Denial or Control?

I watched as Mrs. Edge packed her suitcase for the week-long trip that she was taking with her girlfriends, three other women who she has known since high school. They were going to one of those all-inclusive vacation resorts on one of those Carribean islands to celebrate all of them having made it to the half-century mark this year. The usual shoes, sandals, shorts were followed by particularly lacy and revealing undergarments, and several tight, low-cut dresses most of which I had never seen, as she had bought them specifically for this trip. I could feel my cock twitching in my chastity device as I thought about her wearing them while out at the discos, surrounded by handsome, young island men.

Hah! I’ll bet I had some of you going for a minute there, didn’t I? I get a lot of traffic from people – presumably men – searching on some variation of cuckolding or hot-wifery, and just wanted to give them something to think about. Sorry about that, guys! 😉

Actually, she is on a vacation with her old girlfriends, but they’re more interested in nursing their hangovers and blowing their diets. In fact, she called while I was writing this post, and after several days, all of them have been sick from too much food, drink, or sun. Yup, can’t have a proper vacation without overdoing everything in the first two days and regretting it for the rest of the week.

As for me, I’ve been holding down the fort and having some bonding time with the Edgelette. This means we get to browse the used book stores, read manga, play Wii, and talk about life, the universe, and everything. Oh, and have some ice cream. Ice cream is very important bonding food.

Oh, and yes, Mrs. Edge and I had lots of sex all last week, including twice on the day before she left. Then came the question. “Hell, yeah!” was her response as to whether she was going to lock me up while she was gone. The morning she left, the device went back on, and she put the key in her purse. Over the week, I took some pictures of me with the phone cam, and tried to send them, but the service was only letting voice through, and not data. Maybe I should post them here for the next HNT.

Last year’s issues with my frenum piercing getting infected all the time after a few days in the cage put us both off using the devices much for a while, more out of a sense of disappointment. And recently, she’s been requiring extra help in the lubrication department, so we’ve been trying different products. Unfortunately, a few of them have left her feeling uncomfortable when using our other cock, which has caused her to refrain from having me use the strap-on. We decided to try a few more different personal lubes. The KY Warming Gel seemed good at first because it’s very thick, but now she thinks it’s burning a bit. We tried something called Maximus, then switched to Astroglide, but it wasn’t long-lasting enough. Then we went back to the KY, so now I’m off to research some new personal pubes lubes.

While I’m on the topic, though, I wanted to address something that Dave and L, new readers, brought up in comments on one of the last posts about the makers of the CB-x000 line of devices.

L: Dave: Yes, my guy has similar fantasies, too, but at the same time, he’s too scared to actually go thru with it. So far, I’ve been nice, the longuest I’ve made him wear it is 5 days.

I run across the occasional news blog that has a picture or link to a male chastity device, and it’s usually followed by a lot of “WTF is that?” and “No freakin’ way I’d wear that” comments. But once in a while I see a few people who ask “Why? What do you get out of it?” The above discussion has a few of the reasons why people in a non-power exchange relationship might explore wearing a device.

Getting back to the point of this post, I haven’t really worn a chastity device for any length of time in the last year that was enforced; generally, it’s been for testing modifications or, more recently, testing the new CB-6000, so this past week has been interesting for me for several reasons.

Because I haven’t had to wear the device in so long, it’s something new again, and that makes it exciting. I’ve had free rein to initiate sex or to masturbate for a while, and the thought of that being removed pushes the control button in a way that’s similar to what Dave describes.

Mrs. Edge not being here, I don’t have the “teasing” aspect that I normally would have which fuels the arousal. The possibility of having sex – using whichever cock she chooses – is always in the back of my mind; and since we both sleep in the nude, at some point I’m spooning against her in the night which is sure to cause a reaction. In other words, I’m not climbing-the-walls horny in her absence. But when she’s gone, I often masturbate simply to relax and help me get to sleep more easily, so I’m also feeling, as L states, the arousal/fear reaction. Not that I’m actually afraid, but rather, I’m asking myself if I could get back into the long-term denial play again, or even the short term play. I mean, orgasms are fun when you’re having them, and giving them up is difficult.

But just having to wear the device this week has had me focusing on the “no orgasm” part, and after having had some free time, I’m finding that I am both aroused, and having a difficult time with the idea that Mrs. Edge might come back from vacation dangling her key and taking back the control once again. The possibility is exciting to think about, and on some level I would completely love to give in, to have her simply say to me that she’s had a chance to recharge and is ready to go back to taking control. But, remembering her tendency to keep me locked up continuously, I’m hesitant to broach the subject with her, for fear that any mention on my part would be just enough impetus for her to actually do so.

