Meet the New Year. Same as the Old Year.


Happy 2016, everybody. 2015 wasn’t a bad year overall, and we’re hoping that 2016 will bring us more sex, more intimacy, more kinkery, and more weird sex news.

Like this headline in the UK Daily Record, for instance:

Man fitted with bionic penis will finally lose his virginity aged 43 to £200-an-hour dominatrix

A man who had his penis ripped off in a horror accident in childhood is to lose his virginity to an “award winning” dominatrix.

Rose who won British Erotic Award for Sex Worker of the Year in 2013 offered to have sex with Mohammed for free after learning about his plight from newspapers and the TV show Embarrassing Bodies .

Two years ago he married but neglected to tell his wife of his condition until their wedding night. She left him last year after becoming tired of waiting.

There’s more to the story, but that’s certainly the best sex news headline that I’ve read so far this year. Here’s another account that links back to the Daily Record article.

 


And speaking of dominatrixing things, my New Year’s resolution is to continue my getting into shape from last year, so I asked Mrs. Edge if I could hire a personal trainer. No word on if if she would be a good or a bad selection:

 

How to have sex like Mary Poppins


A little poking around Reddit this past weekend led me to a rather interesting post:

Explain how to have sex like you are Mary Poppins.

I have no idea what would have prompted the question, but one of the respondents wins the internet for the week with his answer:

 

In every girl who’s pure–you think–
There is an element of kink
Just lift her skirt and SMACK!
There’s joy in pain.

(music begins)

And now that you have had a peek
At her quiet, inner freak
The cuffs! The leash! It’s very clear to see, that a…

(chorus)
A little domination helps a good girl go down
A good girl go down
A good girl go down
Just a little domination helps a good girl go down
In a most delightful way

And when the gender roles reverse
This isn’t anything to curse
Each person has unique quirks and whims
Some men embark on a pursuit
Of a gal in leather boots
He knows her whip will get his heart to skip…

(chorus)
For a good dominatrix helps a submissive go down
A submissive go down
A submissive go down
A good dominatrix helps a submissive go down
In a most delightful way

But let’s be careful not to limit
Our ideas of “appropriate”
To only those preferences we share
For oral sex is really great
Not only for those who are straight

But gays (but gays)
And bi’s (and bi’s)
We all have needs to satisfy!

Aaaaah-ah-ah-ah-aaaaah-ah-ah… “Cheeky.”

(chorus)
Everybody loves it when their companion goes down
Their companion goes down
Their companion goes down
Everybody loves it when their companion goes down
In a most delightful way!


And when you think about Mary Poppins, you can’t help but think of Dick Van Dyke, which makes you think about Rob & Laura Petri (Mary Tyler Moore), which makes you remember that there’s an old Annie Leibowicz shot with the happy couple dressed up in fetish gear…

tumblr_mtbz47WCBU1r5wsk0o1_400

… in the most delightful way.

ETA: For the benefit of those looking for some back story.

It’s healthy, so the calories don’t count


Has another year come around again? How does that even happen?

Anyway, once again, that Reluctant Bitch is having her annual cookie recipe exchange. And since I’m still doing that “healthy” thing, here’s another one of my takes on a healthy Xmas cookie. This one is actually more like a Cliff Bar, but those of you who are more inclined to this kind of thing will thank me.

So…

The Ingredients:

1 cup of almond butter *
1/4 cup chocolate whey protein powder **
1/3 – 1/2 cup honey ***
1/4 cup of flavor/texture ****
1 large egg *****

* You can use peanut butter, too. Just use the all-natural stuff, with no added sugar, corn syrup, maltodextrin, etc. I just use almond butter or else it will sit in the jar for the next three months.

** I happen to use a whey isolate powder which is easier on my gut than whey concentrate. But if you are not lactose intolerant, then use anything you want. ON is a good brand, but pick up something at the local grocery store.

*** Start low and add until the protein powder is mixed thoroughly. Some powders will clump up, and some will actually fight back.

**** Just a little bit of something to make it interesting. Shredded coconut, raisins, chopped nuts, etc. Or skip them entirely, and see if I care.

***** Large, extra large, whatever you have in the fridge. It’s just an egg, for crying out loud.

 

The Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350ºF.

Dump the solid ingredients in a bowl, mix them up, and start adding honey. If the protein powder is clumpy, throw everything out and mix up some protein powder with a little bit of water first, and *then* mix that with the solids.  Whoops, sorry.

Add the egg. Protip: Just the inside part of the egg. Keep mixing.

Put some wax paper parchment paper on a cookie sheet. Read the label on the box; wax paper and parchment paper look alike, but don’t act the same in the oven. Trust me on this.

Use a tablespoon to put a glop of batter on the paper, making sure they are spaced apart a little bit.

