Pleasantly surprised

First of all, I want to thank everyone who commented and emailed to me their concerns about the apparent change in the relationship between the “vanilla” Mrs. Edge and I.

Yes, that post was one of my annual April pranks. I apologize to those of you who forgot that I usually put up something odd, and took this seriously.

That said, I was surprised – very pleasantly so – at how many people expressed concern that we were slipping into an abusive relationship. It’s interesting that I took a typical “be careful what you wish for” femdom trope and removed all the overt sex, only to have it look like a “50 Shades” variation.

To be honest, I had expected that a lot of the comments were going to be along the lines of “Oh, you lucky man,” or “I wish my wife would take charge like that,” or something like that. The fact that they were concerned and supportive tells me that I must have some of the best readers on the planet, or (and?) that some of the old ideas about BDSM or D/S relationships have finally begun to be replaced by more informed and intelligent thinking. So, if that describes you, kudos!

And to those of you who were hoping that this was true, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but Mrs. Edge remains (at least, in her own mind) resolutely vanilla. Why, even the new riding crop that she picked out is definitely more functional than showy, and certainly won’t fit tucked inside her calf boots.


And as to the punishments? I think I deserve to have Lady Asmondena show Mrs. Edge how to use that new cane. What do you think?

Following a new path

It’s hard to believe that The Edge of Vanilla as a blog is going on nine years, after my having spent several years on various online groups (most of which no longer even exist), and that Mrs. Edge and I started our chastity journey several years even before that. Fifteen years of “enforced” chastity and denial has been alternately a fun and frustrating ride, through some high and low points in our marriage, and into some areas of growth for the both of us.

I know that this blog has departed from the personal stories and insights into the odd bits of humor and interesting sex news, but that’s because I really haven’t quite been able to process the recent changes in our relationship. Not that things haven’t been good; for the most part, they have been. Rather, things are just… somehow different in a way that I hadn’t begun to appreciate until very recently.

A decade and a half is a lot of time for self discovery, and both Mrs. Edge and I have changed a bit during that time. We’ve gone from longer and longer term lockups for me, to abandoning the devices in favor of self-control (or more correctly, my giving over to her control); after which she experimented a few times with ruined orgasms, but eventually preferred to just deny me, in essence, permanently; a situation which I’ve accepted because it’s really what I’d asked for — not specifically, of course, but rather as a circumstance extending from asking for her control over me in the first place.

But it’s the way that our lives outside of the bedroom have come to merge with our play inside the bedroom that has now had the greatest impact on our marriage, and by extension, the future (if there is one) of this blog.

I’ve written about how Mrs. Edge has been very involved with the church, but usually from the volunteer aspects of running the various dinners and social functions that are the lifeblood of a large church in the suburbs. But in recent years she has become more religious-oriented, and in the course of attending a lot of women’s groups, women’s retreats, and assorted classes, she has developed a new conception of marriage and relationships — in part because of her accepting control of my sexuality — that has given her the mindset that she has a moral obligation to take control outside the bedroom as well.

There’s an irony in that her becoming more deeply involved in this aspect of Christianity has made her both less inclined to be sexual in general, let alone kinky, while at the same time her attitudes (and actions) have become more, well, femdommish — although I wouldn’t dare mention this to her because she has declared that she is moving away from such things. Indeed, Mrs. Edge has always claimed to be straight vanilla, and has never wavered from her position that our use of chastity devices or orgasm control has been anything but “normal” sex. That attitude hasn’t changed much, except that she now thinks that devices are unnecessary because a well-trained husband (meaning me) should no longer need them, and that any accidents or loss of control on my part (intentionally or otherwise) should be dealt with swiftly so they don’t become a habit. Consequently, over the last few months she has asked me to discard the small handful of toys that we’ve acquired over the years.

Because I’ve already been accustomed to long-term denial, I’m not overly concerned about her continuing to expect control over my orgasms; after a decade and a half of this lifestyle, it’s become second nature to me, and it’s rare that I even expect to come during our lovemaking — which of late has become more typically my performing oral on her until she’s satisfied and sleepy. It’s funny, but for most of our marriage, she didn’t particularly care about my going down on her. I mean, she enjoyed it when I did, but it wasn’t something she ever requested. This past year, though, it’s become a requirement several nights a week, usually at bedtime, after which I spoon her until she falls asleep.

