Can we talk about fantasies?

Mrs. Edge and I have been re-evaluating our relationship lately. Nothing major or earth-shattering; we’ve just been spending more time talking about what kinds of things work or don’t work for us, and more importantly, why they do or don’t work.

Over the course of the last few months, I found myself trying to get her to understand what actually turns me on about some of my fantasies, and why I don’t need to act them out verbatim, as a script – something that she used to think I was asking for. And in talking about fantasies, I realized that there is a very common trope in femdomme related fantasy-land:  the woman who goes from Vanilla to Cruella overnight, and discovers that it’s her preference.

The stories usually go something like this: A guy is getting bored in his relationship, and spends more time masturbating to porn, and less time romancing his partner. She notices his lack of interest and becomes upset (alternately, she thinks he’s having an affair), and then begins to snoop. She then finds his secret porn stash, or browser history that he forgot to erase, or his links to FetBook, or whatever, and thinks to herself “If he wants a cruel bitch to dominate him, that’s exactly what he’s going to get, the bastard!”

The unsuspecting guy then comes home to find his partner dressed in a leather jumpsuit, dangling cuffs from one hand and swinging a crop with the other. Or Ms. Vanilla suggests a little light bondage one evening, and after he’s securely tied down, she changes into her newly bought Dominatrix outfit and then…

The stories usually end with the couple enjoying their new life, generally with the woman totally comfortable with her new role, and the guy expressing some kind of “Be careful what you wish for” ending.

Now, I know you’ve seen those stories out there. Chastity oriented tales end with the guy in longer lockups than he ever anticipated. BDSM fantasies end up with the guy being whipped, pegged, kept as a slave, whatever.

So, I was trying to explain to Mrs. Edge both these are such common tropes, and what men found so appealing about those sudden transformation stories. The only thing I could come up with is that they are in some ways a tale not so much about her gaining power as about his loss of it. But still, I’m at a loss to explain why it’s such a common theme, so I’m asking you, the kink brain trust, for some help in understanding this.


And while I’m thinking about dominant wives…


I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t mind too much if I came home to find Mrs. Edge dressed like this…

Exercising Restraint

When you read the groups and message boards, it becomes apparent that guys who are into (heh heh) chastity devices are essentially looking for The Holy Grail. A device has to be secure, but it has to be comfortable. It has to be inescapable, but it can’t show up in clothing. It has to be capable of being worn 24/7 for weeks or months, but it has to be hygienic and easily cleaned. It has to be It has to be impossible to open, but needs to allow the Keyholder easy access. It has to be lightweight, but solid stainless steel. Or titanium. And easily modified in case one loses or gains weight. And it needs to provide absolutely free range of unhindered movement.

This last point becomes apparent over the summer, when the message boards (including our Chastity Forums) see an influx of members asking questions like “What kind of chastity device is good for wearing while I’m running/ jogging/ bicycling/ rock climbing/ swimming, etc.?”  And then we have another thread discussing the relative merits of this or that device, usually followed up with at least one person talking about how it was horrible for that activity, and to later be countered by someone saying that he had no problem, and hell, he actually forgot that he was wearing one.

After a dozen or more years of reading chastity oriented groups, it occurred to me that I don’t remember anyone saying something like “It’s not a life-support system, it’s only a sex toy. Just take the damn thing off for an hour, why don’t you?”

I mean, seriously?

When I took up serious exercising a few years ago, I went through a lot of time and trouble to find things that were compatible with my device. I modified the hell out of several different devices, and managed to lift weights, do a little running, and take up bicycling. And it worked — for a year or so.

But the more healthy improvements I saw from lifting weights and riding bikes, the more I was motivated to lift heavier and ride more. Eventually I got to the point where I simply no longer felt safe, let alone comfortable, with a device on. Oh sure, Thumper manages to throw some iron around, but frankly, he’s a masochist. After a few times catching the end of my device on a deadlift, I decided that wasn’t going to risk injury. So I gave up… deadlifting.

But over the course of several years, I went from riding 5 miles on an upright hybrid bike, to riding 50 miles on a sleek alloy road machine. You know, the kind with the long, narrow saddle, and the handlebars dropped low, and all that. After several experiments with saddles (expensive) and more device modding, I said “Screw it,” and just went out the way nature intended: with nothing but tight, padded lycra shorts between me and my saddle (for those of you unaware, cyclists in shorts are always going “commando.” The more you know.).

Yeah, I know. Blasphemy. Heresy. Traitor.

Whatevs. The point is that I decided not to let sex play (because again, chastity devices are sex toys) get in the way of maintaining and improving my health.

Giving the devices a rest for a while has enabled me to re-focus, or at least, to take a different perspective. For example, the other day I hopped onto the bike for a quick ride, and forgot that I still was wearing a cock ring. I made it to the end of the street and realized it was simply not going to work. I circled the block, ran into the garage to remove the ring, and then set off again. There was no way that I was going to be 15 miles out and finding myself too chafed to continue.

