Fauxdommes & Fauxmissives

Sometimes it’s simply too difficult to keep one’s mind in the game. All those rules and regulations start running together, and if you’re not focused you’ll wake up one morning and realize that you’re confused, and that some Dick will tell you that you’re not as real as you once thought you were. Then the existential questions will follow. W/which L/letters G/get C/capitalized? Who gets and who gives the oral? Which one of you gets on top? Should you really need the restraints? Where’s the corkscrew for that bottle of golden champagne? And whatever happened to that steaming hot sex you were having?

In other words, smoking more now, but enjoying it less?

Take heart – now there’s hope for the busy would-be kinksters who simply don’t have time for those D/s ettiquette courses. A recently dicovered Tantric manuscript found in the Earl of Edgerton’s library (that is, under the cracked floorboard of the coat closet in the pantry next to the library) describes the long-forgotten art of becoming less “dommier” or “subbier” than the next person, while still managing to increase one’s inner pleasure. And since the Earl is already not having sex with more women than he can handle, he has graciously offered to have copies of the manuscript made and passed into the public domain.

Goddesses, Ladies, Mistresses, and Womyn can now learn the re-discovered ancient esoteric and erotic art of “Fauxdomination.”

And just as importantly, slaves, would-be slaves, groveling worms, pets, and ambulatory washbasins who have not been able to keep their thoughts focused properly can now learn the ancient art of “fauxmissiveness.” Like Fauxdomination, fauxmissiveness is 1/3 easier to practice, and 42% faster to learn.

No longer will a Domme have to weigh the consequences of allowing a submissive to think for himself. Likewise, submissives will no longer have to wonder if they are being selfish when they complain of work pressure, chest pain, or missing appendages.

A smart Fauxdomme will begin training her pet as a fauxmissive without delay. Unless it’s really inconvenient right now. But later is good, too.

The Earl apologizes for not making a personal appearance to announce this important find. It seems that he has been somewhat distraught ever since somebody mailed to him a small package (it came C.O.D.) containing a large popsicle stick with a number of rubber bands stapled to the tip.