I enjoy the control, but I fear the denial. The problem is, denial really is about control, and the longer the denial, the deeper the control. Thinking back on the several times we went for months, I get more aroused – even though the idea of repeating those episodes scares me just a little bit.


Tonight I bought a tube of Astroglide Gel.

Mrs. Edge will be home from vacation soon.

Maybe I’ll mention it after all. . .

About Tom Allen

The Grey Geezer Dauntless defender of, um, something that needed dauntless defending. Dammit, I can't read this script without my glasses. Hey, you kids, get off my damn lawn!
This entry was posted in CB2000, CB3000, CB6000, Chastity & Orgasm Denial, Chastity Devices, kink, orgasm control, orgasm denial, Sexuality & Relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Denial or Control?

  1. Hello Tom, it’s been awhile since I’ve commented here, how’ve you been?   🙂

    I’ve used Astroglide water based lubricants, and my experience of them is that they get horrible and tacky and don’t last that long.

    As I wrote recently, I don’t know why anybody ever uses any lubricant that isn’t Liquid Silk.   It’s water based, lasts absolutely ages, both in the sense of how long it takes to empty the bottle, and how long it remains slippery and gorgeous on-the-flesh.   It has virtually no taste and no smell.   It doesn’t stain.   Out of all the lubricants I’ve tried, this one is really the winner for me.

    Having said that, on the way to finding out the joys of Liquid Silk, Durex Play 2-In-1 Massage Lubricant is very good as well, coming a close second to Liquid Silk.   It has a perfect texture, doesn’t dry out, is water based, but they added saccharine so it has a bit of a sweetish taste and smell.

    I don’t use or recommend silicone-based lubricants anymore, partly because of the large number of silicone toys I have, partly because of the whitish gunge I used to see coming out of me every so often, and partly because of the information I gleaned when I was researching my prostate milking extravaganza.

    The medical people all seem fairly clear that the only lubricant which should be allowed round the delicate tissues of the anus and rectum must be water based.   This is apparently because any foreign material which may remain in rectum (such as residue from silicone based lubricants) can provide an environment which is hostile to some necessary organisms and friendly to others, creating unpleasant imbalances.

    That whitish gunge I used to see coming out of me was apparently accumulated residue from the silicone based lubricant we were using.   Kvetch and I use Liquid Silk with his Curve chastity device.

    So, I heartily recommend the joys of Liquid Silk, if you haven’t already come across it.

    And no, I don’t work for them.   😉

    I hope that was helpful?

    Best regards,

    Lubyanka.   🙂

  2. ruby says:

    hey there!
    as a lady who is also sensitive to certain lubes, i highly recommend Liquid Silk and babeland’s babelube. both can be bought at
    thanks for the fantastic writing!

  3. QedeshetMin says:

    Hi Tom,

    Been reading for awhile but have not commented yet… The issue of lube always brings me out of the woodwork!

    Slippery Stuff is my personal fave- it is thick but not tacky, lasts for a really long time, it’s water based, and is completely sugar/saccharine free- really important if she is sensitive to many lubes. Usually the itching/burning/uncomfortable feeling is a result of all of the sugar in the lube, as all the sugar can quickly lead to some really uncomfortable yeast infections. Lube with any sort of flavor/’tingling’ sensations associated with them are known for causing yeast infections, actually. Generally, the best lubes are labeled as glycerine free.

    Slippery Stuff is a little more expensive, but totally worth it!

  4. allforher says:

    I don’t know anything about lube, but I can sure relate to the control/denial. I’m glad to see that the fear is part of the excitement.
    I also find that the longer we do this the more the extremes seem to be. For example, when it’s been between 2 and 3 weeks I really, really don’t want to cum. I want to wait at least a month… or more!
    But now, that first week or so after I cum is just getting more and more difficult. I almost broke down several times after my last orgasm. I even was tempted to ask my wife to go the reverse route for the last six months of the year and have forced orgasms every day.
    But I think I’d miss the ache of the blue balls soon enough.

  5. Fuse says:

    I just added Liquid silk to my amazon wish list, which for me is just a shopping list. I was surprised to see they’re selling sex toys now as well!

  6. L says:

    Ouh I get cited in a post, I feel all famous now 😉

    Tom, you’ve described the control/denial dynamic very well. From what my guy tells me, I think he feels the same way. The control I have over him when he wears the CB totally arouses him, yet the CB prevents him to do anything about it, unless I decide to unlock him… On my side, I enjoy seeing him in this position. It’s fun to experiment with the control play, in a way that is safe and consensual, and that I know deep down, is enjoyed by him (even if feared.. but the fear is part of the fun). I must admit I find it exciting!

