he wants to follow some religious rules that are, in some some ways, every bit as convoluted as Gor play.

It’s just that he uses the term “degenerate” like it’s a bad thing…


And who knows, maybe some Catholic play would do me some good.


Posted in chastity, Chastity & Orgasm Denial, Humor, Sexuality & Relationships | 4 Comments

The Naked Truth About Desire Smuggling – asking for what you want

I just stumbled across this blog today, and although I should be clearing up things at my desk at work, I’m taking a few minutes to pass this fantastic bit of information along because it dovetails with the all-too-often theme of “How do I get my partner to…?”

The author talks about “Desire Smuggling:”

Desire Smuggling: Hiding what you really want from yourself and/or a loved one, then, finding cover strategies to get (at least pieces of) what you want.

Why do we do this?

We do it to stay safe. It’s a reasonable response to a toxic environment of shame and judgment.

And what does Desire Smuggling look like?

Desire is persistent and will not be denied. When it doesn’t feel safe to want what you want, you will try to get it anyway. Here are some things you might do:

  • Expect telepathy
  • Make wishes
  • Fake spontaneity
  • Get drunk/high to remove inhibitions
  • Hint
  • Ask if the other person wants the thing you want
  • Rationalize cost/benefit
  • Emotional withdrawal
  • Send articles about the thing
  • Give statistics about the thing
  • Say “people like…” (instead of owning it yourself)
  • Try to convince
  • Try to get the other person to say it
  • Complain that you don’t get it
  • Be “nice” and hope to be rewarded
  • Make unspoken deals
  • Issue ultimatums
  • Emotional blackmail
  • Tack on obligation to a “gift”
  • Minimize by saying “just” or “only”
  • Guilt-trip
  • Be passive-aggressive
  • Blame
  • Want the other person to guess
  • Wait for the right time
  • Wait for a sign
  • Buy into a romance myth (“If you really loved me…”)
  • Assume they should “just know”
  • Withhold
  • Force
  • Non-consensual taking
  • Be macho
  • Be loud and bombastic
  • Punish your partner for not giving it to you
  • Attack/judge someone asking for what you want
  • Attack/judge someone getting what you want
  • Look for other, less-scary places to get it
  • Shame yourself for having that desire
  • Shame others with the same desire
  • Avoid it altogether
  • Make sugar-coated demands
  • Compromise
  • “Purchase” it by doing other things
  • Get needs met without owning them
  • Tell a story about the thing desire
  • Martyr yourself in hopes of getting it
  • Substitute something else
  • Don’t explore internal dissonance
  • Bully
  • Criticize after the fact
  • Spiritually bypass
  • Settle
  • Play options roulette (where one option is the one you want)

More good stuff on this blog by Marcia B.

Seriously, click around – it’s definitely worth your time.

Source: The Naked Truth About Desire Smuggling – asking for what you want

Of course, sometimes your partner has already figured out what you want and is not happy about it.

Posted in Sexuality & Relationships | 1 Comment

Why does it always end up being housework?

So I ran across this interesting gem from Outclick the Coverage.

Okay, on to the mailbag.

“I’m a woman, married and in her mid thirties. We have good, not great sex about once or twice a week, but lately he’s been more attentive and dedicated to, well, ensuring that I finish, which he wasn’t always been that aware of in the past. But he recently disclosed a fetish that has me nervous. He told me that he wants to lock himself in a chastity device and give me the key. He says it’s to help him focus on me more.

He says that this is becoming pretty common fetish and all I have to do is unlock him every now and then at my discretion. He says he likes the idea of being controlled by me. I’m a little concerned about all this and I’m not sure how to go about it.

Since you’re the expert on all kinds of weird sex stuff, is this common? Am I really expected to treat his member like a dog in a kennel? How do I make this fun for me?

Sorry to treat you like a kinky Dear Abby, but I just want to hear your take on this.”

I have never heard of this fetish at all. I mean, I’ve heard of chastity belts, but I thought they only existed for women hundreds of years ago, not for men in 2016.

I’m assuming this chastity belt isn’t made of metal material or something else that would make an erection painful. Because having an erection pressing against metal just sounds awful.

Having said that, if he’s really into wearing a chastity belt, what do you have to lose here?