Admittedly, it’s easier for me to say this since Mrs Edge and I decided to take a little break from the devices. When I was wearing them all the time, I was naturally focused on what would work and what wouldn’t in various situations: which pants were better for concealing the bulge, which underwear was more supportive, which activities were easier to manage, how to discretely adjust myself during a pinch or twist. All of that became second nature. Now, whenever I see the questions about how to wear a device while running, or how does it affect road cycling, I have to admit that instead of reviewing the design specs, the first thing that pops into my head is “Just take the damned thing off for a couple of hours, and go running!”

Is it the fear that you won’t be able to avoid the temptation to manhandle yourself? I can tell you that before I go out for a ride in the hilly New England terrain, the last thing I want to do is make myself more relaxed by rubbing one out. Likewise, when I’m huffing and puffing up the local hills, the last thing I’m thinking about is my dick. I’m thinking “My lungs are on fire!” or “Why the fuck did I take this route?” or sometimes “Shut up, legs!” And when I’m finally on a descent, I’m not thinking about my balls, I’m thinking “I hope the ruts and potholes don’t get any worse, because I don’t want to get thrown off at 30 mph,” or “This is a pretty windy road; I hope the cars coming up aren’t crossing over the center into my lane.” Believe me, by the time I get home, my adrenaline and testosterone have been fighting with each other, and the rest of my body is too sore to even think about wanking.

To be fair, I also see guys on chastity groups try to convince some newb why he could — or even should — wear his device 24/7; often going pretty far in their attempts to overrule objections or concerns.

“Well, I work in security, so there might be metal detectors…”

“No problem! Just get the Holy Bone 3 in silicone and the plastic locks, and you won’t set off any alarms.”

Such responses probably induce a mindset in new guys which makes them think that 24/7 is the only acceptable way. I mean, why bother if you’re not going to do it the “right” way?

Look, I’m not trying to denigrate anyone who is legitimately trying to make their chastity device a 24/7 adventure. If you only run for a few minutes on a treadmill, or if you only bike 5 miles down the local trail, then maybe things will work out for you. This was really just a public service reminder that it’s perfectly okay to allow yourself a little break for the important things. Setting a record for non-stop cage time is fun, but don’t let it overshadow other things in your life which are just as fun, and possibly even more important.

Edit: The will-be-venerable-before-he-knows-it Thumper has a responsible opposing viewpoint  over here.




I can’t explain it, but this picture of a younger Lady Sonia really does something for me.

“Now Tom, you’ve been thinking too much about having an orgasm. Way too much. That’s why I’m going to help take your mind off of those kinds of thoughts, so you can be more focused on me.”









He Said, She Said: Losing Control in Chastity (w/Guest Blogger Tom Allen)

Tom Allen:

For as long as I’ve been reading about chastity play, I’ve run across the complaints from women who don’t know what to do with their partners once they are finally wearing a device. In the past, I’ve written a lot about how it’s important for men to give your body time to adapt to wearing a chastity device. Now I see that it’s just as important for men to give yourself time to adjust emotionally.

Here’s a conversation about this with Lady M.  If you’re new to chastity, or still having some issues dealing with denial, take a few minutes to read through the post, and maybe you’ll gain some insights on how to cope – whether you’re the keyholder or the holdee.

Originally posted on Monkey in a Cage:

[The following is a He Said, She Said featuring, one of my favorite bloggers, Tom Allen. Please take time (after you read my blog! Haha) to visit Tom’s blog. He’s a very experienced man with plenty to say on sexual intimacy and relationships, as well as some of the kinky stuff. Thanks Tom for taking time to write with me! ]

Lady M: Every so often, on my favorite Male Chastity forums, a specific subject comes up. Those guys that are relatively new to chastity and have managed to get their gf, wife or partner into it, run into a road block. It goes a little something like this: A guy wants his woman to take control, he finally gets his otherwise vanilla girl to agree to chastity & gives her the key. He then starts to freak out because he can’t get a hold of his…

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Reluctantly Cuckoo

I don’t particularly care for the cuckold and humiliation kink, and I usually avoid discussing those aspects in the context of chastity and OD. I mean, if that’s your kink, fine — I just really do not like the idea of humiliation.

Stabbity, however, has an interesting perspective, one that I don’t recall seeing around the handful of web boards that I frequent.  If it’s not your kink, either, or if you’d like to join the discussion, then it’s worth the reading time.

Cuckolding » Not Just Bitchy.

And if the idea of “be careful what you wish for” is appealing to you…

Cuckolding » Not Just Bitchy

ChastityPo: Live

Today – Tuesday, Nov 12, at 2:45 pm EST, Huffington Post: Live will have a panel discussion on Male Chastity.

From their email to me:

“At the moment, the other panelists that will be joining is the sales director from and possibly a blogger who has experimented with male chastity.”

Unfortunately I had to decline because of reasons, but I’m hopeful that I will end up being a good show. Go check it out!

Not sure what picture has a streaming media theme, but maybe we can find a chastity themed shot? Ah, here’s a nice one: