Mom, what’s for lunch?

Joan Rivers used to joke that she was upstaged at a show by a woman who was breastfeeding a child down in the front.

“Oh yeah?,” she would say to the crowd, “the kid was fourteen. Who would you watch: her and him, or me?”

And as much as we - that is, the readers of this blog - would like to think that we are all open-minded, if not downright casual about our bodies, I’m willing to be that most of us have some kind of mental parameters about the age at which children should be cut off from breastfeeding. A year, 18 months, maybe two or three? I’ve never seen anyone breastfeeding children older than an age at which they would be talking, so maybe my idea of where to “normally” stop has to do with what I’ve seen, or what I’ve heard others mention.

So I guess it’s not surprising to see the comments on the following YouTube video that features an interview with a woman who continues to breastfeed her 7 and 8 year old daughters. “Disturbing” and “So wrong” are some of the nicer opinions. You won’t need to look far to find “Sick” and “screwing up her kids” and “insane” and predictably “abusive” and “pervert” are also among the almost 10,000 comments on this video.

I have to admit that at first, i was a bit weirded out by the concept, until I began to think seriously about it. Why is one, two or three years a mental or societal/cultural cut-off point? I began to wonder if it’s because at some point children can talk about their experiences; when we consider that breasts are secondary sexual characteristics, then perhaps we’re reacting to the proximity of children to something sexual. Think about that point as you hear the woman mention that her daughters can now describe to her how pleasurable the experience is for them. And then, think about it again when you hear the daughters discuss their names for their mother’s different breasts.

So, what is it that makes so many of us weirded out by the concept? Is it a violation of the firewall between child care and sexuality?

What is your sexual nationality?

Okay, this is too funny not to share.

Are you British in bed?

Yes, it’s a commercial for K-Y Products, but the Flash test leading up to it will keep you entertained for a while.

What nationality is Tom Allen?

Brazilian
Your bedroom powers are legendary!
Your lovemaking technique is an extension of the Samba; sensual, athletic, rhythmic, full of meaning, and like the Samba, it keeps going until daylight, or until a neighbor calls the police.
Give yourself a pat on the back… but be careful: you’re liable to give yourself an orgasm.

---

Update: Take the test several times, there are different questions.

Biblio Meme

What Are You Reading?

1. The Rules:
2. Pick up the nearest book.
3. Open to page 123.
4. Find the fifth sentence.
5. Post the next three sentences.
6. Tag a few people.

I got snagged tagged by Blacksilk, who shows off her alluring intellectual side with an interesting choice of reading material. Smart women make me very warm and tingly inside.

Anyway, I happen to have these two books right next to each other at a fingertip’s reach from my keyboard. Let’s see if you can guess the titles. The first one should be easy; my 12 year old daughter would guess it. The second one. . .

Book 1:
Someone from the dead planet was talking to them.
“Computer!” shouted Zaphod.
“Hi there!”

Book 2:
He was the good cop in the family, he left all the big decisions to Mom.
Now Mom tried to argue, tried to make him see reason. We lived above the snowline, we had all we needed. Why trek into the unknown when we could just stock up on supplies, continue to fortify the house, and just wait until the first fall frost?

Okay, who gets tagged? Let’s pick some more people who have stimulated my intellectual side. . .

How about Elizavetta, Gillette, and the recently re-animated E?

A Parable…

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “My dear child, why are you crying?”

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.

“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked

The seamstress replied, “No.”

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.

“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, “No.”

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. “Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, “Yes, that is the one I dropped.”

The Lord was pleased with the woman’s honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, when her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, “Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!”

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

“Is this your husband?” the Lord asked.

“Yes,” cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

The seamstress replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord, it is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said ‘no’ to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I’m not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT’S why I said ‘yes’ to George Clooney. “

And so the Lord let her keep him.

---

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it’s for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.

That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it.

Signed,
All Us Women

Found in translation

Submitted without comment - mainly because anything that I add would be superfluous.