For a while now she has been referring to this as “worshipping at her temple,” a euphemism that she picked up in one of her women’s groups. Occasionally, I’ll be working on something in the office and she’ll just walk into the room and announce that “It’s time for worship services,” and I’m expected to drop everything and attend her needs. Once satisfied, she thanks me lovingly and sends me back to whatever I happened to be doing.

There’s no expectation of intercourse; that’s reserved for the evening, and only before bedtime. I enjoy it just as much as ever, even without coming, which, as you can imagine, can be sometimes difficult. I’ve learned to hold back because I’m now required to “clean up after any accidents.” Yeah, the idea sounds pretty hot in all the chastity erotica, but trust me: the reality is very different, and even after a few months I’m no happier about doing it. Worse, I’m beginning to suspect that Mrs. Edge sometimes, well, intentionally provokes those accidents, for reasons I still can’t understand.

The biggest change in our relationship, though, is that her readings and women’s group sessions have led to her insistence that she, as the spiritual head of the household, has an obligation to set a course for us as a couple — and that obligation carries the requirement that she needs to  “continually correct the course” (as she has put it several times) when it deviates. Not that it deviates often, but when it does, for some reason it always seems to end up back on me.

Credit card is overspent? That’s on me for not calling her attention to beforehand. Cautioning her on her spending? I’m overstepping my boundaries and not giving her enough credit for being financially savvy. If I come home a little late from work? I should have called to let her know I was working late. If I call to let her know I’m working a bit late? I shouldn’t have woken her from her afternoon nap. I cleaned the bathroom on Sunday? I should have done it Saturday when she was out shopping so she wouldn’t have to smell the cleaning products. Clean it when she’s out shopping? I should have been… you know, I still haven’t figured out what made her upset that time.

Interestingly, she hasn’t insisted that I go to church more often.  In fact, she often skips Sunday services, herself, although she rarely misses the several Christian women’s group meetings each week — after which she usually comes home affectionate, if pensive. Dinner the next day is when she generally talks to me about things, including the need for the occasional “course correction.”

Those “corrections” originally felt like a bit of kinky play; you know, like “funishment.” Not that Mrs. Edge considered any of it be kinky, mind you, because she simply does not identify that way, and would be a little offended if you suggested it. Over the last few months, however, they have taken on a more serious edge; we no longer seem to “play” with it, but rather, she has become more determined to “correct” those little issues. What I mean is that she has taken it on as a serious duty because (as she insists) it will only serve to strengthen our marriage. Just before Christmas, she told me to go online shopping in order to replace our “toy” riding crop (an anniversary gag gift from a friend of hers) with a more “professional” model that would hold up better under actual use.

In fact, Mrs. Edge has recently taken to insisting that I need regular “reminders,” as she calls them, because there’s little to “correct” anymore.  Those reminder sessions seem to be shortly after those Christian women’s group meetings, too. And what with the Women’s Spiritual Reflection group, the Christian Women’s Reading group, the Women’s Godly Journey group, the Christianity and the Modern Woman group, the Women’s Christian Leadership group, and the Discover Your Goddess Inside group, she’s out at least a couple of nights a week. I’m being “reminded” quite a bit lately.

The “course correction” and “reminder” sessions are, as I mentioned, usually the day after one of her many Christian women’s group meetings, typically right after I get home from work. She greets me, always affectionately, and gives me a few minutes to unwind. Then she kisses me lovingly, and gives me a rundown of the things that she believes need some correction or (more typically) a “gentle reminder.” She then directs me to the bedroom where I’m to strip down, bend over grasping the footboard, and to “think about things” while I wait for her. After a few minutes, she comes in, reassures me that she loves me, and that this is all for the good of our marriage. And then she begins “correcting” or “reminding” me. There’s no rhyme or reason as to how long she corrects me; she prays out loud as she does this, and finishes when the prayer ends. Once finished, she kisses me, and tells me to take a shower while she finishes cooking dinner. After dinner, we snuggle on the couch watching some TV, during which she’s always very affectionate. Interestingly, correction and reminder nights are usually when she requests that I “worship at her temple” before bedtime.

And that brings me back around to what I mentioned earlier, about the future of this blog.