I don’t think this is a common fetish, but I don’t see how it’s really that harmful.

Plus, you can threaten to never give him the key again while he’s wearing the chastity belt, which can probably get him to do more than just service you during sex. Who knows, maybe you can even get him to fulfill every married woman’s deepest, most ardent and scandalous fantasy while he’s wearing the chastity belt — completing more household chores.  (emphasis added)

It’s interesting that she added “He says that this is becoming pretty common fetish,” because several of the online distributors have mentioned that chastity devices rank closely behind dildos, vibrators, handcuffs, etc.

The other side, though, was this: “I’m assuming this chastity belt isn’t made of metal material or something else that would make an erection painful. Because having an erection pressing against metal just sounds awful.”

Isn’t it interesting that on one hand male chastity is “becoming a common fetish,” while on the other hand, people know so little about it? Why do you suppose that is?

Naturally, the columnist’s advice included the bit about trading sex for chores. Because few things make women more aroused than trading sex for services.

Anyway, the chastity belt on this guy seems to be made of “metal material.” Do you suppose he’s in pain right now?

Actually, that device looks kind of hot.

Posted in CB3000, CB6000, chastity, Chastity & Orgasm Denial, Interesting Oddities, Mainstream Chastity, male chastity, Sexuality & Relationships | Tagged , , , | 8 Comments

How Kinky Sex Might Make You More Creative

Research suggests that BDSM can help people achieve altered states of consciousness

Source: How Kinky Sex Might Make You More Creative

In one of the more enlightened (or at least, kink friendly) articles on the association between BDSM and mental health, Steven Blum re-examines an article from this past February’s New York Times in light of a more recent study published in the American Psychological Association journal PsycNET.

Since these articles come out every six months or so, I’m not going to rehash it here; it’s a lengthy article, and well worth the read at the above link. Some highlights, though, for those of you too busy to click the link:

First, the abstract from the PsycNET article:

Researchers studying consensual bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism (BDSM) have theorized that individuals pursue BDSM activities, in part, due to the pleasant altered states of consciousness these activities produce. However, to date, no research has tested whether BDSM activities actually facilitate altered states. To this end, we randomly assigned 14 experienced BDSM practitioners to the bottom role (the person who is bound, receiving stimulation, or following orders) or the top role (the person providing stimulation, orders, or structure) for a BDSM scene. Results suggest that topping was associated with an altered state aligned with Csikszentmihalyi’s (1991) flow (measured with the Flow State Scale), and bottoming was associated with an altered state aligned with Dietrich’s (2003) transient hypofrontality (measured with a Stroop test) as well as some facets of flow. Additional results suggest that BDSM activities were associated with reductions in psychological stress and negative affect, and increases in sexual arousal. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2016 APA, all rights reserved)

Okay, those of us with a background in social science get aroused by this kind of talk. Other people, not so much. Let’s move on.

After recruiting a small sample of BDSM fetishists through Fetlife — essentially the kink community’s Facebook — and asking them to recreate a typical BDSM session, researchers at the university found doms were able to achieve “optimal flow”: an immersive, creative state of mind sought by writers, artists and musicians.

Oh dear sweet lord – Fetlife?

Subs, on the other hand, experienced “transient hypofrontality,” an altered state of consciousness that can present itself as anything from a distortion of time to floating feelings, lack of self-consciousness, peacefulness and the experience of being in the here and now. (Bottoms also demonstrated impaired executive functioning after the scene was over, scoring poorly in a word and color matching game called the Stroop Test.)

“Impaired executive functioning.” An academic way of saying “Gives no fucks because I’m just enjoying the moment.”

Katherine Klement, one of the researchers behind the study, told me that bottoms might have more “fun” during a typical session.

“Bottoms said they were having more of the good time on the flow scale while tops were feeling more focused and satisfied from getting things right,” Klement said.

Ssshhh! Please don’t let this secret get out, or the tops will want to start bottoming.

Mrs. Edge has absolutely no desire to bottom. However, she has said that she does get a surprising amount of enjoyment from caning my bottom.

Posted in BDSM, Interesting Oddities, kink, Sex news, Sexuality & Relationships | 1 Comment