    Oh and there is the added bonus that he is more patient, attentive to me, and just generally better behaved, when he wears it, I’m not sure why 😛

  7. luna says:

    My personal lube of choce is JO H2O.

    It feels like silacone, but is water based.

  8. Milliscent says:

    Others will disagree, but my favorite lube remains Eros Bodyglide. It is a silicon lube so can’t be used with silicon toys but for everything else I find it quite close to perfect. I have not experienced the problems mentioned above with it, or any other silicon based lubricant.

    That said, I think that everyones body is quite different so it is likely that you will need to continue experimenting until you find the lube that works perfectly for you.

  9. Cat says:

    Tom I am surprised I must admit. It just seems like a major part of the fun of chastity play or OD would be giving control back to your wife. Of course you are worried she will keep you locked up for long periods. But isn’t that the point? At least partly?

  10. Tom Allen says:

    Lady L – Thanks for stopping by. I’ll put Liquid Silk on the next shopping list. The silicone lubes will harm the toys, which is the entire point of looking for water based ones.

    Qed – Good point – some of the lubes taste terrible, but lubes that have been sweetened are going to have potential issues.

    Luna – I’d seen that, but nobody had any info for me. They sell it at the local chemist. (Hah – Pharmacy)

    Mill – I hadn’t heard of that one. It sounds great, but our biggest issue is needing lube for the toys, mainly the toys for when I’m locked up.

  11. Tom Allen says:

    AFH – It’s an odd quirk, isn’t it? It’s almost as if the longer it goes on, the longer you want it to go on.
    Sort of.

    L – Wearing a chastity device is a bit like being in bondage – except that it’s 24/7. You turn over your control to someone else, you get aroused, but it remains unrequited because you can’t do anything about it.

    Cat – It’s hard to explain. Of course, long term denial is crazy. But the idea of long term denial is really hot. Thing is, since it’s been a while, for me it would be like starting from scratch. I’m not sure how well I would handle the pressure of that again.

    And look, going for a couple of days? I can do that with my eyes closed. But it’s already been more than a week, and I’m finding that I’m obsessing on it again, which is arousing me. Yeah, that’s the point. But not being able to act on that arousal? Uh, yeah, that’s the point too.

    Don’t mind me – I’m horny and I don’t know what I’m writing anymore.

  12. marianne says:


    I read your entire interesting post, and all I could focus on was the idea of you and Mrs. Edge sleeping nude together and spooning and…

    I really need to get laid.

  13. allforher says:

    Oh, Tom…

    Now that THE DEVICE is on the way I’m getting very, very anxious. The idea of not being able to masturbate at will, even if I’m holding back from orgasm, is really terrifying to me right now.
    I think quitting smoking was easier than it will be to not be able to “jerk off”.

    Anyone got an anxiety smiley face for me?

  14. Tom Allen says:

    AFH – The Gates of Hell won’t completely prevent masturbating – there will be a lot of exposed fleshy bits. It will, however, be very arousing to wear it for a while because you will constantly be reminded that it’s on. Good luck with that.

  15. Pingback: Onania . Org/asm » Blog Archive » Denial or Control?

  16. Petal says:

    Hi Tom!

    An admirer of your blog, and lover of chastity.

    Lube: Frixion Lube (water-based). This came after years of KY (awful) and then discovering astroglide (fair), and many other high-end lubes that are for the most part quite good: Liquid Silk (a tad bitter), Eros and Wet Platinum (super slick but again a chemical taste). Frixion was one that was recommended to me by a gay friend who swore by it for anal sex. It’s excellent on all accounts: anal, vaginal and toys.

    So, aside from that topic, I have to mention that I do enjoy reading your blog. I’m in a long-term relationship where chastity is frequently part of our sexual relationship (CB6000, and in the past CB3K and 2K) We also enjoy a good bit of kink that pushes our own personal “buttons”, as well as D/s play. Chastity play ventures in a good bit of the time, from a few days to several weeks at a time (42 days is the longest). When we are “on”, there’s no doubt we l-o-v-e what it brings for us. It makes all the difference in his attentiveness to me (gotta love a perpetually horny man), and the sexual fervor that impacts both of us when he’s locked up.

    Since we don’t live together and at times don’t see each other for days, chastity can become tricky – and at times disappointing for one or both of us. Limitations can come from our “live-apart” situation, or when he’s “on” and I’m “off” (or vice versa), and of course with the reality of life: kids, work, stress etc. At times, he falls out of the wonderful spell that the belt can have on him, and that can be a bit of a let-down for me. Yet in his defense, I don’t know how physiologically a man can maintain such an intense and edgy arousal day after day, so it’s no wonder it ebbs eventually.

    The power and arousal that comes from chastity is so very strong all around, and that’s I suppose what draws us to it…

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