From the web toon xkcd.

Sex me

I was snagged tagged by Kimba.

This is Isabella’s Sex Meme. Anyone is welcome to steal it but you must post this rules blurb at the beginning of the meme: 1. You must include this link to Sex Talk: Sex Advice for Men 2. You must answer every question! If you don’t have a good answer, you are strongly encouraged to make up something good; we like to be entertained. 3. You must tag 3 people.

1. Sex in the Morning or Sex at Night?

Night. Mornings are nice for quickies, but I like long, slow, leisurely lovemaking in the evening.
2. Better Sex Music: Sade or Marvin Gaye?

Sade, most definitely. Gaye may be soulful, but Sade is very sensual. You know - like me!

3. Naughty Pics or Naughty Home Video?

Pics. Unless it’s video of me, of course!

4. Fabulous Sex With: Dr. Doug Ross or Dr. Greg House?

Umm, yeah. Look, how about if I go with another doctor from House? Dr. Allison Cameron.

5. Vibrator or Dildo?

Dildo. And I’m not just saying that because I’m the model for that one…

6. Bedroom Sex: Lights Off or Lights On?

On! I like to see what we’re doing, and I want to watch your face when you’re in the throes of passion.

7. Word preference: Pussy or Cunt?

Pussy when we’re having dinner. Cunt when we’re fucking our brains out.

8. Spanking Over the Knee or Spanking Only During Sex?

Why are so many questions “either/or”? Yeah, spanking during sex.

9. More Exciting: Sex in an Elevator or Sex in an Airplane?

Elevator. Look, don’t ask me to explain, okay?

10. Ron Jeremy or Peter North?

Eewwww. Can I pick Aria Giovanni, instead?

11. Word preference: Cock or Dick?

Cock, please. Dick is your ex-boyfriend, surname of “Head”.

12. Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson?

Jenna. Linda went all religious on us, poor thing.

13. Rope Bondage or Bondage Tape?

Damn. Rope or tape? Tape or rope? Gauurrggh! Despite to excellent fetish qualities of rope, tape just edges it out because of the techno points.

14. Give a Rim Job or Receive Anal Sex?

Depends - does she enjoy being rimmed?

15. Get Rich Stripping in a Skanky Bar or Get Rich as a Call Girl for Celebs?

Er… did I ever mention my brief stint as a male dancer? Based on that, I’d rather be a male escort, thank you very much.

16. Which threesome: Boy/Girl/Girl or Boy/Boy/Girl?

At the moment, I’d pick MFF, but I’m going to keep an open mind.

17. Flavored Oil or Tingling Oil?

Tingling. I’m not crazy about vanilla almond banana coconut mango roast beef scented oils when I’m trying to focus my senses on my partner.

18. Pearl Necklace or Swallow?

Giving or getting?

Hey, I really don’t get the whole “facial” thing. That is, I think that it’s supposed to be exciting because, you know, sex is “dirty” and all, but since I don’t consider it to be dirty, the appeal of displaying fluids doesn’t do anything for me.

19. Sex While Strangers Watch or Sex with a Stranger?

With a stranger. Preferably Aria or Allison

20. Tied to the Bed or Tied to a St. Andrew’s Cross?

Are you kidding me? Hell, I could get tied to a bed anytime. Or a futon. Or a home gym. Or a garage door. Or a Windsor chair. Or a bar stool. Or a small kitchen table. Or a waterbed. Or a sawhorse out in the garage. Or a …

Ah well. Let’s see if Gillette, Innocent Loverboy, and Marianne want to play!

Chastity Device Mods - 1

Yeah, there are computer geeks who trick out their cases and tweak system settings, and there are gearheads who trick out their cars or motorcycles, and there are even people who mod their lawn tractors. Modding has been done ever since the first caveman put some designs on his spear.

I’ve been promising to put these up for a while, and since I’ve been asked nicely several times recently, I’ve created a page with links to the mods that I’ve done. These are for serious chastity geeks only; the rest of you will probably bored as hell, especially as I’m not actually showing any pictures of the devices on me, since that’s been covered already.

