What spending two weeks in a chastity device taught me about my sexuality and my marriage


https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/sex-locktober-chastity-belt-bdsm-marriage-relationship-sexuality-penis-a8600906.html

Apparently I hit the wrong button, and accidentally posted an article that I was saving for later. After I’d had a chance to, you know, actually read it.

Anywho. since a few people have already commented, I’m going to retcon this post because I think that it’s worth a look.

The author (who posted this on a Reddit group that I follow) is trying to make the point that sex — or more correctly, PIV intercourse — is on the table for virtually every transactional aspect of his relationship, and that locking up his cock removed that option so he could end up having a more emotional connection.

BTW, at the end of this post, I’ll have an ebay link to a bridge in NYC to which I have exclusive rights, and I’ll be happy to sell it to you.

He starts off with this:

Simply put, I had no idea how much of my daily interactions with my wife were subtle negotiations for sex, but my wife sure did. She’d come to accept it as part of being married to a man. But now, if my hand lingered too long on a caress, my cage made the motivations painfully obvious. Call it cognitive behaviour therapy for my penis.

I’ve been reading about this kind of thing for 15 or 20 years now, and frankly, I’m so put off by it that I usually just click past a page or post, because it seems to come from a place in which the guy thinks he *should* be saying something like this. It positions male sexual desire as some kind of savage or yucky aspect of sexuality that needs to be relegated to the basement.

Also, men who see *every* interaction as a sex-laden transaction or negotiation are morons.

Beforehand, her being playful with me was viewed primarily as an invitation to sex. Now it could now exist on its own. My listening to her day wasn’t partially “putting in the time to earn sex,” because sex wasn’t an option. I was liberated to enjoy the act of listening.

Ugh. Personally, I don’t believe a word of this. Virtually every description from a guy first getting accustomed to wearing a chastity device recounts how they are even *more* focused  on their dick, and how it takes weeks, or even longer, to sublimate their desires. This guy didn’t suddenly lock a cage on (he doesn’t specify which one), and feel immediately closer to his wife. Most guys do that, and immediately talk about how horny they are all the damn time.

If I was stressed, my new avenue was one that had always been there: I talked to my wife about it. She had great insights but mostly she just listened. The stress went away, and unlike the short-term benefit masturbation provided, I got longer term benefits like companionship, trust, vulnerability and reassurance.

I have no idea what he’s saying, but I can’t blame people who might be interpreting this as “This guy was very self-centered, and it took a sex toy to make him more focused o n his wife as a real person, instead of as a way to meet his physical needs.

Oh well. All that said, the article itself wasn’t all that bad, once I’ve stepped away from it for a bit. I really get tired of people (mainly men) attaching some kind of intrinsic spirituality to something as simple as not having an orgasm. Hopefully he did get some kind of insight from all this, and I hope his wife will eventually reap some benefits from this.


Oh, I guess this LOctober thing is nearly over. At least, for some of you people. For some of us others, not so much.


Posted in Chastity & Orgasm Denial, LOctober, male chastity, NO-vember, orgasm denial, Sexuality & Relationships | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Eternal Loctober


So, Loctober is here, and the various forums and Tumblrs are abuzz with chatter about a no-orgasm month, and non-stop chastity for the next few weeks. It’s funny to see how the idea has grown in the last few years. Of course, for some of us, it’s just another month.

Back in January, I wrote that Mrs Edge and I had been discussing going back to more serious chastity play, and through a misunderstanding she thought that I wanted her to hold all keys, and not even allow me an emergency key. It ended up that we didn’t do that; in fact, during bike season I ended up with an extra key in the bathroom in order to remove the cage for longer cycling sessions (the rule was that I’d get dressed in my snazzy spandex gear, then unlock, go riding, and put the cage back on in the shower as soon as I’d get back).

Anyhow, the idea of having more control percolated in her for a while, and somehow — still not quite certain how — I’ve been locked up more or less continuously since then. The “less” part was from mid January to the end of February, when both travel and flu season contributed to loss of opportunity and desire. The “more” part started in March, when Mrs Edge wanted to have me once again use her Vixskin Boitoi strapon, which had been shelved for a while because of …

Look, as you get older, weird thing happen to your body. Mrs Edge had an early menopause, and for a while has had a lot of issues with dryness. Also, with over-sensitivity, and not in a good way. She took different meds, supplements, and hormones. Last year she started taking a different med, which helped with her internal lubrication. We also switched to a different lube (and many, many thanks to Dangerous Lilly and her fantastic guide to such things), which made things more enjoyable for the both of us.

Anyway, Mrs Edge was feeling more like her old self, and since she prefers PIV, she asked me to try our favorite addition again. It was an immediate success, which, in retrospect, was probably what led to the “more” part. The upshot is that one day I realized that, except for a few doctor’s visits, I had been locked up continuously for several months, and it appeared that we were getting back into more serious play.

