Four years in a cage

The ironic thing about being locked so often is that we no longer keep track of the days or dates. Months after we began what has turned out to be a permanent arrangement, we were trying to figure out when we had started. February? March? We could not pin down a date, so @mrs–edge arbitrarily assigned April 1st as the anniversary date.

“It’s easy to remember, and since you’re never going to be unlocked again, what difference does it make if we’re off a week or two?”

So here we are, celebrating our fourth year and going into our fifth of what I expect will be many more. It’s been – and continues to be – exciting, scary, and hot. đź’–đź”’

Posted in Sexuality & Relationships | 3 Comments

What Is Male Chastity? – Why Do Men Wear Chastity Cages?

Wait, wait what’s this? An article in a mainstream publication that does not make chastity cages look like some weird, perverted link, or is played up for laughs?

Shira was keen to explain that chastity kinks aren’t just about sex. They also tap into some of our most fundamental needs and desires: intimacy; vulnerability; and trust. “All kinks, including this one, are about going into a space where you won’t be shamed,” she says. “And kudos to those who do it.”

Men’s Health ran this article in June 2021, and quoted some actual users.

Opening up about a desire can be difficult, particularly if the desire goes against common social standards and you’re not sure how your partner will respond. “I think you have to make a calculation,” says Kenneth Play, a sex educator and founder of the Sex Hacker Pro video series. “It’s okay to do that math and weigh up your desires against the potential stigma level. I think people need to think about the worst-case scenario, and play through how they might feel if their partner does respond badly.”

It’s a short, but surprisingly good article for those of you interested in this sort of thing.

Chastity takes the pressure off their sexual relationship, and because Katie can feel more relaxed, she now enjoys sex far more. “The surprising side effect of our chastity is that we have sex more than ever. We use a lot of toys and we both love it,” she says. “He was always submissive, but now that he is locked in a device there is no pressure for me to please him.”

The article graphic – a banana behind bars – is sort of trite, but then, they can’t just put pictures of the devices right at the top I guess.

Anyhow, kudos to Men’s Health for printing a fun, descriptive article that won’t trigger too many people.

Posted in Sexuality & Relationships | 5 Comments

The Magic Word

Mrs Edge doesn’t care for the P word because, in her mind, she had been leaving open the possibility that she might remove my stainless steel cage one day. Maybe after five or ten years, just as a reminder. Or something; it’s very vague in her mind, and I sometimes have wondered if she isn’t slightly afraid of thinking about it too much.

Because of the local lockdown condition, our regular intimate time has been reduced to once a week or so, partly because we rarely have any alone time in the house. However, last weekend, the Edgelette was asked to cover a Saturday morning slot, so Mrs Edge and I looked forward to some daylight fun in which we were not forced to be overly quiet.

Taking a break in the middle of it, I mentioned how hot it was that first year when she did not unlock me for my birthday, and just kept right on going. She explained that she had thought about it, but just sort of forgot. Then it was past, and there wasn’t any point until the holidays six months later. But by the time the holidays came, she realized that we were closing in on a year, and she thought it would be hotter to keep going until we hit that mark. And when that mark came, she was enjoying it so much that she just… sort of… didn’t want to unlock me. At all. Maybe Or something.

So she didn’t.

And that led to another birthday, and another set of holidays, and then she could see coming up on two years, and along the way she found her self thinking that as long as I was enjoying things, and as long as she was enjoying things, was there really a need to unlock me?

And that’s how, being well into the third year, she off-handedly said to me:

“I guess I just don’t have any plans for that anymore; it’s permanent now.”

Mrs Edge says that I should be looking forward instead of looking backward.

Posted in Chastity & Orgasm Denial, male chastity, permanent chastity, permanent denial, Sexuality & Relationships | Tagged , | 6 Comments

Consent and sensibility

While the post itself is old, I’ve been referencing this a lot in the past year or so; I suspect it’s a factor of inexpensive devices allowing more men/couples to dabble with chastity.

Having solved the problems of world hunger, universal medical care, and corrupt politicians, it’s good to know that some people still have enough energy to tackle the really important issues of whether or not “enforced” chastity is an actuality, whether or not one needs a device, and what devices are serious enough for consideration.

