Device or Denial? Apples or Oranges?

Anyone who has the desire to poke a hornet’s nest, but doesn’t want the risk the actual bee stings can drop into a chastity forum and tell the members that devices are stupid, and that *real* subs don’t need a device because they would simply do what their mistress commands. Then he can follow up by dropping into a submale forum and asserting that any of the men who claim not to masturbate because their domme won’t allow it are liars; everybody knows that men wank several times a week, if not daily.

Next: sit back and watch the howling.

This is because many of the guys in the chastity and OD groups are stoopid don’t understand that despite the end result; i.e., a lack of orgasm, the use of a device is actually a completely different kink than following the command of a partner. As I’ve written in the past, Mrs. Edge actually enjoys the idea of a device *because* it removes my control entirely. On the other hand, the people on the device-less side often don’t understand that one’s Domme isn’t controlling them; all of the control is actually self-control. The kink is really more about discipline and following orders.

In essence, one deals with the idea of *can’t*, while the other is the idea of *won’t*.

Most of you know that I’ve been writing for :mumblety mumble: years about the device side of denial, but for the last year or more, we haven’t really used it. I had some surgery that made it rather painful to use a device for some months, and then over the winter we only used it for a few weeks here and there when Mrs. Edge was on trips, and then in the spring it was bike season again, and since I’ve gone to a more aggressive road bike, the devices simply won’t work for me.

I haven’t been mentioning this, but it was bound to come up sooner or later. At the time of this writing, my last orgasm was when I was on vacation at the end of July. In 2012. No, that’s not a typo.

Like a lot of our longer-term chastity play, Mrs. Edge and I don’t plan on anything in advance, we just sort of… end up there. At some point around Thanksgiving she ruined an orgasm, and then wondered about how long it had been for me since she had allowed me to come.  I told her that it was on our previous vacation, and she just got it into her head that waiting until the next vacation might be a neat thing to do. And as the weeks turned into months, it appeared that it would, indeed be the case.

At about the 10 or 11 month mark, we talked about it. I told her that in some ways it wasn’t as much fun as using the CB3000 had been. I found that there were several periods in which I found myself deliberately not thinking about sex because my libido was fluctuating like crazy and it was becoming difficult to maintain my self-control. While wearing a device, I had been able to get myself worked up and become frustratingly horny; but this past year becoming exceptionally aroused had become a challenge — especially after having sex. I had a lot of healthy exercise and Graham crackers over the last six months. Mrs. Edge promised that if I stuck it out, that she would have special time planned for me.

As it happened, the anniversary date was during another family vacation. Last year, our bedroom was in a remote part of the house. Unfortunately, this year there was no privacy, so we both agreed to wait until afterward. Naturally, we have had all sorts of family things going on, including a number of unexpected visitors, so lack of private time is still an issue at the moment, which is part — but not all — of the reason that the clock is still ticking calendar is still counting.

But somewhere around the 11 to 12 month mark, something changed for me. I can’t really describe it, but in some respects, it’s like I’ve been bicycling up a long hill, and now I’m coasting down the other side. The denial has now become a matter of self-discipline, but for reasons I can’t really explain, the self-discipline has become easier. In fact, we’re having more intimate time lately than we’ve had all this past year, and instead of making me crazed over having to wait, it’s like… not that I don’t care, but like I don’t even need it. In fact, the other night, I told Mrs. Edge that we’ve been having such a good time that I’m totally okay with whenever she decides that it’s time. Next month, Christmas, next year, whenever.

Crazy, I know. I’m just not sure what else to say about it.

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Speaking of denial, this is pretty much what Mrs. Edge told me the other day…