Mrs Edge is funny. She grew to kink pretty hard on the control aspect of chastity, so when she clicks the lock (or, because it’s the A272, twists the lock), it stays closed. Period.  I go from being constantly aroused , and then on to some kind of adjustment period, and then I stay on a low-level simmer for long periods of time.

By the time summer was arriving, I had one of those “milestone” birthdays. Surely she would uncage me, right?

Nope. My present was that I got to give her a good pounding with the Boitoi.

Our anniversary came. So did she. I remained caged.

Eventually, I asked her one night, if she even knew how long since my last orgasm, or how long since she had unlocked me.

She told me she hadn’t even considered it, hadn’t given a single thought to it since… whenever it was. She was in this for the long haul, and was enjoying the ride.

I told her that, in retrospect, it was kind of hot for her to leave me locked for my birthday. She replied that she had a brief moment in which she had thought about allowing me a ruined orgasm, but then ended up forgetting about it. It wasn’t out of cruelty, mind you; for her, she loved the idea that she could do it, and knowing that I’d probably end up enjoying it.

That was a few months ago. My A272 is still the most comfortable cage. Mrs Edge has been enjoying regular (as in frequent) intercourse. And now, especially since the control kink has kicked in, she’s floating the idea that maybe an annual orgasm for me isn’t in the cards. Why? Because it sets up expectations, and she doesn’t want to feel like she has to comply with anything like anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, or whatever. For her, it’s about the control, the power to make the decision. Dice games, random numbers, and “special dates” take the decision out of her hands. So, an orgasm per year would make me expect another one twelve months later. That’s not going to work for her.

Maybe… every other year? Maybe… leap years? Maybe… not?


 

Posted in A272, chastity, Chastity & Orgasm Denial, Chastity Devices, male chastity, Sexuality & Relationships | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Hard Limits


In case you haven’t seen this yet, Paltego, over at Femdom Resource, just re-tweeted an operation by German firefighters or EMTs who are removing a poorly chosen metal piece (possibly a large lug nut) as a cock ring, after the poor guy discovered that he couldn’t remove it.

While I’m pretty confident in my ability to work with hand tools, I can’t imagine wanting a disk grinder that close to my wabbly bits.


No need to worry about this happening to me. Mrs Edge prefers me to be completely protected inside a steel cage, anyhow.

Posted in Chastity & Orgasm Denial, Chastity Devices | 1 Comment

Men Get Sad After Sex. Now We Have a Concrete Answer Why


Here’s an interesting article from Medium’s Mel Magazine:

Men Get Sad After Sex. Now We Have a Concrete Answer Why

When I first saw the topic, I thought it would be about the reported tendency for men to feel depressed, lackluster, or unmotivated after an orgasm; after all, that’s one of the enforced chastity tropes: men can take days or weeks to build back up to being proper partners after an orgasm – so the stories go.

But this article actually touched on something else that I hadn’t known about. Some men actually experience distinct feelings of shame and dysphoria after sex.

There were other theories out there about why men might be inclined to get the post-sex blues. Largely, it was presumed that men, hardwired to fuck strong, must feel some essence of their maleness has been lost once they’re spent, and that this realization creates a natural sadness.

The “essence of maleness” sounds too much like woo to me; fortunately, the researchers dug a little deeper.

But Schweitzer’s research, which came out this week, is enlightening: Some 41 percent of men have experienced PCD in their lifetime, almost as many as women. And the reasons are typically one or more of the following: psychological distress, past sexual trauma or sexual dysfunction.

There’s no evolutionary-psychology bullshit here: Men who are stressed out, have been abused or have trouble getting it up can very well feel bummed out after fucking. That’s not shocking. But hey, we can never get enough reminders that men are human, too.

Something like 46% of women experience PCD, something which has been known for a while. It’s interesting that nobody thought about  it in terms of how it applied to men; after all, men are supposed to be looking for sex – it’s hardwired into us, isn’t it?

The other interesting point is that one of the causes seems to be sexual trauma of some sort.

But the men who do so often had a history of sexual or emotional abuse in childhood, depression or anxiety, and more often, hypoactive sexual desire disorder — or a general lack of sexual desire. (It used to be called “being frigid,” and is mostly something you hear about related to women, who make up 33 percent of the reports of the disorder, compared with only 20 percent of men.) They were also more likely to experience premature or delayed ejaculation.

And it makes sense that if you’re not having much fun with sex, then you’re going to continue to experience dysphoria.

It’s not specifically a chastity related article, so those of you who came here looking for that kind of thing can skip it. I just happened to be reading at lunch and found it interesting.