For those of you reading via RSS, WordPress allows you to post pages that are outside of the regular blog feed. You have to actually visit the blog and click on the page tab at the top. The pics of the mods are on the page called The Devices.

A week in a CB-6000: My review

So, a little over a week ago, the technical support staff here at Edge of Vanilla Laboratories locked $200 worth of polycarbonate plastic around my genitals in order to test this new device under real-world conditions. By “real world” we mean that cruel, leather and vinyl clad dominatrixes in thigh boots did not tease and torture me daily and nightly, nor did an old girlfriend, ex-wife, or irate librarian steal the one and only key and/or glue the lock shut. That would be “fantasy world” testing, otherwise known as “wanking material.” No, real world testing at EoV Labs consists of Mrs. Edge locking $200 worth of plastic on me, and sending me off to work. After all day at work, sitting and walking around and adjusting myself and trying not to pee all over myself, I come home and cook dinner, clean some dishes, and relax by sitting in a different chair and reading various blogs and message boards. Real world conditions also included doing various chores and outside household maintenance, like taking down a small tree, moving junk from one side of the garage to the other, raking old leaves, picking up debris from the winter, lugging groceries up a flight of stairs, and attending a business conference.

Obviously, we spare no expense here at EoV Labs in order to provide you with knowledge for your own needs.

The differences between the CB-6000 and the slightly older model, the CB-3000 appear to be slight, but they can be significant for some people.

Guess what I’m wearing?

Go ahead, guess.

Oh hell, this should have been a no-brainer for 90% of the regular visitors here. Yes, I’m wearing a new CB-6000. I’ve been wearing it off and on - mainly on - since Friday morning. I’ve needed to make quite a few adjustments in order to find a balance between comfort and security.

The picture here shows the CB-3000 on the left and the new CB-6000 on the right. The differences appear to be slight, but some of them are significant once you begin wearing them.

So far, I’m liking it, although I’m not totally loving it. I need a few more days to work out some issues before I post my own review on it. And after the review, I’m going to post a bit on modding the device. You know, for the gear-heads.

Stereotypical Joke

Jokes are a great way to study culture because they often portray those things that people may think without being willing to admit publicly. I subscribe to a joke-a-day list, and like most of you, I get dozens of stale jokes forwarded to me from well-meaning friends who have yet to learn how to cut & paste to avoid the >> >> >>>> > >>>, or the dozen message envelopes with the header “This is funny!!!!” or “You’ve got to read this!!! Too true!!!!!” that you need to get through before you can actually read the damn thing.

Yeah, go ahead and tell me that you would just delete the thing. I rarely do that because you never know - AOL and Microsoft and Outback Steakhouse and Fudrucker’s might, just might be willing to give me a new car full of Ben & Jerry’s Super Fudge Chunk if I forward it on to 2,500 of my closest friends

Anyway, this joke came to me this morning. It’s old, but I still laughed because the stereotypes that it plays up still seems funny to me. Then I caught myself laughing, and began to wonder why I found it so funny. Perhaps in the back of my mind it still rings of some amount of truth, or at least, skirts dangerously close. I suspect that a lot of men will find it funny, and a few women will roll their eyes.

Bill and Ted were at a poker game that had run late - past 3 a.m.

Bill says, “You know what I hate about these games? When I go home, I turn off my headlights, shut off the engine, and coast into the driveway. Then I go to the front door, take off my shoes and sneak in as quietly as I can. But my wife always wakes up and we end up having a fight.”

Ted replied “You’re going about it the wrong way. What I do instead is drive into the driveway, honk the horn a few times, get out of the car, slam the door, go in the house and bang the door open. Then I yell ‘Honey, I’m home’, run upstairs, slap her on the ass and say, ‘Hey, how’s about a little lovin’, woman?’ She never even rolls over.”

Okay, anybody up for dissecting this one?