At the moment, this argument discussion is taking place over on Sarah’s Male Chastity Blog, although this is really just another instance of the discussions that take place on some group or forum just about every freaking month. It’s kind of like the kudzu of the kinky internet; as soon as you think it’s gone, it pops up somewhere else.

So, let’s review a few things. As I’ve said a bazillion times, chastity devices are sex toys, plain and simple. Just like handcuffs, rope, or other restraints, they are equipment to enhance sexual, or more accurately, erotic enjoyment.  This is not a paradox; except for extremely rare circumstances, people buy chastity devices in order to engage in erotic control scenes. Yes, the scenes may play out over long periods — weeks or months — but the essence of the play is erotic control of one’s sexuality.

Yeah, yeah, I know that some of you are ready to get on a soapbox about how it has changed your relationship, given you focus, made you a better partner, blah, blah, blah. Well, I call “bullshit” on that entire concept; what you’re descibing is not the magical effect of the device anymore than Dumbo’s crow feather gave him magical flying powers (sorry, when you have kids, these kinds of analogies come to mind). Rather, I suspect that you, yourself have become more focused, a better parter, etc., because you’re enjoying the attention and you’re reciprocating in a way that fits the paradigm you’ve set for yourself (actually, since we don’t live in a social vacuum, that other people around the internet have set for you). You want to call the device a symbol of your new life? Hey, great — that’s exactly what those freaking wedding bands do. How well was that working for you?

So, does that mean that chastity devices are toys? Well, that’s a bit more complicated, so to avoid certain emotional connotations, I’m going to call them “equipment”. This makes more sense because that’s how we usually refer to other kink-oriented items; the word “toy”, while having a connotation as being something used for fun, also conveys an image of something that’s not intended for serious usage (fsv of “serious”). Hence, the snobbery of those people who sneer at anything made of plastic, who are in turn frowned on by those espousing the use of anything less than a full stainless steel Tollyboy (or whatever) belt, who are then dismissed as amateurs by those who have spent months of their salary (and months of fitting time) to own custom Latowski metal underwear.

And of course, all of the above people are dissed by the domlier/subbier than thou types who claim that nobody should even need a device, they should simply develop the willpower to do as they are told.

A pox on all of ye, I say.

Continue reading

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Transformative Orgasm Denial

Even thought I’m still working, I seem to have a little more free time on my hands because of how slowly things in the manufacturing world are moving along. This has given me a chance to look over some of my old posts, and this one seemed relevant to my current situation.

Re-reading my post from the other day, I don’t want to appear to be disparaging toward those people who are – quite literally – counting the days and hours either since their last orgasm or until the next. Back in the fall of 2003, I was pretty much doing the same thing with Mrs. Edge. “How many days has it been, now?” she’d ask, and I’d usually know immediately “Today is forty nine days,” or “Friday will be one hundred days;” to which she would half-jokingly respond “You mean the first one hundred days.” And then it would be all hot for both of us and we’d rush off into the bedroom to grope each other.

See, when you first start out – like anything else – it’s new and exciting. For men, it’s very likely the first time in their lives that they’ve gone more than a few days without an orgasm from sex or masturbating, so it’s no wonder that some of us count the days. But at some point, at least for some of us, it’s no longer about the numbers. It’s about dealing with the frustration of our arousal, it’s about controlling our urges, it’s about learning how to derive pleasure from pleasing your partner, and it’s about overcoming our temptation to cut the damn lock and take matters into our own hands.

Yes, it’s easy (sort of) to go along with the constant arousal when you know that on the weekend your partner is going to unlock you and you’ll get to have sex. Even two weeks in the device isn’t horrible when you know that your reward is going to be a tremendous orgasm, especially when your partner is looking forward to it as much as you are. It’s much more difficult to learn to cope with longer-term denial, however, especially if you have no idea when your partner might next allow you that pleasure.

I don’t want to make this wound all “woo-woo,” but there is – or can be if you’re willing to go there – a transformative quality to orgasm denial. When Mrs. Edge and I first ventured into this, back in the fall of 2003:

We played with it for a day or two, and in the course of talking, I mentioned that there was a new model on the market (the CB3000 had just come out a few months earlier). She looked at the website and decided that we needed to order one. I got a little embarrassed and explained that I’d already bought one a couple of months earlier, just because it seemed like such a cool thing. It was back at my apartment, where I’d wear it at night or on weekends. “You’ve got to go get it,” she said, and the next day I picked it up after work and showed her how it worked. She seemed thrilled, and kept touching the device, even after it was on.

We talked about this for a bit, and decided that instead of trying it out for a couple of days, to give it at least a week, maybe two, before we’d make any kind of determination. Partway into the second week, we talked about making it three weeks. By the beginning of the third week, we agreed on going for a month. Thanksgiving came in there someplace, and family and friends who knew about our separation were surprised to see us pawing and touching each other like teenagers. It was new, fun, sexy, and frankly it was the first time in years that we spent time talking intimately.

For the first few months, Mrs. Edge would unlock me about once a week to have sex – not for my benefit, but because she prefers intercourse. This alone deserves some comment: Mrs. Edge is not one of those “The submissive male should not have intercourse with the Superior female” types; in fact, she has wondered what kind of man-hating neurotic women would bother to dress up in fetishy outfits and uncomfortable boots and top it off by not allowing themselves the reward of a good fucking. I’ll let Bitchy Jones answer that question while I go on to other topics.

While unlocked for sex, I was specifically instructed that I was not allowed to orgasm. Most guys realize that it’s difficult enough to hold back when you’re horned up; trying to hold back after several weeks of teasing was… not so much difficult as annoying, since I had to stop what I was doing every fifteen seconds and think about work, baseball, or – at several particularly intense moments – my ex. But after about a month, I somehow managed to find my “center” and could take my time making love to her and, given enough time and physical sensation, feel satisfied. While I did not get the feelings associated with orgasm, I would get aroused, plateau for a while (I think I just verbed a noun), and afterward feel almost as if I’d had the orgasm. It was fascinating for me to feel relaxed and comfortable and be able to drift off to sleep, although admittedly it did take a little while for my erection to subside. And at first, I had several completely involuntary emissions – they weren’t orgasms, but physical spasms that expelled semen, usually several minutes after we had finished and were just laying there relaxing.

Perversely, the longer I was denied, the more I enjoyed it. At about six or eight weeks into it, we bought a strap-on harness for me to use, and Mrs. Edge experimented with keeping me locked up for longer periods. She didn’t say she was experimenting, but I could tell; we had more sex with the strap-on (to which we began to refer as “my other cock“), and several times she kept me in for two or three weeks before unlocking me. Once, she went for several weeks. I didn’t say anything or protest, partly because I was enjoying it, but partly because I also wanted to see how it would play out. I counted, though. Four weeks. Five. Six. Oh my.

Later we talked about it, and she told me that she had no idea how long she was going to let it go on. She wondered how it would be to have me use just the dildo, and as it turned out, I managed to use it rather well, so she didn’t feel as if she was missing out on much, and she kept going with it. I told her that against all reason, I found the idea of her experimenting like that to be very hot, and that, in fact, I had made every effort to use the dildo as naturally as possible for her. We then decided to get an even more realistically shaped dildo, and found one that closely mimicked my own, uh, shape and dimensions.

By this point, I was already accustomed to not orgasming, but I was surprised that switching from the bloopy dildo to the realistic one would make me a tad insecure about our arrangement. Mrs. Edge asked if I was jealous of it, but I wasn’t. In fact, sex became even better for the both of us. I removed the leather padding from the harness so that the base of the dildo pressed directly against my pubic bone. Unlike the smooth, bloopy dildo, the ridges and bumps gave me some feedback; I learned to discern when she was about to orgasm because her muscles tightened on it and created just a bit more friction. I discovered how to position myself so the head would rub that spot just under her pubic bone and I could feel it (via the friction and positioning). Soon, she was referring to the new dildo as my “real cock”, and to the one in the device (i.e., me) as my “other cock,” the one that was never going to be let out again, the one that she didn’t need anymore because I used the new one, the real one, so well.