Put them in your 350ºF oven (you already had it heating, right?) for 8 to 10 minutes.

Cook until the edges just start to crisp. They should look golden brown. You may need to open the oven to check them.

Cool for 10 minutes. They should firm up a bit, but a slight give in the center* is normal.

*Like a well-toned booty.

 

The Yield:

You should end up with about 2 dozen cookies (or bars) from this batch. Plan on making extras because they’re good for you, so you can eat more of them.

The Nutrition Data:

Seriously?

 


And just to get into the spirit, here’s some good, old fashioned cheesecake that sort of crosses the streams:


And now that you’ve stopped looking at Santa Elvira, here’s a list of the other peeps on the cookie crew:

And a few more days in The Fort


When we last left off, our intrepid protagonist was locked in his ridiculous heavy metal chastity device, and waiting for his wife to come home after a trip to visit family in Hooterville. The story continues…

Mrs. Edge came in a bit later than expected because her plane was delayed. Since I did not have time to go grocery shopping wanted to show her how much I missed her, we went out for a quick burger and a glass of wine, and caught up on our respective weeks. Afterward, we watched some tv to digest, and I hopped into the shower (I find that I sleep better if I shower before bed). When I got out of the bathroom, she walked into the bedroom, swinging her black leather riding crop.

Umm… I should note that I may have given the impression that I locked myself in The Fort right after she left in the pre-dawn hours the previous week. Because I wasn’t sure if The Fort would work for me, I didn’t use her lock for the first few days, I used my own so I could remove it and make adjustments. And in the few times that I removed it, I might have, err… abused myself a time or four. But because I’m a 15 year old at heart, I might have mentioned it to her instead of being quiet about it.

Mentioned it? Oh hell, I actually taunted her.

And because I’m a 15 year old at heart, I kept taunting her even after I locked on the cage. In fact, until I got out of the shower, she wasn’t even aware that I was wearing anything.

She just eyed The Fort, and instructed me to bend over the bed, where she started in on the punishment strokes. No warmup, no niceties; she was “teaching me a lesson” because she was “very disappointed” that I’d had a little too much self-enjoyment over the past week. Once she decided that my ass was sufficiently reddened, we got into bed, where she fell asleep quickly.

The next morning she didn’t say anything about removing the cage, so I again went to work with it on. Later that night, I think I worked out, we had dinner, then watched TV or something. I took a shower, she joined me in bed, and we went to sleep. And the next few days were the same: she didn’t show any inclination to let me stop wearing the device. She asked about it a couple of times, and I told her that it was heavy, and that was it. She didn’t seem to show any interest one way or the other.

Another half a week went by, and I made an interesting discovery: I was more comfortable wearing looser jeans and snug underwear for support. The snug jeans kept The Fort from shifting, but also made it dig into me because there was no give. The looser jeans allowed it to sort of settle in to a position, where my underwear held it (mostly) in place.

One night, just about when I was thinking I’d be locked in until Xmas or something, Mrs. Edge decided that I needed more “maintenance,” and again instructed me to lay across the bed. As she was, umm, maintaining me, she asked if I thought I wouldn’t be punished, and if I’d thought that by putting on the device that she’d be tempted to go easy on me. She kept at it until I actually yelled out a few times, and then stopped. Mrs. Edge gets turned on by my being stoic about her maintenance, perhaps making a little grunt or moan. She figures that if I’m at the point where I’m yelling, then that’s like a safeword. Go figure.

She went to sleep, but I was awake for a while. For reasons I can’t explain, except to say that my brain is obviously miswired, I found it incredibly hot to be on the receiving end of the crop while at the same time wearing the device. That is, the two weren’t “connected” in my head until that night, and once it happened, I just had this warmly, aroused feeling. I spooned her until I fell asleep.

The next morning she wanted the cage off, but before we could enjoy ourselves, one of her migraines hit, and then there were family things going on, and then it was Thanksgiving, and so we pretty much didn’t even see each other again. #MarriedLifeProblems

Anyway, that wraps up my review of The Fort. Yes, it’s heavy, but that ended up not being the worse thing in the world. It did make me start looking at those cage-style devices, if only for the ability to clean them more easily, since even though it was stainless, it still held a little bit of odor after removing it. Will I wear it again? Maybe. It’s still a shorter term device, in my opinion, but it’s manageable.

Still, all that shiny stainless steel looks pretty hot, you know?

 


And here’s a nice picture of a mature woman who is not going to take any nonsense from a 15 year old boy – even one who is trapped in 57 year old body.

 

Ms. Dana von Specht

A Week in The Fort


It seems a bit silly to “review” a device that’s no longer being manufactured, but then again, it’s a silly kink we have. Note that there are other chastity device units being sold as The Fort, but they are not the same as the one originally sold by Extreme Restraints back in 2009 or so. I’m reviewing the original, solid cast stainless steel version that I bought back then.

As I mentioned last week, I’m locked up because Mrs. Edge is off visiting family. Normally we would be using the CB3000, but on impulse I went for The Fort, wondering if a few small changes might make things a little easier to bear. I had at one time put silicone in the top vent holes to prevent my skin from ballooning out, but this time around I removed the silicone and am using one of the KSD-G3 devices sold by Kept For Her. This has the added feature of helping to keep all the weight supported. In case you were wondering (and were too lazy to go back to the previous post), the cage itself weighs just over six ounces, and the A ring and spacers weigh another six. With the lock, it’s over 12 ounces of stainless steel hanging from my tonker.

If you’ve followed this far along, you’re obviously somebody who is really interested in this kind of thing, so let’s get into the review.

The Good:

It’s shiny, polished stainless steel. The outside has a mirror finish, and while the inside still shows the cast surface, it’s smoothed over very well. And the nice thing about stainless steel is that it will not absorb anything your body throws at it. Sweat, urine, bodily discharges, baby oil, silicone lube, WD40, you name it, that stuff will rinse right out. In this area, it outperforms the polycarbonate and similar plastics as being much easier to keep clean.

It’s solid. My CB3000 always has a little “give” between the cage and the A ring, and with good reason: the plastics can, over time, develop stress fractures. I’ve gone through a number of A rings because that tends to be the weakest point; the section where the holes are will eventually break. I ended up making a solid ring out of some stainless steel, but that just transferred the stress to the locking pins. And when I made some stainless steel locking pins, the stress transferred to the hole area on the cage itself. Stress, by the way, is essentially wearing tight jeans and going about your business. The Fort is so strong here that my bones will fracture before any of the pieces do.

It’s heavy. It’s probably one of the heaviest chastity devices made for the general market, although probably not by design. While you’d think that this would be a drawback, the weight is a constant reminder that I’m wearing a device. We often say things like “My ____ is so comfortable that I often forget that I’m even wearing it.” The Fort does not allow you to forget. I wear snug underwear and snug jeans for support, and I can still feel the weight slightly tugging down on me.

The Bad:

It’s noisy. The pieces fit together a bit loosely, which leads to odd clinking noises. My solid ring doesn’t make any noise, but the hinged rings that shipped with the original unit were lightly musical until I pinned the pieces together. And when you put the cage and ring together, the steel pins make noise in the holes, so I wedged things in as best I could, and put a rubber O ring between the lock hasp and a spacer, so everything is snugged up as tightly as possible. It sounds silly, but little details like that will make a device inconvenient to wear.

It’s inconsistent. The cage is actually a nice piece of work, but the hinged rings that shipped with it turned out to have been made of some crappy zinc alloy and chrome plated. Plus, the rings still had edges that were in some spots slightly rough, sharp, or poorly fitting. It’s as if they were made in a different facility than the cage.

It’s heavy. Did I mention this part? Yes, I know that some weight can give you a nice, comfortable feeling of being owned. But a week later, I’ll be happy to get out of this thing. The weight pulls the unit down to some odd angles, making for a little more need for adjustment than the plastic CB3000. I vaguely remember feeling a little soreness around my testicles when wearing this a few years ago, but admittedly that doesn’t seem to be the case this week. That said, gravity is definitely pulling on things a lot more — in the shower, sleeping, and walking around in gym clothes.

The Overview:

I’m glad that I gave The Fort another chance, instead of allowing it to languish in the back of my sock drawer for another five years. I’m one of the few holdouts that really liked the original CB3000 design, and The Fort felt similarly comfortable… at first. My guess is that someone who wouldn’t normally be wearing a device took the CB3000 to China for  and just tried to make a cast stainless steel replica, and completely overlooked the weight factor. A week in this was bearable; in fact, the first couple of days were kind of nice. But by Thursday, the constant readjusting was beginning to get on my nerves.

Some company used to make a waist belt to help support the CB-X line of devices; there was a steel locking waist belt which had a steel extension that dropped down from your navel, and had holes that accommodated the locking pins of the CB3000. It seemed like overkill, although I guess the idea was to prevent the pullout issue that plagues trapped-ball devices. A similar waist band would make The Fort a much more comfortable device, and help make it more suitable for long term wear.

Update: Mrs. Edge’s flight was delayed, and since I am just getting home from work, there isn’t  anything in the house for dinner, so I changed into some Dockers and we are heading out for a burger when she gets here in a few minutes.  With snug briefs, The Fort is a little more comfortable than in my jeans all day, but I’ll still be glad when she unlocks me later on.

Update 2: It’s Friday morning, and Mrs. Edge isn’t showing any inclination to allow me to take this thing off. Hmm…


When Mrs. Edge got home, she needed to remind me about something… although I’ve forgotten just what it was, again.