Male chastity devices – in real life

I subscribe to a number of web boards on chastity devices and orgasm control. Yeah, there’s not much new happening in the chastity device world, but sometimes it’s interesting to get different perspectives and opinions on the topic. And quite often, somebody new comes along to ask questions or to look for support because, truthfully, there’s not much good information out there.

Anyway, while I subscribe to a number of boards, I’m really only active in a few; and that number is dwindling because no sooner does a board get interesting, when it seems like half the posts are some thinly disguised wank fodder, posted by people – almost always men – claiming them to be really, truly, true stories. Really. And for variety, sometimes the posts are (so it is claimed) made by women who have discovered some secret affair and now want to get revenge on their unsuspecting husbands by asking for advice on the best chastity devices for them.

Gaurrgghh!

Low cost chastity devices have only been commercially available for the last 8 or 10 years; this is a relatively new kink for many people, and it’s one that can be enjoyed by the very vanilla up to the super kinky. Why do some people with no experience feel compelled to pretend that they are qualified to give advice to people? It bothers me – and I admit that this is my own problem – when I see potentially good groups spiral down the tubes because some people just can’t manage to separate real life from fantasy. And it also bothers me that people with honest curiosity can’t get good, reliable information on this subject without being subjected to the “badvice” of men who (in my opinion) probably are not even in a relationship to begin with.

I used to get irritated with the people who jumped all over the n00bs, offering unhelpful advice such as “Lock up your husband’s cock, solder the lock shut, and cuckold him with a different stud every night,” or “It doesn’t matter if your balls are turning purple from the device; it’s all HER decision now.” Now I have a new class of people to get irritated about.

What is it with people who feel compelled to disguise their fiction or fantasies, and to post them on teh intertubes, pretending that they are factual or real-life encounters? Are they that starved for attention? Are they tired of playing Sims or Second Life?

Apparently they do not have a clue as to how mundane chastity – in real life – can be.

In real life, your wife or girlfriend does not catch you cheating and then secretly tricks you into wearing a device. She kicks your sorry ass to the curb, or at the very least, you get into a huge fight lasting for weeks, if not months. Chastity devices are the last thing on her mind.

In real life, nobody slaps $200 worth of plastic on their tonker and goes 24/7 for the next year. It takes weeks, sometimes months to get your body adjusted to wearing hard plastic (or metal) on your squashy bits.

In real life, unless you’ve modified a device properly, you are going to need to remove it once in a while to accommodate changes in your body. You are also going to need to clean it. You are also going to have visits to the doctor, have MRIs or CAT scans in which you will need to remove the metal bits.

In real life, any chastity device can be defeated. Trust me on this: there is no metal that can not be cut, drilled, sawed, or bent. Yes, it’s possible that your partner took your measurements while you were sleeping and made a custom tube out of tungsten carbide that can only be cut with diamonds, but a) it has to attach with something, and b) a well-placed tap with a ball peen hammer will shatter it.

In real life, most vanilla women do not suddenly decide that they want a sissified maid, nor do they suddenly decide that your cock is pathetic and they need to lock it up so that they can cuckold you with a 12″ hung bull. Most vanilla women will run screaming from the room if you suggest this.

In real life, if you tell your partner that you need to be locked up so that you will be more attentive, most vanilla-ish women will say “You big jerk, why aren’t you more attentive now?”

In real life, women know that trading your orgasms for housework and loving attention is a bit like prostitution. A lot of women get a very negative vibe about that.

And for those of you who insist that you need a device in order to be a better husband:

In real life, your marital problems are not going to be solved by hanging $200 worth of plastic from your genitals.

Are we clear on this, now? I don’t want to be a buzzkill, but those of you who insist that your wife went from June Cleaver to Mistress Cruella overnight, has had you locked in a CB6000 for the last three years (even though it’s only been on the market for 18 months), and who is forcing you to take estrogen in order to turn you into a woman, are really becoming annoying for the grown-ups who want to have decent discussions about how to make the devices more secure, and what kinds of impacts it will have on our relationships. Your wild-assed scenarios are also scaring the noobs who wander in here looking for advice, there being so little available on the subject.

And look – there is nothing wrong with posting a fantasy as a fantasy; the internet is full of them. But let’s please stop pretending that your vanilla partner is suddenly going to go all dominatrixy after she discovers your affair with your secretary.

And if you are one of those aforementioned n00bs, then please exercise your critical thinking skills; if something looks amazing or fantastic to you, then get a second opinion. Don’t risk hurting yourself or freaking out your partner based on the fantasy life of some anonymous attention seekers.