From the appropriately named website http://largehardoncollider.com/
Currently under construction, the LHC is scheduled to begin operation in May 2008.
The LHC is expected to become the world’s largest and highest energy penile accelerator ever assembled. Expected to penetrate new areas, the LHC will produce high speed, head-on collisions between beams of yonic and phallic particles.
When switched on, it is hoped that colliding the hard-on will produce the elusive Higgs Climactic Particle — often dubbed the ‘Oh God! Part’ — the observation of which could confirm the ‘missing contacts’ for my human intercourse, and explain how other elementary parts acquire properties such as [m]ass, attraction, hotness, chemistry, etc.
Black Holes: Should any Black Holes or odoriferous radiation discharged thereof be encountered during operation, I plan to simply ignore its presence and continue on with the matter at hand, colliding my hard-on.
Strange Matter: Hey, I’ll try anything once.
Some of you may know that two men are suing to keep the new Large Hadron Collider from being used for atom smashing experiments because they are worried that it will create a miniature black hole which will suck the Earth into it. I will leave the double entendres up to my gentle readers.