My insecurity was not due to jealousy, but because I half feared that she was serious, that by my learning how to use it so well she really could go for weeks, months, or even longer without unlocking me. I mean, the orgasm denial was pretty hot, but much of what made it hot was the tantalizing hope of being allowed to come, even if that was “tomorrow.” Like the White Queen’s promise of “Jam tomorrow, jam yesterday but never jam today,” at least there was a hope that today would sneak up on tomorrow. But for the first time I began to be concerned that this might turn into a long-term arrangement with no hope that she would allow me to come.

No hope of coming. Ever.

Goddamn, that’s so freakin’ hot.

No, no, no – it’s scary and frightening and making me very insecure. I want to come, of course. Orgasms are fun. They feel great. Gotta clean those pipes once in a while, blow off some steam, relieve the pressure. Right? Right?

Then why was the idea of it making me hornier than ever?

After what was now several months of denial, I again began to have involuntary emissions. At one time I was able to control them, but they began happening every other week, much to the fascination of Mrs. Edge who became interested in the idea of trying to induce them in me, often with a comment that in doing so, she was obviating the need to unlock me at all. From there, we began to discuss just how long the orgasm denial would go on. At the three month mark we opted to go for another three months. By the time five months had gone by, we decided to go until our vacation at the end of July, which would make it well over eight months. Having a “definite” goal in mind made some difference; I no longer felt that I would never get the opportunity to come, and in fact, we even kicked around the idea that I could come as much as I wanted and in any way that I wanted for the entire two weeks that I would be off from work. We called it a “mardi gras” because we also tossed around the idea that once the two weeks were up, I would not be allowed to orgasm until vacation the next year.

A whole freakin’ year.

Damndamndamndamn… that’s freakin’ hot!

No, no – it’s not, not at all. It’s crazy talk! A year without coming?! Why that’s… that’s…


Those of you who are turned on by the idea of long-term denial are already aroused, I can just tell. Unfortunately, my wife and I had some relationship issues that were unrelated to the chastity play, but which kept us from pursuing the idea – or indeed, any chastity play – for quite some time. Ironically, by the time 8 1/2 months came around, I was so uninterested in intimacy with her that it wasn’t even arousing to have the device removed. Yet, despite the fact that we were barely speaking to each other, we never even discussed removing the device. I’m still not sure why.

Mrs Edge says that things have worked out pretty darn well for her.

Posted in Sexuality & Relationships | Tagged , , , , | 8 Comments

SoSS 23 is out

SoSS 23

SoSS 23

Hope everyone is taking care of yourselves and each other–and here are some things to distract in a fun way.

Sexy Images


💋 If you insist… by Muse Of course–there is nothing else you can do. (Twitter: @MuseDreamer99)

SinfulSunday — good-bye 61 by Eye Beautiful birthday shot–happy birthday! (Twitter: @_Masterseye)

Tantalising Ass by depressedqueerdo Love the sheer skirt and attitude! (Twitter: @ComedyHarley)

Wavelength by MariaSibylla The lines and b&w make this stunning! (Twitter: @MSM1647)

Sexy Writing

SB4MH – Social Anxiety by Sweeten Dirty Nervous was always my word too before anxiety. And love the goodbyes. (Twitter: @Sweeten_Dirty)

Hot Lips by Cara Thereon This was so much fun to read! (Twitter: @thereon_cara)

“Do you miss being able to make choices about your orgasms?” by Tom Allen He is always one of my favorites when he writes and I really liked reading about their trip into chastity. (Twitter: @taomlin)

Wounded Knee Part Two ~ Meniscus Tear by May More Being another person who opted out of surgery (herniated disc), I was impressed by your strength and initiative to get through it. (Twitter: @May_Matters)

Perseverance for Pain #WickedWednesday by Victoria Blisse This is so beautiful–and so accurate, at least for Snake. (Twitter: @victoriablisse)

[Erotica] Sometime Around Midnight by Floss There are definitely times when we do need to just hide away and be together–love this. (Twitter: @_floss_84)

#119 Mutual Masturbation by Amy and Mike Super sexy idea! (Twitter: @RealFucketList)

Top SteeledSnake Post of the Week

Modeling 101 by Charmer (Twitter: @SteelChrmr)

Posted in Sexuality & Relationships | 1 Comment

“Do you miss being able to make choices about your orgasms?”

This is from a twitter thread I recently had, and thought some people might find it useful or interesting or something.

