Okay, this isn’t actually me, since I’m still functioning pretty well. But it was funny to run across this on /r/DirtyJokes.
- Your idea of breath play involves running your wheelchair over your oxygen hose.
- You tell your subbie to back into the paddle rather than risk hurting yourself by taking a swing.
- You search in vain for leather Depends.
- Your dentures come out with the ball gag.
- Your safe word becomes “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”
- A wax pour is what covers your cake once all the candles are lit.
- Breast bondage is when you’ve accidentally tucked them into your waistband… again.
- You lecture younger Dominants about how you didn’t use fancy store-bought toys in your day and you made your submissive crawl uphill both ways in the snow to retrieve them.
- Edge play involves getting too close to a busy road without someone to help you across.
- You keep tripping over the chain on the nipple clamps when you walk.
- You have to remember to remove your Prince Albert before you take your Viagra.
- Most of your kinkier tattoos have faded to the point that even you can’t make them out.
- The joint stiffness you experience in the winter makes bondage almost unnecessary.
- Sensory deprivation involves removing your glasses and hearing aid.
- You’ve tried to get a seniors’ discount at the sex shop.
And while I’m looking at funny things…