I guess one way to avoid poist-coital dysphoria is to not have an orgasm, right?

Mrs Edge said that it’s going to be a fantasy for me, since she doesn’t anticipate allowing me to have any type of orgasm.

Posted in sexuality, Sexuality & Relationships | Tagged , | 3 Comments

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum


Back in 2011, a few hardy bloggers and chastity fans, after seeing a new chastity/OD oriented web forum overrun with spammers and trolls, set up their own too-obviously named Chastity Forum with the intention of providing a place for the (mainly) vanilla-inclined people to discuss chastity, devices, techniques, etc., without the distraction of a lot of other BDSM and related interests. Initiated by Thumper, the forum remained small, but friendly.

A couple of years ago, the forum was hit with some malware that caused search redirects, and while we were able to remove the malware, a few background issues, including a lack of time kept us from getting under the hood and upgrading the works from the paleolithic coding.

Enter Schnoff. Realizing that it was still a great resource, Schnoff managed to move the forum to a new server, upgrade the ancient PHPbb software, and add a few features – all within a week or so. We’ve been testing things out, and it doesn’t appear that we’ve lost anything in the transition.

So, for those of you who stopped visiting, please feel free to check it out again, if only to give some props to Schoff for his hard work.

Also, for those of you so inclined, you might want to check out the Discord channel created by Chastity Forum member TeaseMe. It’s small, but growing, and if you have spent any time on the forums, you’ll probably run into some familiar names.


Mrs Edge said something very similar to this the other day. It was, umm… kind of hot.

Actually, what she said was “I don’t really care how long you’ve been caged. I never even think about it anymore.”

Posted in CB3000, CB6000, chastity, Chastity & Orgasm Denial, orgasm control, orgasm denial | Leave a comment

Road Warrior


I know the topic comes up a lot, especially on chastity related forums, so here’s something of interest for those of you who enjoy bicycling.

Cyclists go through saddles like crazy, trying to find one that has a decent fit and doesn’t leave your ass or man bits going numb after a few hours. I happened to stumble across the Selle SMP TRK saddle at a local bike shop, and for the last couple of years have really appreciated the thought that had gone into the design. It looks a little funny because it’s a split saddle (that is, it’s open in the center) and the nose dips down like an eagle beak. The combination of those two features made me wonder if this saddle would allow cycling with a device.

I finally got a chance to try it out last week. The answer is, yes – with some qualifications.

Note that I am a road cyclist, but I tend to ride on the hoods or up on the bars, and not hunched over in the drops (I’m not 24 anymore, if you get my drift). I wore normal Lycra shorts with nothing underneath (for those of you who didn’t know, this is normal. Think about it the next time you’re standing next to a Middle Aged Man in Lycra.), and applied a liberal amount of Gold Bond lotion around the ring. After I clipped in, I sat up, and found I had to move/twist the cage slightly more to the side than I would in snug jeans, but once I got going along it was fine. In fact, after the first few miles, I forgot I had it on, and kept going at a nice pace. Since it was my first ride of the season, I was just warming up, and kept to the flatter roads (well, what passes for flat in central Connecticut).

At some point I stopped for a drink, and switched the cage to the other side of my seam. I had a couple of minor pulls that I attributed to hairs getting caught. About 10 or 12 miles out I did notice that things were a little out of place (it gets hot in those shorts), but a quick stop to readjust set everything right again. I finished the 15 mile ride with no chafing, redness, pinching, or any other problem.

Again, this was a shorter ride for me, with no steep climbs. I maybe averaged 13-14 mph, and didn’t do anything unusual. The lotion held up pretty well, and I should mention that I’m in the A272, which has a flat profile on the cuff ring, so I’m not sure what difference a round ring would make, but I suspect less friction.

I’m not sure if I would try a 50 mile ride, although I’ll try a longer ride soon just to see how things hold up. However, for those of you who typically ride a more upright bike along the bike trails, then the TRK might be the saddle that works for you. Hell, even if you’re *not* thinking about riding in a device, it’s still a very good, well made, and comfortable saddle.


From the sound of things, her partner should probably be thinking about upgrading his bike saddle, as well.

Posted in Sexuality & Relationships | 1 Comment

No, not really


 

For those of you who don’t watch those cable channels, this is not a domme. No, this is a character from a TV show who wears a lot of revealing leather, and has a lot of control over people. Her leather outfit with all the studs would fool you into thinking that she’s some kind of professional mistress, though, wouldn’t it? It’s amazing how we recognize what one is supposed to look like.

Posted in Tiresome Tropes | 2 Comments

Not good for walking


 

Every once in a while – or on Tumblr, every fifteen or twenty minutes – you run into a shot that defies description.

Posted in Tiresome Tropes | 1 Comment
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