This thread is for @MidlifeKink as a result of a poll from @thumperMN . Because I’ve spent a long time in #male #chastity and #orgasm #denial, she wondered if I missed being able to make choices about my own orgasms.

It’s complicated. Back when we were dating, I was def more switchy, and just enjoyed some BDSMy kinds of things. Mrs Edge def did not like being restrained, etc., but she did like having the control, so I learned to enjoy that.

Over time, I became disappointed that she really didn’t have any interest in doing those fun little things (handcuffs, blindfolds, tie downs, etc.). It was confusing because on the rare occasions, she seemed to enjoy it, but not enough to do it again.

We hit a period where it affected even our vanilla sex life. In reconciling, she mentioned offhand that the only thing she found exciting were some of the home built cock cages that I had made. The idea of having the final say was exciting to her.

I showed her a picture of the CB3000, and she said “You have got to get one of those!” As it happened, I had already bought one a couple of months previously to experiment with. She demanded that I get the keys and put it on for her.

That started a period of us (but mostly her) experimenting with what she felt comfortable with. Took a few years, but turned out that what she liked was really, really long lockups. Weeks. Months. More months.

She grew very comfortable with me wearing a harness and dildo (Terra Firma with a Vixskin Tex, since people will ask), and eventually decided that she did not feel guilty in denying my orgasms. So, at some point, this became the “new normal” in our marriage.

On my end, it was… different. Denial was not my kink of choice, but since it seemed to be the *only* kink that Mrs Edge was comfortable with, I decided to go with it. I tried a few different cages, but my modded CB3000 was the most comfortable.

Over time, I grew to appreciate, and then enjoy the constant, warm, low-level simmer of erotic orgasm denial. It felt like I was on the verge of boiling over all the time. On one hand, I wanted to come, but on the other, I didn’t want to lose the warm internal glow.

We played at this on and off for years, and each time, having her lock on the cage made me feel energized. We would tease each other about making it permanent, which would only drive her into longer and longer lockup periods. And I began to look forward to them.

Almost every time, those periods would end when a plastic piece of a cage broke. I finally tried some of those inexpensive Chinese ones, with an eye to getting a custom one made. I stumbled across one called the A272, which turned out to be the most comfortable and convenient.

So then I was in a cage that was, essentially, unbreakable. The teasing about “making it permanent” took on a note of reality that was missing with the plastic cages.

My birthday, anniversary, Xmas, NYE, and other holidays passed, and became a full year.

Mrs Edge, who had once said that she had considered giving me an orgasm after a year, said that she was fine to keep going.

I was still enjoying the simmer (yes, even after 20 years). Our intimate life was the best it had been in years.

I agreed to keep going.

So, now it’s another year passed. I have not lost the desire for an orgasm. I wake up almost every day wanting one.

But I’ve come to realize that it’s the desire to have an orgasm that fuels the warm, simmer that I have. If I had no desire, there would be no ache.

Along the same lines, if I could make that decision at any time to have one, then I’d probably choose to have one frequently, or at least sometimes. So I’ve also come to realize that not having a choice also fuels the simmer. With a choice, there’s no frustration.

So, do I miss being able to make choices about having them? At times I do, but I also understand that not having the choice (unless I decide to stop playing) is what makes things hot overall for me, and for Mrs Edge.

Mrs Edge has gotten to a point where she thinks that she really would like this to go on forever, and that she would be disappointed if I wanted to stop. Since my abdicating choice to her is part of what makes things hot for the both of us, I can live with this.

I miss not being able to make the choice *in the moment,* but when I step back for the bigger picture, I’m content in not being able to.

This was a long thread to get to that last paragraph, wasn’t it?

For those of you who are on Twitter, the thread and interspersed comments and replies can be found here:

Mrs Edge says that I shouldn’t worry, since I’m going to be locked up permanently anyhow.

Posted in A272, chastity, Chastity Devices, male chastity | 9 Comments

The Chastity / Denial Matrix

Over the years, I keep getting sucked into discussions in which some person asks a question about “permanent” chastity, and the thread devolves into a mess in which most of the responses are about defining “permanent” and then arguing about whether someone’s ideas meet some arbitrary standards. The original question ends up being completely overlooked.