Easter is coming, and that represents a spiritual rebirth for Christians. Mrs. Edge has stepped up the corrections and the reminders this past week, and over the weekend we had a few long talk about what she sees for the future of our marriage. I can’t say that I’m completely surprised, nor can I say that it’s unwelcome. Yes, there are some aspects that have me a little apprehensive, but she explained that it’s to be expected. She has been reassuring me that she loves me more than ever, of course, even as her demeanor has become more firm. I have no doubt of this, for some reason; in fact, in many respects it feels as if our relationship has become stronger, and more intimate. The closeness has made the corrections and reminders worth it.

So, I guess I have to give some thanks to the Church for helping us to strengthen our marriage, even though it’s not what I would have imagined fifteen years ago. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to continue writing, as Mrs. Edge has become a little hesitant about me writing online, and hanging out in the various online sex forums. She no longer considers it to be proper behavior for a Christian husband, and is concerned that those “weird sex perverts” might give me improper ideas.

I certainly don’t want it to be a point of “correction” in the future, if you know what I mean.





Want more fun in bed? Spend more time in bed.

This may be one of those “Well, duh,” news reports, but like a lot of obvious things, it can’t hurt to repeat it:

Women who sleep more are a lot more likely to do other things in bed, according to a new study. Researchers from the University of Michigan’s Sleep and Circadian Research Laboratory tracked 171 college-age women over 14 days and found that those who got more sleep had more—and better—sex, with every extra hour of sleep raising the likelihood of having sex the next day by 14%.

I know, right? But belaboring the obvious:

“Some previous studies have hypothesized that sleep can affect hormone levels, which may cause changes in desire and arousal,” he said. “But I think overall, more research is needed in this area to identify the underlying mechanisms more confidently.”

Personally, if I don’t get my sleeps, I might think about sex, but forget about actually having the energy to do anything about it. And Mrs. Edge is definitely in need of more sleep than I am.

But this statement makes me wonder if there’s not a chicken/egg relationship:

“I think these findings suggest that taking a closer look at sleep health in women with sexual complaints is a worthwhile endeavor,” Kalmbach said, “as poor sleep may lead to sexual problems.”

Isn’t it possible that more frequent, or at least, more, err, better sex might lead to a more relaxing evening that allows you to sleep better? I know that both Mrs Edge and I have no problem dropping off after a a little romp.

Anyway, you can read the rest of the article here.


It’s fun to have fun in bed. And breakfast. Fun.

I do believe that this is from Contemplating the Divine


The P Day

Somebody must have waited years to be able to write a headline like this:

Just How Big Is a Normal Penis?

Researchers size up thousands to arrive at averages
The article on WebMD last week skimmed the results of a long, hard analysis in which researchers collected data from 17 different studies to get an average gauge of penis size. For men. You know, because we’re always over-stating the size ourselves.
The important part was summed up here:
The average length of a flaccid penis was 3.6 inches, the average length of a flaccid stretched penis was 5.3 inches, and the average length of an erect penis was 5.2 inches.
Looking at things another way, the average circumference of a flaccid penis was 3.7 inches, and the average circumference of an erect penis was 4.6 inches.
I know, I know — did we really need one more study about penis size? Apparently some people found this useful:
The findings were used to create a set of graphs, which should help doctors when they’re counseling men concerned about their penis size, or when investigating a possible link between condom failure and penis size, the researchers said.
Okay, that sounds reasonable.
I’m now wondering, of course, if the people over at CB-X are noting those dimensions for the next generation of molded male chastity devices?

And just a little seasonal inspiration:



Something something Pi Day something…

“Sex Sent Me to the ER” sent me over the edge

So, it was a cold February evening in New England, and Mrs. Edge and I were snuggled up watching the tube, after having spent the day running around doing errands and such.

I was browsing something online, and she was flipping through the channels, when the show “Sex Sent Me To The ER” came on. I noted that this episode was the one that was to feature a male chastity device, so I stopped her, because this show either (rarely) makes me laugh or (much more often) makes me gnash my teeth in frustration.

Sadly, this was not one of the more humorous episodes.

Look, here’s my beef with SSMTTER: I understand that “reality” TV shows like this have to jump you all over storyboard while they intersperse two or three stories. This is to keep your interest, and also to allow ten minutes of filming to take up 20 minutes of air time. No, what bothers me is that every episode that I’ve seen which involves kink, invariably the hospital staff is shown to act all weirded out, if not actually disgusted with whatever it happened to be. Handcuffs that need to be cut off? “Wow, that’s so weird; I’ve never seen anything like that.”

SPOILERS AHEAD Continue reading