This is something that I’ve been thinking about for a while, but only recently had the light bulb blink on.

We all “know” what the term “permanent” means. Unfortunately, none of us can agree on it.

Because the conversation come up several times a month, and because everybody has their own variation on the definitions, I’m going to propose a matrix, similar to those political or religious ideology matrices that you see all over social media.

For you geeks, I’ve defined the two variables as: Caged (i.e., the wearing of a device) and Denial (i.e., the allowing of orgasms). This is because whenever we discuss it, the two are inevitably intertwined, which is one of the reasons why we can’t seem to agree on the terms, or we spend so much time explaining our own definitions.

The matrix is set with the variables on the Caged scale from Never Caged to Always Caged, and on the Denial scale from Always/Often Allowed Orgasm to Never Allowed Orgasm.

I’m attaching a picture for clarity.

Chastity / Denial

Defining the Caged (x) axis:
(There’s going to be some subjectivity to this, which is fine.)

0: Obviously, never locked, perhaps not even owning a device.
1: Has a device, worn sometimes for play.
2: Wears the device for extended play (a weekend, or maybe a week once in a while).
3: Wears it for extended play, or fairly frequently
4: Wears it frequently, maybe several days a week, or maybe a week or two at a time.
5: Wears it roughly half the time.
6: Wears it more often than not, with frequent removal.
7: Wears it almost all the time, but unlocked for certain occasions or situations.
8: Always worn, with infrequent removal (medical, travel, etc.)
9: Always worn, including travel, and their doctor has seen it.
10: Essentially permanently installed.

Defining the Denial (y) axis:
(Again, assuming that there will be some subjective evaluations)

0: Always allowed to have an orgasm, perhaps frequently. Denial isn’t even in the vocabulary here.
1: Almost always will get an orgasm.
2: Orgasm rarely denied
3: Usually gets to orgasm, although there might be a surprise ruin in there.
4: Orgasms may not be guaranteed, or possibly used as a reward.
5: Orgasms maybe half the time, perhaps ruined.
6: Orgasms are usually denied.
7: Rarely allowed orgasm, although possible ruins/milkings allowed.
8: Orgasms not allowed, although may have accidental ruins or emissions.
9: Orgasms not allowed, ruins not allowed, may possibly have accidents.
10: Orgasms and emissions never allowed.

For example, in my own situation, I’m locked up except for travel, medical, and similar reasons. I remove the device about once a month for a good scrubbing, and it goes back on That puts my Caged score at about 8. Likewise, Mrs Edge no longer allows me to have an orgasm, but once in a while I’ll have an emission of some kind in the cage – and I suspect she intentionally pushes my buttons to trigger them. So, on the Denial score, again, that’s about an 8. This means that when I’m describing how our relationship goes, 8,8 is a good shorthand description in the context of having a discussion about long term or permanent.

Some guys use the term “Permanent” to mean that they are always locked up, although they are frequently unlocked for playtime. Those guys could quickly describe their situation as, for example, 4,7, or 6, 8. Really hardcore players might be 9,9 or higher.

A few notes:

I floated this idea a while back, refined it, and recently floated it again. The scales are based on feedback from users at The Chastity Forums and Chastity Mansion, and a few other places.

Since we have so many geeks in this community, I tried to keep to the convention of using an (x,y) scale, and labeling it alphabetically (Caged, Denied) to make it easier to remember. I suppose people could also label themselves (for example): C8, D8.

Notice that I started off talking about “permanent chastity,” but I’m not even using the term in the scale. That is because I’ve discovered that there’s really no way to use the term objectively that won’t cause disagreement or confusion. Instead, the scale now becomes an easy way to describe one’s state of physical access and orgasm denial. By getting rid of the word “Permanent,” we toss out the baggage and various connotations. attached to that word.

Finally, I fully expect that there will be someone who will claim that this scale isn’t enough for them, and that their idea of “permanent chastity” goes up to 11.

(Edited for clarity, and to change the word “chastity” to “caged” where relevant.)

Mrs Edge says that the’s pretty sure she mentioned that part when she dropped me off at the clinic.

Posted in chastity, Chastity & Orgasm Denial, male chastity, orgasm control, orgasm denial, Sexuality & Relationships | Tagged , , , | 25 Comments